by Mike DiCerto
"Oh, trust me, he would! In fact, he would take great pleasure in eliminating such a milk pumpkin face. But he can't at the moment."
"Why not?"
Another wave of black holes flashed about.
"Why...” The voice fished for a reason. “...because he has too many things to do! Do you know how many hours in the day it takes to rework a galaxy of over two hundred billion systems?"
Caffrey sniffed. “That's a pretty lame excuse. Even for Nefarious."
The paper cutouts of the band were set adrift on little gusts of vindictive sentiment. They wafted about as a flock of arrogant bigotries were released from a chuckling barrel.
"Beware! Your friends apart he will tear!” the voice rhymed.
The Creamery Child turned to Caffrey. “These are simply thoughts. Their true essence is stored somewhere in the solid place. You need to get out of his mind quickly. He holds the upper hand here. It is his mind, after all."
"Are they in danger?"
The boy shrugged, and Caffrey pouted angrily. “Poe, can you sense when the lapses will open?"
"I cannot anticipate them. I can, however, pick up the initial vibrations a few thousandths of a second before your brain can. I can also calculate, based on the historical sampling, where the next holes are most likely to open."
"Jump into the next available portal. You, too, Angie."
"What about you, love?"
"Just do it."
Caffrey walked forward and leaned on the railing, looking down on the lower tiers of seats. “I will throw The Creamery Child into the pit under one condition!"
The crowds of tumorous memories shuffled and muttered to themselves.
"No conditions!” cried the voice.
"No conditions!” chanted the crowd.
"Tell this boy you love him, Nefarious!"
The crowd grimaced and retreated into their seats like turtles into shells. More lapses flashed about as another chorus of Yin's song invaded the space.
"Tell him you love him, and I will throw him into the pit.” Caffrey stared around the arena as he roared out the words, daring Nefarious to respond.
"I will say no such thing! Nefarious Wretch only loves disharmony!"
"Come on! Say it! He is cute, in a Dickensian sort of way."
From the corner of his eye, Caffrey saw the vicious bigotry birds pecking and tearing at his paper mates.
"Wait!” he protested.
"The boy!” the voice demanded.
The mocking song of O.T.H.E.R grew louder. The birds intensified their attack. More and more lapse holes flashed, many remaining visible for longer stretches of time.
Poe 33 stepped into one and vanished.
"Your friends are coming apart!"
"Don't believe him. It's all mad imaginings, Mr. Caffrey,” the boy insisted.
"Caffrey Quark! You have come so far for your friends. Toss the scrapper! Quickly!"
Caffrey looked into the eyes of the boy. The Creamery Child stared back. Pitifully. A single tear formed in his eye and rolled daintily down his cheek like a skier across a virgin snowfield. He was so bloody pure it made Caffrey sick.
There'd been something irking him about the boy since laying eyes on him. Perhaps it was his perfect, “ain't-I-chaste” pout. Or his son-of-landlord marshmallow fluffiness. Or maybe the shortbread-tin sense-of-entitlement odor reeking off his body like too much peppermint oil dabbed behind his powdered sugar-coated ears. Maybe it was simply the way the saliva smacked with every syllable of his elocution.
Whatever it was, Caffrey was vexed that the successful rescue of his closest buddies relied on the life or death of such a small, overtly taintless person. Then again, the kid was simply the love song of a once-happy marriage. Why should he be anything but pure and wholesome?
Caffrey's consciousness had become a pair of dueling banjos. His hand snapped forward and he grabbed the boy by the scruff of his ruffled silk shirt. A brilliant tutti-frutti spotlight fell onto him as the room grew dark. The crowd loved it.
But the mocking song was growing louder, gradually overtaking the ramblings of the calliope.
"You need to escape, Mr. Caffrey, while my father is distracted. Go to the solid place and free your friends."
Caffrey frowned at the boy and looked to the snow of confetti, all that remained of his band-mates. He released The Creamery Child, adjusted his crooked collar and gave him a pleasant pat on his Dutchboy head.
"Run back to your room."
The boy smiled and ran off.
"Let's go, my love,” said Angie.
"Angie? Why are you still here?"
"Let's go."
Caffrey took one last look at the memory-filled trunk and its crystal thread. He smiled mischievously and nodded. “Follow me, Angie-girl."
"Anywhere!"
He targeted the nearest lapse and charged into it.
* * * *
Caffrey's nose twitched. He was in the dark, encased in pure black. Pure silence. The sudden absence of the sensory overload felt like a warm blanket. For a moment, he let the feeling coat his body and wrap his mind as if with soft, freshly mixed dough.
Then a scent, like a wispy translucent eel, swam up his nostrils. It was the odor of burning metal. The distinct smell of molten steel.
The single, odoriferous ribbon dissolved away, and he opened his eyes to something odd. They looked like indigo silks draped across his face, but as Caffrey tried to brush them aside he realized they were ethereal lights.
His situation finally became apparent. He was lying in a snug but comfortable case topped by a glass dome. Points of deep-blue light were reflected and warped on the curved surface of his transparent coffin. Suddenly, a face appeared, staring down through the glass, its cheesy smile distorted by the lens effect.
"Quarky!” exclaimed Yin with a wag of his tail. “You're back!"
"I guess so. Where am I?” The glass top opened, and cool, air-conditioned air poured across Caffrey's face. It was Heaven—it had to be.
"Aboard the O.T.H.E.R frigate Yin's Tune,” was the Bopple's more sobering explanation.
"Who's tune?” Caffrey's eyes darted from side to side as he fired the question.
"Yes, Quarky. It was named after me in honor of my successful raid of an O.D.O.R stronghold, many years before our friendship."
Caffrey stared into the eyes of his pooch, wondering why he was still having a hard time with the dog-like critter's heroic past. Eventually, he sat up and took a closer look at the ship. Violet was sitting at the controls.
"Ms. Leer,” he greeted.
"Quark."
"Where's Poe and Angie?"
"They're already down there. I heard about your adventures with Nefarious's offspring, and the little trip to the circus."
Caffrey shuddered. “I may be forever scarred."
"Come, take a look at the fleet.” Violet beckoned him over to a huge viewport.
Caffrey crawled from the sleeping chamber and moved on shaky legs until he stood by the magnificent vista to the heavens. Sure enough, from what he could see, Yin's Tune sat in the center of a convoy of hundreds of O.T.H.E.R craft. The entire fleet sat motionless, awaiting orders.
"Quite impressive, huh?"
Something wasn't right, and it took Caffrey a few seconds for the oddity of the region to dawn on him.
"Why are the stars blue?"
"Indigo, actually,” Violet corrected. “We're in the Dimension of Nefarious Wretch. Take a look at this..."
Violet rolled the frigate to reveal a monster.
"Wow,” gasped Caffrey.
"Obvious but appropriate choice of exclamation, my human friend,” Yin said. “That is the physical base of the horrid and foul Nefarious Wretch."
It was a huge cylinder, covered in a layer of space-dust and rust. To one end was fixed a tremendous asteroid—in the process of being carved into a face. The base looked not unlike a giant Pez dispenser.
"We're going in,” asserted Yin busily. “We'l
l meet Poe and Angie at the main stern exhaust port."
Caffrey wasn't too keen on the apparent change in command structure. “Dog, if you order a single energy blast fired, I'll dip you in tar and shave your backside."
"I'm a Bopple, human,” retorted Yin with a certain arrogance, “and I'm leading this little attack. Besides, we cannot possibly destroy that base. Yet. There are countless prisoners on board. We can, however send a hit team and eliminate Nefarious."
Caffrey remained indignant. “Not until I get my friends out! Then I want a shot at Nefarious. I think I have a plan that will work—without firing a shot."
"We'll discuss it down there,” said Yin, compromising, and with a doubtful chuckle.
"I want to give peace a chance,” added Caffrey.
Under Violet's control, the Yin's Tune broke off from the squadron. Vanishing to a speck against the size of Nefarious ship, they landed like a flea on a St. Bernard. The ship locked an airtight magnetic seal onto the surface of the base. A steady and, for Nefarious, oddly rhythmic beat pounded from deep below, vibrating into the Yin's Tune. Yin opened a hatch and they entered the gigantic base.
Caffrey was surprised to discover a smiling Poe 33, reunited with his body, waiting for the crew. The android greeted them with a bow.
"Quark Caffrey, Commanders Violet and Yin."
"Poe,” returned Caffrey, “I see you found your body in one piece."
"Inagaddadavida, baby. Yet another wonder of the magnificent Poe 33 of which I have become aware. It seems my body is designed to kill as a Berserker, bite through iron or walk through steel walls, should it come within five miles of my Revenant essence.
"I, meaning my physical self, was locked deep below in a cell. I blasted my way through steel walls with my powerful devices. Although not much more than a human brain, the intelligence left with my body made up in survival skills what it lacked in charm and subtle wit. The slabs of steel are still incandescent below."
Caffrey recalled the smell of molten metal but said nothing. Poe continued his discourse.
"If I had been destroyed you would have taken my place as Portsmith, Quark Caffrey."
"Me?” Caffrey was astonished.
"When I was snatched by Nefarious, I not only disengaged my essence and became Revenant I uploaded a copy of my memories to your brain."
"You did what?"
"I'm not sure if you realize, Quark Caffrey, just how much empty space there is in your head.” The android was serious.
"Painfully,” replied Caffrey, rubbing his temples. “What about your Master?"
"Not yet."
They made their way down a staircase to what looked like a huge abandoned train station illuminated by an indigo glow with no apparent source. The walls glistened with a moist sheen; and the ceiling, some hundred meters high, played deep space to the dozens of holographic spheres drifting just below it. The heartbeat of the station pulsed like the slow but definite approach of death.
"It'll take us forever to figure this place out,” complained Yin, panting a little.
"That pounding is frightening,” Angie confessed.
"The tremendous power requirements needed to embody his thoughts are generated somewhere below,” explained Yin. “That is the pounding we hear. Deep beneath, this strange engine beats, powered by the torment of thousands upon thousands of innocent souls."
"Actually, Yin, not quite torment. Slight annoyance,” corrected Poe 33.
Ignoring the android, Yin expounded some more.
"The amazing creation of a madman. All these planets, while physically here, are still connected to their true cosmic time and space. Did you notice the sunlight falling on each? There is no sun. Yet each is lit by the non-local but distinct thermonuclear output of their respective mother star. They are held here by the power of his thoughts magnified a billionfold. When we destroy Nefarious, the quantum link will be broken and the worlds will all return."
"We found his weakness,” assured Caffrey. “I saw the circus of his mind and the one small flaw that'll bring it all down like a house of cards."
"The kid?” suggested Violet, doubtfully.
"There is no kid,” Caffrey corrected. “It was a song. Nefarious wanted to forget the music his wife composed. It was manifested as The Creamery Child. Angie was right."
"Creamery?” Violet could only wonder.
"Yes. The music must have been pure. Innocent. Childlike,” said Angie.
"Am I to suddenly feel pity?” Yin yipped. “Once I've located the evil bastard I will call for my commando team. We'll destroy him, release the prisoners and blow this entire base to kingdom come-what-may."
Caffrey spoke up. “First, I'll try it the L'Orange way."
"Transmute him?” Violet's hesitancy was obvious.
"Yes,” Angie chimed in. “His hate is being held by a crystal thread."
Poe was quite confident. “Angie's right. I witnessed the strange imbalance. We only need to flood his memory with the repressed love, and I feel the transformation Quark Caffrey speaks of will take place."
It was too much for Violet. “Don't be ludicrous!"
"We're gonna try it.” Metaphorically speaking, Caffrey put his foot down, and there was a momentary tense silence.
Finally, Yin nodded. “Where do you suppose we begin looking for him?"
"We need the layout."
"Both Angie and myself have attempted to contact some central computer. There is none. His mind must be acting as the control system."
"The real question is,” Caffrey pointed out, pacing like Sherlock Holmes, “where would such a tormented soul find repose?"
Yin applied his intelligence. “I would imagine someone of his ego and ambitions would reside in the grandest hall, up on high, with wondrous views of his growing collection of worlds."
Caffrey shook his head in disagreement. He paced some more, pondering Nefarious Wretch and all he'd learned so far about the odd being. After a moment he looked up.
"I sensed a certain amount of self-loathing. Did you sense that as well, Angie?"
"I sensed great denial. He disavowed any love for the mousy woman in the photo."
"And he couldn't face his own memories. They ran around his mind in personified form, and Nefarious wanted them destroyed. He created mazes in his psyche, and open expanses of emptiness, as if to remind him of his desolation. Look at this place. Not another soul in sight. His self-worth, I guess, is a mere pittance, as it is in most of the egomaniacal narcissists I have met in my life.
"Therefore, I imagine his quarters are in the darkest, dankest, most despicable spot in this entire complex. A place that acts as a constant reminder of his helter-skelter state."
"The humming,” guessed Poe 33, leaning forward in his excitement.
"Yes, Poe. I bet that where the pulsing drone is loudest is where we will find Nefarious."
Violet and Yin exchanged concerned looks of doubt; and Violet stepped forward, a hand on the butt of her weapon in its holster. It was a cosmic impossibility for her to not look sexy.
"Caffrey! Yin, myself and a whole lot of people have been at this longer than you. We have a plan. We have a solution. We've finally made it into his world. Let us simply destroy it."
"You've so readied your brain for this solution you refuse other options. I, on the other hand, never wanted any of this. I joined you for one reason—to get my friends back. Along the way I began to understand the bigger picture. Now, I want all these music-loving worlds back to their systems. I want Nefarious stopped. When Wisdom suggests a better alternative, I think we should listen."
"It proves nothing to pretend to desire wisdom but ignore its plea,” Poe 33 said softly.
Yin exhaled hard, and Violet threw her hands on her hips.
"What do you want?"
"If I've learned anything from music and its little orange gelatinous representative it's this: you can imagine a better solution. Give us some time to try the wise way. If it doesn't work you can try it yours
."
"Fine,” agreed Yin, completely missing the insult.
"Okay,” conceded Violet, turning and pacing away.
"How much time do we have until the cavalry's called?” Caffrey wanted to move things along.
"You can have twelve hours,” the Bopple decided.
"Fair enough."
"May the luck and strength of my forefathers be with you, my Master,” Yin said, with a bow. “But I doubt it'll work."
"Thanks for that vote of confidence, pooch. See if I clean up your poop again."
Yin smiled warmly. Violet wished each of them luck; then she and Bopple headed back to the Yin's Tune.
* * * *
The bottom of the ramp led to a spiral staircase with what appeared to be an impossible number of steps. Caffrey peered over the banister and marveled at the lovely nautilus shape falling to a pretty close approximation of infinity.
"Damn, that's a walk."
"You forget, Quark Caffrey, I have abilities that you do not. I can make the descent rather pleasant, if you do not mind riding piggyback."
As Caffrey and Angie watched, the android swelled, his skin shimmering and flickering as it stretched over his expanding skeleton. From his back, a pair of chrome pipes emerged, protruding from a box with distinct indentations shaped for the seating of humans. Poe 33 knelt down on his knees.
"Hop aboard, Quark Caffrey."
"Oh, Poe, you are impressive,” sighed Angie.
"True."
Throwing his right leg around Poe's neck, Caffrey dropped into the seat. Poe 33 stood, servos singing.
"Now, my friend, hold on tight!"
"My butt's still sore from the zebadoos! Easy, Poe!"
Perhaps it was a stupid assumption, but Caffrey had been anticipating a long, easy amble down the staircase. When Poe 33 jumped the banister, engaged the duel rockets on his back and fell down the center of the almost-endless spiral, Caffrey's heart skipped not one but two beats. It was a full ten seconds before he could even garner enough breath to exhale in a please-God-let-me-live scream.
Down they plummeted, the jets keeping the acceleration at a tolerable rate. Level after level streaked by, and the wind rushed past Caffrey's ears like New York City pedestrians. The alternating red-and-blue exit lights on each landing level smeared into a constant blur of vertical color, creating a purple haze in his vision as the endless fall continued. For a moment, Caffrey considered asking Poe 33 to play the Hendrix tune, filling his mind to make the ride a bit more pleasant, then decided he'd rather not distract the psychotic android.