He jumps to his feet before I can even utter a word.
“I think…I’m having contractions. I don’t know though.” I wince as the pain throbs from my back to my stomach. Like powerful, mutant cramps. Oh my God, these cramps have superpowers. How in the hell am I going to defeat them?
Lo acts swiftly. He grabs his cellphone, bypasses me to push the door open wider, and he calls down the hall, “Rose!”
“Don’t,” I start, shoving his arm. “She’s going to freak out.” I can’t even believe she was his first choice in comrade for this situation. Surely Ryke or Connor ranked higher on his list. But maybe he was thinking about my allegiance. And who I’d be most comfortable with.
He touches my shoulder in comfort, but he can’t reply to me, not when he’s on the phone. “Hi, this is Loren Hale,” he says into the receiver. “Can I speak to Dr. Dhar?”
Rose emerges from her bedroom quickly. She’s alone so I assume Daisy stayed with Jane.
“What’s wrong?” She scrutinizes our lingering presences in the doorway.
I hold my belly, my head dizzying a bit. “I don’t know.” It’s the truth. I have no clue if this is real or fake or something in between. That confusion and darkness frightens me the most.
“I’ll grab your bag,” Rose says, rushing into my bedroom. What bag? is my first thought. And then I remember: oh yeah, my hospital bag. The overnight one that Rose basically packed for me months ago. The perks of having an organized, slightly neurotic sister.
I bury my head in Lo’s chest while he continues to talk to the doctor. He rubs my back, and I grip onto his belt loops for support. Thank you, belt loops, for always being there for me.
I hear Rose from the depths of my room. “Connor and I are going to drop Jane off at Poppy’s! Daisy will fetch Ryke, and we’ll meet you at the hospital!”
No. I can’t be giving birth today.
Can I? I look up at Lo with squinted eyes.
And he nods in confirmation, like he can read my mind. But I know I wear all of my thoughts on my face for him to pick apart and see.
He’s not scared. Not as much as me. And the confidence that he’s built up for weeks and weeks blows straight through me. I try to hold onto it as tightly as I can, even if it’s just air breezing between my fingers. I try to breathe every little bit of it in. But the terrified bits of me are very, very strong.
I’m about to have a baby.
Oh God.
{ 34 }
LOREN HALE
Lily’s water broke while she was clinging to me. I got her to stop apologizing after we both took quick showers, and by that point, I could tell her pain overpowered her embarrassment—which for Lil means she’s really hurting.
We made it to the hospital without an emergency labor, and now that we’re in the delivery room, I’m positive I’ve glared at an entire staff of nurses on accident. Rose confirms it by saying I have a “bitchy” face. I just hate feeling helpless, having to watch Lil curve her arm around her eyes and shake in pain. It fucking sucks.
And it reminds me of the earlier days of her recovery, back where I had to constantly tell her no and grasp her hands, so she stopped being compulsive. Where sex impaired her ability to be a normal, functioning person in society.
It’s a time that I don’t ever want to return to.
Six hours and an epidural later, Lily finally eases. Like she’s ready to float away. I comb my fingers through her hair, preferring her drugged up than in agony.
I could tell that she wanted the meds, but the nurses gave her a hard time about it. Saying things about how recovering addicts should try the all-natural birth. It took all three of us—Rose, Ryke and me—to try and quiet the nurses and convince Lily to listen to what she wanted. She’s terrified. Of doing something wrong. Of hurting our son by a choice she makes. People shouldn’t make her feel guilty for wanting an easier birth.
On the hospital bed, she smiles dazedly up at me. I sit on the mattress close to her and can’t restrain my own smile at her cute expression. “Feeling better?”
She relaxes into her pillow like she’s sinking into a cloud. “I love the hot-tempered triad.”
I have no idea what she’s talking about. “The what?”
The door blows open, and my father enters the luxury birthing suite, sipping a coffee. He’s been in and out all day, just walking around the hospital like a lost soul. His dark eyes flit between me and Lil. “See, I thought one day this would happen. I told Greg that you’d knock her up around seventeen.”
My face sharpens.
Greg actually interjects before I can, “Lily is a smart girl to wait.”
Lily looks like she’s floating even higher from the compliment. I’ve heard her dad praise her on multiple accounts, when he’s not immersed in his work.
Our fathers aren’t the only two people here. Lil wanted her sisters present during the long “waiting” process, and even though Poppy and Sam are watching Maria and Jane, everyone else came. Even Lily’s mom, who peers out between a crack in the closed blinds. The room, filled with plush chairs and couches, is big enough for our families. They’ll all leave once Lily’s about to deliver.
My dad laughs into his coffee. “Technically they had an accident—”
“Can you not?” I cut him off, especially as Lily descends from her cloud. Her lips down-turning. I liked it better when she was flattered for making smart choices.
“Hey,” he says, “I’m goddamn happy right now.” This is my dad, happy. And I do see it, beneath his dark eyes and his severe face. “I’m getting a grandson.” The pride in his voice takes me aback for a second.
He pats Lily’s feet that are beneath a blanket. “How are you holding up?”
She nods. “Good.”
Greg chimes in with a smile, “That’s what I like to hear.”
I watch my dad walk further into the suite towards his friend.
“Updates?” Samantha asks the room as she hawk-eyes the streets below. They’ve been jammed with camera crews for the past two hours, hoping to snap a photo of any of us leaving the building. I’d like to say they’re not important, but Lily perks up in interest.
“I have one,” Daisy says. She’s sprawled out on the white couch, her feet on Ryke’s lap. She reads an online article from her phone. “According to an inside source, Lily Calloway is in labor and has been admitted to the hospital. We’ll have more information in the coming hours.”
“The main thing is to keep Maximoff away from the paparazzi,” Greg tells Lily and me. “No child needs that stress.”
Lily blows out a breath, and I squeeze her hand. Having a kid is anxiety enough. I brush her hair back and whisper, “We’ve got this.”
She nods a couple times like she’s trying to believe it too.
My dad sidles next to Samantha to peek out of the blinds with her. “I’m going to call more security for when we leave. This is ridiculous.” He points at the window. “That chubby one is eating a goddamn happy meal while he waits.”
On a shorter couch, Connor wraps his arm around Rose and says, “The cameramen are allowed to eat, as all human beings are.”
My dad gives him a surly look and then snaps, “Whose side are you on?”
“The logical side,” Connor says easily. “You’re probably not familiar with it, but it’s the side that wins ten times out of ten.”
My dad’s eyes flash hot, and it’s pretty apparent that his beef with my best friend is still ongoing. This isn’t the time for that shit.
“Hey, this isn’t the fucking time,” Ryke cuts in. I nod to my older brother in thanks.
I’m almost regretting making the birth of my son a family event, but I can tell Lily appreciates everyone’s company. Even if it’s stressing me out.
My dad grips his coffee a little tighter, but his voice has less edge. “I’m just making conversation.” He sips his drink, and Samantha finally pries herself off the window.
Her gaze surprisingly lands on Lily and m
e. “Are you two really set on his name?” she asks, sitting stiffly in a chair next to Greg. “There’s still time to change your minds.”
Lily shakes her head repeatedly, and before I accidentally say something nasty to her mom, Rose begins to defend our choices.
“Leave them alone,” Rose says. “You shouldn’t be adding to Lily’s stress. This is a calm, zen environment.” She inhales a deep breath to demonstrate how zen-fucking-like it is in here. Only her collarbones protrude like she has trouble exhaling.
“You were saying?” I tease Rose.
Her yellow-green eyes narrow to pinpoints at me.
It’s tense in here, though it could be a hundred times worse. It feels like how it should be, probably. The unease from unexpected outcomes.
Ryke rests an arm along the back of the couch and holds his girlfriend’s ankles with the other hand. “Maximoff is a good fucking name. It’s strong.”
My dad butts in, “It’s strong until a kid calls him Maxi Pad.”
“Says the man who named me Loren,” I retort.
My dad faces me and counters, “It’s about rising above your name. I’m not complaining about Maximoff. I think it’ll be a testament to his character how he reacts to it.”
I don’t want his name to be a fucking test.
But I’m not letting our parents talk us out of something we chose together. Something we truly love. I hate that they have to taint it with their opinions anyway. But there’s a place inside of me that’s grateful for having people who care. For better or for worse, that’s what family is for, right?
Lily’s grip tightens on my hand, and she lets out a staggered breath before sinking back into the pillows. A couple nurses push through the doors and check her vitals. “I think she’s about ready.” One of the nurses leaves to retrieve the doctor. “We should clear out the room, a two-person limit during delivery.”
I step off the bed.
“Don’t go!” Lily clasps my one hand with two of hers.
I edge closer to her. “I wasn’t going to, love.” I kiss her nose lightly and she exhales a large breath. Everyone stands to exit the suite.
Greg buttons his suit jacket and nods to Lily, “We’ll see you afterwards. You’ll do great.”
“Thanks, Dad.” Lily looks high off the encouragement, or maybe it’s the drugs. Either way, I’m realizing this is turning out to be a good memory, for both of us.
Samantha even acknowledges Lily with a smile, no words. But right now, I think it’s better that way. The room is dwindling in seconds. My dad toasts us with his coffee like he has some giant glass of bourbon in his hand, and then he leaves with Lily’s parents.
Ryke squeezes my shoulder, and Daisy gives her sister a side-hug.
“Hey,” Ryke says, and I meet his brown eyes, more flecked with hazel than usual. “I’m here for you.” He’s the first person I’d go to if I ever felt overwhelmed. By now, he knows that.
I nod. It’s all I can do, emotions starting to constrict my lungs. Somehow, though, I choke out, “Thanks.”
He pats my shoulder before heading through the door with his girlfriend.
Connor slips his phone in his black slacks and nears the edge of the bed. Nurses begin to mill around the room. The doctor isn’t here yet, but reality is still hitting me full force. “Don’t blink,” he says in a smooth voice. “It’ll happen faster than you realize.” He winks at me before he departs with a confident stride.
Don’t blink.
My stomach is in knots.
“Rose?” Lily whips her head around the room, trying to find her older sister. Her eyes start to well with tears, thinking Rose left without saying anything.
I’m about to go find her, but she suddenly appears, walking out of the bathroom. “I’m right here, stop crying.” She fixes her glossy hair with her fingers. “I didn’t want to use the public toilets.”
I wipe Lily’s cheeks with my thumb.
Rose gives her a look. “We made a pact, no tears.”
“That sounds like something a demon would say,” I tell her.
She sets her hands on her hips, and Lily cuts her off, “Daisy and I rejected that pact. You were vetoed.”
I laugh, no fucking way. That almost never happens.
Rose purses her lips. “Thank you for the reminder. You may cry then.” She’s fooling herself if she thinks she’s not going to shed a tear when she sees Lily holding her son. Even if Rose isn’t the softest person, when it comes to her sisters, she can turn into a puddle.
Lily lets out a long breath. “Can you give me a quick tip?”
“Don’t be scared.”
“In case something happens to me,” Lily says—I shoot her the sharpest look. She holds her hands in defense and adds, “I just would like a hug.”
I tell Lily, “Nothing is going to happen to you.” I can’t entertain the idea without losing oxygen, my eyes burning. Two nurses and a doctor stand in the room. We’re in a hospital. Nothing is going to go wrong.
“IknowIknow,” she says quickly. She lets go of my hand and spreads her arms out at Rose.
Her older sister looks like she was just asked to climb a ladder and clean the drain pipes. But she leans down and gives a stiff couple of pats to Lily’s shoulder. “I love you,” Rose whispers before she steps away. When she stands up, she brushes her fingers below one eye.
I tilt my head at her.
She points at me, “Shut up.”
“I didn’t say anything.”
She raises her chin and marches right out the door.
Besides the hospital staff, we’re alone. I keep my hand on her head, watching her eyes nervously flit around the room. “Are you in any pain?” I ask.
“No,” she whispers. “I can’t feel anything down below.” She scratches her arm, and I swiftly take her hand in mine, lacing our fingers.
“Lily Calloway,” I murmur, and she finally looks up at me. I love you. I don’t even have to say the words before her eyes well with tears. I breathe deeply, my muscles wound tight. Years and years with Lily, my best friend, rush through my veins.
It’s a connection that spawned early on, from chasing her around a golf course and hiding underneath pillows on a yacht. From escaping to a bedroom and playing pretend behind a bar. From shutting out the world until it was just us.
I open my mouth to say more, but it’s hard to put everything to words.
A tear drips down her cheek. “I know.”
I kiss her on the lips, one that nearly pulls her to my body, but I break it before she shifts out of place too much. My mind is spinning as the doctor says something to Lil, and then the nurses flock her sides. I focus mostly on Lily, holding her hand as I stand by her side. About two hours pass with Lily pushing, her cheeks splotched red from fatigue.
“One more,” the doctor instructs.
Lily’s brows scrunch as she tries again, not giving up. Time seems immeasurable. Too fast. Too slow. “Good job, Lil,” I tell her as she finishes another push.
Dr. Dhar says, “Last one.”
Lily collapses back in exhaustion and stares up at me like she just said that, didn’t she? Fear floods her eyes, and I kiss her head and my lips brush her ear. “You’re almost done, love. Everything’s fine.”
“Okay,” she says in a shaky voice. Her hand tightens around mine. And she closes her eyes to try to push again. She pants, out of breath, after that one.
The female doctor focuses on the monitors. “The baby’s heart rate is a little low.”
I turn back to Lily, and her eyes flutter like they’re about to close. “Lil?” I cup her face; she’s in a cold sweat. “Lily?”
The second nurse runs to the nearest machine and she places an oxygen mask over Lily’s nose and mouth.
I comb back her hair. “Hey, Lil, look at me, love.” My eyes are on fire, and for a split second, the fear of losing her takes me for a ride. I can’t…
It’s a pain that tears right through me. It stretches. I swallow a rock.
Look at me. Please. And as she takes a few deep breaths of oxygen, her eyes meet mine again and she gives me a nod.
Okay.
“Lily, one last push,” Dr. Dhar coaches. “I know you’re tired, but we all want this baby out.”
Lily looks like she’s about to cry. I hover over her, and tilt her chin so she meets my gaze again. “This is easier than every battle you’ve been through.” I wipe the tears off her cheeks.
“One more time?” she asks like a question, even though she’s trying to boost her spirits.
“Yeah, Lil. One more.”
She inhales the oxygen and then shuts her eyes tight as she pushes. I clench my teeth, my jaw hurting the longer this goes on. Please let this be it.
And then, the next sound just floors me.
A cry.
Dr. Dhar has the baby in her hands.
I’m not the kind of guy anyone wants to see give life. Nasty, harsh, spiteful—a bastard. But I’m employing my brother’s motto for this one: I don’t give a shit.
I don’t give a shit.
Maybe some people don’t deserve second chances. But I’m worthy of this moment and this girl and this life I live and the one I created.
No one can tell me otherwise. Because the minute they place our baby on Lily’s chest is the minute that I feel a piece of me that I’d been keeping submerged. She’s already in tears, joy erupting through her features. And I feel all of it course inside. I’d been unwilling to let myself experience this. I’ve been filling the hollow places with pain, and I’m done.
I’m done with that torture.
One nurse dries the baby off and keeps a warm towel on him. And the other removes Lily’s oxygen mask. “Lo,” she chokes into a laugh, her chin trembling as tears cascade. I realize my cheeks are wet.
I lean closer to her, feeling lighter than I ever have before.
He’s tiny, his eyes pinched like the light is too harsh for him. But he squirms a bit and lets out a couple high-pitched noises, not cries exactly. Just saying he’s here.
After about fifteen minutes, the world feels calmer, people start slowing down. He’s swaddled in a blanket and content. “Will you hold him?” Lily asks me like she’s wondering if I won’t.
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