My head is killing me, and my back is aching. I could really use some pain medication, but I don’t dare move a muscle because I don’t want to disturb my mother sleeping in the uncomfortable recliner next to my bed. She won’t leave my side, and the least I can do is let her get some sleep.
When I am able to leave this room, I have to go find Julie. I don’t know what I’ll say, but I have to tell her that I’ve met someone and that I want a new life.
Saturday
The pain in my head feels like a thousand little needles are pricking against the outer edge of my brain. I roll onto my side and reach for the drawer of my nightstand where I keep an extra bottle of Tylenol handy for mornings like this. Feeling constrained in my clothing, I realize that I’m still wearing my outfit from the night before.
Memories come flooding back. Holy crap. My brother could be dying. I feel my breath being stolen from my lungs. I toss the painkillers onto my bed, and feeling sicker than any hangover I can remember, I quickly run across the hallway to the bathroom. The kinds of drugs needed to eliminate my pain are illegal and highly addictive, but I would suffer the consequences just to feel anything other than what I am right now.
“Caroline?” June’s voice is soft and accompanied by an even softer knock on the bathroom door.
I rest my head against the wall, keeping the toilet bowl within reach. I close my eyes and try to imagine a restful place. My attempt to find peace is interrupted by another knock, and although my arms don’t feel like part of my body, I convince one of them to unlock the door. After I drop my arm back to my side, I lie, unmoving, against the cold tiled floor.
“Oh, Caroline, Liam told me your brother is hurt. He said he would get you a ticket to fly out this afternoon. I can help you pack or call your parents or…” She trails off as she turns to me with a warm washcloth in her hand while tears are streaming down her face. “I’ll do whatever you need, Care.”
If she only knew everything, she would realize that I don’t deserve her tears right now. How can I tell her now? After last night, she must know something is going on between Liam and me. How can I tell her that my brother was about to break her heart? How can I tell her that the man she was falling for is now lying in a hospital bed, dying?
The warm moisture of the washcloth steadies my thoughts. I won’t tell her anything. I have to leave and be with my family. I have to forget that any of this is happening. I can’t worry about Liam. I can’t think about my best friend. I have to think about my parents and how they might be losing a son. I have to deal with the fact that my brother might be gone soon.
“I need to call my mom,” I say without looking at June.
“Okay, I’m going to shower and start packing. Let me know what you need.”
I know I should ask her where she’s going, but I just don’t care.
I call my mom, who is unable to talk without sobbing, so I end up talking with my dad.
“Hey, Dad. How’s CJ?”
“He’s stable for now, but I think you should still come home. Did you get a flight?”
“Yeah, sorry I didn’t call last night. I’ll be leaving this afternoon. June is taking me to the airport.”
“Alright, Care. Be careful and, we’ll see you soon.”
“Thanks, Dad. Love you,” I say before hanging up the phone.
Trying to pack, I walk around my room in a daze, remembering my brother. I know I shouldn’t be thinking of him as if he’s already gone. But what if he is?
My brother was…scratch that…he is the kindest person. At least, I thought he was before this whole thing with June came up. He is my big brother, my biggest cheerleader, and my number one encourager. I don’t know if I’d be able to get through life without him.
He married his high school sweetheart. They fell in love, began their careers, and were living the happily-ever-after they both deserved. I can still hear him chastising me for dating so many guys when I was in high school.
“Caroline, don’t you want the feeling of missing someone when they’re not around?”
“Why would I want to miss someone when I could just enjoy the next person in line?” I answered.
“One day, you’ll begin to miss someone without realizing it. When that day comes, I want you to call me and tell me all about this magical boy who somehow made you fall in love.”
I will never forget his smile as he talked about falling in love. For him, it was a fairy tale that would never end—until, of course, it did end.
June’s voice breaks into my thoughts. “Caroline, we need to leave in about thirty minutes. Liam emailed me the itinerary. Are you about ready to go?”
“I’m ready.”
June takes my luggage to her car as I spend a few minutes pulling up my hair and washing my face.
The ride to the airport is a vague blur. After June parks the car, she gets out and begins to pull the luggage out of her trunk. My door opens, and I look up into Liam’s caring eyes. He pulls me to my feet and surrounds me in the warmth of his arms. He doesn’t ask if I’m okay, and he doesn’t tell me that everything is going to be alright. He just holds me for a moment. I glance to the ground behind him and see a dark green duffel bag sitting near his feet.
“Is that yours?” I ask.
“Yes. We’re going with you.”
“We?” I look at him, puzzled.
“Yes, you don’t need to do this alone,” June says from behind me.
“No, no, no! You have lives that need to be attended to here. You can’t just drop everything and take off to Seattle.” I am starting to panic inside. June cannot get on that plane. She can’t find out the truth this way. And Liam? Didn’t I just try to kick Liam out of my life last night? He can’t think this will erase what I was feeling before my life came tumbling down around me.
“You don’t have a choice. I’ve already bought our tickets, and our luggage is packed. We’re here for you,” Liam says, holding my hand and leaning down to pick up his duffel bag with his free hand.
I have no energy to fight this battle. Maybe this is the way things were meant to happen. By the end of this trip, it’s possible that I might lose my brother, June could hate me, and Liam may realize that settling down with me comes with a lot of baggage. This flight marks the beginning of the end of my life, and there’s no need to delay the inevitable.
Saturday
We walk into the airport together. While Liam is handling Caroline’s luggage, I’m barely handling my emotions. This morning, I witnessed my take-charge best friend crumble into despair. I have no clue what has happened to her brother, and at this point, I don’t think she could manage answering any questions. Her flawless face is surprisingly emotionless while my brother is leading her through the motions of checking in and going through security.
Although it is one of the most depressing things I have witnessed in my life, I am shocked at my brother’s caring nature with her. I mean, it’s not like he isn’t a nice person. He just normally ditches girls the minute anything serious happens. I would say a possibly dying brother, requiring a last-minute flight to Seattle, counts as serious. Instead of running away, he has stayed by her side.
When I told him she wasn’t able to talk on the phone this morning, he wanted me to make sure Caroline knew he was taking care of all the travel plans, so she wouldn’t worry. As I watch him guiding her, it warms my heart. Although I know I would be here for her even if he weren’t, I’m glad that she has someone strong to lean on.
My mind wanders to the last time I was in an airport security line. Cohen seemed like a gentleman. I just don’t understand what went wrong. It’s been seventy-two hours since I have seen or talked with him. This time, he left without a note or any kind of message.
Why hasn’t he called me or just sent a simple text? I feel insensitive thinking about Cohen right now, but at least it keeps me from crying every time I look at Caroline’s face. In my head, I replay all the words he said to me when he poured out his feelings at dinner
. I think about his soft kisses against my lips as they made me feel more emotion than I thought possible. Then, I remember him confessing that there are parts of his life he isn’t willing to share with me. Why would he tell me he’s interested in getting to know me and then fall off the face of the planet? Whatever he’s hiding, it must be a secret worth keeping. Sometime this week, when I get the courage, I’ll have to pick up the phone and call him out on his less than gentlemanly behavior.
After we make it through security without any trouble, Caroline, Liam, and I sit on a long blue bench to put our shoes back on. Caroline wore a pair of slip-on flats, so she’s done before Liam and I can tie our tennis shoes.
“I need to go to the restroom,” she states, her voice flat.
“Alright, Care. Do you want me to go with you?” I ask.
“No, thanks.”
Liam and I are left sitting on the bench as people rush back and forth past us. It’s funny how life around you can seem to move so quickly while you feel stuck in the moment. When I glance over at Liam, I see a rare emotion. He looks overwhelmed. He’s rubbing his forehead with his thumb and middle finger, pulling inward from his temples to the middle of his forehead and back.
“Liam, why are you going to Seattle?” I ask, curious about his intentions.
“I don’t know.” He stands, staring down at his feet, and he kicks the corner of the bench. “I guess I didn’t want to her to go away and decide that whatever drama we had yesterday was too much to deal with. I want to be there for her.”
“So, you’re saying that you like her?” I laugh and punch Liam in the leg.
“Yeah, yeah. Shut your hole. I don’t know why you didn’t think about introducing us earlier.” He gives me his goofiest smile.
“You should be glad I waited to let you two meet. Two years ago, you would have broken her heart and missed out on the love of your life.”
“Or I would have settled down sooner.”
“Did you just admit that Caroline is the love of your life?”
“And what if I did?” he asks confidently.
“I’m going to go check on Caroline.” This conversation is getting crazy. Now, my brother is in love with my best friend?
I walk into the restroom and find Caroline leaning over the sink.
“Hey, are you doing okay?” I ask, laying my hand on her shoulder.
She looks up with tear stains on her cheeks. “I don’t know, June. God, I don’t know.” She sobs, folding herself into me.
“Oh, Care, I don’t know what’s going on, but we’re here for you.”
“June, I need to tell you something. I just can’t have you mad at me when we get there.”
“Don’t worry about any of that now. If you and Liam want to be together, then I say go for it. I think it’s great. Really, I do.”
“No, it’s more than that.”
“Well, whatever it is, it can wait. All that matters is getting you to Seattle, so you can see your brother.”
Caroline pulls away, wets a paper towel, and cleans up her makeup. I’m not sure what’s going on, but I don’t want her to worry about me.
We board the plane. Caroline sits in the window seat, Liam slides in beside her, and I take the aisle seat. Not only is the aisle seat normally my least favorite, it also gives me yet another reminder of the flight with Cohen.
Soon, we are taking off, and then we’re in the air. I close my eyes, trying to fall asleep, as I attempt to keep my mind off of the fact that I’m thousands of miles in the air. Unfortunately, once I’m asleep, my dreams bring memories of Cohen. I wake up with about thirty minutes left in the flight. I am starving, and I missed the in-flight meal.
When I look toward the window, Caroline looks sad, Liam looks worried, and I feel helpless. Thankfully, we’re almost there.
Saturday
We step off the plane into the familiar hustle of the Sea-Tac Airport. Finding our way through the crowds to the baggage claim is a chore by itself. People are everywhere—pulling along their luggage with their children, standing in the middle of the walkways as they talk on their cell phones, and making a beeline for the restrooms.
I follow closely behind Liam. Ever since last night, the world around me has faded to a harsh blur. The faces of the people around me don’t quite come into focus. I’m staring at Liam’s hand, his fingers entangled with mine, as I’m wondering why he’s here. Why does he care? I didn’t ask him to come with me. In fact, I was pretty sure he would run the other direction after I yelled at him last night.
June and Liam got a little sleep on the plane, but there was no way I could find rest. Instead, I thought back to my fight with Liam last night, and I decided he was probably telling the truth. After all, I’ve never seen him take a drink of alcohol. I was upset because he was out at a bar when he said he was busy, but he could be just as upset with me since I was out at a bar as well. I should probably drop it. After all, our disagreement will likely pale in comparison to the issues that will crop up while we're here in Washington.
As we reach the baggage claim area, Liam motions to the chairs. “Sit down, and we’ll wait for the luggage.” I place my purse in the seat beside me and watch as he walks toward the carousel with June.
I take out my phone and send a quick message to my mom, letting her know we made it. It isn’t long before my phone rings. I don’t feel like talking, but I pick up anyway.
“Hey, Mom.”
“Caroline, I am so glad you made it safely. June is with you, right?”
“Yes, and Liam.”
“Liam?”
“Her brother came, too.”
“Oh…well, okay.”
“I’ll explain later, Mom. Just tell me, do we need to come straight to the hospital?”
“You should go home first and drop off your things. Let June and Liam settle in, and then you can bring over John’s car.”
“How is he doing?” I’m careful not to say my brother’s name in case June is within earshot.
“He’s doing better, but he’s pretty banged up. The doctor thinks he’s out of the woods now, but he’s being watched closely in the ICU.”
“Alright. I’ll call you when we leave the house.”
When we hang up, my heart feels a little lighter, knowing that my brother will probably be okay. I won’t have complete relief though until I see him myself. If those television shows about crazy medical dramas have taught me anything, it’s that doctors try to give you the best outlook until the time comes when they have to tell the truth. For all I know, my mom could be saying he’s fine when he might actually be unconscious with tubes coming out of every part of his body.
As I watch Liam and June load our luggage onto a big cart, I realize how lame I’m being. I stand as they walk toward me. I step to the back of the cart and take hold of the shiny bar. June raises her eyebrows to Liam as if I’m not standing right next to them. We’re already close to the exit, but at least it will look like I’m trying to help. As we near the exit doors, Liam places his hand on the cart, stopping us in front of a rental car counter.
“We can just take a cab to the house and then use my stepdad’s car,” I say, trying to save him a little money. I never even thought about asking him how much the airline tickets cost.
“It’s okay. The company discount I get is pretty awesome.”
“Yeah, it’s called ‘I get tickets and car rentals for free.’” June rolls her eyes.
“Free?”
“Well, not quite free, but it doesn’t cost very much. Did you forget I work for the airlines? The flights weren’t too full, so we flew standby, and I can use some points I have for a rental car. No worries.”
“Okay, but you should let me pay you back.”
“Don’t worry about it. It really isn’t a big deal,” he says, giving me a small hug before turning to talk to the rental car attendant.
The drive to the house is quiet. The car came with GPS, so I don’t have to give Liam directions. I’m sure June
and Liam have no clue what to say. I should tell them that my brother is doing okay, but I don’t feel like talking right now. I’m too busy trying to figure out what I’m going to tell my parents when they ask why Liam came with us.
Liam and I haven’t had the chance to talk about what happened last night, and with June here, I’m not sure when we’ll have any time alone. It should be the last thing on my mind, but I know my parents will ask. Maybe I’ll just tell them he tagged along to see some sights in Seattle. I know they won’t buy it, but it’ll give me some time to talk with him before I tell them we’re dating.
Next on my list of concerns is June finding out about my brother. I picture the decor of each room in our house. Thankfully, my mom isn’t one of those people who has a picture of each member of the family from various significant life events in every room. She has photo albums, but I can’t think of any framed pictures in the main areas.
The only places I’ll have to keep June away from are my mom’s office and bedroom since she keeps a few family pictures in those rooms. That shouldn’t be a problem though because my mom normally keeps her office locked, and there’s no reason for June to go into my mom’s bedroom.
There might be a few pictures in the basement, too. When my brother would come to visit, he would always claim the basement as his man cave. Last time I checked, it still held some of Cohen’s memorabilia and photos. I’ll have Liam stay on the couch in the basement, and when I show him the way, maybe I can move around a few pictures.
My fingers begin to feel sore, and I realize I’ve been running the tips of them over and over again across the black material of the car door. I clasp my hands together and set them in my lap, trying to keep myself from fidgeting constantly.
Then, it hits me. What about Julie? I didn’t even ask my mom about Julie. I couldn’t be more insensitive. I wonder if she’s going to be okay. I know her parents must be sad and worried. If Cohen is awake, I can’t imagine how he must feel. I hope he’s been able to see her. I just need to get to the hospital, so I can get the whole story.
Crossing Paths Page 16