by A. C. Bextor
Pulling my legs up and in to my chest, I wrap my arms around them for no other reason than to feel less exposed. One hand holds my beer and the other rests on my knees, holding my chin. I'll admit, I haven't felt this free and open in years. Could be the beer, or the company, but I'm happy tonight.
"So," I start and then take another quick drink for courage. "Why'd you stop talking to me?"
"What?" he asks, feigning ignorance. I know he knows what I'm referring to because he's doing all he can to avoid looking up at me.
"Did you get tired of me? Was that it? You were too cool to hang around the awkward teenage neighbor. Was that it?"
"No, Ry," he says softly, looking down and peeling the label off his beer. "It wasn't that."
So I'm right in that he had his own reason to sever our friendship. I just don't know what the reason is yet. I prod, "Well? What was it then? What did I do wrong?"
Inhaling a deep breath, Chase finally looks up and tries to explain. "I thought if I ignored you, you'd stop comin' around and just go away."
Ouch. I gasp.
"How long have you been waiting to sling that insult?" I question. Hearing him put it so directly hurts.
Releasing a small fake laugh, he corrects, "Not like that. I mean…." He looks out into the field, then says, "I was a man."
"Uh, yeah?"
"I was a man attracted to a woman."
What?
"Chase, you're not…." Before I can finish, I realize what he's trying not to tell me. "Oh."
"You were changing."
"That happens, but it shouldn't have affected our friendship."
"But it did."
"I got that," I confirm.
We both take another drink before he paralyzes me with his further explanation. "About the time I thought I wanted to ask you out, you started seeing Myles."
I'd say he was giving me shit and not being serious, but looking at him now, so still and so calm, I feel his sincerity. And his admission comes as a surprise, to say the least.
"I don't know what to say to that," I whisper.
The silence lingers, the only sound the crickets chirping in the distance. The air is thick with the late-evening Midwest humidity and there's no breeze to cool my skin.
"Glad you asked?" He smiles, twisting his neck and looking inside the truck's back window.
"No, not really."
"We can forget it," he dejectedly suggests. "I'd rather we did, anyway."
The notion that I could forget what he just said is ridiculous.
"I had a huge crush on you back then," I confess right before taking a healthy drink. After swallowing, I question, "Did you know that?"
With a lighter tone, he replies, "Yeah, I knew."
Raising my head and turning it to look directly at him, I ask, "You knew I thought of you… that way?"
"Ry?" he calls, and I sense another jab coming. "You didn't exactly do a great job of hiding it."
"Oh, whatever," I snap back. "You were so busy with all your girlfriends. I'm surprised you took the time to notice."
"Oh, I noticed. I noticed how pissed your little girl self would get when I told you I was busy."
"Gag," I say dramatically. "You were such a douche bag."
He lowers his voice then strikes me again. "I still noticed, right? I mean, a man doesn't forget the first girl who tells him he's pretty."
Oh, my God.
"You remember that?" I sink back and bury my face in my knees. "I was so lame."
"You weren't," he denies. "You were little Annie. You've always been that to me. I won't say being called pretty wasn't a shot to my ego, though. But it was sweet coming from you."
Reaching over, I do what I know I shouldn't, but I feel safe with Chase. My hand covers his and holds on. "I'm glad you told me why you stopped talking to me." His hand closes around mine and he doesn't let go. "I never knew and it still bothered me."
George Straight's "I Cross My Heart" is playing from inside the truck. I can't help but think how fitting it is to be sitting here, in an open field, drinking a beer, with the first man I ever loved.
And just like that I frown, realizing it's not the man I'm going to marry in just three weeks.
"We should go," he murmurs. When his hand drops from mine, he starts to move to the front of the truck bed. Once standing down on the field below, he offers his hand to help me down.
"Thank you for bringing me here tonight. It was perfect. I had fun."
His hand squeezes mine as he brings it up and holds it to his chest. Judging by the sincerity in his voice, his confession must be what he believes is true. "I hate you're marrying Myles, but I get it."
"You get it?"
"He's more for you than anyone in this place will ever be. Just do your childhood crush a favor?"
"Anything." I smile to ease his tension.
"Don't let him hurt you."
His words echo in my head as I search for their deeper meaning. Surely Chase can't know how I've been feeling and how much I'm doubting my marriage to his brother? Unless Myles said something, but I know he's too proud to seek advice from Chase.
I don't know.
"He won't hurt me."
"He does, I'll fuckin' kill him."
I can't hold back my laugh. What he said wasn't exactly funny; however, it breaks the tension between us.
Chase's eyes darken as his face inches closer to mine. The skin on the back of my neck tingles and my stomach twists with anticipation. The sweet smell of the beer he drank mixes with the smell of mine. It's then I realize…
He's going to kiss me.
I freeze in place when his warm lips drop down and touch mine. The chaste kisses on each side of my mouth are soft and gentle. When his tongue runs the length of my bottom lip, I open and he goes for it.
Goes for it.
I take a step back, to no avail. The lowered tailgate hits the back of my thighs and a fierce sting forces me to bite down on his lip. It only serves to incite more aggression as he pushes me down and positions himself on top of me. His hands are no longer pulling me in to him, but positioning at either side of my body, caging me in.
Instinctively, my arms make their way around his neck. I bring him in closer and hold him against me. Once our chests come together, I feel the heat of his body increasing the heat of mine.
Oh, God.
Sensing my internal battle, Chase pulls back, lifting his head so it's looming above me. His small smile glistens from my kiss. The moonlight casts light on his face and I watch him suck his lips to taste me there. Letting me go, Chase stands, runs his hands through his hair, and takes me in. I finally gather the strength to bring myself to my feet.
"Christ, I shouldn't have done that," he hisses as reality breaks through.
"No. Probably not," I agree, but not for the reasons he’s assuming.
What he shouldn't have done was just give me a glimpse of the best, most meaningful kiss I've ever been given. Not because it wasn't only perfect and beautiful, but because I'm not sure I'll ever expect less than what the promise of being so close to him just offered.
Lust.
Longing.
Love.
Leaving him here, I have to come to terms with the fact I'll be walking away from everything I've ever wished for.
You've loved that one man your whole life, Ryleigh. Why did you stop?
The truth is, though, I don't think I ever have.
Chapter Eight
CHASE
I haven't heard from Ryleigh since I took her home in awkward silence over a week ago. I haven't been back to the bar for fear of running into her. I haven't answered her calls, not wanting to hear her make excuses for what passed between us. And I've refused to talk to Myles at all.
Shit.
My body aches from the workout I put it through tonight in my father's stable. The punching bag hanging from the rafters filled in for a good emotional escape. As I bloodied my hands, I closed my eyes and images of Ryleigh standi
ng in my arms were unescapable.
In two weeks she's going to marry him and I'm powerless to stop it.
If I offered myself to her, she'd be a fool to accept. The future with me is so uncertain in comparison to her future with him. They're together. They've already planned a life, which I'm sure includes family.
Maybe she'll name their firstborn after me.
Son of a bitch.
"You look like shit, brother." Myles walks in my living room, freshly showered and changed.
"Where you going?"
Rolling his eyes, he tells me, "Mom's got some shit with Kate she wants me to sit and look over for the wedding."
"Where's the bride? She goin' with you?" I shouldn't ask, it's not my place, but I want to know where she is, even if I can't be with her.
"No idea," he flips back with boredom.
Ass.
I don't allow my mind to take the bait of anger; rather, I just turn my head back to the mechanic revealing his hot rod on the television.
"You stayin' in again tonight?" he questions, looking at the empty bottles of beer scattered around the table where my feet are resting.
"Yeah." My one-word answer is met with a scoff as he walks to the door and moves through it.
Bastard.
Chapter Nine
RYLEIGH
"Holy to high heavens," Kate exasperates on a breath while dramatically fanning her reddened face. "I don't… I can't even…."
Yeah, I agree.
"I haven't seen him since."
"Chase didn't call you after… that?"
I've called him, but he hasn't answered.
"What we did was a mistake." I sidestep her question and watch her eyes narrow from across the table. "And it was wrong. We both knew it."
"Oh, Ryleigh. What'd I say?"
"What?"
Leaning in, she places her palms on the table and says, "You picked the wrong brother." When I move back in my seat to protest, she shakes her head. "I'm telling you, you're wrong. It's not too late."
"Kate—" I try to stop her from continuing.
But she presses forward, this time louder. "It's not! It's not too late. In high school, did you not tell me he was the greatest man you've ever known?"
She's right, I said that. But I also once said Beverly Hills 90210 reruns were a healthy way to release stress after a long day at school. Not exactly sage advice given by my fourteen-year-old self.
"Where's Myles right now?" she queries with both a lot of anger and suspicion. "Tonight, Ryleigh," she demands. "Where's Myles?"
"With Colby and Devon in town."
Earlier in the evening I convinced Kate to take a road trip with me so we could talk, or I could talk and she could listen. Said road trip led us only one town over, population less than our own. When Kate heard the way the conversation was going, she insisted I stop the car immediately. She was near giddy in reaction and wanted to be somewhere she could examine every facet of what I was telling her, rather than have me looking to the road ahead.
My friend is clever like that.
Prompting me to speak, she asks again, "Where specifically is he tonight?"
"What? Why? What's that matter?"
"Answer me, please," she demands, and her tone is not only out of character, but hauntingly scary.
"I…."
"God, I love you. You know this, right?"
"Yes," I clip. "What's wrong with you?"
Standing up, throwing cash on the table, Kate moves to me and grabs my arm. My bottle of beer is still half-full so I'm confused as to what she thinks she's doing.
Once I'm standing, she moves around me and prods my back in the direction of the door. When I turn to grab her to keep her from shoving me forward, I inadvertently get a glance over her shoulder.
What I see boils my blood.
Infiltrates my every pore.
And finally threatens to shred my already threadbare existence.
Myles, my fiancé and supposed love of my life, is sitting at a table in the corner of a sleazy bar. A bleached-blonde woman is sitting on his lap. She's wearing a skirt, straddling him, nuzzling his neck and giggling loudly enough that the sound stings my ears, while his hands grip her ass with what looks to be fierce desperation.
Kate's voice in my ear breaks my concentration. "Honey, let's go."
My eyes, blurry and drowning in the ache of what's in front of me, roll to hers. Her expression is kind and understanding.
"Let's go," she mumbles. "Now."
"Where?" I whisper.
Where do you go after seeing what you can never un-see?
Where's there a place on earth to hide your devastation from the cruel and cold outside world?
Where does a person feel safe in the presence of another again?
Chase.
It's a bad idea. Even thinking through the repercussions of it, I know it is.
"Take me home," I murmur with a slight aim for hope, but loud enough she can hear my request and not deny it.
"I didn't want you to see that. I tried…."
"Take me home," I tell her again, swaying as I reach down to grab my phone and purse.
"Okay, Ry. Let's go."
★★★
"Are you sure about this?" she questions carefully as we sit outside Chase's house, both staring up at his front door.
His red truck sits beside her Camry, mocking me and reminding me that it wasn't only Myles who was unfaithful. "I need to talk to him, Kate. If for no other reason than…."
"How will you handle all of this with Myles?"
Although I'd love to explain, I just don't have that answer. I know Myles almost as well as I know myself, or at least I thought I did. I now understand the disconnection in our relationship is affecting him as much as it is me. It has to be. I'm not making excuses, but I'm not about to throw everything away based on a woman sitting on his lap. Nor a single moment that shouldn't have ever transpired between me and Chase.
"I'll figure it out tomorrow." I dismiss her question, eager to get away from her.
Hearing the locks of her car click open, I jump before turning to face her. She watches me carefully before offering, "You want me to wait out here? Ya know, in case he's not home or things aren't…."
"No," I reply quickly, grabbing the handle and opening the door. The inside light of the car casts a sure glimpse of my friend and it's not disappointment, sadness, or worry playing in her eyes. "You're reading into something that's not there, Kate."
Smiling shortly, she reaches over and grabs my hand clutching my purse. "I'm not. I swear. But I'll be honest with you."
"As you always are," I return with an eye roll.
Nodding once, she says, "You just saw a woman taking advantage of your man and you're not swelling up in tears or looking for a rock to hide under."
"I haven't had time to process."
"You have. Which is why I trust you know what you're doing."
Leaning over the console, I give her a quick kiss to the cheek. "I'll call you tomorrow."
"And I'll certainly be waiting."
Once I'm out of the car and headed up to Chase's door, I hear her call out her window before she speeds away, "Make good choices!"
Right.
So easy.
And here we go.
Chapter Ten
RYLEIGH
"What are you doin' here, Ry?" Chase asks once I've pushed past him, closed the front door behind me, and leaned against it for support.
What am I doing here?
"And while you're at it, you wanna tell me why you look like you've seen a goddamn ghost?"
I don't say anything for fear if I do, I won't only lose my nerve, but my determination to say what I have to say.
"Ryleigh," he calls, standing with his feet apart and his arms crossed over his massive chest. He's eyeing me with the same suspicion Kate had at the bar, but rather than blatant concern, his look is more controlled.
"I was in the neighborhood," I answ
er, trying desperately to escape the fear welling in my throat. "Thought I'd stop by and say hi."
Walking to me, as though I'm prey to his predator, Chase blocks me in. My stomach warms and flutters as my hands shake at my sides.
His hands hit the door on either side of my face and he leans against me without shame. "Tell me why you're here," he whispers.
The top of his baseball hat, along with his large arms, have created a private curtain around us. All I can see are his dark blue eyes boring into mine.
Gathering courage, I ask, "Did you mean what you did that night in the field?"
Startled, he shakes his head quickly as if trying to clear it. "What?"
"When you kissed me, did you mean it? Or was it because we were alone on a dirt road in the middle of nowhere?"
"Why are you asking me this?" he grinds out through clenched teeth.
At his evasive measures to avoid my question, my heart starts to race and my vision blurs. I'm succumbing to the pressure of doing exactly what I know I shouldn't.
Really, though, God knows where Myles could be or where he's been since we've been home. The countless times I've asked myself this, I've tried to avoid lending any belief to the possibilities he would stray from us. But with a woman held so willingly in his arms, there's no point arguing.
My engagement to him is over. Done. And it took coming here to realize that.
The panic swells in my chest, restricting the air I desperately need to keep calm. Chase continues looking at me without saying a word.
"Answer me!" I demand, this time louder.
I turn my head to the side to avoid his troubling gaze. This does nothing other than give me a beautiful view of his powerfully strong arm.
His hand drops from my side and he grabs my chin, holding it in front of him while his eyes scan my face. "Jesus, sweetheart. Calm down."