“I know you, Timothy. You would not push someone you care about away so easily. Your words don’t match your eyes even when you try to have them lie to me. I remember the look when Jonathan said you betrayed him, you tried to act cold and detached but it didn’t last. It was the look moments later that I remembered, the sadness in your eyes of losing someone you loved.”
“Not what I lost… what I gained in trade.”
She stopped crying, turned back, and looked at me. It was then she realized what I had done, where all that I said before was going. This was not about obligation, but the pain I went through and the regret I had with what I received.
“You believe you traded, Jonathan… for me. And now you wish you hadn’t?”
People believe that once you feel love then everything can be worked out. If you can fall in and out of love then it is just as possible to have flashes of love or at least flashes of what you believed was love. I respected Christine and cared for her, but it was not long after that night at Walgreens that I wondered if I truly loved her.
“Jonathan was wrong. Not I. You said it yourself, I did nothing wrong. I didn’t take anything from him because he never had anything.”
“Then what was this all about?”
I could have told her that like all people my emotions were taking control of me. My mind wanted to walk away from Christine months ago, but my heart was frightened to leave. I wanted to be alone, but I did not want to be lonely. I could have told her the truth. I could have told her how I felt.
“I love you, Christine. It’s just… it hurts.”
I gave her enough to pull her away from where I was not ready to go. She just stared at me. I believed she was contemplating, going over everything I had said and did not say. She hugged. I could only assume she decided to wait it out. Perhaps she really did love me. Perhaps she was just like me.
A Final Detour
The wind blowing across Lake Shore Drive was just as cold as that day. There was so much I had done to Christine and yet she stayed with me. The more I looked back at what I had done the more I could understand parts of her letter to me. Ashley’s words crept into my mind. When you are all alone and the only voice you can hear is your own, you find out the truth about yourself. The words of a teenager… a statement that continues to ring true with every memory I recollect.
I revved the engine to try to drown out those thoughts. I focused on the road and drove down the street having to stop frequently to navigate around the numerous accidents. I could not help but look at all the buildings and store fronts thinking about all the people who normally would be there and wondering where they were now.
I reached the outskirts of downtown Chicago. A fire in the distance caught my attention. It was coming from an office building near State Street. Moments later, I arrived on the block of the building. I stopped pulling off my helmet and looking up toward the sky. A news helicopter had crashed into the upper floors of the office building. The resulting fire was still burning and had spread to several floors. I just stood there staring at it then I saw it from the corner of my eye.
It was quick. I whipped my head around and caught a glimpse of it. A shadowed figure similar to what I thought I had seen at Lincoln Park High school. It was fast, running behind an office building across the street. My heart rate increased. I strapped on my helmet. I was determined to find out what it was. It could have been the reason I was there or perhaps someone else trapped within my nightmare.
By the time I made it to the building the figure had turned onto the next block. I raced between the buildings, my heart began beating rapidly I did not believe it was a delusion. It was real. I turned down the block and realized just how fast the figure was. It had traveled over a block within seconds. It turned down an alleyway. I followed quickly behind it screaming out.
“Wait! Stop!”
I leaned the bike as far as I could and turned down the alleyway. It was covered in a cloud of smoke from one of the buildings. I gunned the engine and focused on the figure until it disappeared into the smoke. I would not lose it. I could not see anything but almost felt it ahead of me. I would not let it escape.
The smoke was black, choking me, but I would not stop. I tore through it in an instant. I went from the shadows into the light. I broke free from the smoke and saw the figure. No longer a shadow, I could now see it was a woman. She stood at the end of the alley blocking my path. I jerked my bike to the left and lost control falling into a slide.
My motorcycle slammed into a car and stopped in the middle of the street with me directly behind it. I could see the look in her eyes. She was shocked to see me. Her eyes, they apologized to me and with a blink waved goodbye. I had finally found another living being and I was about to die.
A Silent Armageddon
It is not always traditional nightmares that harm you the most. Time works differently in the dream world. One can live an entire lifetime in a dream and with that the memories and feelings that comes with living. You can fall asleep hating your waking life and be granted a dream consisting of a life with everything you could ever want. It sounds like a gift; that is until you awaken. It is then you discover that the joy you felt has been ripped from you. It is then you realize that you were not in a pleasant dream, but a cruel nightmare.
Again it was darkness and cold that I felt first, that and pain. It felt familiar, to familiar. I was lying down and my first thought was that perhaps I had returned to the hospital. The pain I felt was consistent with what I remembered, the woman in the alleyway and falling from my motorcycle. I forced my eyes open and could see the figure. I called out to what I wanted it to be.
“Dr. Leafs…”
My voice trailed off, it was weak and frail. The image did not answer. As my vision cleared I could see the figure was the same women from the alleyway. While part of me was relieved there was another part of me that wished it were Dr. Leafs. She could see I was looking at her. Her face was bright as if she was not trapped in the same world as I was. She smiled at me. I stared into her jet black eyes, they were studying me; her smile was meant to relax me.
“I was starting to wonder if you would ever wake up.”
Her voice was a combination of Ashley and Christine’s. It had a youthful tone reinforced with wisdom and intelligence and there was something else I could not yet place. Her hair, long, straight, down to her shoulders and was just as dark as her eyes. She placed her hand on my chest it was warm and comforted me more than I would have admitted to at the time. Then her expression changed.
“Well, the good news is you appear to be fine. The bad news is you’re dead.”
Her words cleared the remaining grogginess from my mind. My eyes widened as they looked into hers searching for a hint of jest, but I found none. I forced myself upright. A wave of dizziness came over me. I reached down and realized I was lying on a leather couch in the lobby of an office building. My actions startled the woman causing her to jump backwards away from me. She lost her balance and fell onto her backside. She stared up at me in shock.
“I would have used two hands if I knew you were going to spaz out like that.” She said sternly.
With the dizziness subsiding I looked around at my surroundings. I did not recognize the building. It looked like a normal office building. A rectangle of black leather seats sat next to massive glass windows looking out to the street. The lobby was large but mostly empty of furniture. A receptionist kiosk sat in front of four sets of elevators. I turned my attention back outside, the sky was still grey. I was still in the vacant world, but it was not clear where I was taken or how long I was unconscious.
“Let me just answer your questions. We are still in Chicago and yes we seem to be the only two people left.”
He words were clear, absolute and with no fear within them. She stood up and looked at me but kept her distance. It was clear she was suspicious of me and I could not blame her for that. Also, I could not stop looking and her and wondering about her presence
. After everything that has happened I could not believe even what my eyes saw, even if I desperately wanted to.
“Are you real?”
Perhaps a foolish question to ask, but it was what came out of my mouth. She smirked and rubbed her backside.
“Uh yeah, do you want to know how I know I’m real? The pain in my ass thanks to you that’s how!”
I tried to stand but the dizziness returned. Unable to keep by balance I slumped back onto the couch. A sharp pain caused me to raise my hand to my forehead. The woman walked over to a nearby table and grabbed a towel. She walked over to me and pushed against my chest lying me back down. I pulled my hand away and looked at it. My forehead was bleeding. The women laid the cloth over my forehead, it was cold and wet.
“You really shouldn’t try to stand just yet; you took quite a header into that Mercedes.”
She looked at me curiously. Her eyes looked up, she was thinking something over. I could not help it, I just continued looking at her, there was something familiar about her and yet I could not remember or place her face. After a few seconds she looked back at me as if puzzled.
“You must have injured yourself before. You were wearing a helmet but you have a nasty looking gash on your forehead. Maybe it opened up when you fell. Either way you’ll be okay, just rest here for a while.”
The gash on my forehead did not concern me, it was finding someone else in this world that did. Her words, about me being dead and the feeling that I had seen her somewhere filled my mind. I forced myself to stand. My legs started to shake then buckle as the room began to spin and I fell back down to the couch. The woman just looked at me shaking her head as if disappointed.
“You’re pretty stupid huh, did that happen after the crash or where you born like that? I just told you to rest. Don’t you realize you were in an accident?”
“Yes and I was in an accident because of you. What the hell were you doing anyway? First you run from me then jump out in front of my motorcycle. I could have been killed. Who are you?”
I was talking to her as if we were not in this impossible situation. She sat down across from me and smirked. Her expression told me she was thinking the same thing.
“My name is Ana and it wasn’t my intention to make you crash. You need to understand I thought I was all alone and then I see you on that bike looking like some killer or something. You chased me down like a psycho. I didn’t know what to do.”
Her explanation made sense, but I would not allow myself to fall into another hallucination. Meeting another person in this world went against everything I had surmised, if this was a dream why would my mind create her, a woman that is familiar, yet foreign. I could not trust her, not yet, but I needed answers.
“My name is Timothy. I thought I was alone here as well until I saw you. How long have you been out here? When did this start for you? Do you know what happened here?”
She was overwhelmed by my questions. She put her hands out in front of her; she wanted me to slow down. I did not care if she lied to me I wanted to hear her response. Even if everything she said was false, the lies could still give me some answers.
“Wait, hold on a second. Slow down with the questions detective. Look, I don’t have any answers for you, at least none that would help. I wish I knew what was going on but I don’t. All I remember is going to bed after a night of partying and then I woke up in the twilight zone.”
Honestly I did not expect her to have any real answers. If she were a figment of my imagination then she would have no more information than I would have. If she were just like me then she would have nothing but her own theories, nothing concrete I could go on.
“I’m sorry Ana. I was just hoping you would have some insight about what has happened. Nothing has made any sense since I woke up in this place. There was a time I thought that perhaps…”
“Perhaps you were crazy? I felt that way to. A dream, or hallucination, death, I thought it might be any of those. I never expected to find another person.”
She was like me at least in her thinking. I slowly rose to my feet and steadied myself. The dizziness did not return. I just needed to stand. She watched me closely as I walked over to the window and placed my hand against it. I was not sure what to do. With another person in this world, so much had changed.
“So now what…?” She said.
It was her question and my thought. I turned and leaned against the window and looked at her.
“Reevaluation, with you here everything has changed. I would rather go with the theory that I am not crazy, at least not completely. We need to find out what is going on, if there are others. All we need to do is stick together and…”
“Fine, you may not be a sicko at least not on first glance, but don’t you get any funny ideas. Even if we are the Adam and Eve of earth I don’t plan of repopulating this place anytime soon if you get my drift.”
Her words and attitude brought a smile to my face. I wanted to trust her and that was what kept me cautious. There was a reason I found her and though I never believed in unchangeable fate it was possible that she in one way or another could lead me out of this. I had to believe that.
“I have a question for you Timothy. When I saw you, where were you going?”
“There was some…information I wanted to look up. I was headed to Daily Plaza to see if there was something I could find about what happened.”
I was lying to her but I was not about to tell her about my family issues and the fact that I thought everything revolved around my family and I. She did not need to know what I was really looking for, it did not matter anymore.
“There’s nothing there. I went to police stations, fire houses and even City Hall and found nothing. I don’t think there was an event that did this at least not one that was recorded. As far as I know either everyone on earth just vanished or we did.”
“Or we did…” I whispered.
She had considered the same thing that I had. If it is possible that everyone on earth could disappear in an instant then it would have to be just as probable that we were the ones that vanished, but there was still the question of why. I paused in my thoughts because I found myself going on her words and assumptions. If she were part of the delusion then I would be heading deeper into it.
“I also went to Cook County Hospital, there was no one there. I spent all of yesterday searching and this morning I woke up still here and decided to just stop trying.”
My thoughts of giving up were different than hers. She was willing to just live in this world and accept it while I either wanted an explanation, an answer or I was willing to kill myself to escape. She was ready to adapt and I was not. Realizing that fact about myself disturbed me.
“Why would you stop trying?” I asked her.
“Because finding the answer may not lead to freedom, why not try to enjoy what we have here if possible.”
There was once a topic on a message board where it was asked if you had the world to yourself what would you do. Most people talked about all the fun they would have and all the things they would be able to do. Even when it was explained that they would be alone without their families and loved ones many did not understand. I was one of them. While I thought I understood what it would be like I responded as if it would not be a problem, to be alone, forever. Perhaps it would not have ever been possible to find joy in this world alone, but I was not alone anymore.
“So you have accepted being here without your family and friends?” I asked her.
“I’ve only accepted that I am here. If there are answers to be found then they will be if not then they won’t. In the meantime I will make the best with what I have. Let me show you what I was doing when you saw me.”
She took my hand and we left the office building. The air still had the scent of smoke it in but it actually felt good to be outside. Ana said nothing as we walked several blocks and though it was quiet it felt different than before. I had someone with me and it made everything a bit better. I won
dered about Ana’s life and if something had affected her outlook. To find someone, especially a woman who has been able to push aside all their pain and find some peace was something worthy of study.
“We’re here Timothy, look.” She exclaimed.
We had arrived on State Street, at first I instinctively looked toward the sky. Ana grabbed my chin and pointed my head toward the street. She had cleared several blocks of cars and removed the debris from the road. I did not understand why until I saw it. A yellow Ferrari Enzo, it was parked at the beginning of the clearing. Ana smiled pulling me by the wrist toward the car.
“I know it seems stupid wasting my time doing this, but I needed to take my mind off of things. It took hours, but I cleared it out, then I saw you. I have not driven it yet, but now…”
She jumped into the passenger seat and looked at me with a wide grin on her face. I could not help but stare thinking about what we were doing. It was just like one of the posters on the message board, to turn the world into a giant playground. To go from contemplating suicide to this just did not register in my mind.
“Ana, why did you do all this?”
“Why not, Timothy, think about it, nobody is hear, no people, no animals, no insects. How long do you think this world will survive? This morning a bunch of the buildings had no power and we don’t know what is next. Do you want to spend your last moments worrying and contemplating or trying to have some fun?”
Even though she said herself that she needed to take her mind off things, I could not tell if she was doing this to hide her fear and desperation or could she really have decided to let it all go. It went against everything but I did not want to worry anymore. I walked around to the driver’s side, sat down and closed the door.
“Now you’re talking Timothy! Hey, do you know how to drive this thing?”
I forced myself to clear my mind all of the thoughts from before. There would be plenty of time to come back to them, but I wanted to try things her way. I pushed down on the clutch, started the engine and smiled at Ana.
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