Shallow Breath

Home > Other > Shallow Breath > Page 19
Shallow Breath Page 19

by Sara Foster


  Kate pauses for a moment. ‘That was the last we saw of either of them. Until I was eighteen I thought they had been mugged too. But it wasn’t true. The embassy got in touch with my grandparents a few days after Dad had left. Three bodies had been dumped on the steps to the sanctuary: my parents, and an African man called Chibesa. My mother had been trampled by an elephant. Dad had bullet wounds. They died together, in Africa.’

  Desi’s hand flies to her mouth, and her eyes fill with tears. Kate has been holding herself together until this point, but seeing Desi’s emotion rattles her.

  ‘I’m so sorry to be raking all this up again for you,’ she says, as Desi sits frozen. ‘If it helps, it’s a real comfort for me to find someone else who loved him. My grandparents – they’ve found it difficult to talk about this for a long time. And it isn’t exactly dinner-date conversation.’

  Desi’s astonishment is clear. ‘When I didn’t hear from him after he got home … part of me always thought he’d forgotten me … I had no idea …’

  ‘I don’t think he would have had much time to do anything except turn around. I remember him coming home. He was only there for a night. I’d been staying with my grandparents in San Francisco, and they brought me down to Half Moon Bay, and asked him to go and find my mother. Once he heard what had happened, he left straight away. It was an awkward experience for me – I always felt shy around him for the first few days when I hadn’t seen him for a long while. That night, he wanted to cuddle me, and I avoided him. I’ve always felt sad about that.’

  ‘But, Kate, I don’t understand why we were told he was mugged.’

  ‘Ah, well, that came next. Both my grandfathers went over to Zambia, despite Poppa Jacobs’ ill health. It was a bad move. They were in deep grief, and completely out of their comfort zone. However, they were determined to know exactly what had happened. The head of the sanctuary, a man named Bullo, said that Mom was supposed to be staying at their headquarters, coordinating the search for the missing animals, but that she and Dad had been seen driving off the morning they died. Beyond that, they couldn’t get anyone to talk. They were suspicious of absolutely everyone, Poppa Taylor told me years later, but they had no idea whether people were staying silent out of ignorance or fear. Eventually they found Chibesa’s wife. She was more willing to open up – apparently her family were keen on retribution, and they were out searching for a man named Lemba. He was a local tour guide … but not your average tour guide.’ Kate can feel the anger rising in her as she recounts what she knows. ‘He took wealthy westerners into the bush on trophy hunts. They had certain quotas, but within that they could kill anything – lions, giraffes, elephants, leopards, you name it. You have to be rich to be able to shoot an elephant – I think the going rate right now is thirty thousand dollars – but money will buy you the right to do pretty much anything over there. And Chibesa’s wife had also heard that two Americans, a man and a boy, had left in a hurry on the night Chibesa didn’t come home.’

  ‘Americans?’

  ‘Yes. But that was as far as my grandfathers got. Because, soon – and I mean hours – after they found that out, Nana Jacobs, half a world away in San Francisco, got a note in the mail… a picture of me taken from my mother’s purse. On the reverse it said “Stop asking questions”. I’ve seen the photo – they kept it.

  ‘At that point, they realised that whoever they were fighting had far more resources than they did, so they gave up. Neither of my grandfathers recovered. They always felt they should have stood up to being bullied and kept searching. But the reality was that their children were dead already, and knowing the truth wouldn’t change anything. So they concentrated on trying to live with it – for themselves, and for me. I’m sorry they didn’t get in touch with you – I think they regretted it after a while, but didn’t know how to approach you. At the time, they were wrapped up in their own grief, and couldn’t cope with any more.’

  Desi sits up, in clear disbelief. ‘You mean no one has ever found out what happened?’

  Kate shakes her head. ‘No. The sanctuary never recovered. Gradually, the people involved in it dispersed. The only consolation for the animals – if it could be called that – was that in the early nineties more conservation measures were being put in place. Elephant numbers in the area had dropped from thirty-five thousand in the early seventies to two and a half thousand in the late eighties, so the government knew it had to act. But no, my parents’ deaths will always remain a mystery to us.’

  Desi is staring at her. ‘I’m completely shocked,’ she says eventually. ‘I have no idea what to say.’ She jumps up and goes over to the window, staring out across the water. ‘For a while, I thought I could feel your father’s presence with me, particularly after Maya was born. Things changed over time, but life has never been the same. All the promise of my youth seemed to die with Connor somehow.’ She turns around. ‘I’m so grateful for you coming all this way to tell me this, Kate. It must be difficult for you to talk about – your mother sounds as amazing as your father, and it’s a tragedy that you lost them at such a young age.’

  Kate shifts in her seat. Because this is the moment she has been waiting for.

  ‘Thanks, Desi. It’s been good to finally meet you too. But I have to be honest with you – it’s not the only reason I’m here.’ She rummages in her bag until she finds the thin, rectangular DVD box. ‘I came to show you this,’ she says, holding it out. ‘If you haven’t seen it already.’

  Desi comes across, takes the box and studies it in silent surprise.

  ‘I’m part of a small group, but we have a big plan,’ Kate says to her. ‘However, circumstances have conspired against us, and now we’re in trouble. I’m hoping you might be the person to help.’

  35

  Maya

  ‘I’m so sorry, Maya.’ Pete is apologising as he drives. ‘I didn’t mean to drift off. I can’t believe I didn’t hear Luke go.’

  ‘It’s all right,’ Maya says as the scenery flies past. ‘He’s been pretty good at sneaking around lately. I just hope he’s okay.’ She points towards a turning. ‘This one, I think.’ Pete indicates, and then pulls over when they find house number eleven.

  Maya isn’t sure what reception she’ll get here, but she has to try. Otherwise she’ll be stuck waiting for Luke to call her again. She walks along the driveway to the small red-brick house, her nerves jangling, and raps loudly on the door. Nothing happens, so she waits for a while and knocks again.

  She is on the verge of giving up when she hears footsteps, and the key turning. The door opens and she sees Luke’s mum, Patricia, squinting in the sunlight, her puffy eyes trying to focus on Maya.

  ‘Hi there, is Luke around?’ Maya asks.

  Patricia grins. ‘You the woman he’s been hanging round with, eh? I’ve been telling him to bring you home.’

  Maya smiles tentatively. ‘Is he here?’

  Without warning, Sean’s pasty face looms over the top of Patricia’s. He pushes the door wider, and leans on the frame. ‘We ain’t seen him all night. Hayden’s been after him, though,’ he says. From the way he is glaring at Maya, she is uncertain how much he knows. He’s holding a mug, and tips it up as soon as he’s spoken, revealing a heavily tattooed arm as he takes a gulp.

  As Maya faces Patricia again, she sees her eyes have clouded over. ‘Can you tell him I came by? Ask him to come and see me?’

  Patricia tries to smile and nods slightly, but all her vitality has gone. She turns away and Sean lingers for a moment, looking past Maya to Pete in the car, before he closes the door.

  ‘No luck?’ Pete asks as Maya returns.

  ‘No.’

  ‘So what do you want to do now?’

  ‘Go home, I guess.’

  He turns to her. ‘And where’s home, Maya?’

  She realises she’d been thinking of the shack, but she doesn’t want to admit that. ‘I suppose I’d better go and talk to Mum a bit more,’ she says instead.

  Pete nods, and be
gins to drive. Maya watches the same bland bushland flying past on the return trip, and begins to massage a sore spot on her neck. Then she leans forward with a start. ‘Oh, no.’

  ‘What?’ Pete glances anxiously at her.

  ‘Mum’s necklace. I’ve lost it.’ Her heart sinks. She remembers being tackled to the ground in the bush. ‘Can you take the turning to the old wildlife park so I can look for it? It might have come off last night.’

  They arrive in a few moments. The car rattles up the long track until it reaches a small clearing. It’s obvious they are in the right place, because empty bottles and fast-food wrappers are scattered everywhere. It’s incredible, Maya thinks, that a few careless people can make such a big mess.

  She gets out reluctantly. She doesn’t want to discover any more dead kangaroos. It is bad enough finding them at night, but there’s nowhere to hide in daylight. She thinks back a few hours, and tries to orientate herself.

  As she searches, Pete paces the ground next to her. There are no carcasses nearby, but plenty of kangaroo droppings in the long grass. Maya kicks leaves and litter out of the way, hoping to spot something, but it is useless. It had been so dark last night that now it’s impossible to figure out exactly where she was. It will be a miracle if she finds the necklace – and right now, she’s having trouble believing in miracles.

  Nevertheless, they spend another half an hour or so before she turns to Pete. ‘Let’s forget it.’

  ‘You sure?’

  She shrugs disconsolately, and they return to the car in silence.

  They drive for another few minutes, then Pete pulls over at the end of the track to the shack. ‘Are you all right if I drop you here?’ he asks. ‘There are a few things I need to do today.’

  ‘Yeah, that’s fine,’ she says, beginning to get out.

  ‘I’m really sorry I let Luke disappear,’ Pete calls after her.

  She leans in. ‘It doesn’t matter. He would have gone whether you were awake or not. It’s his decision.’

  Once Pete has driven away, she trudges up towards the shack, stopping when she sees an unfamiliar vehicle. Then she remembers: Kate is here.

  She is fighting exhaustion, and doesn’t feel ready for whatever Kate is bringing to their door. Instead, she creeps around the back of the house, and sits on the step.

  She can hear voices inside. Unintentionally, she begins to eavesdrop.

  She is just in time to hear Kate’s plea. She listens in astonishment as Kate outlines what she’s planning to do, and then hears Desi tell her where she has been these past fifteen months, and why she couldn’t help her, even if she wanted to.

  Maya’s mind begins to tumble over itself with possibilities. She jumps up and stumbles away from the shack, hurrying down the track until she is at the road. She waits, and waits, until she hears distant voices, the slamming of doors and the starting of an engine.

  As Kate’s car reaches the end of the driveway, Maya steps out in front of it and gestures to her to stop. She goes around to the driver’s door, while Kate studies her in surprise, before winding down the window.

  ‘I heard you talking to Mum in there,’ Maya says breathlessly. ‘I know she said she can’t help you – but I can.’

  Kate doesn’t reply for a moment. Maya’s heart is in her mouth as she stands there, listening to the impatient idling of the engine. Then Kate points to the empty seat next to her.

  ‘I hope you’re right. Get in, and we’ll talk.’

  IV

  LARA LOGAN: And did it surprise you, that they [the chimpanzees] could be so cruel?

  DR JANE GOODALL: It did, I thought they were like us but nicer.

  LARA LOGAN: And they’re not?

  DR JANE GOODALL: No, they’re just like us.

  INTERVIEW ON SIXTY MINUTES,

  OCTOBER 2010

  WHAT WOULD YOU CHANGE?

  She can barely hear the question any longer. The boat is right beside her; she is floundering in its wake. Her ears are flooded by the eager roar of the motor and the shouts of angry men. The hard line of the bow comes into the corner of her vision. A pole of some kind is held out, but before she can grab it she is struck on the back.

  The pain is excruciating. Every muscle is screaming. Each breath is fire in her lungs. The cold is slowly leeching into her; she can barely feel her fingers and toes. And yet, the desire for her freedom eclipses it all. Body and mind no longer exist – they have been streamlined into one single goal.

  At the point she should quit, she is overtaken by something greater.

  Life begins fighting for itself with everything it’s got.

  36

  Connor

  Connor watches out the window in awe as his plane flies low towards South Luangwa. His eye follows the meandering line of the river and its oxbow lakes, then moves on over the spread of bushveld, with its rocky outcrops. At one point, he makes out some small grey boulders that appear to be moving. Wild elephants, he thinks, thrilled.

  The plane bounces onto the runway at Mfuwe and taxis over to the small airport building. As soon as Connor steps out, the searing heat ignites his senses and turns his lungs to cardboard. He is dizzied by it, and by exhaustion. He hasn’t stopped travelling for a week.

  He hurries across the tarmac and inside to collect his bag. There is no formal set-up; the luggage is being brought in by porters and stacked in a row against the wall. He finds his bag and has begun to glance around for someone to help him when he hears his name being called.

  ‘Connor!’ Elizabeth rushes forward into his arms, and he drops his bag and returns the embrace. She is wearing a white T-shirt and trousers, but in her long hair he catches the mingled scents of sweat and dust. ‘I can’t believe you’re here. Dad shouldn’t have asked you to come, but it’s really good to see you,’ she says, picking up his bag, and turning for the exit. He hurries after her, glancing briefly at a large black-and-white mural of elephants. Outside, people hang around in small groups, watching them curiously. Elizabeth throws his bag into the back of an old open-topped jeep, and climbs in.

  He goes around to the other side and follows suit.

  ‘Is Kate all right?’ she asks, as she starts the engine and begins to reverse out of the space.

  ‘She’s fine,’ Connor says. ‘Though I didn’t get much chance to see her.’

  ‘I miss her so much,’ Elizabeth replies, her voice rattling as she drives fast down the uneven road.

  ‘How long are you planning on staying?’

  ‘I want to help them through this crisis, and see if there’s anything I can do to get them on their feet again. I spent a year of my life here, and I’ve spent the last six raising money for the place. I can’t bear to stand by and watch it end like this.’

  He can hear the high emotion in her words. ‘I know,’ he says, patting her hand as it grips the gearstick. He searches around for something to lighten the mood. ‘Nice wheels’ is the best he can do.

  ‘I’ve borrowed this from a local hotel,’ she explains. ‘They’ve been very kind to the sanctuary staff. They used to bring tourists over all the time to see the elephants. Everyone is devastated.’

  They fall silent after that. Connor watches the scenery, trying to absorb so much that’s tantalising and new. They pass fields of cotton, cows grazing on the verges, and a few women walking along the roadside, their babies in slings on their backs. They overtake a man riding a bicycle with a large bundle of twigs strapped to the back and a chicken perched on top of it. In the villages, a few brick buildings stand close to clusters of mud-walled thatched huts, while women work pounding maize or cassava, heaving their long poles into the huge mortars. A goat bleats as they speed by, pulling at the limits of its tether.

  On the outskirts of one village, they slow to allow a group of boys playing soccer to clear the road.

  ‘What’s that?’ Connor asks, as one of them scoops up the unusual-looking ball.

  ‘They wrap their socks in twine,’ Elizabeth replies as she waves at
the curious children, before putting her foot on the gas again.

  Shortly afterwards they pull up in front of a large, wooden, thatched building. ‘Here’s the office,’ Elizabeth says. ‘What’s left of it, anyway. This is where we sleep.’

  Connor grabs his bag and follows her inside. There’s nothing to see except an empty desk, a couple of chairs, an old fan, some trailing loose wires and two sleeping bags on mats on the floor. ‘They took everything,’ Elizabeth remarks sadly, looking around. ‘They even picked up the whole filing cabinet, with all the records in it. We’re still trying to piece things together.’

  She pauses for a moment, then beckons him forward. ‘Come through and see the view.’

  At the far side of the office, a small balcony looks over a grassy plain. In front of a line of trees is a large, still lake. The landscape is surprisingly green, Connor thinks, as Elizabeth hands him binoculars. He peers a little closer at the water. ‘Is that …?’

  ‘A hippo, yes. He’s been here for a few days. There used to be a double electric fence running around this perimeter,’ she explains. ‘Twenty kilometres of it in all. But after the raid the funds dried up, and when it stopped working some parts of it got pulled down. All the elephants are gone. A few are dead already, and we’ve got trackers busy locating the others. I’ve offered to stay here so that Bullo can go out in the field with them. I’m keeping records of every report I receive on the animals’ whereabouts, so that we can round them up if we can get this place going again. But it’s a nightmare when they’re permanently on the move.’

  ‘And what about Mali and her gang?’ Connor asks softly, knowing the special place they hold in Elizabeth’s heart.

  ‘We’re still trying to find them. Though I can guess which direction they’ll have gone if they’re heading to their old stomping ground, and it isn’t good.’ She sits down on the dusty wooden floor and puts her head in her hands. ‘Sometimes I wonder what the point is. Seven long years of hard work, and it ends like this.’

 

‹ Prev