Ian pulled out in Petra’s car and began gunning in the direction that Lisa had taken. From the way he gripped the wheel, he looked prepared to perform fishtails, cause multi-car pileups, and plow through buildings. Before the pyrotechnics came out, however, Petra’s phone rang.
“The wedding is off,” Lisa said.
“Mom, where are you? Are you talking and driving?”
“No, I am at the Round-Up Diner on Commercial, waiting for a BLT.”
Petra heard her mother thanking someone. Lisa Lale had good manners, even under duress. “Mom, you have to come back. Jim Morrison is waiting. Your guests are—”
“Of all people, I’d think you’d be the one to sympathize, Petra. You hated Jim from the start. You told me to be careful. You told me that I didn’t have good judgment—”
“I never said that.”
“You implied it. And you were right. He puts his kids before me, even though they’re overgrown brats. He encouraged me to give up the house—”
“You hated that house.”
“I can’t believe that you’re taking his side! Well, I’m not going back, I’m not getting married, and you can’t make me.”
Petra sighed. “Eat slowly, Mom,” Petra said. She hung up and looked over at Ian. “How much of that did you hear?”
“Let’s just say, after hanging out with Kevin, I’m starting to develop his eavesdropping skills.”
After conferring with Ellie, they asked her to break the news to Jim Morrison in person. It would also give Ellie and Jenna an opportunity retrieve their luggage from the house. They agreed to rendezvous at the bed and breakfast that Petra confessed she was staying in. Ian and Petra drove to the diner to find Lisa. And because things never went smoothly during a spur-of-the-moment getaway, Ian and Lisa followed Petra to the inn where they met Ellie and Jenna who, judging by Ellie’s glazed look, had a difficult time breaking the jilting to Jim Morrison. Jenna was also moping because she realized that she had left a pair of sneakers under the bed at Jim Morrison’s house. Ian pushed everyone gently to Petra’s room so they could confer, away from the prying eyes of the B&B host.
Petra could sense Ian eying the canopy, the white expanse of the bed, the gorgeous bathroom beyond. His gaze settled on the underwear she’d discarded over a wingback chair.
He gave her a look that she hadn’t seen in a while—a look that she ached for—and she felt herself warming through.
Focus, she thought.
But it was hard. Her mother was starting to realize just how impulsive she had been, and her back was so rigid that it was nearly trembling. Ellie and Jenna hadn’t eaten for hours and they seemed exhausted. And Ian, poor Ian, had been dragged into this and yet hadn’t uttered one complaint. If anything, he was the only one who seemed to have his wits about him. She took a deep breath.
The main question to deal with was where they’d go. Ellie didn’t want to leave her mother, but Lisa couldn’t stay in the dorms. They could all fit into Petra’s apartment, but it would hardly be comfortable.
Petra met Ian’s eyes. He nodded and asked one question. “Lisa, Jenna, Ellie, are you allergic to cats?”
• • •
Ian took off early to prepare his apartment, and Snuffy, for guests. Jenna drove Ellie and Lisa. Petra was by herself.
She had good, long time to think.
They converged on Ian’s apartment. He had been busy. There were blankets on his couch and new towels in his bathroom. Best of all, he’d stopped at Field. When they came in, he had shut Snuffy in the bedroom and unpacked containers of lamb stew with polenta, and beets and frisee with goat cheese, and pork chops and mashed potatoes and spinach, and cheesy pasta with bits of fried sage on top. There were white plates on the table and shiny new silverware, and there was red and white wine.
“I figured we needed some comfort food,” he said.
Lisa put her arms around him and burst into tears.
Petra pushed Ellie and Jenna into chairs—they both looked beat—and began filling a plate for her mother. Petra poured out generous glasses of wine, and she mouthed a thank you to Ian. He was patting Lisa on the back and pulling out a chair for her. He held one out for Petra, too, and sat down beside her. His thigh brushed hers and she closed her eyes as all the feelings she’d been pushing aside all day seemed to rise to her throat.
He took her hand and squeezed it.
Lisa began to eat, and eat, and eat. The more she ate, the more she talked, and the more energy she seemed to gain. Jim was so annoying, she said. Jim only drank one cup of coffee in the morning, and then didn’t have any for the rest of the day. Jim never wore socks, not even in winter. Jim didn’t like music, at all.
Lisa missed him already, Petra realized. Lisa was remembering all his faults because she didn’t want to feel like she had made a mistake. But she loved him and missed him.
Ellie drooped like a flower and Jenna, poor Jenna, was made so uncomfortable by Lisa’s tirade about Jim’s nostril-hair trimmer that she slid her long, gawky body down her seat and hid her entire face in her plate of polenta. At least she was also enjoying the food.
“We should let you get some sleep,” Ian said, after Lisa finally paused to take a gulp of wine. “It’s been a long day for all of us. And Petra’s reacting to the cat.”
Petra felt grateful. Grateful wasn’t even the word. She wanted to cry about how tired she was and laugh about how ridiculous the day had been. She wanted to pound on his chest and ask him why he had come for her after she dismissed him. She wanted to burrow into him. She also felt an edge of panic. After all, Ian wasn’t using his own apartment. He had probably been sleeping in his office again, or staying with Gerry.
Should she ask him over? She felt that twist of pain again and her head dropped.
She kept her mouth shut.
He helped her with her coat and she could see him almost reach up to fix her collar. He pulled his hand back and grabbed her travel bag instead.
She kissed Lisa goodnight and gave Jenna a big hug. Ellie, despite being drained, gave Petra an unsubtle wink toward Ian. At least the whole fiasco had spared her an interrogation, Petra thought. She wondered how long that would last.
They walked out into the light rain and they both breathed a sigh of relief to be out of the cat apartment and in the cool, fresh night.
“My mom’s still in love with Jim,” Petra said.
“Yeah, I was getting that.”
She peered at him. “You don’t sound too okay with it.”
“I understand that he’s frustrated, but I didn’t like the way he became so hostile to you,” he said.
Petra laughed, hollowly. “Funny how your explanation for why you’re worried is my excuse for his behavior. Besides,” she added, “he didn’t try to pummel me. He just yelled.”
“I can’t believe you can be so forgiving. You hated him just a few weeks ago.”
A few weeks ago, everything had been different. She could not look at him.
“Do you think they’ll get back together?” she asked, pushing her hair back. It was shiny and wet from the rain.
“I wouldn’t be surprised by anything,” he said.
They walked in silence for a little longer.
“You’re a lot alike, you and your mother.”
“I’m sorry.”
“Jim Morrison was nervous that this was going to happen,” Ian said. “She was skittish the whole time. I think he thought bringing me in would neutralize any threat you might pose.”
“You don’t admire Dr. Evil for that move?”
“I can admire him without liking him,” Ian said.
Petra breathed in again. “I mostly am okay with the thought of them being together. Even if it’s weird and full of false starts. If he can be reasonable, and she can be reasonable, and they just work hard enough, it can be perfectly imperfect.”
She looked him in the eye and he met her gaze. He took her hand.
They had reached the door of her building.
Her glove lay in his bare fingers. They felt so warm. She felt warm.
She heard herself saying, “After all you’ve done today, the least I can do is offer you my couch.”
“I don’t want you to bring me home because you’re grateful or because you feel you need to take care of me.”
His eyes were searching her face intently. She could feel his gaze. She almost turned, lifted her brows, her cheeks, her chin to bask in it. But she shook her head. “I don’t like to think of you sleeping in your office,” she said, hoarsely.
“I bought a new air mattress. It’s forest green. Blows up in two minutes.”
She groaned and dropped his hand. “Are you sure you’re not trying to make me feel sorry for you? Because you’ve definitely got the pity.”
“Actually, I don’t know if your couch is any more comfortable. Your bed, on the other hand…”
Damn him. Her hands trembled as she searched for her keys.
“Anyway,” he said lightly, “your mom is welcome to stay there as long as she wants. Snuffy could use the company. She would actually be doing me a favor because I still haven’t figured out my living arrangements.”
Petra avoided the question in his eyes. “I need a little time to figure things out. So much happened today, and yet, so little has changed. You still have a cat. I’m still failing as a doctor.”
“I still love you and you still love me.”
“Yes,” she said, sadly.
“You aren’t failing. This is normal when you start something big and important. And for the record, I am Jatinder Singh’s current patient, again, which makes it highly unlikely that I’ll ever go back to you for my medical needs. I’m not going to let you scare me off from him this time.”
He tugged her to him.
“Come upstairs,” she said, pulling away. “My couch may not be forest green, but at least we don’t need an air pump to make it comfortable.”
CHAPTER TWENTY-NINE
On Sunday morning, the phone woke Petra. “Why didn’t you ever mention Ian?” Ellie asked.
“Things have been a bit fraught.”
“How could they be fraught? He’s gorgeous, like, for a dude. He obviously adores you, and he was going to whup Jim Morrison for you. Ian left us pear crumble, Petra. And a bowl of cream.”
“He has Snuffy. Ian took the cat in despite knowing I was allergic. As a favor to his ex-girlfriend.”
But that wasn’t the whole truth, either, Petra thought as she lay in bed, listening to Ellie process this information. She was misrepresenting it to Ellie, making it seem like he didn’t care for her and the future. He wasn’t still hung up on his perfectly perfect ex, Petra knew. Ian was in love with her.
Because more than anything, the way he took care of her family, the way he treated her so tenderly, showed her that he loved her, no matter what she threw at him. She could lean on him, and it felt good to do it. She wasn’t surrendering herself if she let herself forget her troubles, if she let him take care of a few things. Worse, if she didn’t let go of all of the insecurity and the worry that clouded her, she would lose him again. She would never be happy.
She wanted to be happy. It was tearing her apart, how much she wanted to be happy.
“Mom wants to talk to you,” Ellie said abruptly.
She wasn’t going to argue with Petra or try to worry her with this argument or that. That was the difference between Petra and her sister. Petra fretted. Ellie just waited. Ellie was pretty smart.
“Ian says you can stay there as long as you want,” Petra told Lisa, who had taken the phone. “He won’t use the apartment as long as he keeps the cat. So if you feed Snuffy and empty out the litter box, you’re doing him a favor.”
Lisa sniffled a little. “Snuffy is a sweet little cat. Please tell Ian thank you. He’s a good man.”
“Yes,” Petra said. “I’m seeing that.”
She could sense that Lisa was about to launch into a discussion of pros and cons, the deep brown of his eyes versus the length of his nose.
“Do you think he can do anything about his teeth?” Lisa began. “Restaurants are a risky business. How much of his place do you suppose is paid off?”
Petra was not having this conversation anymore ever. Her eyes narrowed. “We’re not second-guessing Ian,” she said, firmly. “Let’s talk about Jim Morrison instead.” Lisa let out a breath. Before she could speak, Petra said, “You have to tell me what to do in case he shows up at my office.”
“Call the police on him,” Lisa yelled. She set off on an angry rant about how irrational he’d been at the wedding, when he should have reined in his own kids, and how he belonged in a cold, hard jail cell sharing a bunk with a man named Jude.
Petra waited until she’d finished. But she did not join in.
“So, you still love him?” Petra said.
And Lisa burst into tears.
Petra burrowed farther into her pillows and closed her eyes.
“I don’t know what’s wrong with me,” Lisa wailed.
“There’s nothing wrong with you. You can’t just turn off your emotions,” Petra said.
“I don’t want to make another mess. I don’t want to disappoint my children, and I don’t want to be hurt anymore. What should I do?”
“I don’t know, Mom,” Petra said slowly. “But Ellie and I are old enough that you should just think about making yourself happy. You don’t have to find me a father.”
“But your father hurt you so much.”
There it was, the irritating nub of pain that they had both polished and rubbed until it gleamed like the most valuable jewel.
“Dad hurt us,” Petra said. “But I can’t let it influence my decisions and my feelings about people any longer. I can’t let it make me believe that people can’t be trusted and that I can’t trust myself with them.”
“What does that mean?” Lisa asked. “What does that mean I should do? You have to help me, Petra.”
Petra’s heart felt heavy. Her mother sounded terrified and anguished. Ian appeared at her bedroom door and hesitated. Petra sat up. “You’ll just have to figure it out for yourself, Mom,” she said gently. “Take some time. Maybe you should stay a while in the city. In Ian’s apartment. He can live here, with me.”
She gazed at him and he looked back at her. His face brightened slowly.
Lisa took a gulping breath and twittered nervously. “It sounds too good to be true. I mean, I would pay him, of course. I got the money from selling the house, but is the rent expensive? I don’t know if I could afford it. How do you think he’d feel about that?”
Petra wasn’t paying attention. Her body was lightening and she slowly started to feel peace seep in. She kept looking at Ian, and her smile grew.
“I think we can work something out,” Petra said. “I’m going now, Mom. I love you.”
She hung up.
That’s all she had to do—she just had to hang up the phone.
It was a simple solution, but that didn’t make it less difficult. She took a deep breath. And just like that, she let it all go.
• • •
Ian watched her put her phone down slowly.
“How is your mom?” he asked.
Petra was sitting up in the messy bed, wearing a faded blue T-shirt that hugged her small breasts gently. He would never get tired of watching her, he thought, as he eyed her tousled curls and the crease in her cheek from her pillow. They both looked hesitant, although they were both smiling.
She got out of bed, went to him, and kissed him gently on the lips.
“She’ll figure it out,” she said, holding her arms around him. “Apparently, it’s a fine balance, trying to know when to leave a person alone and when to get on their case.”
He stroked her back and led her gently to bed. They got under the covers.
They had not talked last night. But they needed clarity, and morning seemed to bring it.
“What does Danielle have on you?” Petra asked, whe
n they were both lying down. “You’re just going to have to trust me with it.”
“You’re not going to like it,” he said, his nose in her neck.
“It was a shock seeing your ex-girlfriend,” Petra continued. “The reality of her, her face, and the way her hair shone, and her expensive coat and bag and how together her life seemed. She looked polished and competent, so much the opposite of how I was at that moment. When I realized that you were keeping her cat, I couldn’t help my insecurities. It wasn’t even about you, at that point.”
“That’s changed?”
“Yes, it has. But now I need to know why you agreed to take the cat.”
Ian continued to hold her. “I’m afraid to tell you,” he said finally. “Because I’m terrified if I do, you’ll kick me out of this bed and I’ll be alone. I just can’t do it ever again.”
She held him tighter.
Eventually, he spoke. “Gerry let slip that I used to be your patient. She was attending some event at Field. She blackmailed me by threatening to go to the medical board and stir up trouble if I didn’t take Snuffy. I couldn’t let that happen.”
Petra let a deep breath whoosh out of her lungs. “Wow,” she said shakily. “Wow, she really hates you.”
“I was kind of a jerk to her,” he said.
“Still, that’s just…malicious. And it’s not even true. She would have lied.”
Ian felt tense, as if another blow was about to fall. But she looked thoughtful as she kissed him gently on the temple.
After a moment, he managed to speak again. “I didn’t know how you’d take it if I told you. I knew you felt like we were on shaky ground because I had been a patient. I really hadn’t taken your concerns seriously, though, until Helen said something to me. And then Danielle threatened you. I’m sorry about that.”
He shook his head. “Then your landlord happened and your mother was getting married and you lost Kevin and it seemed to bring all that stress and anger to the surface again. So I kept it to myself. I needed to protect you from another blow, but I should know from experience that that never works. Denial didn’t protect my mom. I probably should have told you from the start. I should have said more. I’m just not used to confiding or sharing myself or my problems. I’m used to just burying the burdens myself. I’m sorry.”
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