You don’t give yourself enough credit. It was like Brandon stood beside him, whispering in his ear. Urging him, like he always had, to stop beating himself up over small failures.
He chose to go to New York without Winona, and spent the next three days on radio and television. He didn’t have enough time or energy to drink even if the temptation did strike, which it didn’t. He talked to Winona every night, falling asleep with the sound of her voice in his ear.
His mission in life had always been to be a good influence on others, and that was what he strived to do on his interviews.
• • •
As Winona watched the interviews of Jake throughout the next few days, her heart broke. Jake was meant to be noticed, not live in the small town of Tanyon, Montana, and swim every day in the small pool at her condominium complex.
Not that Tanyon didn’t offer an array of activities, including slopeside lakes they had lounged in all day, and Jeeping through deep valleys with colors mimicking a crayon box.
The night he was on Live Prime Exclusive, Naomi came over and they popped popcorn. They curled up beside each other on Winona’s couch, and Chayton joined them later with a large bowl of ice cream and three spoons.
“That man is sexy when he wants to be,” Chayton said, creating an uproar of laughter among the two women.
“I knew you had a man-crush on him,” Winona accused.
“What’s not to admire about him?” Chayton licked his spoon and dove in for more chocolate. “I mean, look at his hair.”
“Oh, babe,” Naomi said, stroking Chayton’s hair that stretched to his neck. “You have the world’s most perfect hair.”
He pointed his spoon at the television. “No, that man has the world’s most perfect hair.”
They giggled again and watched as the show displayed a video of Jake carving through the water. Then it flashed to a video of football before returning to Jake.
“So you were going to be a big football player at one time?” Greg Oatman asked Jake, shocking Winona into discovering she didn’t know much about the man she was falling for. “What happened?”
Jake shifted in his seat but didn’t take his eye from his host. Although Greg was funny when he wanted to be, he was known for asking tough questions. Winona’s hand stalled in the popcorn bowl as she anticipated Jake’s response.
“Oh, you know, the usual. I hurt my knee.”
“Then you were going to be a football coach. What happened with that?”
Jake smiled. “Oh, you know. The usual. My parents were killed in a car crash. I got addicted to drugs and alcohol.”
The audience stilled, then laughed at his candor.
“And it was your cousin, Brandon, who pulled you out of that, was it not?”
Jake continued to grin and nodded, but Winona didn’t miss the shadow cross his face.
“And what are you doing now?”
The television converged on his features and she glimpsed his act. He stared into the camera one moment and Winona imagined the whole world, breathless and waiting for his response.
The camera panned out. His left ankle was crossed over his right knee. He rested one hand on his ankle and the other on his knee, and shrugged. “Well, now I’m just taking it day by day.”
“You canceled your meets.”
“Yes.”
“Tell me about that.”
“What’s there to say?”
“Why? After all these years? The man who changed your life. Brandon, your manager. Why would you cancel something so important to you when you needed it the most?”
Winona noticed he gripped his ankle tighter, but his smile at the camera never wavered.
“Sometimes you come to a point in your life where you realize the important things in your life aren’t as important as you thought they were.”
Bewilderment crossed Greg’s face, not because he was at a loss for words, but because he hadn’t expected Jake’s admission.
“Don’t get me wrong,” Jake continued. “What I do is my life. It’s very important to me. But I’ve realized there are other things worth breathing for.”
Winona’s heartbeat surged. She knew he didn’t mean her, but she hoped the admission meant she mattered, at least for now.
Greg asked a few more questions, and they chatted amiably back and forth. Naomi started to say something, and Chayton silenced her with a “Shh.”
“Are you single, Jake?”
“I’m seeing someone pretty special right now.”
The world exploded inside Winona’s head. Special. She was special. She wasn’t sure how to feel about that. Shouldn’t she be there beside him? Or at least in the audience, waiting for him? If she were special and all that, he would have asked her to go with him. When he hadn’t asked, she hadn’t pressed it.
They talked more about Brandon and his murder, and when Greg asked his next question, Winona gasped. “Do you believe Matthew Carter killed your cousin?” Jake hesitated. “I trust the cops to do their jobs. I trust the district attorney to do his job.”
“That was no answer.”
Jake shrugged. “I can’t be a judge and jury on live television, sir.”
• • •
Jake called her that night, and they had their usual petite-sized talk that didn’t venture into any deep subjects about themselves. He talked about New York, his radio and television hosts, and black limousines.
“I never knew you wanted to be a football player,” Winona said when the conversation continued to trickle into a bottomless chasm that made them learn nothing about each other except everyday life occurrences.
“Oh, you know, I was in college on a football scholarship. My dad was heavy into football and loved every moment of it.”
“What about you? Did you love it?”
“Sure. I was good at it. At that time, it was all I really knew. I had the good life and a good home and never really experienced tragedy. I’ve always been an overachiever. I wanted everything life had to offer. I had a football scholarship and might’ve become a famous football player one day if I didn’t become a doctor like my dad. But by golly, if I could do it all, I’d do it all.”
“And you hurt your knee?”
A breathless silence followed her question. She knew his parents had been killed, but she didn’t know the details.
“I hurt my knee the day my parents were killed in a car crash. They were heading to my game. It was the playoffs, but they were running late because my dad had to stay at the hospital and deliver a baby. I often wonder if the time that burly football player struck me and cracked my knee happened at the same time that driver swerved into my dad’s lane and struck them.
“My knee killed me, but not more than my conscience. I knew it wasn’t my fault, but that knowledge didn’t help my guilt. I couldn’t stop my dad from coming to my game if I’d wanted to, but I’d never experienced tragedy of that nature. Doctors gave me pain pills to kill my knee pain, and I had to rehabilitate myself as I grieved my parents. Alcohol dulled the pain, and the pills became stronger until finally, I was addicted to more than just pills. That went on for years. When Brandon managed to pull me out of my stupor, I turned to swimming. Swimming helped my knee rehabilitation, and now you’d never know I’d ever been injured.”
A lengthy silence followed. Winona hesitated. She didn’t want to be too hasty in speaking, but she didn’t know what to say.
“I’m sorry,” she finally said.
“Oh. For a minute there I thought I had put you to sleep.”
Winona giggled and rolled her eyes. She flipped to her back and stared at the ceiling. How did Jake go from this one extreme to the other?
“Speaking of sleep, how many viewers do you think I put to sleep tonight?”
“Your interview was perfect. And Chayton finally admitted he has a man-crush on you.”
“Damn, I miss that boy.”
“Oh, he misses you, too. He was eating chocolate and giggling like a little girl. Eve
n shushed Naomi when she tried to talk over your show.”
“How dare she talk over my show?”
“I bet he’s having special dreams about you tonight,” Winona teased.
“Woman. Don’t talk about your brother that way.”
“I can’t help it. I think Naomi and I are jealous over your relationship with each other.”
“Tell me about him.”
“What’s to say? He’s special. I spent years searching for him, you know that. And at first, he hated me.”
“Yeah, I can see that. He hated me, too.”
“Well, he’s in love with you now.”
She continued to talk. He listened, asked questions, promised her some bike riding when he returned to Tanyon. She held the phone to her ear, pressing end when she finally heard him snore. But her phone rang again and jolted her awake.
“You hung up me.”
“You were snoring.”
“I don’t snore.”
“Yes, you do.”
“No, I don’t.”
Winona chuckled after a few minutes when she heard him snoring again, but she didn’t hang up this time. She knew he must be tired with all the interviewing and personal questions, having to relive his life and past mistakes. She was glad he’d fallen asleep with her on the other end of the phone and not at some wild and crazy party, which she assumed he’d been invited to. She lay there with her phone on speaker and listened to him snore, imagining a future without promises until soon, she fell asleep.
Chapter Fourteen
“You need to get over to Reagan’s house now.”
Ice knifed through Winona at Naomi’s words, and she hesitated. Was something wrong? Had they already heard from the guys? Maybe Lillian had refused to hand over Amy. Or worse.
After Jake’s time in New York, he’d returned to Montana and prepped for Amy’s arrival. He and Garret had gone today, with Nick flying them to pick up Amy and bring her back. This morning, watching Jake and Garret load up in the plane, heaviness crept into her heart. An indescribable heaviness. Now she worried that unnamed anxiety was unraveling in real life.
“It’s Reagan,” Naomi continued. “She’s going crazy. Talking about leaving Garret. I need your help.”
“Be there in ten.”
Winona didn’t know what to think as she quickly dressed and headed to Reagan’s house on her motorcycle. Was Reagan still upset about Garret’s consideration of the job of police chief? As far as she knew, they had cleared the air and he hadn’t yet decided.
Or was she upset that Garret had taken part in this investigation with Amy and Lillian? Amy was to stay with them at their house so she wouldn’t have to stay in a hotel with Jake. They’d agreed to let Jake stay in the spare bedroom, so he could be with Amy. Maybe Reagan didn’t want them to.
Winona had offered to let them stay in her condo, but Jake’s only concern was to make Amy comfortable, and Winona had a feeling he didn’t want to give Amy the wrong idea about them being together.
Parking her bike, she walked up the sidewalk and knocked on the door. After no answer, she let herself in and headed to Reagan’s room.
Clothes were piled all over the bed, scattered across the floor. Suitcases were open with clothes strewn half in and half out. Reagan seemed to be trying to pack while Naomi counteracted her efforts by folding and hanging clothes.
“What’s going on?”
Naomi stopped to look at Winona, relief washing over her face as if Winona could fix this situation. Her attempt at a smile sagged. Reagan continued packing.
“Are you upset with me?” she asked Reagan.
Reagan scowled at her, but continued throwing clothes in her suitcase. “Of course not. Why would you think that?”
“Are you upset Amy is coming here to stay?”
“No!”
“Well, that’s what she’s going to think.”
Reagan stopped, her shoulders slumping. She plopped to the bed amidst the mound of clothes. Tears filled her eyes.
“I don’t want her to think that.”
“Well, she will.”
Reagan surveyed the room, her eyes wide, as if trying to decide what to do. Naomi remained quiet and let Winona be the one to talk sense to Reagan.
“She’s already shy about coming here,” Winona continued. “She’s been through so much with losing her dad, and her kidnapping.”
“I can’t stay here with Garret anymore,” Reagan said, her voice shaky.
“Why not?”
“I’m so upset. I mean, he promised me the only excitement he needed was in my arms, or on the slopes. Now he’s applying for police chief. We’ve been through enough danger before we married to last beyond a lifetime. More than most people could ever possibly go through. I want to live a simple life. I don’t want to go through any of that again. And I don’t want to go through the worry of something terrible happening while he’s at work.”
Naomi grabbed a box of tissues from the bathroom and settled next to Reagan. Winona fell into the bed beside them.
“He hasn’t applied yet,” Winona said. “He was approached and asked to consider it, but he hasn’t made up his mind.”
“Oh, I think he has. This whole thing with Lillian and Amy has spurred him on and he remembered how much he loved investigating crimes. He told me this morning he thinks he’ll at least put in his app. Even after I told him how I feel about it. Even after promising me that he never wanted that kind of life again.”
“I’m sorry. This is all my fault. But working as police chief is probably less dangerous than helping me in Jake’s situation. And less dangerous than skiing on these mountains.”
Reagan stared at her and blew her nose. “He’s just going to get Amy and bring her back for a couple of weeks. That’s hardly dangerous.”
“Don’t forget her father was murdered and she was there when it happened.”
Reagan’s face paled. “I haven’t forgotten,” she said softly.
“You’re being selfish,” Naomi asserted, earning a hard gaze from Reagan.
“How am I being selfish? My husband wants to run for sheriff and he hasn’t asked me my opinion, but I’m being selfish because I’m upset? I’m not allowed to have feelings about this? I’m selfish because I don’t want my husband to go back into that line of work and risk his life? Because my husband doesn’t feel safe talking to me about his plans, so goes behind my back? And I’m being selfish?”
“He isn’t running for sheriff. He’s applying for police chief.”
“Same thing.”
Naomi sat up and stared her cousin down. “It’s not at all the same thing.”
“It’s law enforcement,” Reagan said.
“You’re just going to leave your husband without telling him? He’s gone to get a little girl and you’ll let him come home and find you gone?”
“It’d serve him right. I could go visit my father.”
“Yes, Reagan, I’d say you’re being selfish. No, actually, you’re being a bitch. Haven’t you learned running away doesn’t do anything? Isn’t your relationship with Garret more important than that?”
“His relationship with me should be more important. But I’m not enough for him. He’s bored.”
“Maybe it’s you who is bored.”
Reagan launched a pillow at Naomi. Winona jumped from the bed. “Stop it, girls.” She started picking up the clothes from the bed and hung them as Naomi had been doing earlier. “If you leave, Amy will blame herself. Garret will come home, frantic to find you gone, and it will create a new set of nightmares for that child.”
Reagan blew her nose again as tears streamed down her face. Naomi gave her a side hug and continued to hold her. Silence stretched among them. Winona hoped Reagan would let unselfishness feed her, and she’d put aside her own wishes for now.
“Do you love him?” Winona finally asked.
“Of course I do. More than anything.”
“Then you can’t just give up.”
; “I want a family. How can I have a family with someone who devotes his life to work and danger?”
“No one is promised tomorrow,” Winona said. “You knew who he was before you married him.”
“Yes, but he retired from law enforcement before I married him.”
“You’re supposed to stick with each other and triumph through changes.”
“That’s a bunch of hogwash.”
“So love is a bunch of hogwash?” Naomi interjected.
“No. But happily ever after is.”
Reagan wanted to feel like she was important in Garret’s decision, and she thought running away and him chasing her would reveal that importance. Or at least, that was how Winona saw it.
“You know he cares what you think,” Winona said. “Otherwise, he wouldn’t have told you. I’m sure he told you to get your opinion. Instead, I’m sure you froze up and refused to speak to him.”
“Jeez, you should have been a psychologist,” Reagan muttered.
“Oh, didn’t I tell you? I minored in psychology in college. It helps to know how humans think when you’re investigating them.”
Reagan gave her a long, hard look.
“I recommend next time,” Winona said, “you talk to him like a rational adult. Hear him out without reacting. Speak your mind without hurling out accusations and making him feel bad. That breeds resentment more than anything. He’ll appreciate your opinion if you learn to voice it the right way.”
“Yes, and I see you have a lot of experience in the relationship field,” Reagan snapped, but judging by the way her face fell, she regretted it. Winona didn’t take offense. She knew Reagan was upset and felt comfortable with her friends.
“Stop being a bitch, Reagan,” Naomi said. “You know she’s right.”
“Maybe I’m not married,” Winona continued. “Maybe I’ve never been engaged. But that doesn’t mean I don’t know the human mind.”
Reagan released a sigh, but Winona could tell her words worked.
“If you want to leave after this little girl goes home, leave after she goes home,” she continued. “But please, please don’t leave now. For her sake. For Jake’s sake. For my sake.”
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