by Virlyce
“Many thanks,” the leader of the group said as he took a seat on the ground across from us. “We’ve been traveling through these woods for many days now, but … I’m ashamed to admit we ran into trouble and our fire array was lost. Do you mind if we cook using your fire?”
“Oh,” Durandal said. His smile creeped me out. Was he mad? That’s his I’m-going-to-kill-someone-while-smiling smile. “That’s fine. Do you know the general area of where we are?”
The leader raised an eyebrow. “This is the border separating the fae from the humans.”
Holy crap. That’s way off to the east. But I don’t recall following the sun? How did we end up here?
“I see,” Durandal said and nodded. “Which way is south?”
The leader pointed in the direction opposite of the way we’ve been going the whole time. “That way,” he said. “I assume you’re a mercenary? The only thing to the south is the southern pass. It’s quite dangerous to travel there by yourself.”
Hey. Don’t talk as if I don’t exist, you filthy slave trader. Ugh. They make me so mad.
“Mm.” Durandal nodded. “How far away is the southern pass?”
The leader furrowed his brow but shook his head. “Forget it. I won’t try to stop you since you’re so determined to go,” he said as his subordinates took out their rations. “The southern pass is about twenty days away at a relaxed pace. You know there’ll be beasts as you get closer, right?”
“Of course,” Durandal said and fell silent. The leader didn’t pay him any mind and began cooking alongside his companions. I glanced at the perverted rabbit. Did the slavers dress him up like that? He’s even cuter than I am! What the fuck!? How is this even fair? Don’t smile at me!
I snorted and turned my head away. What’s Durandal planning? Didn’t he say there was approaching danger? They don’t seem dangerous at all.
“You aren’t going to ask who we are?” one of the armored men asked.
“Who—”
“Not interested,” Durandal said. Don’t cut me off! I’m the owner here! Jeez. Durandal ignored my glare. “We didn’t know you before. You didn’t know us. There’s no reason to change that. Let’s go, Lucia.”
“Huh? We’re leaving just like that?” Don’t ignore me and walk away! “Hey, Durandal, why—”
Durandal whirled around and glared at me. My body stiffened. A sigh escaped from Durandal’s mouth as he faced the armored men. “I’m sorry, folks,” Durandal said and folded his arms over his chest. “Lucia, kill them.”
“Eh?” What?
“You just said my name out loud. Do you not know what that means?”
Shit. I forgot. This is why I should’ve called you DuDu! “I don’t want to kill them.” I’m not a murderer, at least, not in my heart. Bryant didn’t count, okay?
“You’re too soft,” Durandal said as the armored men rose to their feet. He took the spear off of his back and stepped forward.
“What are you doing!?” the leader asked as he drew his sword.
Durandal answered by planting his spear into the man’s face. I didn’t even see him move. The rest of the men charged at Durandal, rushing him with their swords. He didn’t take a single step. He deflected the swords with no wasted movements and thrust at their vitals. In an instant, the only one left alive was the captured beastkin.
“S-stop!” I couldn’t react before, but I’m not going to let him kill a defenseless beastkin!
Durandal’s spear halted in front of the beastkin’s face, dripping blood onto the rabbitkin’s cheek. “You want to spare him?” Durandal asked. “And what are you going to do if he starts a rumor about us?”
“I, I won’t.”
Durandal laughed. “I don’t believe you.”
I screamed and ran towards them, but the spear advanced faster than I could and stabbed into the poor … ground? How did he dodge that?
“Not bad,” Durandal said and raised an eyebrow at the pale beastkin. The ropes around the rabbitkin’s arms and legs fell to the ground. “I knew you were dangerous.”
Dangerous? He was talking about the slave? I grabbed mini-DalDal and readied myself for a fight. Ugh. It’s really heavy. Oh, right. Qi.
“You’re really Durandal? The Godking’s legacy has been found?” the beastkin asked and tilted his head to the side. His bunny ears twitched. “You chose someone like her?”
Hey! What’s wrong with someone like me!? I’ll teach you! Mini-DalDal swung through the air and crashed against the beastkin’s head. Crashed? Wasn’t he supposed to be sliced? Wait, before that, how did I even hit him? He dodged Durandal’s attack.
“Lucia…, you’re supposed to use the edge of the blade, not the flat part….”
I knew that. Totally. “But it worked?”
We both turned to stare at the whimpering beastkin. “It hurts!” he shouted as he rolled back and forth on his sides, clutching his head. Wow. His head must be pretty solid. Mini-DalDal weighed five hundred pounds, and the only wound he suffered was a large bump. “What the hell!? How heavy is that sword!?”
Durandal and I stared at each other as the beastkin continued to mutter ‘it hurts’ over and over again.
“Don’t you think you should put him out of his misery?” Durandal asked.
Yes. It wouldn’t be right to leave someone suffering like this.
“W-wait! Don’t kill me! I can be useful.”
“How?” Durandal asked.
The beastkin gritted his teeth and sat up before sticking his flat chest out. “I can seduce nobles!”
POW!
Oops. Mini-DalDal slipped. How careless of me. “Accident.” How dare you look prettier than me and say those words with a straight face? Are you saying I wouldn’t be able to seduce nobles!? Hmph.
“You used the wrong part of the sword again.”
“I said it was an accident!”
The poor rabbitkin looked like he was in a lot of pain. Was that my fault? He gritted his teeth and said, “I’m willing to follow you, so please don’t kill me! I swear on my ancestor’s grave—I will never do anything to harm you two!”
Follow us? Don’t you have a home to go back to? Don’t tell me someone as beautiful as you is homeless. I’m totally not bitter. Why would I care if a male was prettier than me?
“Why?” Durandal asked.
“My great-grandfather was the Godking’s second-in-command! His name was Cottontail Flopsy. It’s been my dream to follow in his footsteps, which is why I adopted the path of the bandit.”
“Eh? You’re not a slave?” What? Did we just kill a group of righteous people escorting a criminal?
“That’s right. My name is Snow Flopsy,” the rabbitkin said. “Have you heard of me?”
Hah!? “You’re the leader of the Flopsy Gang!” I knew people from different regiments in the army who were assigned to apprehend the Flopsy Gang, but there were never any results.
“Was the leader. The gang no longer exists,” Snow said and stared at the ground. “Everyone’s dead except for me.”
Wow. We really did save a criminal. Maybe I’m not destined to be a good person. I should’ve figured that out when I killed Bryant.
“I have one question,” Durandal said and narrowed his eyes. An invisible pressure pressed down on everything. Even the trees began to bend.
“Y-yes?” Snow asked and gulped.
Durandal rubbed his chin. Snow and I waited with bated breaths. “Which way is south?”
Snow blinked three times as his mouth dropped open. “Uh. That way?” He pointed somewhere. I say somewhere because I don’t know which direction is south.
“Very good,” Durandal said and nodded. Wait. How did he know Snow was pointing the right way? “Welcome aboard, Cottontail Jr.”
***
Cottontail Flopsy. That’s a name I haven’t heard in a long time. When Roland was just beginning his journey, he saved a bunnykin girl from a group of imperial guards. I think that’s when he decided to travel the path of
an outlaw. If he hadn’t met her that fateful afternoon, maybe the name Golden Rat wouldn’t have seen the light of day. Like the fool he was, he fell head over heels in love with her. That’s right. Roland was a sucker for pretty bunnykin girls. He knew the imperial army was chasing her, yet he forced me, a newly formed spirit, to fight alongside him to save Cottontail. Both of us barely escaped the jaws of death.
After saving the poor bunnykin, we discovered that Cottontail had stolen an armor spirit from one of the princes of the time, which was why she was being pursued. It was at that moment that Roland had his greatest epiphany. If we were in a dark cave, it would’ve been illuminated by the lightbulb turning on over his head. Roland realized if he became a bandit, he wouldn’t have to care about the law, but more importantly, he could join Cottontail in her exploits. And that’s how a poor village boy, within twenty minutes of starting his grand adventure to become a hero, became one of the most notorious outlaws the world had ever seen.
But, Durandal, Snow said Cottontail was his great-grandfather, but you’re saying she was a woman? Well, to avoid rumors amongst their group of bandits, Cottontail pretended to be a man. Don’t ask me why, I’m just a weapon spirit. Did her cross-dressing play an influence on why her great-grandson dressed like a girl? Maybe. And if I’m not wrong, Snow should be one of Roland’s direct descendants. Funny how things work out, huh? Roland’s great-grandson meets his great-grandfather’s legendary weapon, but the legendary weapon’s already taken. But it’s not like I’m the only legend around here.
“Hey.” I kicked Snow’s socks. “How long are you going to hide from me?”
Snow’s eyes widened as his socks shone with a green light. A second later, a small, white rabbit with a single horn sticking out of its forehead appeared in front of us as the light winked out of existence. Not all spirits are humanoid. The reason I allowed Snow to accompany us was this little critter in front of me. “Hello, Bouncykins.”
The rabbit opened its mouth. A deep booming voice replied, “Durandal.”
Lucia’s tail stuck straight up into the air. “That voice doesn’t fit your figure! Wait, no. Rabbits can talk?”
“Bouncykins?” Snow asked and stared at his armor spirit. “T-that…”
“Shut up!” the white rabbit said and thumped its hind leg against the ground. “I am the King of the World, Lucifer, the All-consuming Devourer of Gods and Planets, the Mighty Unstoppable Force of Nature, the Terror of the Eighteen mmph—!!“
“Yeah, yeah.” I covered his face with my hand. He always added another title to his name every time he said it. I’m curious as to how many titles have been added in the past eighty years, but I’m not patient enough to find out. “Bouncykins. Let’s just stick with that, okay?”
“Dammit, Durandal! Quit destroying my thunder!” Bouncykins thumped his legs against the ground like a kid throwing a tantrum. “How am I supposed to intimidate people with a name like Bouncykins?”
“He’s so adorable,” Lucia said and scooped Bouncykins into her arms. She pinched his cheeks and twiddled his floppy ears around her finger. Bouncykins and I froze. What? How did she…? “I wonder what he’d taste like….”
“Filthy peasant! Unhand me this instant!” Bouncykins roared as he struggled. His legs waved uselessly in the air as Lucia held him by the scruff of his neck. “Durandal! What kind of monster have you chosen? How can she catch me like this!?”
“I really don’t know….” Bouncykins was a spirit of wind and shadow. Even Roland would’ve had a difficult time catching Bouncykins. So how did Lucia pick him up so easily? Not to mention the fact she hit Snow when I wasn’t able to. Was there something special about Lucia? Was her presence so harmless that no one was on guard before her?
“You’re thinking mean things about me again,” Lucia said and puffed her cheeks out. Her tail twitched a few times, sending ripples from the base to the tip.
“R-release me…,” Bouncykins said. Lucia was squeezing his neck, causing his eyes to bulge out of his head. His forelegs pawed at Lucia’s hand but to no avail.
“L-Lucia,” Snow said and stepped forward. “Y-you’re killing my armor spirit.”
“Huh?” Lucia glanced at the limp, frothing rabbit in her hand. “Ah! Bouncykins!” She released his neck, causing him to fall towards the ground. Snow dove underneath her and caught him. He glared at me. Why at me? I wasn’t the one who almost killed your armor spirit.
“You really are Durandal,” Snow said. He placed the rabbit on top of his feet. “Hurry up and recover inside, Lucifer.” His socks shone, and the rabbit faded away.
“Durandal?” Lucia asked. “Can you do that too?”
I mean, I could, but it’s really boring inside of mini-DalDal. Am I really calling my weapon body mini-DalDal now? “No.”
“What?” Snow asked. “But—”
“I. Said. No.”
“I, I understand,” Snow said and lowered his head.
“Well, I guess you’re too big to fit inside this sword, huh?” Lucia asked as she held the six-hundred-pound weapon in front of herself. She thought it weighed five hundred still. Aren’t I a genius?
Snow sent a glance at Lucia that said, “It doesn’t work that way,” but Lucia didn’t seem to notice. Like I thought, simple owners were the best.
“Alright. Enough eating.” After killing the people who were trying to apprehend Snow, we decided to eat the food they had prepared. It was Lucia’s idea. There wasn’t much mealtime conversation. Snow and Lucia ate like animals, completely devoted to their meal while ignoring everything else. Would I be the same if I could feel hunger?
“Mn.” Lucia patted her belly and wobbled while standing up. It took her a second to balance herself with qi. Compared to yesterday, Lucia’s gone leaps and bounds. She was crawling before, but now she can walk.
“Is it … practical to use a weapon that heavy?” Snow asked and furrowed his brow. He really did look like Cottontail. Was he actually a girl in disguise? I should ask Bouncykins when he wakes up.
“This is training,” Lucia said and folded her arms across her chest. Why did she look so smug? Should I increase mini-DalDal’s weight again?
“Training?” Snow asked.
“Training,” Lucia echoed without elaborating. “Anyways, let’s go!” She raised her hand into the air and glanced at Snow. He blinked. Lucia lowered her hand and placed it on Snow’s shoulder. “We’re counting on you to lead the way.”
Snow glanced at me.
I nodded. “That’s right.”
A deep laugh echoed from Snow’s socks. “Still terrible with directions, Durandal? Some things never change.”
Shut up. I stabbed at Snow’s feet with my spear, but he avoided the strikes. How was Lucia able to hit him so easily?
“You’re not going to switch to a sword?” Lucia asked me, ignoring the sweating bunnykin. She gestured at the dead bodies on the ground. I had looted them while the two animals were eating, but I left the swords behind.
“I don’t want to use an inferior sword.” That’s not true, but Lucia doesn’t need to know that. It’s actually just a lot more fun to use a spear. I’ve used a sword my whole life, some changes are needed to keep things interesting, you know?
“Bullshit,” Bouncykins said.
My spear flashed through the air.
“L-Lucifer, please stop provoking Durandal!” Snow said with tears in his eyes. “They’re my feet!”
“What exactly do your socks do?” Lucia asked and crouched down. Snow’s socks looked ordinary, except for a ring of carrots circling the ankle.
“Secret,” Bouncykins said.
“Lighter footsteps and increased agility.” I’ve worked together with Roland and Cottontail too often to not know all their secrets.
“Oh,” Lucia said. “That’s pretty neat.” Why was she looking at me like that? “Then what do you do, Durandal?”
“Everything.” I don’t know, okay? Roland was ridiculously good at everything regardless of w
hether or not I was there. By everything, I mean he was good at kidnapping children and achieving the results he wanted without my help.
Lucia turned to Snow. “Is there some way to check?”
“Not really,” Snow said and scratched his head. “Usually people do things without the spirit equipped, then do things again with them equipped and check for differences. It’s not very accurate. But most of the time, the spirit should already know?”
Sue me. “Forget about it. You don’t want to rely on me too much or you won’t get as far.”
“That’s true,” Snow said and nodded. He smiled at Lucia. “It must be nice having such a wise teacher.”
For some reason, Lucia hit Snow over the head with the flat of mini-DalDal. “Accident.”
Snow fell to the ground, clutching his head with his ears bent down. Poor, Snow. As we traveled south, a thought came to my head. Was Lucia also going to create a bandit group?
***
Snow is really sensible, unlike someone. Durandal’s completely useless when it comes to things not involving fighting and training: he can’t cook, he can’t tell one direction from another, he can’t tell what’s poisonous and what isn’t. I still have stomachaches from that strange mushroom he found and insisted was completely edible. I think Snow didn’t stop me from eating it on purpose, that bastard. He definitely knew I was eating poison—he’s too smart not to.
So far, we’ve only been traveling with each other for two days, but it seems like Durandal and I have become completely reliant on him. Even though he looks like a girl, he’s manlier than most of the knights I’ve fought. Maybe it’s because of his socks and Bouncykins: he can scavenge for food, he can fight a bear barehanded, and he never gets lost! Why can’t Durandal be as practical? All he does is make mini-DalDal weigh five hundred pounds.