by Noelle Adams
She wasn’t interested in him. Not really. She couldn’t use him to make herself feel better after losing Eric.
So instead she’d invited him over to dinner with her sister and her family. That would be friendly enough but wouldn’t be romantic, and it wouldn’t be brushing him off completely.
It would also keep the door open, in case she changed her mind and decided she wanted to date him later on, after she got over Eric.
Dinner was fine. They all had pleasant, superficial small talk over the roast and risotto Marie had made. They talked about work and they talked about the kids and they talked about some of the activities the community association was planning.
And Julie was incredibly bored the whole time.
She smiled and nodded and kept up her part of the conversation, but she was deeply relieved when she finally got up to pick up the dinner dishes and get dessert ready.
She hated this. She didn’t want to be doing this. It felt wrong to her, that she was pretending this was her choice when it wasn’t her choice at all.
She didn’t want it. Not any of it.
She was just falling back into what others expected of her, the way she always had.
She brooded about it all through dessert and coffee, and then finally Ned stood up and said he should probably be getting back home. He looked over at Julie, as if she might leave with him.
That wasn’t going to happen.
He was a perfectly nice guy, but she didn’t want anything to do with him.
She walked with him outside and to his truck, where he smiled at her and said he’d had a nice time.
“I did too. I really like you, but to tell you the truth, I don’t think there’s any future between us.” There. She’d said the words. And they weren’t as hard as she’d thought.
Ned stared at her in surprise. “Really?”
“Yeah. I’m sorry. I really thought it might work out, but now I don’t think so. I’m sorry.”
He cleared his throat. “Oh. Okay. I’m sorry too. I was always into you.”
“Thank you,” she said with a smile. She had no idea what to say, since she didn’t want to give him any hope at all.
“Is there someone else?”
She shook her head. “I don’t know. Not really. It’s just not right between you and me.”
“Okay.” He took a deep breath and leaned over to give her a quick kiss on the cheek. “I’ll probably see you around. Maybe we can still be friends.”
“Definitely,” she said with a smile.
She doubted they’d be friends, but there was no reason to close the door on the possibility. She’d done the right thing here, and she felt almost limp with relief that it hadn’t been horribly awkward.
Ned got in his truck and drove away.
Julie turned and stared at her sister’s house—the immaculate, cookie-cutter house with perfectly manicured grass and perfectly neat flower beds.
She hated it. She didn’t want to spend another night in this house.
Making up her mind, she headed inside. The family had dispersed after dinner. The kids were watching TV with their father, and Marie was in the kitchen.
“I could use your help with these dishes,” Marie called, sounding slightly annoyed as she looked over her shoulder at her sister.
“Sorry,” Julie said. Then she realized she wasn’t sorry. “Actually, I can’t help right now. I’ve got some stuff to do.”
“Are you hanging out with Ned?” Marie asked, straightening up from the dishwasher.
“No.”
“Are you going back to get the rest of your million dollars?”
“No,” Julie said impatiently. “I need to find an apartment.”
“What? Right now? I said you could live with us.”
“I know. But I don’t want to. I have money. I want a home of my own.”
“Okay. That’s fine.” Marie was frowning, clearly trying to keep up. “We can look around for one.”
“Not we. Me. I can find one.”
“Okay. What’s got into you?”
“Nothing. I’m just tired of letting things happen to me. I want to do what I want.”
“But I thought you liked to be here with me and the kids.”
“I love you and I love all of them, but I don’t want to be the live-in babysitter.”
“I never—”
“I know you didn’t do it on purpose, but I can see it happening anyway. I want my own place. And I want to go back and finish my PhD.”
“Oh. That’s a good idea.” Marie nodded, and kept nodding as she added, “I’ve always thought you should. You never should have given up halfway through.”
“Well, I was having to take care of Mom and Dad, and I just didn’t have the time and energy. But I have it now, and I want to go back. I just need to write my dissertation, if they’ll give me permission to start up again.”
“They probably will. But are you sure you don’t want to live here while you—”
“No!”
“Okay, okay. Don’t get mad.” Marie gave her a reproachful look. “I’m not used to it.”
Julie was filled with all kinds of emotion and momentum, but she couldn’t help but laugh at the look on her sister’s face. Of course her sister was surprised. She never acted like this. “I’m sorry if I’m abrupt. I just decided, and I want to go ahead and get it done.”
“Okay, well, do it. I’ll finish the dishes. You go look for apartments or whatever you want to do.”
What Julie ended up doing was going to her bedroom and emailing her old advisor at the university, explaining that her family situation had eased up and she’d liked to come back to finish her dissertation, if it was possible.
She hit send, hoping to get a response by the following afternoon.
Instead, she’d just started browsing websites of apartment complexes close to the university—nicer ones than she would ever have considered before—when an email came in.
Her advisor. Saying he was thrilled and he’d always hoped she’d come back.
Julie took a shaky breath.
It wasn’t that hard. Not as hard as she’d always assumed it would be. To break out of the rut she’d lived her life in, the one defined by the place she’d always held with her family and friends.
In less than an hour, she’d dumped Ned and gotten back into graduate school to finish her PhD. She would find an apartment tomorrow. She would buy some nice furniture to fill it.
It would be hers.
The first place in the world that had ever truly been hers.
She was almost excited.
She might not be able to have Eric. That was obviously reaching too high. But she could have the rest of what she’d wanted, the rest of what she’d dreamed of. She could buy some pretty, stylish clothes and wear them all the time.
Her excitement took a quick dive as she thought about Eric. She could tell herself she was over him, but she wasn’t. Even her new life would be dimmed by the fact that she couldn’t have him.
She wondered if he was all right.
She wondered if Maddy was all right.
It had felt like Eric needed her—in ways he was reluctant to admit to—and maybe he still did.
She’d been able to do the rest of what she wanted. Maybe she could call him up too.
She couldn’t work for him anymore. She didn’t even want to. But she could see how he was doing, she could check in occasionally. She could make sure he was okay and wasn’t drinking himself into a stupor because he couldn’t control the world as much as he thought.
She reached for her phone and dialed his number before she could talk herself out of it.
It rang and rang and rang and rang until his voicemail picked up.
She was about to hang up, but then she decided to be brave after all. “Hi,” she said. “It’s me. Julie. I’m sorry for leaving the way I did. I just couldn’t do my job anymore. It wasn’t…it wasn’t working for me. Anyway, I’m sorry I didn’t say g
oodbye. I hope you’re doing okay. And I hope Maddy is okay. And Kristin and Tim and everyone else. I…I…you really meant a lot to me. I hope you know that.”
She hung up, panting, her pulse racing like crazy. She couldn’t believe she’d done that, but she was glad that she had.
“Julie?” It was her sister’s voice, paired with a knocking on the closed bedroom door.
“Yeah.”
“Are you still up?”
“Yes. What’s the matter?”
“There’s someone at the door for you.”
“What? Who is it?” It was almost ten o’clock in the evening. No one should be at the door for her, especially not at her sister’s door.
“You better come out.” Marie’s voice sounded strange.
Completely clueless, Julie came out of her room and went downstairs to the front door. Marie was behind her, and the kids had turned the volume down on the television.
Julie glanced over and saw they were all peeking out the front window from behind the blinds.
“What on earth?” she muttered, walking to the front door and swinging it open.
Eric stood there.
He was actually standing, since he was using his crutches. At the curb was his car, and she could faintly see Tim at the steering wheel.
Julie’s mouth dropped open.
Eric was sweating slightly, and he looked tense and restless and antsy. It took a minute for her to recognize it, but she finally realized he was nervous.
He wore a T-shirt and shorts and his brown hair was rumpled, like he hadn’t bothered to comb it today. He definitely hadn’t bothered to shave. But he was beautiful, and her heart filled with joy and excitement as she finally processed his presence here.
“Well?” he demanded, the corner of his mouth turning up slightly. “Can I please come in? Soon, I hope, because I’m not sure how long I can manage on these damned crutches.”
Chapter 15
Eric was actually holding his breath, waiting to see what Julie would say.
“Yes,” Julie said at last, the word catching in her throat. “Come in.”
She stepped out of the doorway, and Eric clomped his way through the entry hall. He still hated the damned crutches, but Julie had wanted him to start using them.
So here he was. He hoped he didn’t look too much like an idiot.
She appeared tired, a little pale, and she had circles under her eyes. They worried him and excited him both. He didn’t want her to be sad, but he’d be relieved if she was at least a little upset about leaving him.
He had no idea what to expect right now. She’d given him no sign that she was excited or relieved to see him. She’d rejected him pretty clearly the night before. She might not want him now.
But he was here anyway. He’d realized it just as Tim had pulled the car into the parking garage of their building. He wasn’t going to let Julie go without a fight.
There was a step down into the living room, which was awkward, but he made it without stumbling and managed to lower himself down onto the couch Julie waved him toward. He looked over at the four kids—two boys and two girls of various ages—and they were all staring at him in fascination.
“Come on,” another woman said from the entrance to the room. “Clear out of here, kids. Let’s give Aunt Julie some privacy.”
The kids left with just a few grumbles, and then Julie sat down beside Eric. She looked at him for a moment and then stared down at her hands, her hair falling forward to hide her face.
He reached over to brush it back so he could see her better.
“What are you…what are you doing here?” she asked at last.
He cleared his throat. He’d been running on emotional momentum, so he hadn’t thought clearly enough to plan out what he would say. “You left me.”
She met his eyes. “I know. I’m sorry. I left you a voicemail a few minutes ago. You didn’t answer your phone.”
He blinked and pulled his phone out, noticing with a flicker of pleasure that there was indeed a voicemail message from her. He clicked on it and lifted it to his ear.
“You don’t have to—”
“Shh,” he said with a little smile. “I’m listening.”
She twisted her hands and waited while he listened to the halting message. By the end of it, he was smiling for real, a tension softening in his heart.
“Are you laughing at me?” Julie asked, her brows pulling together.
“No. Of course not. I’m…I’m happy. I didn’t think you were going to reach out to me at all. I know I deserved it, since I so stupidly ended things between us just when they were getting good. I was…I was scared. Terrified. That you made me feel too much. I’m so used to living my life with only Maddy to really care about. I was wrong. I was completely wrong. And I thought you’d left me for good.”
“I did. I mean, I was. I wasn’t planning to get in touch with you again. I thought…I thought it was really over.”
His heart was beating fast and hard, now that he could see the hesitant tenderness in her eyes, on her face. She hadn’t rejected him after all. Or, she hadn’t really meant it. “So why did you call me a few minutes ago?”
“I don’t know. I felt bad for leaving. I was worried about you and wanted to know how you were doing. I was…” She blushed and glanced away. “I was trying to do what I wanted to do, even if it wasn’t something I would normally do.”
“And what did you want?” he asked hoarsely.
She looked self-conscious for a moment, but then her lips turned up in a small smile. “What do you think?”
“I think…I hope…” He paused to make sure he was going to say this right. “I hope you want me as much as I want you.”
She sighed with a little sound that was almost a sob. Then she reached out and took his face in both of her hands, leaning toward him until her lips met his.
As soon as their mouths touched, feeling and passion sparked hotly inside him. He reached out for her, wrapping her in his arms, kissing her deeply, urgently.
His heart and his body were both roaring with need and pleasure, but the small, reasonable part of his mind started shouting that he needed to rein it in. They weren’t alone. They were in the living room of her sister’s house. He couldn’t get carried away—no matter how much every instinct in his body was screaming at him to take her, that she was his.
He managed to lower one of his arms, and Julie pulled back slightly, smiling against his mouth and murmuring, “You know I quit, right?”
“Right.”
“I can’t work for you anymore.”
“I don’t want you to work for me anymore.”
“You’re not my boss now.”
“I’m never going to be your boss again.”
She giggled and pulled him into a little hug. “Good.”
He hugged her back and was chuckling when they finally parted and he collapsed back against the couch. “I do feel bad that you didn’t earn your whole salary, though.”
“Don’t feel bad. I don’t want it.”
He studied her face and saw that she meant it. She genuinely didn’t want to take his money.
“You’re not going to give the half back that I already paid you, though,” he said with a frown. “You earned that. I don’t want it back.”
Her expression was tender and amused—both at the same time. “No. I’m not giving that back. I fulfilled that part of the contract.”
“Okay. Good.” He reached out to take her hand, squeezing it when she curled her fingers around his.
They sat in silence, just holding hands, until Julie finally asked, “So what now?”
“Well, it’s late. I guess we should start thinking about going home and going to bed.” He was certainly thinking about that—in particularly vivid detail at the moment.
She laughed again. “Is that what you think?”
“I thought it was a reasonable option.”
“I can go back with you for now, and we can go to bed.
But I’m not going to stay there.” She’d straightened her shoulders, and her expression sobered slightly.
He frowned. “What do you mean? I’d…I want you to stay with me. You belong with me.”
“I know. But not yet. I want to get my own place. I’ve never had one before, and I want to have one now—now that I finally can. We can still be together. I want to be together. But I also want my own place.” Her blue eyes peered at him anxiously, as if she were worried about how he’d react.
Maybe she had reason. Maybe he was a selfish ass sometimes. But he loved her and he wanted what was best for her—even if that meant they couldn’t live together yet. “All right, then,” he murmured. “Then you should have your own place.”
“Are you sure?”
“Of course.” He reached over to cup her face. “I want you happy, more than anything else. I want you to have everything you want.”
She smiled as her shoulders shook slightly, until suddenly she threw herself back into his arms.
He held her tightly, feeling like he’d finally seen something through, held out even when it hadn’t gone easily or smoothly, wanted it deeply enough to hang on instead of running away. In fact, he was feeling so much he wasn’t sure what to do with it, so he muttered drily against her hair, “As long as you don’t mind me hanging out at your place a lot. I’m used to having you around all the time, you know.”
He couldn’t see her face, because it was pressed up against his shoulder, but he could hear a smile in her voice when she said, “You can hang out all you want, as long as you don’t try to order me around.”
—
Five weeks later, Eric was finally able to get out of his long leg cast and transition to a walking boot.
Julie had a meeting with her dissertation director, so she couldn’t be at Eric’s appointment. She was a little disappointed, but he didn’t really need her there.
They were going to celebrate this evening, when he came over to her apartment to pick her up for their date.
Julie had rented a one-bedroom apartment in a brand-new apartment building near the university. Everything was new and fresh and pretty, and she was still excited every time she walked through the place, knowing it was hers alone.
She’d picked up earlier, before she’d taken a shower and dressed for the evening. But she noticed one of the pictures on the wall was slightly crooked, so she went over to straighten it.