by Nashoda Rose
“Is my brother.”
She nodded. “Okay.” But before she let me go, she pursed her lips together. “You promise to stay in bed?”
“Yes,” I replied.
“Okay,” she said, then left to go get Logan. It was only a minute later that he strode in. I doubted the nurses believed he was my brother, but suspected they’d pretty much say yes to anything he wanted. As he approached, he wore a fierce scowl and his body was tense.
“How are you feeling?” he asked.
He stood beside the bed, and if I didn’t think Logan was intimidating before, he certainly was now towering over me while I was hooked to machines and in a flimsy, backless hospital gown.
“Good,” I replied. His scowl deepened. “It hurts, but I’m fine. It was Killian’s father. He was waiting for me at my apartment. He must have known you guys went out of town and I’d be there. He wants Killian to go after him. You have to stop him from—”
He huffed. “That won’t happen.”
“But—”
“That won’t happen,” he repeated.
“But—”
“Savvy. Kite won’t go after him. Okay?”
My heart pounded and the machine beeped frantically. “How do you know that?”
“Because I know Kite. He’s fuckin’ pissed as hell right now, and I’m betting his knuckles are taking a beating, but it’s not because he’s gone after his dad, even though he deserves it.” Logan sat on the edge of the bed. “Kite won’t because of Emmitt.”
“You know about Emmitt?”
He nodded. “Yeah. No one else does though. I had a shit father, too, and Kite helped me with that a while ago when I was recuperating from… well, let’s just say I took a beating. That’s when Kite told me what happened in Ireland.” He touched the back of my hand. “He never planned to go after his dad, Savvy. They’ve had no contact for years. But when Kite was in the car accident with Haven and Luke, he was all over the media. I guess his dad seeing all the focus on Kite… it stirred the shit back up.
“His father contacted him and I don’t know what was said, but it had to be bad because Kite’s hands were beat pretty bad for weeks. That’s when he decided to open Compass with Brett. Financially hurt him.”
Logan sighed. “His dad fucked him up, Savvy. He drilled into him day after day that he killed Emmitt, destroyed the family. I don’t know all of it, and that’s for him to tell you, but a twelve-year-old kid living that shit… it stays with you.
“Everyone said Emmitt was going to be the famous football star of Ireland. Him dying was his father’s dream shattering. Ironic that the other son became the famous one.” He squeezed my hand and stood. “Get some sleep. The police will want to talk to you tomorrow. I’ll let you know as soon as we find Kite.”
Tears filled the rims of my eyes and one spilled over to slide down my cheek and drip onto the white sheet. “How am I supposed to lie here not knowing if he’s okay?”
“Because you love him and that’s what he’d want you to do, Savvy.”
I woke to the mattress dipping and then the weight of an arm sliding across my abdomen. My eyes flew open, and for a second I had no idea where I was or who was holding me until his whispered voice vibrated next to my ear.
“Shh. It’s just me.”
Killian. A wave of relief washed over me, and it was as if I’d been holding my breath for hours and could suddenly breathe.
“Where did you go?” I glided my hand down his arm and stopped when my fingers touched the material wrapped around his knuckles. “Killian?”
I tried to sit up, but he gently squeezed my side. “Stay. Let me hold you, Savvy. Please. I need to hold you for a minute.”
There was so much pain in his graveled voice that it was as if pieces of my heart chipped with each word. “Okay.”
Lying on my back, Killian’s body curled into mine, I listened to his breathing slow until he fell asleep.
I watched him, watched as the crease between his eyes and the tightness of his plush lips eased.
Vulnerable. That was what Killian was right now. I’d never imagined him this way, but I realized it was always there, just hidden behind everything else.
A kid trying to crawl out from under the guilt his father placed on him. And he did. He was an incredible man who fought against the pain and the anger and became this successful, protective, and loving man. That never died with Emmitt and became saturated by his father’s cruelty. It was just harder for him to show. To trust his heart to someone.
But he’d given it to me, and I’d protect it. He needed me to protect it.
When the sun peaked over the horizon and an orange glow lit the room, Killian stirred, and his arm tightened around me. I winced from the bruises, and he immediately loosened his hold and opened his eyes.
“Fuck, sorry.”
“Kiss me, Killian,” I whispered.
He leaned over, careful not to put any weight on me, and his mouth found mine. It would always find mine. There was only one, and Killian was it.
His kiss was slow and gentle as to not hurt my split lip. But it was just as warm and passionate as always, making my belly flutter. He lifted and the crease between his eyes deepened.
“Savvy.”
Right there. It was in his voice. The way he said my name… hesitant and without that lilt at the end. My heart skipped a beat and my stomach dropped.
“It’s going to be okay,” I said.
He stiffened.
“It’s going to be okay,” I repeated.
“I’m the one who should be telling you that.” He shifted onto his back. “But it’s not, Savvy.” I sat up, gritting my teeth at the pain and moved so I was on my side facing him. He scowled at me. “Baby, don’t move. Fuck, the doc said you had… that he broke your ribs.”
He’d spoken to the doctor? When had he done that? “It’s going to be okay,” I repeated, hoping he’d listen if I said it enough times. That he’d believe me.
“He broke your ribs, Savvy.” He raised his voice, but not enough to alert the nurses.
“It was his hired hand. And it’s only one rib.” I laid my hand on his chest. “Killian. Where did you go? Logan said you weren’t at the warehouse.”
“I wasn’t.”
“But your hands.”
“I had to fight, Savvy.” He said the words like they were poison, and I realized why when he continued. “Really fight. The bag wasn’t enough.” His jaw clenched. “I went to an underground fight.”
Oh, God. Logan said Killian swore to never fight another person again. But he broke that promise last night. “Why?”
“It was either that or kill my father.”
I ran my hand lightly over the bandage on his knuckles. He said his father. But his uncle had been his real father. Did he know? Would it matter?
“He told me… he said he wasn’t your real father.” His body stiffened. “Your uncle was.” He didn’t move. “Killian? Did you know?”
It was a while before he answered. “I didn’t know for sure, but I suspected. He hated me even before Emmitt died. Before I got into trouble. But he’d never admit I wasn’t his. His reputation was everything to him and his wife cheating on him wouldn’t have looked good.” He paused. “I don’t know if my uncle knew or not and it wouldn’t have mattered to him. He called me his son and… he was like a father to me.”
“I’m glad you had him, Killian.” I ran my hand up his chest to rest over his beating heart.
He didn’t say anything more for a while and I felt it… the coldness descending. His body tense. The silence. How his arm no longer held me. He was distancing himself.
“It’s going to be okay.”
His jaw tightened and then he threw his legs over the side of the bed and sat on the edge, his hand running overtop his head. “Savvy….”
My pulse raced with panic because I knew what he was going to do. I shook my head, tears pooling. “No. Killian. No.”
“I can’t give you a fa
mily. I just can’t do it.”
I sat up, pain forgotten as another type of pain lanced my heart. I settled my hands on his shoulders, my cheek against his back.
“Don’t let him win.”
“This has nothing to do with him. It has to do with me. Who I am, and I can’t give you what you want.”
“You’re saying this now, but in a few weeks or months, it will get better. We can survive this. I don’t want anyone else. There is no one else.”
“There’s always someone else.”
“No. There isn’t. And you damn well know it. Just you. Only you.”
He stood and my insides coiled as he turned and I was met with a mask of cold. “He will never touch you again.”
I choked on a sob as he walked to the door. The wall had slammed down over his emotions. “Fight for me, damn it. Stop fighting everything else and fight for me. For us.”
He opened the door.
“Killian.” He hesitated a split second and then was gone. “I love you,” I whispered as tears streamed down my cheeks.
Three weeks later
I stood on the edge of the river and skipped the stone across the surface of the water.
One.
Two.
Three.
Four.
It sank beneath the surface and I sifted around with my feet on the spongy grass for another flat stone. I picked one up and rolled it between my fingers as I heard the steps approach. I didn’t turn around. Didn’t care who it was.
“Kite.”
I stiffened then drew my arm back and whipped the stone.
One.
Two.
Three.
Logan came up beside me, casually tossing a stone in the air. He stared across the surface of the water. We both did. Silent. Listening to the gentle splash as the water hit the rocks on its way downstream.
He threw the rock he was holding, and it skipped once then sank. “Too round,” I said.
“Didn’t skip stones much in the compound growing up.”
I passed him a flat stone. “Like you’re slicing the water. Flick the wrist.” I skipped another and Logan watched.
He frowned as he concentrated, then tried again. Three skips.
We did it for a while. Nothing else said between us, just the stones, the river, and us. But I knew he didn’t fly all the way to Ireland to skip stones.
“This where he died?” Logan asked.
“Yeah.” Five feet away. The rock he’d hit his head on was still there, but the water level was lower now. “How did you find me?”
“Same man who found Emily and me in Mexico,” Logan replied.
Deck. “Is he here?”
“No. Luke’s with me. And he’s pissed you left without telling him.”
I bet. I’d asked him to organize twenty-four-hour security on Savvy, but didn’t tell him I was leaving. After I’d watched Mars pick Savvy up from the hospital, I’d taken the first flight out.
The police had released Seamus after questioning, just like I knew they would. There was no proof it was him who assaulted Savvy. No witnesses. They couldn’t hold him. He was too careful. But it didn’t mean I’d let him walk away with his head held high.
Logan tossed another stone. “He’s gone, Kite.”
My muscles tensed, my shoulders sagging at the same time. “Vic.” It was a statement because I already knew. I’d talked to Deck and Vic about what needed to be done.
Vic did what other men couldn’t stomach. He was good at extracting information. Obtaining confessions. My father wouldn’t last long with Vic.
Vic had no sympathy. No remorse for what he did. And he’d make my father hurt for what he did to Savvy.
“He didn’t kill him,” Logan said. “That you?”
I nodded.
“So he’s to leave the country and never come back?”
“Yes.” That was what I’d discussed with Deck and Vic. And if you were ever in Vic’s custody and he threatened you, you’d take it seriously and never put a fuckin’ toenail in the country if he told you to.
“So Vic was your idea?”
“Yeah.”
Logan nodded. “And the ‘leak’ to the press?”
I frowned. “What leak?”
“Some inside scoop about the abuse of his horses and his girls at his clubs. They’re now all talking to the police. Corruption. Payouts. They’re doing a thorough investigation and have frozen all his accounts. He’s ruined and even if he hadn’t disappeared, he’d be in jail for a very long time.”
The two things most important to him—his reputation and wealth. Both stripped from him. Bastard had done it to himself.
I didn’t know how to feel. Satisfied that he finally got what was coming to him? That it was over and I didn’t have him lingering like a black cloud over my head? I sure as hell wasn’t happy.
But I felt nothing. Fuckin’ nothing.
I’d felt nothing but cold since I’d walked out of that hospital room. It had been the hardest thing I’d ever done. Hearing her call my name… the choked sob.
Fuck, I wanted to give her everything. A family. A home.
But when I’d seen her on the floor… not knowing if she were alive or dead—my worlds collided. Past and present. Control. Anger. Pain. Grief. It was everything I felt when Emmitt died and what did I do…? I went to an underground fight. I lost control. I broke, and I feared what would happen if we had everything and it was ripped from me again.
What it would do to Savvy.
Logan crouched and picked up a pebble, rolling it between his fingers. “Kite, she doesn’t look good,” he said. “Emily went and saw her and… she said she looks like she hasn’t slept in weeks.”
I closed my eyes and curled my hands into fists as I stared at the river splashing over the rocks. “She still living at Mars’s?”
“No. She moved back to her apartment a few days ago. And working at the dance studio.” Logan stood and tossed the pebble into the river. “Trevor was there when Emily came by.”
I clenched my jaw. “Good.”
“Cut the bullshit, Kite,” Logan barked. “It’s not fuckin’ good. She’s not fuckin’ good. Nor are you. Do you know she dropped the car you gave her at your warehouse? Mars says she doesn’t eat, and Bree, Frankie, and even Greg have been by to see her. You know why? Because you’re over here in Ireland running away from a fight. A fuckin’ fight you need to make, Kite.”
I turned to glare at him. “And what happens when she gets hurt again and the bag isn’t enough? What happens when my kid gets beaten up in school by bullies? What the fuck do you think will happen then?”
“I think you have a good head on your shoulders and you’ll do what you have to.” Logan bowed his head and stared at his feet. “I never told anyone this. But you need to hear it. When Emily was taken… I watched her tied up and hanging like a fuckin’ carcass then whipped. I stood there and watched and did nothing. Do you have any idea what that’s like? And that was day fuckin’ one. The woman I loved begged me to help her and I didn’t.”
My stomach twisted. “You couldn’t.”
He shook his head. “Doesn’t matter. Wouldn’t. Didn’t. Couldn’t. It’s all the same. I put her through the worst hell imaginable and her forgiving me was at zero percent. But I fought for her. I fuckin’ fought and I never gave up. Because love wins every time, Kite.”
He slapped me on the back. “Stop worrying about the details. Get your ass back to Canada, Kite.”
I watched him walk across the field to where Luke leaned against a tree with his arms crossed.
I don’t know what Logan said to him, but Luke pushed off the tree, and they walked toward the road.
Crouching, I picked up a handful of stones and sifted through them for the flat ones and let the others drop to my feet.
I drew my arm back and whipped the stone across the surface of the water.
One.
Two.
Three.
Four.
> Five
Six.
“Need to go, buddy.”
The music flowed through me, soft and haunting, as I danced. I didn’t think. The emotions the music evoked moved my body.
Every day I thought it would get easier without him, but it wasn’t. Because every day was one more day I’d lost being with him. But even though it hurt like hell to wake up in the morning and know he was gone, I did it. I wasn’t giving into the pain. I wasn’t giving up on us and I was fighting for me, too.
The music grew darker and louder, the beat pounding through my body. The tears slipped down my cheeks as the story, my story, lived and breathed in the music.
When the song ended, I was on my knees beside the window, hair covering my face, chest rising and falling.
When the music ended, that was when it hurt the most. That was when my heart bled.
I spent as many hours as I could at my new job teaching dance, but no matter what I did, Killian lingered. He was all around me, and I couldn’t let him go.
“Do you ever go home? Or sleep, for that matter?” Ali asked from the doorway. She was the opposite of me, fragile and dainty, the look of a ballerina, which she’d studied for years before switching to contemporary dance.
I sat back on my butt, knees bent, arms hooked around them. “Not much of a home to go to.” Because my home was somewhere in Ireland right now. When Emily came by to see me last week, she’d told me he’d been there for a few weeks.
Maybe it was a good thing. I could stop listening for his footsteps coming up the stairs of my apartment building and stop glancing at my phone hoping I’d see his name pop up.
Emily offered to take me to see Lucifer, Clyde, and Dale, but seeing the horses was a reminder of Killian. But it was more than that. Emily and Logan were Killian’s best friends, and as much as I liked them, I couldn’t be friends with them.
“I had an e-mail today about David Knapp,” Ali said. “You… dated him for a while, right?”
I heard the hesitancy in her voice and no doubt she’d heard the rumors David spread about me. “Yeah. We lived together and I worked at his studio.”
“And you’re not friends now?”