by G, Dormaine
I just met her. How is she under my skin?
When I left the stall, there she was by the mirror.
“What the hell are you doing in here? This is the men’s bathroom,” I asked walking over to the sink.
“Don’t worry I locked the door,” She said reaching over and taking my junk in her hand. For a split second my mind instantly succumbed to her touch. Just that quickly I imagined being inside her again. But I managed to snap out of it, and stepped back removing her hand. This was crazy. It was like she had some kind of hold over me.
“This is not a game and your father is not a stupid man.” I washed my hands splashing water on my face, not believing this bullshit right now. “Hanna, you have to get back to the table.” I was doing my best to not freak out. “We both can’t go missing at the same time.” I inadvertently snapped at her but then felt bad when her head hung low. “I’m sorry, but please.” I held her shoulders.
“What’s wrong? I came because you seemed upset, Sterling. You’re not regretting this are you?”
“Just give me a minute to think, Hanna.” But when she didn’t move I saw in her eyes what I knew to be true. What she had said earlier in her sleep was true. She was in love with me. Young love happens so fast, and when you’re in it you lose logic and reasoning. Nothing makes sense other than that love.
What have I done?
I held her close removing the threatening tears. “No regrets, Hanna. Now please go back and I will meet you soon.”
“Okay.” She walked to the door then stopped. “But I will see you later, I mean after dinner?”
If I were a smart man I would have said no, but lately I haven’t been too smart. “Yes, of course,” I sighed.
I made through dinner and headed for my room. I headed straight to the bar, took two shots of tequila. I turned off all the lights and fell back on the bed. Tonight was too close for comfort.
What was it about this girl that spun me irrational? Was it the excitement, the risks, what? One thing I knew for sure, the sex was electrifying.
It was then I decided to back away from Hanna. I had to for her sake and mine.
CHAPTER 5
I stirred awake when there was a knock at the door. I expected her to walk in but she didn’t. I got up and opened it up for her. She stood in the doorway wearing a heavy fur coat. I stepped aside and let her enter. She took two steps in then dropped her coat reveling nothing but smooth flawless skin. She uncoiled her hair letting it fall to her waist, and stood in the middle of her fallen cover. At first I was held speechless.
I hurriedly shut the door the grabbed hold of her naked body. I backed her into the side wall next to where she stood. “You’ll be the death of me you know that?” I grabbed her head tightly trying to force the words that needed to be said ‘We have to end this, Hanna. I cannot see you anymore.’ But the words would not flow.
She reached up to kiss me, and like every time before I melted. We never made it to the bed that night. Only the floor would suffice. The fire between us was growing by the minute and I could deny her nothing.
I ravished her well into the morning, each taking turns proving our feelings towards each other. Again I felt like that beast who escaped captivity or the thirst creature in the desert. I could not get enough, as her cries of passion begged me for more. And I gave it. It was pure animal as I drank of all of her, making her mine. I needed and wanted all of her and she let me have it.
Afterwards, we lay there on the floor not moving, when Hanna asked something of me I hadn’t expected. “I want to leave here.” she rolled over to face me. “But I need your help.”
I edge over skeptic. “What do you mean ‘need my help’?” I started to feel some kind of way about her statement.
She sat up when she saw my hesitancy. “Sterling, I need your help with leaving here.”
Is she asking what I think she’s asking?
“Is that what this is all about?” I stood up to put on my boxers.
“What? All of what?”
“This?” I asked pointing back and forth between her, me, the floor and the bed.
She jumped up and I could see the hurt on her face. “You ass! Yes, I want to get the hell out of here, but I’m not going to whore my way out.” She yelled tossing a small white figurine at me. She grabbed her coat and headed toward the door.
I felt like a bastard. I stopped her before she took one step into the hallway and slammed the door shut. She backed away from me. “I’m sorry.” I held up both my hands. “I sometimes wonder why a young beautiful woman like you would want a man my age.”
“Sterling, you’re one the sexiest men I have ever met and we get a lot of guests. Besides you’re thirty, not ninety!” She snapped still holding her coat close to her to cover her self-worth. I made her feel self-conscious.
“Okay, but my life is complicated. I’m married and live out of state. How could I help you?”
“I just wanted you to talk to my father about travel or getting a sponsor at your company. I know certain companies sponsor athletes. Your boss has done it before. You told me so.”
“Yes but he’s into car racing like NASCAR, sweetie, not skiing.” I walked towards the back bay window.
“Yes, but a sport is a sport. Isn’t it?” She whined so desperately wanting to leave this place.
“No, Hanna.” She was so young. What was I doing?
“Then fine, let me come with you?”
“You can’t. My life is so screwed up right now.” I sighed before saying it. “I’ve cheated on her before.” I felt like shit saying it, but it was true. She said nothing, waiting for me to explain further. I sat down on the bed while she kept her distance. “I had a one-night stand with a woman in my office. I wasn’t happy at home, but instead of me telling my wife I fucked up. I fucked up bad. The guilt ate at me until I told her last year, six months after it happened. She has not touched me since nor can I touch her. The woman I had a one-night stand with is still in the office, so I figure if we moved out of state things would get better.”
She dropped her coat and fell to her knees in front of me. “Then let me be your mistress. I swear I will never tell your wife. I’ll do anything to be with you.” Tears flowed down her cheeks.
I could not believe how much I screwed up again. “Stop.” I wiped her tears away and placed her next to me on the bed. “You don’t ever want to be a mistress, so don’t every say that again. Besides, I don’t want a mistress.”
"Don’t say that this was just a fuck for you.” she jumped up and hit my chest. “We have a connection. I know it. I see it in your face. The way you look at me. The way you make love to me, the way you say my name. I may be inexperienced, but I’m not stupid. You love me. I know it.”
“What about college.” I tried changing the subject. “Can’t you go to college elsewhere, like Denver University or…”
“I’ve applied, but my parents flat out refuse to help me. I hate it here. You don’t know my family. I’ve saved up a few bucks, but not enough to move anywhere really. All I know is this place. My parents keep tabs on how much I make and spend. I need to get out of here or I’m going to die.” She cried pacing back and forth.
“Hanna…”
“No, screw you.” she screamed backing away. Her words barely escaping the tight jaw. “So help me, if you don’t tell me that you love me, then I will do something crazy.” She continually paced with a crazed look on her face.
I tried not to say it. I needed her to walk away and not think of me again. I was trouble for her. What could I offer her? What life could I give her? Divorce my wife and be with her. It’s unrealistic. But as she grabbed her coat and headed for the door I panicked and said the very words I tried to deny. “Yes, Hanna I’m in love with you.” I stood up walking towards her. “I don’t know how it’s possible. I don’t know why, but I do. I don’t understand. It’s only been a few days.” I fell against the wall and slid down to the floor.
She sat next to me and
I could not help but wrap my arms around her. “You’re my soulmate,” she looked up at me.
I’ve never saw myself as a hopeless romantic, not even when she said it, so how could I admit something I never believed in: love at first sight. “This is crazy.” What a twisted world.
We didn’t say much after that. We just laid down on the floor until she needed to get back to her room. We agreed to meet up for skiing again then talk more about our dire circumstance.
I laid on the bed when she left thinking of both my wife and Hanna. As much as I didn’t want a mistress, I had one. This is not the life I planned, but does life ever happen the way you plan it?
Somehow I knew Hanna was my Karma for all the things I’ve done wrong. I had not been able to pass the test. The test of faithfulness. As much as I was confused on how two people could care for one another so quickly, I was that sure that Hanna would bring me to my knees. This would not end well.
***
We went to the cabin again as planned to discuss what to do next. We started off talking but then Hanna’s clothes came off one by one and there was no resisting. I wanted her. I needed to be inside her, to hear her screams, to see her face when she orgasmed, and to hear her call my name.
Making love to her was the most natural thing I’d ever done. “I love you, Hanna.” I could finally admit it out loud as she sat on top of me on the floor. “I love you too, Sterling.” She kissed me back. I rolled us over to prove again how much I loved her.
“Get the fuck off my niece, or I’ll blow your ass to smithereens, you son of a bitch.”
“Uncle Bob no!” Hanna screamed as we scrambled apart.
I held up my hands to the shot gun pointed at my head. I stood naked while another man tossed Hanna her clothes. “Get dressed, girl. Your daddy is looking for you,” he had a disgusted look on his face when he spoke to me. “And don’t you look at her, neither.” I listened.
Two men, a girl, and two shot guns with one pointed at me. Not a good circumstance.
Once she was dressed, they took her outside and I was finally given permission to dress. As soon as I put on my shirt in walked John, Hanna’s father. He just looked at me like he could kill me.
“I kinda figured something was up, the way she looked at you. but I thought it was a crush. That is until someone saw her come out of the men’s bathroom last night, so I had you two followed today. You sick prick. She’s only nineteen and you’re married.”
Before I could say a word he punched me in the face. I fell against the wall, tasting blood, then stood back up. He hit me three more times but I never hit him once. He was a father protecting his daughter.
Hanna bust threw the door tripping over the rug scrambling to get to me when I was on my knees coughing at the gut hit. A rib cracked on the last one.
“Daddy, no,” she cried grabbing hold of his arm but he pushed her back.
“Get her,” He ordered to the two other guys, his brothers. “This is the man you whored yourself for? A married man! So help me, Hanna if you ever see him again, I swear before God that that you will no longer be my child.” He hit me in the face. Hanna jumped between us to shield me but he slapped the shit out of her knocking her into the fireplace. Rage took over and I took John to the floor. I lost my mind as I punched him repeatedly. I may be a bastard of a husband, but I don’t condone ever hitting a woman.
I was pulled off John by his brothers and held up as he finished me off. All I heard was Hanna scream “Please da, I love him!” before passing out.
I woke up some time later to complete silence. I rolled over onto my back and it hurt to even do that. It was dark outside and the fire had burned out. My guess, they put it out.
I sat up feeling my right side scream for me to stop. I had a least two cracked ribs, my right eye was swollen and my jaw throbbed. I had to get out of there before I froze to death. They even took the wood.
They at least left my boots, ski coat and pants. I didn’t expect the crossover to be waiting outside, but I’d hoped. No such luck.
It was good distance to the resort so I walked as quickly as I could, holding onto my side. I tried to remember the path she took but the snow had covered any tracks the crossover made. I just walked in the general direction we came in.
It had to have been close to zero degrees by now, so I figured by walking fast I would get warm. It didn’t work. I was freezing. My feet where sinking into the snow making it hard to walk, especially for someone who was already in pain. The wind whipped across my face, but it felt more like pure ice. And going against the wind made it harder for a person with cracked ribs to breath.
I was angry at myself for getting caught up in this stupidity, angry that I hurt my wife again, and mad for screwing up Hanna’s life. What was it going to take for me to get it right? Why did I keep hurting Rachel?
I trudged forward keeping my head low until I heard a remote noise. I stopped. It was a motor. Maybe it was Hanna’s uncle coming back to finish what they started.
“Sterling!” It was Hanna’s yell I heard.
I didn’t call back but hurried up trying to walk into the shadows. I didn’t want her to see me, I wanted her to leave and go back to her family.
“Sterling.” She screamed louder when she spotted me. She rode up next to me and stopped to get off when I ignored her. “Stop.” she grabbed my arm. I winced when she accidentally hit my right side.
“Go back,” I said refusing to look at her.
“Go back, why? You won’t make it. You have another five miles to go and the weather is getting worse.”
I kept walking. She tapped me in my bad side. This time it was no accident. “Dammit woman,” I gritted falling, holding onto a tree.
“You won’t make it. You’ll freeze to death out here and you need to see a doctor.”
“Just go back,” I ordered.
“No!” she shouted “If you walk then I walk.” she was serious.
That’s when I saw the bruise on her face her father gave her. I couldn’t let her walk and I knew she would never go back. The desperate expression on her face told me so. “Fine,” I said touching her face. She squeezed my hand and her face relaxed. I was so miserable, she had to help me onto the crossover.
“When we get back you will go straight to your family. I will get my stuff then...”
“No,” she said then sped up. Talking was difficult to do on the back of the snowmobile, so I said nothing else until we stopped.
Even though the ride was better than walking, the bumps were harsh. She was right, I would’ve never survived the distance.
When I made it to the back door, I tried again to talk some sense into her, but she was proving stubborn. We made it safely to my room and I expected my belongings to be gone, but they were untouched. I packed as quickly as I could.
“Sterling what about us?” I froze shutting my lids. I could hear the tears coming before I saw them.
I was stuck. I didn’t know what to say. “If you go with me your family will alienate you.” I turned to her easing myself down to sit on the stairwell. She held tightly to a brown travel bag in her right hand, determined to leave with me.
“I don’t care.” She stepped closer not letting go of the bag.
“You say that now, but you do care and you will regret it later. Those men wanted me dead. Your family. I saw it in your uncle’s eyes and I felt it in your father’s fists. Do you think they left me there, six miles away, because they cared? To be honest if I had daughter, I would probably have done the same.”
“But we love each other.” she teared up. “Love like this doesn’t come by twice.”
My door swung open and John barged in. “I knew I’d find you here with him, girl.”
“Stop, John.” It was Hanna’s mom. Mrs. Parsons. She walked in and shut the door behind her. “Please, Mr. Chandler,” she could barely talk her eyes were so swollen from crying. They already sagged and her tissue was barely useable. “I love my daughter with all my heart, bu
t I know that she loves you too. My husband means what he says, that he will disown her. We had, we have a son…” the words were too hard for her to express. I understood what she meant. Their son disobeyed his father, too. I didn’t get the dynamics of this family, and how one could be so controlling, but that’s subjective I guess. Who am I to judge with the terrible things I’ve done.
“I beg of you,” she sobbed.
“Mama, please…”
How could I split a family in two that’s already broken? I needed to deal with my own crap and get my life together before I could take care of anyone else. I’ve come to love Hanna in such a short time, as if she were my own heart, but I could not take her away from her family. Her mother. If I took her daughter too, it would break this fragile woman’s heart.
“Hanna…” I looked at the floor teetering on the words that needed to be said. Tears instantly came.
“No, Sterling…” she yelled pointing at me. “You love me. You said it.” her mother held onto her daughter’s arm when she reached for me.
Her screams broke me. I felt my heart ripping at the seams the way she bellowed. It felt as if I was killing her. I wanted to die, too. I knew it then, that she was my soulmate.
This was my penance.
It took all that I had when the tears filled my eyes as I walked over to her and kissed her on the lips. “You are my beginning and you are my end, but not like this.” I rubbed her face staring into her eyes covered with a river of water.
She shrieked my name “Sterling, please don’t go,” repeatedly as I had to pull away with her mother’s help. Her mother fought desperately to hold onto her child.
And as I walked away, her dreadful cries of pain crushed me. It took all that I had to walk towards that door, not looking back as I heard her fall to the floor.
Her father stepped aside as I turned to leave. I stopped in front of him and wiped my face. Not facing the man, I told him “If you ever lay a hand on her again I will kill you myself.” I then faced him. He looked away in shame.