“Do I think what?” Luke asked when Josh went silent.
“She doesn’t leave the house all that much.”
“No, she doesn’t. Unless it’s to run errands or get the groceries.”
“Do you think this has something to do with it?”
“I don’t know. Maybe it does. Maybe it doesn’t. She’s a homebody after all.”
Unconvinced, Josh gnawed at the inside of his cheek. “I want to ask Dana.”
“Resist temptation, Josh. You’ll regret asking if you do.”
“Will I regret not asking when I need to have answers?”
“We all need answers, but they don’t always give us the relief we crave. Accept the fact she’s the way she is, and keep the faith. Eventually, she’ll tell us. You just have to keep on being there, keep supporting her and trusting her. Then there’s no need for Dana to do a damn thing, because Gia will tell you everything you need to know.”
Chapter Eleven
“As a thank-you, I think we should invite Dana over for dinner one night.”
Gia’s words were met with a heavy silence. For the past four days, things had been strained. Enough for Lexi to notice and to ask her if everything was okay, but they’d all made it a point to chat easily during meals. Mostly for Lexi’s benefit.
This silence had their daughter gawking at each of them, her head ping-ponging from parent to parent as she tried to understand why a blanket of quiet had settled over the table.
Josh frowned. “She did her job.”
“Yes, and her job helped us out a lot. I just thought it would be nice to say thanks.”
“I don’t like mixing work and home. You know that.”
“When someone goes above and beyond for you, it’s nice to show appreciation.”
Luke cleared his throat. “While technically, you’re right, Gia, I can understand Josh’s hesitance.”
“Oh? Why?”
“It’s not like the corporate world. This is the Armed Forces. We work to a different level than most.”
“That’s nonsense. You guys have to attend events together. That’s a mixture of personal and military.”
“We go because we have to. Because we’re officers and there’s a rigmarole that comes with that status. Otherwise, we’d leave well alone. If that rigmarole wasn’t a part and parcel of it, you’d come with us to those events. Instead, you have to stay at home. There’s no real ‘off’ moments. You’re always kept to a certain standard.”
“Well, I don’t see why this has to work that way. I wasn’t thinking of this being a formal event, for goodness’ sake. Just posh mac and cheese and dessert with a nice bottle of wine.”
Luke eyed Josh. “It would be nice to say thanks to her. Properly.”
“I guess,” he reluctantly admitted. “I approved a pay increase on her behalf the other day. That should be thanks enough. But if you’ve got it into your head that you want to plan a dinner party, then plan away.”
Gia narrowed her eyes at him. She’d actually made the suggestion with the intention of it being an olive branch. An offering of peace. She hated being at odds with either of her guys but Josh more than most. She and Luke, whenever they had a falling out, things came to a natural end quickly. Usually, they’d share a laugh or a joke over something Lexi had done, or the ease they had together smoothed over troubled waters.
With Josh, it was different.
He was arrogant, cocksure. And stubborn with it. The intensity with which he did everything in his life bled onto arguments and grudges.
She was tired of the atmosphere, but she wasn’t willing to apologize. Maybe that seemed childish, but properly explaining just why she’d kept her career a secret would cause more harm than good. And the other secrets in her life, those pertaining to her mother, were things she couldn’t share. Truths that could never be shared.
Apologizing for either of these seemed churlish. More than that, a lie.
Maybe it would have calmed the situation down. Maybe it would have unruffled his feathers, but omitting to tell the truth was one thing, avoiding a conversation so as to control the outcome was too. An out and out lie was something else entirely.
The desire to snap at him, to tell him he was being a mule-headed bastard, was tempting. But little ears were present. And those little ears understood a lot more than Gia would have liked.
So, rather than snarl at him, she bit her tongue and carried on eating. It made for a strained affair when she’d hoped to lighten the atmosphere. Luke tried a gambit with her and failed, but he and Josh started chatting about someone on the base, and that occupied the rest of the meal.
When she was finished, she started to clear the dishes, carrying them into the kitchen without a word.
“Mommy?”
Gia turned to face her daughter, who stood in the door. She plastered on a smile, but it didn’t fool Lexi, who asked, “Why is Daddy mad at you?”
Shit. “People get mad at each other, sweetie. That’s life.”
Lexi pursed her lips. Then in a contemplative tone—one more suited to philosophical debates like what came first, the chicken or the egg—she asked, “Can I have some ice cream for dessert?”
“Sure. What flavor?”
“Chocolate, silly.”
A chuckle escaped her. “Stupid question, huh?”
“Well, you said it, Mommy.”
“You’re a cheeky monkey. You know that?”
Lexi preened at what hadn’t been a compliment but sure had been taken as one. Gia grabbed the container from the freezer, served up two small scoops on a cone she found in the pantry, and handed it to her daughter with the warning, “Don’t make a mess.”
She picked Lexi up and perched her on one of the breakfast-counter stools to keep her still. Otherwise, she’d head off to get one of her books and would start caterwauling later over pages that were glued together with dried ice cream.
“You and Daddy don’t get mad at each other, though.”
Damn, she’d hoped ice cream had helped veer them off that particular topic. “Nope, but every once in a while, it does happen.”
“What’s he mad about?” she questioned around a slurp.
“He doesn’t approve of something I did.” There, that was innocuous enough, right?
“What did you do?”
Hell. She started stacking pans and dishes in the dishwasher. “Just something he doesn’t agree with, but we can’t please everyone all the time, love. There’s a life lesson for you, right there.”
Lexi pondered that as she licked more ice cream. “Okay, I’ll try to remember that.”
Unbidden, Gia grinned at her little girl’s earnestness. “You do that, sugar.”
“What can you do to stop him from being mad at you?”
“Nothing. It takes time. That’s all. And there’s no need for you to get yourself in a tizzy over this. Everything’s fine with me and your daddies.”
“Are you sure?”
Concern made Lexi’s voice waver a little. Gia heard it and headed over to curl an arm about her shoulder. “I promise.”
She must have heard the concrete overtone in her mother’s voice, because Lexi nodded and dug deeper into her dessert. The conversation fortunately died a death as she enjoyed the treat, and Gia cleaned up the kitchen. After, when the ice cream was done, most of it on the counter and not on Lexi’s skirt, she asked, “Can I go and read?”
“You sure can, sweetie. Try to read something fun.” They were already skipping through the homeschool program Gia was trying and failing to follow.
“But I liked learning about the moon. Can’t I read more about it?”
“How about you come and read that chapter of Harry Potter with me? It’s been a while since we’ve been able to do that, honey.” Luke had popped up from nowhere and was leaning against the doorjamb.
At the suggestion, Lexi’s shoulders went ramrod straight with excitement. “Can we, Papa? Oh, please! I want to know what kind of wand Harry gets.
”
Luke chuckled. “Go and get the book and find the page. I’ll be in in a minute.”
She jumped off the stool and shot off to the study. Watching her daughter go, Gia murmured, “Thanks, Luke.”
“No bother. I’ve been meaning to get back into the story with her. We kind of veered off course when you left. Now’s as good a time as any to get back into it with her.” He peered at her. “Was she asking questions about you and Josh?”
Gia sighed. “Yeah.”
“She’s a clever little bit. Reads far too much into things and far too well.”
“Tell me about it.” Gia raised a hand and rubbed at the back of her neck. As she did, she leaned back against the counter and studied him. His face held lines of strain that came when he had to stand for overlong, and he was hunched a little, as though his body was working overtime to stay upright. “You need to sit down before you fall down.”
“Yeah, it’s a bad day today.”
“When’s your next appointment with physio?”
“The torture is set for tomorrow.”
“That bad, huh?”
“Worse.” He grimaced. “I know it’s all for the good. Doesn’t take away the agony, though.”
“I’m sorry, sweetheart. I wish I could help.”
“I know you do. I wish you could too.”
When he grinned at her, she smiled back. “You should go. She’ll be ready to read.”
“I know.” He studied her a second. “Are you okay?”
She shrugged. “I hate it when he’s like this.”
“He’s hurting, Gia. That’s all.”
“He’s not hurting,” she scoffed. “He’s just mad at me.”
“Maybe, but at its base, he’s hurt. He’s a protector, don’t forget. Look what he did for me. He can’t protect if he doesn’t know the whole layout of a situation. Enigmas are impossible to plan for.”
“I’d tell him if I could.”
Luke scowled. “It’s when you say stuff like that, even I get confused.”
“I shouldn’t say anything at all.” Her jaw worked. “It’s not my place to.”
“More confused than ever here, darlin’.”
“No more than I am.” She rubbed her forehead. “Go on. I’m fine. I’ll be better when he stops sulking.”
“That dinner invitation was a peace offering, wasn’t it?”
“A failed one, apparently.”
“He’s never liked mixing work and home. It’s to do with the ‘Don’t ask, don’t tell’ policy. We always had to keep everything under wraps. You do it for long enough, it becomes a hard habit to break. Plus, there are always jerks. Bastards who will undermine you for your personal choices. And in his position, he can’t afford to be undermined.”
“I just wanted to do something nice for Dana. After all the trouble she went to. I mean, by the sounds of it, she did a lot of illegal things to help get you off the hook.”
He grimaced. “You’re right. He’s agreed to it, though. I’d ask her before he can change his mind.”
“Damn, I’d best call her now,” she concurred, peering down at her watch. “I wonder if she’ll be in his office.”
“Probably. They’re busy on another project at the moment.”
She nodded. “Enjoy Harry Potter.”
He wrinkled his nose. “I will.”
Gia blew him a kiss, to which he reciprocated with a wink before he limped off. She reached for her cell as she watched him stagger away and wished there was a way to speed up the healing process. She hated seeing him hurting, and for him to admit to any aches and pains as he was doing of late, well, that told a tale of its own.
With a sigh, she connected the call to Josh’s office and was relieved to hear Dana’s absentminded voice. Luke was right: Josh could and would change his mind about this.
“Brigadier General Henderson’s office, Dana speaking. How may I be of assistance?”
“Hey, Dana. It’s Gia, Josh’s partner.”
“Oh! Hello, Gia. The brigadier general isn’t here right now. Actually, I thought he was at home. Would you like me to call him to see where he is?”
Gia smiled and returned to the dishes as she spoke. “No, it’s fine. He is home. It’s you I wanted to talk to.”
“Me? Is something wrong?”
“No, nothing’s wrong at all. Thanks to you and your help. I wanted to invite you over to dinner. Nothing fancy, or formal, you know?”
“Oh, that’s not necessary, Gia. I appreciate the kind invitation, though. I was only doing my job.”
Wow, Josh had trained her well. “I really would like to say thank you for all you’ve done for us, Dana.”
“It was my pleasure, Gia. What went down in Libya should never have happened in the first place. I’m proud that I could help. Truly.”
“Well, the offer’s open. If you change your mind, you have my number, and I’ll willingly arrange something.”
“That’s so kind of you. I’d best get back to work. I’m working to a deadline.”
“He’s a slave driver, isn’t he?” she teased, but her tone was commiserative.
“Oh no, he’s fabulous to work for. I’ve learned so much thanks to him,” came the exuberantly eager retort.
“I’m glad that’s the case. Anyway, I’ll let you get on. Take care, Dana, and thanks once more.”
After the call disconnected, Gia was left shaking her head. Josh? Fabulous? She wouldn’t have phrased it that way, and she loved the arrogant shit.
Well, she’d tried. Shrugging off the fact another peace offering had been thrown in her face—really, she didn’t know why she bothered—she set up tomorrow’s meal, preparing everything for the slow cooker.
After about five minutes of prep, she happened to turn around and saw Josh was in the doorway, where Luke had been but twenty minutes before, and was watching her work.
“How long have you been standing there?” she asked, quirking a brow his way.
“About ten minutes.”
“You come to rail at me some more?”
“No. I’ve come to watch my woman as she works.”
“How modern of you.”
“I know. Just call me Caveman.”
She snorted. “Don’t pretend to be a chauvinist.”
“I’m not. But I do get a kick out of you bustling around the kitchen the way you do.”
“How come?”
“I don’t know.”
“I didn’t expect compliments from you for a while longer. I know you’re mad at me.”
He pondered her a second, eventually shaking his head and saying, “That’s kind of an understatement, Gia. What’s going on in my head, you don’t even want to know.”
“Maybe I do. Maybe I don’t. You have to bear in mind the things I’m keeping from you, well, I’ve kept it that way for a reason.”
“Bull,” he retorted, then grimaced. “I didn’t mean to come here and start an argument. Another one.”
She pursed her lips. “It’s not bull. You don’t understand.”
“Then help me to make sense of it.”
“If I could tell you, you’d think I was crazy. Either that or you wouldn’t believe me anyway.”
“Try me. Seriously, I’m all ears. The whys and the hows of what you’ve been keeping quiet has been stopping me from sleeping at night. You’d laugh at what’s been running through my mind.”
She sighed. “You won’t like it. You’ll be hurt.”
“To be honest, sugar, I’m already hurting.”
Gia winced. If she told him about her reasons for keeping quiet about her career, maybe it would gloss over other secrets that she couldn’t share as easily. At the moment, that sounded like a pretty fair deal. “When I first moved in here, for real, I was so certain you were going to kick me out after the baby was born, I didn’t see the point in telling you. Then when some of the characters held similarities to you, I figured you’d be annoyed or repulsed and that you’d be angry at me. When
you didn’t kick me out after Lexi was born, it was just something I did when I had a few moments to myself. It stopped my brain from turning to mush at all the baby talk. It wasn’t super important to me, so I didn’t figure it would be important to you. And then when it did become important, I was so used to not sharing it with you that it became a habit.”
“Why did you think we’d kick you out?” He held up a hand. “By the way, you’re right. You got in my feelings.”
She blew out a breath and wiped her hands on a towel. Not that they were wet—it was an act born of nervousness. “I knew I would. And to answer your question, I don’t know. I’d been lying in that room down the hall, just dreaming about being able to be with the pair of you. Wishing I could lie in between you and sleep, make love to you, be in love with you both… When a person has all their dreams handed to them, you don’t necessarily believe it’s going to last forever. You think there’s a catch.
“I knew you wanted a baby, so I figured that would be the catch. And then when I had Lexi, and it was such hard work, I kind of…”
At her hesitation, he murmured, “Go on. Lay it out on the line. I need to understand, Gia. Only the truth will help me do that.”
She gnawed at her bottom lip. “I figured I was a free nanny.”
He blinked at the brutal words, then in a gait most unlike his usually strident pace, headed toward the counter and shakily clambered onto a stool. He rested his elbows on the marble top, plunked his chin on his fists, then whispered, “You know how to hit a man in the guts, honey.”
“Do you see why I didn’t want to talk about this?” She glowered at him. “It wasn’t my finest moment either. Thinking the worst of you, and praying it wasn’t so. I can’t tell you how many nights I spent wondering if heaven was going to be pulled out from under me the next day.”
Josh shook his head. “I don’t understand. We did everything we could to include you. To make you feel wanted, loved.”
She jerked a shoulder. “I know, but I was still scared.” Gia had been scared for a huge part of her life. In fact, she was sick and tired of being scared. Of running.
That had been one of the beautiful aspects of being with these two. She’d felt safe. For the first time in a lifetime, she’d slept at night without fearing for her security. Without fearing the Lusardis were going to get her.
The Strength of Love Page 14