“And?”
“And,” he smiles, “I’m still getting used to the idea that we can do this.” He leans over and kisses me again softly.
“You’re getting used to it?” I say.
He nods, slowly. “Yes … I’m getting used to the fact that I can kiss you here …” he says as he kisses one eyelid softly. “And right here …” he says as he kisses the other eyelid. “And over here …” he murmurs as he trails kisses along my cheek and over to my ear where I feel his breath hot on my skin. “But especially here …” he says as he makes his way back to my mouth and kisses me with an ardor that makes me sigh.
“I love it when you sigh like that,” he groans.
I smile against his lips as I kiss him back.
The invisible string between us glows and embraces my heart with a warm, white light that crowds out the worries in the back of my mind—about how Alexander and I can be together long term, or when Avestan will be back and how he’ll seek his vengeance against us.
When we finally sit up to watch the sun set with our arms wrapped around one another, I rest my head on Alexander’s shoulder.
He holds me close and kisses the top of my head softly before he asks a question I’ve been avoiding for far too long.
“Declan, do you want to talk about what happened to your dad?”
Chapter Two
“You said it was some kind of accident? But I understand if you don’t want to talk about it,” Alexander says softly.
I shake my head. It’s not as if it’s some big secret. I assumed he would have asked someone else by now or researched it online, but Alexander being Alexander he obviously respected my privacy and waited until I was ready to share it with him personally.
“It’s okay,” I say quietly. “I can talk about it.”
“You want to go somewhere else first? Are you getting cold?”
“No, I like being out here with you.”
I study a strip of billowy marshmallow clouds on the horizon with fiery light shining at their edges as the sun falls behind them. The sky is shot through with vibrant pink and orange hues and the effect over the water is brilliantly gorgeous. On days like today, even before I met Alexander, I would have believed that there are angels in the world all around us. He hugs me close as we sit, and the rhythmic, soothing beat of his heart makes me feel eminently safe. Eventually I look up into his eyes before I begin.
“I think I told you my dad was a partner at Fields and Morris, the big law firm in town. You saw Burt Fields once when he came to our house. Or he may have left before you arrived … anyway, he was my dad’s best friend. He started the firm.”
Alexander nods.
“They used to have an annual trip for the partners every summer. They would go out on the firm’s yacht and spend the weekend at sea. It was supposed to be an off-site meeting and fishing trip but mostly it was about taking a break and having fun according to my dad. He always had a good time. My mom used to say he brought the sun into any room or party …”
Alexander smiles and his kind eyes soften the pain in my heart.
“That was the last time I saw him,” I continue, “right before he went on that trip.” My voice cracks a little before I can finish and Alexander takes my hands in his.
“What happened?” he asks softly.
“No one knows exactly,” I say as I wipe away tears. “Burt said everyone had been drinking and he must have fallen off the boat … maybe hit his head so he couldn’t call for help. It was dark, at night.”
“Did your dad drink a lot?” asks Alexander.
“No,” I say. “My mom says he hardly drank at all. So that never made any sense. Somebody even speculated that maybe he jumped on purpose. That was the most hurtful. Burt told my mom he’d never forgive himself for not noticing sooner that my dad was missing. He had a hard time dealing with it for a long while afterwards. We all did, but I think Burt blamed himself.”
“Did your dad seem depressed?”
“No. I remember my mom saying he was a little preoccupied with a case at the time but we had a big vacation planned and he was looking forward to so many things. My dad would never leave us on purpose. I know that in my heart.”
“Did they do an autopsy?”
I shake my head and wipe my fingers under my eyes to clear away more tears. “They never found him. ‘Lost at sea’ was how they described it on the news. There was a search for a while but eventually they had to give up.”
Alexander pulls me into an embrace and I feel him kiss the top of my head as he strokes my hair with his hand. “I’m so sorry, Declan.”
I rest my head on his chest and enjoy the warm safety of his arms wrapped around me. “Next week is the anniversary. My mom and I always walk to the ocean every year to talk to him. When I run here in the mornings I sometimes talk to him then, too, as I look out over the water.”
“What do you say?”
“I tell him how much I miss him. And I ask for some sign that he’s okay … I just want to know that he’s all right, you know?” I look up at Alexander with watery eyes and he nods.
“We used to go on long walks together,” I say quietly. “I miss those the most.”
Alexander caresses my cheek and wipes away a tear with his thumb. “Do you ever tell him about your life?”
I nod. “Sometimes. I told him about you,” I say with a smile. “And I told him about Liz and Finn getting together—I know he’d get a kick out of that.” I laugh softly. “He would love Liz. She gets Finn the same way my dad did.”
Alexander smiles.
“Mostly I tell him how much I wish he was here.”
“He’s not gone,” says Alexander. “His energy continues.”
“I know … but it’s not the same.”
“Have you ever felt his presence?”
“What do you mean?”
“Like you saw something or the wind blew a certain way at the right moment?”
“Maybe … but isn’t that just wishful thinking?” I ask. “He used to help me with my anxiety, and I counted on the fact that if he was really around he would have continued to help me figure it out instead of letting me suffer all those years until you came along.”
“Maybe I was the help.”
My heart begins to pound as what Alexander said sinks in. “Are you saying my dad sent you?”
“No,” he says immediately, “no, no, Declan. I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to give that impression. I would have told you if I knew your dad. But energy can work indirectly. Has there ever been anything that made you wonder if he was communicating with you?”
“There was one thing,” I say, my mind drifting back to a dusty memory. “But it was only right after he died … I was having a hard time and my mom suggested we write letters and send them to my dad so I could feel like I had some control again. I wrote him a long letter telling him how much I missed him and my mom did the same and we folded them up and stuck them in two balloons—sky blue because that was his favorite color. Then we filled the balloons with helium and tied them off and went to the beach to let them go. It made me feel like I could talk to him again and he wasn’t really gone, just somewhere else.”
Alexander nods.
“That night I dreamt about my dad,” I continue. “He came to the house and I supposed we were getting ready for a party because he was carrying three balloons: two sky-blue and one purple. At first it all felt normal but slowly I started to remember that my dad was gone and none of this could be real. But I was overwhelmed with happiness that he was there and I started to cry and I told him how much I missed him, and he began to flicker and fade and he told me he loved me and he was sorry but he couldn’t stay.” Tears well up in my eyes as I remember the dream vividly.
“The next day I told my mom about the dream and she called Finn’s mom.”
“Why?”
“My dad and Finn had this special bond. So Finn was hurting … and he saw me hurting, and I think he didn’t know what to
do with all those emotions. He was pacing a lot and tapping his chest and eating crazy stuff like hot peppers and his mom was worried. He had this blue blanket he would never take off his shoulders whenever he was home. I think he felt helpless, like I did. So my mom told Mrs. Cooper about the balloon idea and she wanted to find out if they’d done it already.”
“Had they?” he asks.
I nod. “And my mom asked what color balloon Finn used.” I pause and look up into Alexander’s eyes. “I could tell what Mrs. Cooper’s answer was by the look on my mom’s face.”
“Purple.”
“That felt real to me,” I say with a nod, full of emotion. “Like my dad got our messages.”
Alexander hugs me closer.
“Right?” I ask as I swallow the tender lump in my throat.
“Strong emotions draw energy together. And love is the most powerful of all.”
My eyes well up as I nod. “That’s what I thought.”
“The funny thing is,” I add with a choked-up laugh, “when I tried to tell Finn about it he wouldn’t listen. He told me, ‘It’s universal that no one wants to hear anyone’s dreams.’”
Alexander laughs as he wraps his arms around me tighter and I feel his energy fill the space around us as we watch the summer sun complete its descent, infusing the sky with color in every direction.
In my mind, as the waves lap gently against the shore, I whisper to my dad how very much I love him, and how much I wish he was still here.
Chapter Three
“Alright lovebirds, break it up,” says Liz as she walks up to us in the back parking lot outside Jack’s Burger Shack. Alexander came to meet me on my break from work and we just finished having lunch. Okay, in that exact moment we were kissing, to be more precise. All those months it was forbidden and now I guess we’re making up for lost time. I’d kiss him all day if I could.
“Come over tonight,” Liz says. “My parents are gone for the weekend and Finn’s making dinner.”
My eyes widen.
“It’s okay,” she says with a laugh. “Seriously. I’m teaching him how to cook.”
I peer over at Alexander and he smiles. “We’re in,” he says in that easy way of his.
It’s been only two weeks since our graduation from San Mar High, yet I feel remarkably more grown up. Something tells me that this summer, before college starts, may be the most carefree I’ll ever be. Sure, I’m working like crazy, but there’s no schoolwork to worry about and somehow I have more spare time combined with more delicious freedom than ever before. Yes, Avestan weighs heavily in the back of my mind, but I’m determined to live in the moment while also preparing for his return (well, as much as anyone can prepare, I guess, for a dark angel’s angry resurgence).
The summer break isn’t all I’m excited about, though. By some turn of fate Finn, Liz and I will all be going to the same place in the fall, here in San Mar. Finn got into every school he applied to but he decided on UCSM in the end because of their space sciences program. Liz didn’t get accepted into Stanford, as she hoped, but UCSM was a close second choice. I managed to win an academic scholarship to UCSM and when you combine it with my savings, the money I earn from working, and the money I’m saving by living at home, I think I can pull it off. Alexander, of course, will be there, too and Edwin’s visiting professorship is now open-ended.
“What can we bring?” I ask Liz.
“How about a pizza in case Finn blows up the kitchen?” she replies before she breaks into a smile. “Just kidding! I’m sure it’ll be fine … most likely. Come over around eight.” She turns to yank open the back door. “I better clock in now,” she says as she heads in, “or Jack will be even more ticked off that I forgot to wear my ‘Home of the Hula Burger’ t-shirt. Again.”
I laugh and glance over at Alexander after she goes inside. “She hates that shirt,” I say. Then I peek at the time on my watch. “My break’s over, I’d better go inside, too.”
“I need to go, anyway,” Alexander says as we stand up from the picnic table. “Edwin and I have a meeting to go to.”
“One of your ‘once a fortnight’ angel meetings?” I ask.
He smiles. “Saving the world from dark forces requires some administrative planning.”
I laugh as he walks me to the back door with his arm around me and turns to face me before I go in. “Are we taking our lives in our hands?” he asks.
“What?”
“Eating food prepared by Finn.”
I laugh. “You’re immortal, what do you have to worry about?”
“Maybe I’m worried about the rest of you,” he smiles. “Finn told me he nearly burned down his parent’s house once when he left the toaster oven on.”
“He’s exaggerating,” I say with a dismissive wave of my hand. “A small fire damaged one cupboard and the poor guy never forgave himself. Honestly, the worst outcome we’re probably facing is either boxed macaroni and cheese or some recipe Liz foists on him that Finn meticulously measures and prepares only to throw in the oven and forget to ever take it out. He hates cooking. I don’t know what Liz is thinking.”
Alexander laughs. “I love you,” he says as he gives me a kiss. “But seriously, should we bring take-away in case this goes south?”
I smile. “Nah, Plan B is, we hit Rico’s afterwards.”
“I met some guy today who knows you,” Liz says as we sit at the large table in her kitchen, ready to eat. She’s scooping veggie lasagna onto our plates. I’m surprised to note that not only is the lasagna not burned to a crisp, it smells delicious.
“Did you really make this, Finn?” I ask. “It looks seriously good.”
“I made it,” says Finn dryly. “But I didn’t enjoy it.”
Alexander and I laugh.
“We agreed that once a month we’d both try something new for each other,” Liz explains. “Like software upgrades on ourselves.”
“Making this lasagna is worth at least three months,” says Finn.
“Well, that book series you want me to read is worth three years,” Liz retorts. “They have a million pages each.”
“The longest one is 987 pages,” replies Finn. “I read them all in 12 days.”
Liz groans. “I don’t understand why you care if I read them.”
Finn looks up. “I want you to read them so I can talk with you about them.”
“Haven’t you already talked them to death with your book club?” she asks.
“No,” he says. “I want your perspective. You bring up ideas I never would have considered. I like hearing what you have to say. You’re interesting and it’ll make me like the books more.” The sincerity in his voice as he meets Liz’s gaze makes my heart literally warm in my chest.
I peer over and can see that Liz’s heart has officially melted too. “All right,” she says. “I want to read them now.”
Finn smiles. “Thanks,” he replies. “I think this is resolved.”
I laugh to myself. I imagine Finn with a ledger in his head of outstanding issues that he checks off as either “resolved” or “unresolved/pending.” He craves equilibrium and appreciates pleasant outcomes.
Liz leans over and plants a kiss on him. He’s probably the only guy in the world that could make fiery Liz so agreeable and he does it without even trying. In fact, that’s probably the key—it works because he’s so honest and completely devoid of manipulation.
“So, anyway,” Liz says, now all smiles, “getting back to our original conversation … after you left today, this guy came into Jack’s and he made me promise I’d tell you he said hello. It was kinda weird …”
“Who was he?” I ask as I pass the salad bowl to Finn.
“He was good looking, but in a creepy sort of way if that makes sense. Said he knew you through Molly Bing … which I found very odd. Why would you know Molly’s boyfriend?”
My heart freezes in my chest. “What was his name?” I ask as I swallow hard and exchange a glance with Alexander.
“Actually, I think he’s her ex-boyfriend,” continues Liz, “they used to go out was what he said … oh what the hell was his name—it was something like Avatar or Ava-something-or-other. Does that sound familiar?”
My heart begins to pound so hard I fear it’s going to beat a hole through my chest. I feel like I’ve been jolted back in time to when anxiety like this plagued me on a daily basis. Alexander squeezes my hand under the table and I can feel him flooding me with calm, soothing energy. I center myself and do the same. I can’t give into panic.
“What exactly did he say?” Alexander asks Liz, his voice steady and reassuring.
“He just said to tell Declan he’s back in town and he’ll be seeing her soon. The way he said it made the hairs on the back of my neck stand up … which I suppose is how I would react to any guy who would date Queen B. Although I have to say he’s better looking than her typical jock boyfriends. I didn’t know she went for the hot, dangerous type. Although I’m sure he’s just as stup—”
“Stay away from him,” says Alexander sharply.
“Why?” asks Liz, looking surprised. “You know him?”
“His name is Avestan,” I say. “I had a run-in with him once when I was babysitting Charlie Bing. He’s not a good guy. Please don’t talk to him or go near him if you see him again.”
I look over at Finn. “I mean that for you, too. Stay away from Avestan, okay, Finn?”
“I have no idea who you’re talking about,” he replies. He’s tucked into his lasagna and not paying attention.
“I have a picture of him,” I say as I start to reach for my purse but I remember that the photo I took on my phone turned black, disturbing me greatly. “Actually, I forgot, I don’t have it anymore.”
Liz looks at me for a long time, studying my expression. “He’s a pretty recognizable guy … I’ll point him out to Finn if he comes around,” she reassures me, her voice serious now. “But you owe me more of an explanation on this later.”
I nod and I’m grateful when Alexander changes the subject. “I heard you and Edwin had a nice discussion the other day,” he says to Finn.
Fallen (The Guardian Series Book 2) Page 2