“Oh my God, I’m sorry. I’m so sorry … I forgot. Is this better?” I reposition myself to give him more space between us.
“Actually, I think it would be better if you put your leg over here,” he says, pointing to his other side.
“What? You mean like this?” I gently angle my leg across him.
“Yes, and put your right arm over here,” he says, pointing again.
“Like this?” I ask, confused, as I lay my arm over him.
He nods. “Okay, now shift a little so that your other knee and arm are along this side. Right here and here,” he points.
I start to move as he requested and then I realize what he’s doing. I shake my head with a knowing smile and very gingerly climb astride him. “Like this?” I say wryly.
He flashes a wicked smile with a glint in his eyes. “That’s it,” he says. “Now ease down here—gently mind you—and heal me some more.”
We both chuckle as he reaches up and cradles my face, bringing me in slowly for a very tender, very careful kiss.
Chapter Nineteen
I wake up next to Alexander on the couch. He emits a groan when I raise my arm from across his chest.
“Don’t move,” he orders.
I freeze. “Why? Am I hurting you?”
“No, I just don’t want you to go.”
I look up at him in disbelief. “I thought I hurt you. You’re insufferable.”
The corners of his mouth upturn in a slow, easy smile. “Good morning to you, too.”
I shake my head with a begrudging smile in return. “Morning. I’m going to the bathroom. I’ll be right back.” I carefully extricate myself to take care of Mother Nature and splash some water on my face. We must have fallen asleep last night in each other’s arms. I hardly remember. As I stare at my reflection in the mirror over the sink, I note that my eyes are clear and bright and I realize that last night was the most peaceful, contented rest I’ve had in weeks.
I return to find Alexander sitting up, stretching. He looks remarkably well, too.
“How do you feel?” I ask.
“Phenomenal, considering.”
“What percent is ‘phenomenal, considering’?”
He smiles. “82 percent.”
I nod, satisfied. “Are you going to tell me what happened?”
“I think it’s pretty obvious. I found Avestan and we beat each other senseless.”
“Will you stop making jokes about this?”
“It’s what happened. And I found out something important: He’s not up to full strength yet.”
“He isn’t? So the fight wasn’t too bad?”
He laughs. “Well, it was no picnic, as you could tell by the way I showed up on your doorstep, but he’s definitely still recovering from how we left him in Nusquam. No wonder he stayed away this long.”
I nod, remembering. I wish he could have remained in Nusquam forever.
“Now,” he says, “tell me exactly what happened in the car park yesterday.”
I relay the story of Avestan approaching me in the parking lot at Fields and Morris and Justin coming out at the right moment and refusing to leave until Avestan backed off. For some reason I leave out the part about the connection Avestan mentioned between us.
“You told him you think he’s afraid of you?” Alexander asks.
I nod. “I don’t know why, it just came out.”
“It came out because it’s true. I’m glad you’re realizing the power you hold.”
“You think so?”
He nods. “Yes, you must have felt it … even through that thick black morass he wears like a shroud. Why else would you have poked that tiger when you were standing there, terrified?”
I can’t help but laugh. “That’s a good way of putting it. Either that or I’m an idiot.”
“You could never be an idiot,” Alexander says with a chuckle. “And Justin’s a good man, by the way. To sense you were in trouble, come out to help, and stand his ground.”
“He is a good guy,” I say, “but I was terrified Avestan was going to hurt him.”
Alexander shakes his head. “Brave, selfless acts carry the power to restore the balance between dark energy and light. Justin followed his instincts and it would have been difficult in that moment for Avestan to channel energy against him.”
I’m relieved by what he says. “Will you make sure a guardian watches out for Justin, though, just in case?”
“Of course.”
I look into Alexander’s eyes, hesitating. I open my mouth to speak and then close it.
“What is it?” he says.
“There’s something I want to ask you.”
“You know you can ask me anything.”
“Okay,” I say, “is there something you’ve been keeping from me?”
“What do you mean?”
“About some connection I have to Avestan?”
“Did he say that?”
“He says you’re withholding information.” I relay exactly what Avestan said to me and, unless Alexander is a world-class actor, he appears to be as bewildered as I was.
“Edwin and I suspected there was something behind the way Avestan targeted you.”
I search his eyes. “So there’s something you’re not telling me?”
“No. We haven’t found anything. And Avestan could be making it up, trying to sow doubt and split us apart.”
I nod but don’t say anything. That’s the thing about pernicious lies—whether they’re true or not doesn’t matter. Once the seeds of doubt are planted they’ve already done their damage. Here I am, a small part of me doubting Alexander, even though I know he’d never lie to me.
“Declan,” he says, meeting my eyes, “I would tell you.”
I nod. “I know,” I say. “I know you wouldn’t keep something like that from me.” I decide to change the subject. “Why were you traveling by light yesterday?”
“I was getting things ready.”
“For our plan?”
“Yes.”
“Is it still ready?”
“82 percent ready.”
I smile. “Are you in a lot of pain?” I ask, concerned.
“Nothing I can’t handle.”
We sit in silence for a moment. “I don’t need any big plan, you know.”
“I know,” he says. “Something you mentioned once sparked my initial idea but I actually considered changing the whole plan because of something else you said the other day.”
“What did I say?”
“If I tell you, it might ruin the surprise.”
“Do I get a choice?”
“Of course,” he says. “Have I spun this up too much? Would you rather plan it instead?”
I look into his eyes and the caring in their depths touches my heart. “No,” I say, “I like how you plan things. And how much thought you put into them. And all the anticipation. But I want you to know I don’t need something extravagant. All I care about is me and you. And I think I’m just … impatient.”
He smiles. “I love that you’re impatient,” he says, holding my gaze. “The plan was never extravagant, I promise … in cost, anyway. That wouldn’t be us. It will just be you and me and somewhere special when the time is right. But not now, not today, when Avestan is on our minds.”
“And you’re in pain,” I say softly. “I know. I hate him. I hate what he does to us. The way he makes me feel, so heavy … and hopeless. Compared to the way I feel when I’m around you, it makes me want to cry.”
Alexander caresses my cheek and guides the errant lock of hair that has fallen over my eyes back behind my ear. He kisses me softly. “I’m here,” he murmurs, “I’m okay.”
I nod and close my eyes, basking in his energy.
“The good news is, Avestan may have just handed us the key to our plan … our other plan.”
“What do you mean?”
“He wanted to cause a rift between us … let’s not disappoint him.”
Chapter Twenty<
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“What rift?” I ask.
“Avestan told you I was keeping something from you—something important that he’s willing to tell you and I’m not. He’s expecting we’ll quarrel over it. He wants you to doubt me. If two people don’t trust each other they can’t stay together. It’s that simple.”
“How does this help us?”
“It gives us a plausible reason to break up in his eyes. A reason for me to leave.”
“Now?” I ask, my heart sinking in my chest.
“The sooner the better. Avestan will expect we’ve been having a row all night.”
“But you’re only 82 percent healed.”
“I know a way you can help me fix that,” he says with that familiar glint.
I push his arm lightly. “How could he expect I’d argue with you when you came here bloody and hurt?”
“He’ll assume you’re cross with me for putting myself in danger.”
“I am cross with you for putting yourself in danger.”
“See? Not so far-fetched.”
I shake my head. “I don’t like this idea.”
“I was worried he wouldn’t follow me when I left—that he wouldn’t believe anything could come between us and he’d think I wouldn’t stay away. But now I think he’s handed us a gift. It could work.”
“But what will I tell everyone else why we broke up? And where will I say you went?”
“Edwin can tell everyone I went back to Sydney to visit relatives. Avestan will assume that you don’t trust me and that’s why we broke up and I left. As far as what you tell everyone else, I’m sure you can come up with plenty of reasons to be rid of me.”
I look at him. I know he’s joking but it hurts to be so cavalier. “No,” I say. “I can’t.”
“C’mon. We have to make this seem real. Right now Avestan thinks we’re in here having a row—that you don’t trust me anymore. Tonight I’m going to have to leave and you’ll have to look upset.”
“I won’t have to look upset, Alexander, I’ll be upset,” I say with emotion. “I don’t want you to go.”
“I know,” he says, taking my hands, “nor do I. But this is our chance if we can make it believable. What are you going to say to Liz and Finn when they ask why we broke up?”
I shake my head. “I don’t know. Your terrible jokes,” I say wryly, “how’s that?”
Alexander smiles. “I thought you thought I was funny.”
“I do,” I say petulantly, “I can’t come up with anything. I don’t want to break up.”
“C’mon, we have to do this. What do I do that annoys you?”
“Nothing.”
“C’mon.”
“Okay … you always have a plan.”
He smiles again. “That annoys you?”
“Only when you don’t share them with me.”
“I’m sharing now,” he says. “That’s why we’re having this conversation about stupid pretend reasons to break up.”
I smile. “I know.”
“So, what else ya got?” he asks wryly.
I meet his eyes. “What am I supposed to say? I can’t exactly tell people that you’re a guardian angel and you’re going to stay young forever and I’m going to get old and decrepit and we can never really work together long term.”
He’s quiet for a moment. “Is that truly how you feel?”
“No,” I say quietly. “Well … sometimes.”
“But—”
“I know, I know, age doesn’t matter and so on and all that.”
“It doesn’t.”
“What if we have kids?”
“Guardians can’t extend the line in that way.”
“I know I can’t get pregnant, but we could adopt.”
“Is that what you want?” he asks.
“Who knows? Maybe someday.”
“Then we can adopt.”
“How would we explain to a child that their father never ages?”
Alexander meets my eyes and holds my gaze for a long time. “This doesn’t feel pretend anymore,” he says.
“No,” I insist, realizing what I’ve done, “it is. I don’t know why I said any of that. You forced me to come up with something and—”
“I never realized so clearly that you’d be better off with a mortal.”
“What? What are you talking about? I only want to be with you.”
“But you could have a normal life,” he says. “With kids and a husband who grows old.”
“Who says I want a normal life? I want to be with you.” I look into his eyes, pleading for him to understand. “We’re just pretending. None of this is real.”
He remains silent.
“Maybe it’ll be good for me to be away for a while,” he says finally.
“No,” I say, shaking my head, “it won’t. Because I love you.”
He looks up at me. “I love you, too … I love you enough to do what’s best.”
“Alexander,” I cry, “no, I don’t want to do this anymore. We’re not breaking up. You’re not leaving!” My voice is hoarse and I wrap my arms around him and kiss him with all the urgency and love in my heart.
At first he doesn’t respond. He stays rigidly still, holding me by the arms but not pushing me away. I’m careful, so I won’t hurt him, but I persist, kissing him again until I feel him relenting. I tug at his bottom lip and his lips finally part and my tongue finds his. He moans deep in his throat and flips us over until I’m beneath him on the couch. He kisses me hard, with abandon, and I glide my hands along his skin and over the granite muscles of his chest and slide his shirt off, over his head. His mouth comes down on mine again and he cups my breasts, massaging them through the thin fabric of my blouse before unbuttoning one button and then tearing it open the rest of the way in his haste and sliding it off me. His eyes are ablaze and I unzip my skirt and push it down until I’m left in just my bra and panties as we continue to kiss with wild, primal intensity. My hands drift down, low on his hips, to his jeans where we both tug to undo them and slide them off with force. He strains against his boxer briefs and I wrap my legs around him as we kiss until I can feel his length pushing against me. I reach down to slide off my panties and Alexander pushes off his briefs and then, as I feel him pressing against me, my body aching for him, he lets out a low, hoarse growl from deep within his throat and rolls off to lie on his back beside me on the couch.
“Did I hurt you?” I breathe.
“No,” he groans, breathing hard. “We can’t do this. Not like this.”
“I want to,” I breathe as I shift to my side, “and I know you do, too.” My eyes trail over his sculpted chest and abs, straying lower to the evidence before me.
He groans, hesitating, raking his fingers through his thick, dark hair. “No,” he says finally. He sits up and reaches for his briefs. “This isn’t how it should be.”
“I don’t care how it should be,” I say. “I love you. I want to make love to you.”
He turns to face me. “That wasn’t making love. It was hot and raw and out of control.”
“What’s wrong with hot, raw sex?”
I see him trying to hold back a smile but a trace appears anyway at the corner of his mouth. “Nothing,” he says. “I plan for us to have plenty of it. But not for your first time. Not for our first time.”
“That’s one of your plans? To have hot, raw sex with me?”
Both corners of his mouth are now clearly invoked in his smile. “I hope to,” he says. “As well as romantic sex, and fun, playful sex, and deeply intimate sex. If you want to.” His expression turns serious. “But not now. Not when we’re doing it because we’re breaking things off.”
“But we’re just pretending to break things off.”
Alexander is silent.
“Right?”
He still doesn’t answer.
“Alexander,” I say, sitting up, “I’m not going along with this plan if you don’t agree.”
He slides over closer and takes my
hands. “Declan, I love you. Always. But we need to make this real … so Avestan will follow me and leave you safe, okay?”
“But it’s not real …”
He hesitates before answering. “I’ll always love you. That’s real.”
I stare at him, silently.
“If you’d rather be free while I’m gone,” he adds, “I understand. And maybe that’s best … to consider yourself free.”
“Free?”
“To date other people. Mortals.”
Tears well up in my eyes. “No,” I say, shaking my head. “Please, Alexander, don’t do this. Don’t say that.”
He pulls me toward him and kisses my tears away, one at a time. “It will be okay,” he whispers.
“How will you going away ever be okay?” I ask bitterly. “Will I even hear from you?”
“We shouldn’t communicate,” he says. “Avestan needs to think we’re through. But if you absolutely have to reach me, get word through Edwin.”
“How long will you be gone?”
“As long as it takes for Avestan to follow me and for me to defeat him, away from here.”
My tears are flowing steadily now and my eyes plead with Alexander to reconsider.
He gently sweeps a stray lock of hair from my eyes and tucks it behind my ear. “I don’t want to spend our last day together having a row,” he says softly.
“Our last day? Alexander, you’re scaring me.”
“Only for a while.”
His eyes are endless pools and I stare into them sadly, knowing there’s nothing I can say that will ever change his mind. “Just hold me,” I say softly as he pulls me in close against him and I feel the warmth of his body for what I achingly pray isn’t the last time.
Chapter Twenty-One
The first day was the easiest, in retrospect.
With each day Alexander continues to be gone, without any word, my worry grows and festers. He was still injured when he left. Why didn’t he wait? What if Avestan went after him again right away? I miss him profoundly. It’s only been a little over a week since he left but it might as well be a year. Each day I don’t think I can feel any worse yet I do. I trudge through the motions of my normal routine but inside I’m so worried about Alexander I can hardly focus. I’m determined not to sit around and ruminate over where he is and what he’s doing every minute while he’s gone but it’s not easy. My inner drill sergeant yells at me regularly to stop being such a wuss. Just because Alexander’s gone it doesn’t mean I’m helpless for Pete’s sake. I have powers … and I can make things happen, too. Maybe I can be the one to end this once and for all. I pump myself up like this regularly only to review the situation again and fall into despair. Avestan is a dark angel powerful enough to kill Alexander. How could I ever defeat him as a freaking sprite? Up and down I go with my emotions and when I’m down I force myself to get back up and go to work and hang out with friends and distract myself from missing him and worrying about him endlessly or I’ll go crazy. I really will.
Fallen (The Guardian Series Book 2) Page 9