“It is quite all right, I shall do this.”
“Are you sure, My Lord?” the butler replied uncertainly.
“Of course. I am quite capable.” He did not need an underling telling him what he could and could not do.
“Yes, My Lord. I shall leave you to it.” The butler scurried away before he could be bombarded with any more of James’ fractious nerves. James instantly felt remorseful, for the butler had not deserved such a tone of voice. It was Edward’s absence, sending him somewhat mad.
Nevertheless, he took up the letters and began to look through them. His heart stopped as he saw a square of vellum, marked with a very familiar hand. He knew it as well as his own. Dropping the rest, he tore open the note and read the words within, hanging off every sentence.
My dearest brother,
I trust this letter reaches you in good time, for you must be worried sick about my whereabouts. I am sorry that I have not written to you sooner, but I have been otherwise engaged. You see, I took a nasty fall from my horse and have been residing at a kindly house in the meantime. I suffered a bout of amnesia, according to the doctor, and have been here ever since. I am healing every day and will soon be well enough to return home. I hope that everything is well with Summerhill, and with you? I hope our mother is not faring too badly, and I am anxious to see her again. Please let her know that I am well, and that I am safe, and that I will be coming home soon.
Yours Fondly,
Edward
James pocketed the letter and hurried back to the drawing room, unable to keep the news to himself.
“Well?” Adrian prompted.
“A letter has arrived, but it is not from your men. It is from Edward himself,” James replied.
Adrian’s eyes widened. “And what does he say?”
“He says that he has taken a nasty fall from his horse and has been residing in a ‘kindly house’ ever since, after suffering a bout of amnesia.”
Adrian frowned. “But that does not make any sense. He is supposed to be in Chester with Miss Veronica.”
“Perhaps we were mistaken.”
“Then, how do you explain the pin that you found in the boarding house?”
James did not have a certain answer. “He must have left it there during his last visit to that place of ill repute. He frequented it, and the pin was hidden out of sight.”
“And how would Miss Veronica have managed to get one?”
“What do you mean?”
Adrian drew the golden pin from his pocket. “I found this whilst we were searching Miss Veronica’s belongings. How do you explain it, if he has been elsewhere this entire time?”
“They were lovers, once. Perhaps she held onto it, as a keepsake?”
Adrian did not seem confused. “Do you think he might be lying about his whereabouts? Maybe he did not go through with the elopement, and he has decided to return home? The amnesia and the fall could be a ruse.”
“We shall discover the truth when he returns. Until then, I am just happy that is alive and well, and he is coming back to us.” James grinned at his cousin and took off towards his mother’s room to tell her the good news. He could not bear to see her suffer a moment longer, even if it meant that his dreams of becoming the Duke of Summerhill were dashed. Besides, he did not want to gain the title that way. Not one bit.
“Can it be true?” The Duchess whimpered from beneath her covers. “Has my boy been found?”
“He has, Mother.” James perched on the edge of her bed and held her frail hand. “He is returning to us, once he has healed. I believe he has taken an injury in a nasty fall, but he will be well soon enough.”
“Oh, I am so pleased.” She took her hand from James’ and clasped it to her heart. “I feared for the state of our dynasty without him. As soon as he has returned, we must see him married. It is past due time that he was wed. It will do him some good, for certain.”
James frowned. “Why did you fear for the state of our dynasty?”
“He is the Duke, darling. Everything would crumble without him.”
James felt a flicker of anger, deep in his stomach. “I could have taken care of things, in his absence. I have been doing so, ever since Father died.”
“I know you like to believe that, darling, but Edward has always been the sharper of the two of you. He is creative in his thinking, and he will see our dynasty restored to its former glory.” She smiled happily, some color coming back to her pallid cheeks. “The ton adore him, despite his name and his title. They will accept him back into polite society, I know they will.”
“You do not think I could do the same?”
“Oh, my dear boy, you have your own charm, but Edward is enchanting. He has a certain social elegance that comes naturally to him. It is no slight upon you, James, but he has an essence that is often found in great men.”
James’ shoulders sank. “What must I do to prove myself to you, Mother? Why is nothing I do ever good enough?” He could not withhold his feelings any longer, lest they tear him to pieces. “You would still have a daughter if it had not been for your golden boy, and yet I still cannot gain your approval.”
“James, what is the meaning of this? This is so very unlike you.”
He released a tense sigh. “I have endured it too long, Mother. No matter what I do, I cannot climb to the lofty heights where Edward resides. He drinks, he gambles, he visits houses of ill repute, and yet everyone smiles upon him as if he were a king. I obey, I am loyal, I am respectful, and I suffer for it. I cannot bear it any longer.”
“James!”
“What must I do, Mother? Why do you only have eyes for Edward? Father pretended I did not exist, when all I wanted to do was impress him. Grandfather was worse. Edward does not care for this dukedom, Mother. I do, and yet I shall never have it. I am not a jealous man, nor do I resent Edward for being the firstborn, but I resent the way I am treated in my own home!” His cheeks were hot with rage, his body trembling with unspent fury.
“Whatever has come over you?” The Duchess sounded frightened, as she retreated beneath the coverlet.
“I am tired of his free rein, Mother. He disappears for a fortnight, and the world falls apart. If I were to disappear, would anyone care? I think not.”
“James, darling, you must calm down. Do not vex yourself. I love you both the same, I always have.”
James whirled around. “Do not humor me, Mother. I know you do not. You have always preferred Edward, even after he caused Amy’s death.”
“He did not cause her death, James. That is unfair. It was a terrible accident, that is all. Your father would not let him forget it, but that was only to teach him the weight of responsibility. He never truly blamed Edward for his part in Amy’s death,” she said, doing nothing to ease James’ ire.
“You see, you are making excuses for him again. That is all anyone seems to do. He allows this dukedom to fall into chaos, and he does not care for it, and yet everyone hails his name. I am tired of it, Mother. I am tired of it!” He held his head in his hands. “Would that he had stayed forgetful. Would that he had never remembered us.”
“James, you do not mean that,” the Duchess murmured, in shock.
He sighed wearily and glanced at her. “No, Mother. I. Do. Not. Of course, I do not. I am simply exasperated by the cards I have been dealt in this life. I cannot win, no matter what I do.”
“My dear boy…” She reached out for his hand, but he snatched it away. With humiliated tears, he got up and crossed the room, leaving his mother alone. He did not want to see her cry and think him weak.
As he walked towards his bedchamber, he wondered what life would be like if Edward did stay where he was. He knew it was not possible, but he burned with a desire that he could not extinguish. It stemmed from years of mortification and denigration, all pouring out of him at once.
I do not know where you are, Edward, but perhaps it might have been better for us all if you had never been born.
Chapter 25
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Lydia’s father paced around the drawing room, a dark cloud lingering over his head. “You are not to see him; do I make myself clear? I do not care for your feelings towards one another. The doctor has said he is fit to travel, and I would see him gone from this house at the earliest possible opportunity.”
Lydia’s face fell. “You do not care for the happiness of your daughter?”
“Not if he is the source of your happiness, no. He is from a disgraced family. I do not know the boy personally, but I will not see you wed to him, under any circumstances.” They had endured the same conversation more times than Lydia could count, over the two days that had passed since Edward had regained his memories.
“But I love him, Father. Surely, you can see that he would take care of me?”
“That wretch will not come near you, Lydia. If he does, I shall dispose of him myself.”
“I thought you said you would not harm a fly? What has changed? You were curious enough when you thought him a simple stable boy—why must you be so pigheaded, when he is the perfect choice for me. I love him, and he is of good means and title.”
“He is our enemy, Lydia. The trials that his family put ours through—oh, if you only knew!”
“I can guess, Father, but Edward is not his grandfather. He does not even agree with the stories he was told. For instance, he told me that he did not believe his grandfather was in the right, when he sought to keep Grandmother hostage. He does not believe ladies should be any man’s property.”
The Duke snorted. “How charming, that he should have morals enough to see that.”
“Father, why can you not be reasonable?”
“You are my daughter, and you will do as I have said. You will not go near him, and if I find that you have visited with him, I shall send you to your Aunt in Northumberland.”
Lydia’s heart pounded in her chest. “So, he does not believe that ladies should be any man’s property, but you believe that I am your property, to order around as you please?”
“It is in your best interests. You will see that, one day.”
“I do not think I shall, Father. If you forbid me from seeing him, you shall break my heart.”
He shot her a cold look. “Better a broken heart than a ruined life, Lydia.”
“I cannot endure this. You cannot be reasoned with.” Lydia strode out of the room without another word and headed towards her bedchamber. Up the hallway, her sisters peered out of their rooms and cast her apologetic glances. They had not been permitted to see her, not until she could “learn how to behave like a lady.” And so, she had existed in near isolation, wishing that things could be different.
The only thing that remained a constant was her love for Edward, which was unwavering in its resolve. The more her father told her she could not be with him, the fiercer her love burned for him. Absence was truly making the heart grow fonder, though she feared that it might be a more permanent separation if they could not come up with a plan soon. If her father thought him fit to travel, he would have to leave within the next few days. She could not allow that to happen, not without her.
Lydia awoke to find a figure standing at the side of her bed. She jolted up in fright, reaching for the closest implement to use as a weapon. From the darkness, she heard a soft, sad chuckle.
“Do not worry, Lydia, it is only me.”
“Mother? What are you doing here?”
The Duchess reached over and lit the candle on Lydia’s bedside table. Now illuminated, she sat down on the edge of Lydia’s bed and took her daughter’s hand in hers. “I was watching you sleep, my dear girl. I have not done that since you were very little. I suppose life was far simpler then.”
“You scared me.”
“I did not mean to. I only wished to watch you a while longer.” She paused, inhaling a shaky breath. “I feel I have almost missed you grow into womanhood, Lydia. One moment, you were a tiny thing, bouncing upon my knee. And the next…well, here you are.”
“What brings you here, in the middle of the night?” Lydia looked at the clock and saw that it was gone two in the morning.
“Guilt, I suppose. And worry.”
Lydia frowned. “What do you mean?”
“I have had some time to dwell upon your situation, and I have come to a rather strange conclusion,” she explained. “You see, my darling girl, what you said the other day struck me in a peculiar fashion. I was a young lady like you, once upon a time, with hopes and dreams of a love to end all others.”
“I did not mean to cause you any pain, Mother. I spoke out of turn, and I should not have done.” She still felt remorse over her comments that day, just before Edward had regained his memories.
She shook her head. “You spoke truthfully, though I had long forgotten anything other than my present life. I fell in love once, so deeply I thought I might burst. But he was of little means, and my father refused the match. Instead, he married me to the son of a friend of his. That son was your father.”
“So, you do not love him?”
“I do, in my own way, but when you spoke of passion and desire, it brought back a memory that I had buried deep in my mind.” She paused, her tone sorrowful. “I remembered the gentleman I had loved, and the way his very presence had made me feel. I am grateful to your father, and I do love him, but…the truth is, I do not know that I can deny you the same feeling I once had. Besides, it does not hurt that he is a peer.”
Lydia stared at her mother. “I do not understand.”
“Your father is asleep and has imbibed a large quantity of good brandy. He will not awaken anytime soon. If you promise me now that you will not run away with Edward, the minute you are free to do so, then I will allow you to see him.”
“But…why? You were so horrified when you knew I loved a stable boy. What has changed?”
“My dreams for you, and the fact he is no longer a mere stable boy. I thought you needed wealth and a title to be happy, but I have seen the way that Edward looks at you. I have seen the way you look at him. And it reminded me of a boy and a girl I once knew, who looked at each other in that exact way. You are fortunate in that you may have both wealth and love.” A tear glistened on her mother’s cheek. Instinctively, Lydia reached out to brush it away, letting her fingertip linger a moment longer on her mother’s skin.
“Oh, Mother,” Lydia whispered.
The Duchess clasped Lydia’s hand to her face. “All I want is for you to be happy. That is all I have ever wanted for my children, though I have gone about it in a rather awful way.”
“You have not.”
“Truthfully?”
Lydia shook her head. “Caroline is content because of your actions. True, you intended for me to meet with Lord Chalmers, but he has fallen madly in love with Caroline instead. And she is just as fond of him. It is a perfect match.”
“He writes to her very often.”
“And she devours his letters, Mother. You have done what you thought was right, and I am grateful to you for allowing me this gift of seeing Edward. I love him, so very much.”
She smiled and kissed Lydia’s palm. “Then go to him, darling girl. Tell him of your love and do not let that love out of your sight. Hold onto it for dear life, for you do not know when it may vanish until it has already gone.”
Edward looked up as the door opened. It was gone two in the morning, but he had not been able to sleep. The pain in his chest and shoulder kept him up, with the morphine having worn off some time ago. He braced himself for the Duke of Greenwick, half expecting the man to come in and turn him out before dawn.
Instead, he found himself looking upon Lydia’s fair face.
“My love,” he whispered in disbelief.
“I have come to check on the patient,” she replied, with a mischievous smile. Closing the door behind her, she hurried to his side and leaned in to kiss him on the cheek. He caught her face in his hands and pressed his lips to hers, unable to resist the temptation. She kissed him back with equal desper
ation, her lips parted, and his tongue danced with hers.
His arms slid around her waist as he pulled her closer. She dipped her head to the side as his kisses traced the elegant curve of her swanlike neck. She arched back and let out a moan. She wore nothing but a nightdress, and he could see the delicate contours of her physique beneath. It aroused him greatly, but he had vowed not to touch her in a husbandly manner until they were man and wife.
And yet…how could he resist her?
Dipping his head, he captured her mouth in a savage kiss; his hands running the length of her spine. She gasped in delight, and shuffled into his lap, her arms looping about his neck. It would have been so easy to lift the hem of her nightdress and expose the naked heat of her, but he did not. He could not. Not yet. Even so, the feel of her in his lap was intoxicating, making the hardness of his arousal strain to be closer to her.
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