by Scott Rhine
“Damn,” said the shorter man behind the general. “This complicates matters.”
“He’ll sign anyway,” insisted Navarra. “Lock him in the tower. Chain the sailor in the barn for now; he’ll row with the other captives when the warship returns with more supplies for the siege.”
Chapter 7 – Expenses
On the first morning of the weekend, Pagaose worked out alone with Niftkin standing guard. “Any more shipping incidents discovered?” the emperor asked.
“Only at night, sire, and only ships known to be in deep water.”
“Since under ideal conditions it takes over twenty hours to reach the nearest shore from Center, that means every ship that tries to leave the Inner Islands. Serog can use darkness to her advantage and rest when we might be able to fight her. Spread the word to travel only in short hops and only during sunny days.”
At breakfast, Anna asked, “Since you have no testing for two whole days, what do you want to do?”
The emperor shrugged, “Brush up on the law and try to free up finances for our day-to-day expenses. We’ll start with the Royal Zoo.”
Once he was cleaned up, they went on a jaunt down the hill to his private zoological gardens. The foliage was overgrown in most places, forcing Niftkin to whack a path with his short sword. Most of the cages were empty and the caretaker wasn’t at his post. The tiger was old, losing teeth, and almost blind. A pile of chopped meat lay beside it, swarming with flies.
Anna’s favorite was the otters; they splashed and frolicked in the water provided to them. “They’re so playful!” Seeing her brighten this way warmed him inside.
The path ended in the sun bear enclosure. There was a painting of the creature over the entry arch. After searching for several minutes, they found no such animal. “Pity,” he said. “If there was one animal I wouldn’t mind on my coat of arms, it’s the sun bear.”
Pagaose returned to his palace and examined the expenses reported for the previous year. “In addition to the caretaker, there are seven assistants. They provide tons of meat to twenty-eight wild animals, plus tons of grain for numerous species of birds and fish.”
“The only fish I saw were the ones the otters were eating,” Anna noted.
“There were koi and some sort of blue fish under the bridge we crossed.” The emperor sighed. “The zoo may have been beautiful once, but someone has been using it as an excuse to rob the coffers for years. Most of the creatures could be released into the wild. The peacocks could probably live on the lawn of any college.”
Niftkin shook his head. “The otters couldn’t be released into the wild; they’re too used to humans now. The first time they climb into a fishing boat and eat the catch, they’re dead.” Anna covered her face in horror. “One of those fishermen will just pick up an oar and smack . . .” Pagaose waved his hands trying to shush the guard. “No?”
“We won’t let that happen,” the emperor insisted, glaring at his head guard. “Bring me the alleged caretaker.”
“Where can we keep the otters?” Anna asked.
“We’ll find somewhere they can stay.”
She hugged him so hard that she knocked the wind out of him. “Thank you!”
Uncomfortable, he said, “You missed checking the brewery yesterday. Weren’t you going in today?”
When she left, he had to sit down.
A few hours later, two guards arrived with a drunken, unshaven toad of a man who cursed nonstop. They announced, “Murali of Zanzibos, the Patawash clan.”
Pagaose smiled as he approached the man. “What were your qualifications for being head zoo caretaker?”
Seeing the tall man with six fingers, the keeper turned pale. “Sire?”
“Your qualifications?”
“I’m skilled in tracking and subduing wild animals,” he whispered, head bowed.
“I’m only going to ask this once: how much did you steal?”
“My cut was eighty silver hours per week plus twenty to care for the animals. I let my boy handle that.”
“You have spared your life; now you’ll determine how the rest of that life will be spent. Who else received a share of your spoils?”
Sweating, the man recited a long list of names, some high-placed government officials. When he finished, Pagaose ordered, “Place him in a comfortable dungeon cell, but make his son responsible for his daily feeding and that of the otters.”
“Sire, a word,” said the large man. “You have been just, but is there a chance for mercy? Despite my appearance, I’m not a sedentary man by nature. The inactivity drove me to drinking, and the alcohol led me into debt. That is my shame. Not only am I the best in the world at hunting, but I’m also a water-diviner like my mother.”
“If an opportunity arises that demands your unique skill set, you shall be given the chance to volunteer. With war on our doorstep, I expect opportunities to abound. There is hope.”
When the man left, the emperor ordered, “Round up the other offenders and we’ll have a discussion, one at a time. Save Lord Vapordoom for last. If we’re to impeach him, we must have several witnesses.”
“Very good, sire,” said Niftkin.
When Anna returned, the guard summarized for her. “In the end, three of the embezzlers confessed, gave testimony, and were placed in the dungeon. The list of names implicated matched almost perfectly. Only Lord Vapordoom couldn’t be confirmed. The other three, who claimed innocence, were turned over to the court system for execution.
“Death?” she gasped. “Isn’t there another way?”
“He gave them all a chance to come clean first,” said Niftkin. “He hates death sentences, but if the emperor doesn’t draw a line from the beginning, everyone will steal from him.”
“What good does it do?”
“The emperor recovered enough funds to pay this week’s salaries for the palace workers, and he’s selling the zoo property a parcel at a time so his chamberlain doesn’t have to buy our food. Scribbles is managing the transactions, showing nobles the location and whatnot.”
“Where’s Pagaose?”
“In his room meditating, but please don’t go in there unless you can be positive.”
Anna went into his parlor, head bowed. “Highness, am I permitted to cry for the condemned?”
“Yes,” he said, his voice choking slightly. Then she wept. He wanted so badly to hold her, to comfort her, but she was pledged to another.
****
Holyday morning, Pagaose had circles under his eyes from lack of sleep. “Myron generated a lot of laws. I searched through half of them last night to find some way I could mitigate the punishments. Nothing.”
Anna patted his hand. “That’s why I’m going to the pleasure dome ahead of you.”
Niftkin objected. “Only the emperor and his lovers may enter. Even I, his head guard, am not permitted.”
She replied, “If I enter first, I might convince wrongdoers to repent before the consequences are severe.”
“There will be rumors,” the guard insisted.
“Rumors about my virtue are a small price to pay to save a life.”
“Lady Anna, you still need a royal invitation.”
She glanced at the emperor, and he responded, “She may enter any chamber I own. She is my herald.”
Satisfied, she raised her nose and strode from the room.
“Does she know what you meant by that?” asked Niftkin as they followed her through the palace maze.
“No. Please don’t embarrass her.”
As they waited outside the marble columns to the royal harem, the chamberlain brought them portable chairs with taut fabric seats and no back. Several times, they heard giggles from inside. After an hour, a smiling Anna darted out in a new toga. Her hair had been brushed to a shine, and she smelled of rose petals. She grabbed both Pagaose’s hands. “You’ve been so tense; this is definitely going to relax you.”
The three men locked eyes, all hearing the same connotations. The emperor allowed hims
elf to be dragged into the pleasure dome.
The air was warm and moist. He heard a faint waterfall in the distance. Anna led him to the first chamber to the right. “This is your changing room. You’ll want to be down to your loincloth for this surprise.”
She let go of him and scampered off. Stunned, he disrobed and walked toward the sounds of running water. The main section of the dome was covered in green vines and creepers. A polished marble slide with water running down it ran into a central, bubbling pool. Sleeping mats lay off to one side, covered with sponges, scrub brushes, and towels.
“Are you thinking what I’m thinking?” she asked. “How much fun could our furry, little friends have here?”
“Pardon?”
“Miss Wiggles and Mr. Rumpus . . . the otters.”
He nodded very slowly. “My thought precisely.” He walked over to the mats.
“Violet says she can watch them and I can visit them every day!” She was practically glowing. Gesturing around the room, she said, “Try it out, anything you want.”
Curious, he grabbed the odd square pillow beside her on the mat, and echoes of raw lust flashed through his body like a wildfire. Stupid. It was a harem chamber, what kinds of emotions had he been expecting? The new sensations gripped him and didn’t want to let go.
A distant part of his brain whispered, Anna knew what entering the pleasure dome meant. She had been warned and still begged to come. She’s teasing me. For many reasons, it would be legal for me to take her now, in this place. The action would even be socially acceptable. The building fire inside urged him to try it, just once. “Run,” he squeaked.
Anna knit her brow, leaned over, and put an arm out to steady him. “Can I help?”
He could see between her ample breasts, and the voice in his head was no longer a whisper. Dropping to his knees, he crushed the pillow, and feathers floated around him. He was panting and couldn’t hear the water anymore. He could smell Anna’s skin as she put her arm around him in puzzlement. “Run!”
A thin, white-haired crone in an immaculate kimono darted into the room. “Push him into the cold water to your left.”
“Violet, why?”
“Now!” the old woman insisted, dragging the mat closer to the target and stepping into the small pool herself to assist. The slippers went into the pool with her.
Anna complied, and the emperor splashed into the icy water.
Gasping loudly, he shouted, “Thank you.” He remained in the chill waters, staring at his feet until he could control his breathing.
Violet immersed the sponge and applied the cold water to his forehead. Then she squeezed the coolness over the crown of his head. “Yes, yes,” he said, still too loud, glancing up at Anna, who was nearly falling out of her robe. “Get her out of here,” he hissed before submerging himself in the cold.
“Go quickly, dear,” the old harem mistress told her. “I’ll explain later.”
When Anna was gone, he hauled himself onto the mat, shivering.
“How long has it been?” she asked toweling him roughly.
“Since what?”
She raised a well-plucked eyebrow.
“Oh. Never. I’ve only been an emperor about nine days, though. How do they stay sane?”
She snorted. “They visit here a lot.”
When he calmed, he asked, “How are you permitted here?”
“I’m Myron’s last wife. I never left my post.”
“Thank you. Please don’t tell the others about my . . . condition.”
“I’ve been keeping royal secrets since before you were born,” she said with a wicked grin. “Would you like me to take care of your problem? I’m well-versed in several techniques.”
He shook his head rapidly. “I seem to get those offers a lot lately.”
“From everyone but the one woman you want it from?”
“Something like that,” he muttered.
“You should tell her.”
“She loves another; she’s a kind friend,” he said, combing his hair back into place in a mirror. Why did they have a mirror beside the mats?
“You’re an extraordinary ruler, sire.”
“I hope to earn that praise by my actions, not my inaction.”
“If you ever need to know anything about the aristocrats, I’ve seen all the dirty laundry.”
“Thank you,” he said offhandedly. After a pause, he asked, “What can you tell me about the courts? They wouldn’t let me watch proceedings, saying it would be too distracting.”
“It’s bloated; too many judges that do too little. They’ve made the posts hereditary.”
“The deuce you say!”
“A third of them are blatantly incompetent.”
“How do I get rid of the bad ones?”
“You can’t,” the only surviving wife said. “Change has to come from within their college. Any action from you will be rejected.”
“Could I appoint a panel of good judges to review the decisions of others?”
“Hmm . . . I would start by making it less personal. Empower the panel to look into reducing expenses. That will give them an excuse to censure the truly horrible ones taking bribes.”
“You’re amazing,” the emperor said. Switching gears, he asked, “About Anna—”
“I’ll warn her about the heat that comes over his highness and what could follow.”
“I shall retain your valuable services and the dome until I find another solution for my difficulty.” The emperor waved around the elaborately decorated room. “You’ve done marvelously well here with very little money.”
Violet bowed. “I earn money by instructing ladies of the court in the arts. It’s more than the purely physical acts people imagine. The house of love is one of welcome and comfort.”
“Ah . . .”
“Are you certain you don’t want a demonstration?”
“Thank you, but you put me in mind too much of a mother.”
She smiled. “Would you like a list of my more talented pupils?”
He shuddered. “Woman, you don’t want me to sleep at all, do you?”
Violet rose and gestured to a cloth and rope hammock in the corner. “Behold, the second secret of the dome. The fabric is changed after every use, and it has never been touched by another. Ideal for royal napping.” She knew about his object-reading ability.
The corner of his mouth quirked up. “Half an hour and you’ll wake me?”
“And no one will know, sire. In exchange for my services, I would beg you to speak of the contents of the dome to no one. The secrecy is half the allure.”
As he tested the hammock, Pagaose agreed to her terms.
When he emerged, refreshed and smiling, half the men in the household were standing outside. He exclaimed, “A wonderful place. We shall maintain it just as it is.”
Niftkin whispered, “What do they have in there that’s so different? What made you shout like that?”
“When you’re emperor, maybe you can find out.”
Chapter 8 – Justice
Moonday morning, a group of retired soldiers joined the guards’ workout. Duwara, their spokesman, was gaunt and had a white, flowing beard. As he bowed at his introduction, the newcomer whispered to the emperor, “Lord Conifer says as far as he’s concerned, you’re emperor today. He doesn’t understand why they’re dragging their heels. You have six fingers, for gods’ sakes. You passed their examinations in every regard, but until they get their ships or money, you get no vote. He is also aware of a faction that wishes you gone before the next test.”
“And he wants you to protect me?” asked Pagaose.
“He wishes to avoid the embarrassment such an attempt would cause the college.”
“So some of you are going to follow me everywhere I go?”
“We’ll mingle with the crowd,” said Duwara.
“Crowd?”
“This week everyone knows you’ll be at the courts. The gallery is standing-room-only already.”
/> “Why would people care?”
“Rumor has it you give a good speech and miracles happen around you.”
“I’m hard-pressed to think of a miracle that might occur in the courthouse.”
The old soldier shrugged. “The anti-Myronists are flocking to your banner due to recent comments. Some nobles wish to join your entourage, and many of these wear decorative dots on their foreheads to match you. Violet, Lady Anna, and Nightglow have been telling all the ladies what a gentleman you are. The enrollment for the Dance at the spring festival has never been so high—over thirty women so far.”
“Ah . . . I’ll see you all there,” he said, regretting his new alliances.
****
The courtroom was overflowing. People spilled out into the halls, watching through open doors. The bailiff pounded his staff on the floor, demanding silence. Three judges flowed in through the side door, taking their seats high above the room. Pagaose was standing inside a ring of circular railing directly below them, in the box of the accused. His position was elevated about a stride above the spectators.
The judge in the center intoned, “Do you have any questions before we begin the examination?”
Pagaose smiled. “What is civilization?”
“Why?” asked the judge.
“I enjoy conducting dialogues. Bear with me. There’s no right answer.”
The three senior justices took turns suggesting answers. “Limiting weapons to those willing to bear responsibly and protect the weak.”
“Safety from robbers.”
“Roads.”
“Mail.”
“Schools.”
Someone from the crowd shouted out, “Beer.”
When the laughter calmed down, Pagaose explained, “As emperor, my job is to preside over my empire, the apex of civilization.”
Several judges and members of the crowd nodded. The chief justice in the center amended, “If we offer our vote.”
“Agreed, but listen to what I have to offer before you ask anything,” Pagaose said. He left the box and strolled to the accuser’s table. “When listing the necessities in the empire, I notice that none of you said more personal laws from the emperor.” One of the judges, the youngest on the left, cracked a smile. “There are too many laws in code Myron. I would make it the cornerstone of my reign to simplify our Imperial law around a few basic precepts, primarily to limit the reach of the emperor.”