by Alice Ward
“Relax, Willow,” James insisted, his face calm. He got out of bed and pulled on a t-shirt and flannel pajama pants. “Mom has a tendency to over react. But she doesn’t hate us. Once she gets over the initial shock, she’ll see that we really love each other.”
“Please, just go get my clothes,” I begged. He nodded and left the room.
Shit, shit, shit! Why the hell did I fall asleep here? This isn’t how this was supposed to happen. Getting caught in the act makes it look ten times worse. Please God, let James be right. Let Renee understand that we’re truly in love with each other.
The bedroom door creaked open and James tossed my clothes onto the bed before shutting the door again. I dressed quickly and left the room, my stomach knotted with anxiety. When I sat down at the small kitchen table, I felt like my heart was about to jump out of my throat. Renee pushed a mug of coffee to me and studied the two of us in turn. She folded her arms across her chest and leaned back in her chair.
“Okay, I want to know everything,” she said. “When did this start? Who knows about it? And most importantly, what the hell were the two of you thinking?” she finished, her eyes narrow.
James cleared his throat. “Mom, Willow and I have been seeing each other since before you and Cole started dating. Or at least before you told us you were dating.”
“And you thought that wasn’t worth mentioning?” she snapped.
“We didn’t know what to think, Mom,” he sighed. “The two of you said you were going to take things slow. Then suddenly, you were engaged. Willow and I tried to fight our feelings. We tried to stay away from each other. But we couldn’t.”
“We really did, Renee,” I meekly agreed.
“You tried to break Cole and me up,” Renee corrected us. “My God, everything’s starting to make sense now. This is why you punched Bradley after he kissed Willow in Kentucky. It’s why you suddenly settled down and stopped running from one rodeo to the next. It explains so much.” She let out a long sigh and folded her hands in her lap.
“I’m really sorry we didn’t tell you,” I said, searching her eyes for forgiveness. I had to find a way to make her understand how James and I felt about each other. “Honestly, I didn’t know what to say. You and Daddy are so happy together. But James and I are happy together too. We love each other, Renee.”
“Honey, I’m sure you think you do,” she said. Her eyes were kind but firm. “But you don’t even know what you’re talking about. This isn’t love. This is youth and the thrill of doing something you’re not supposed to. You’re both too caught up in the excitement to realize that this relationship is never going to work. It ends now, for both your sakes.”
My heart sank and I stared down at my coffee, fighting back tears.
Damn it, I was afraid this was going to happen. We should have told them weeks ago. I think it would be easier for Renee to talk about this if she hadn’t just caught us in bed.
James stared at Renee with patient eyes and folded his hands together on the table. “Mom, I know you’re worried about what people will think. But Willow’s not my sister. Maybe it would be different if you and Cole had gotten married when we were young. But we all met each other as adults. And we all have the right to act like adults.” He reached across the table and took my hand. My face flushed hot with anxiety, but I didn’t pull away.
“That’s just it, James,” Renee replied, her voice full of resolve. “You’re not adults at all. You certainly haven’t acted like it. I know you both think you’re grown, but you still have a lot to learn... about yourselves, about life. I don’t give a damn about what people might think. I care about the two of you and I don’t want to see your hearts broken or our family torn apart when this inevitably ends.”
James squeezed my hand. “Don’t you think we’ve considered that?” he asked her. “Willow and I know how much we have to lose if this doesn’t work out. That’s why we tried to stay apart. But we couldn’t, because we love each other. You know if our situations were reversed and Willow and I admitted we were dating before you and Cole did, this wouldn’t even be an issue.”
Renee stared back at James with narrowed eyes. “Maybe you’re right. But that’s not how things happened and all that matters is reality. James, I love you more than anything else in this world. But I’m not blind. I’ve noticed that in twenty-six years, you’ve never once had a serious girlfriend. You’re not ready for the kind of commitment it would take to make this work. And you,” she said, turning to me. “Have you thought about what this could do to your professional reputation?”
“I thought you said you didn’t give a damn what people think?” James reminded her, his voice full of restraint. I put my hand on his forearm to calm him and met Renee’s gaze.
“I thought long and hard about that,” I assured her. “And I don’t think it will be a big deal. Like James said, we’re not related. And the fact that you’re marrying my father won’t change that, not biologically. I know people will talk, initially. But then they’ll see that we’re just like everyone else.”
Renee shifted in her seat and stared at us with intense frustration. Our confidence in our relationship seemed to be irritating her worse than anything. She looked away from us, took a long drink of her coffee, and sat her mug back on the table. She looped a finger through the handle and pushed the mug in circles while she gathered her thoughts. Finally, she cleared her throat and met my eye again.
“Do you really think you’ll be able to deal with James being gone for long stretches once he qualifies for the PBR Tour?” she asked, her brow furrowed with doubt.
“I’m not going on the tour,” James said.
“What do you mean you’re not going on the tour?” Renee demanded, her hot eyes flying to him. “You’ve dreamed of qualifying since you were a little boy. You’re suddenly giving up your dreams? That’s just another sign that this is a bad idea.” She stared down at our joined hands and then looked up at me and scowled. I pulled away from James and folded my arms across my chest.
He rolled his eyes. “You hate that I bull ride,” he argued. “Besides, Cole needs me here. I’ve taken on quite a bit of the workload since he’s been sick.”
“We appreciate that, James. But we could hire someone to replace you. I do hate that you ride. But I love that you have something you’re so passionate about. I won’t sit by and watch you give up your dream for something that will only bring you pain.”
James cleared his throat and stood up. I had no idea what he was doing, but I followed suit.
“Mom, it’s clear that we’re not going to come to an agreement on this today. I love you, but I’m a grown man. You don’t get to tell me what to do anymore. With all due respect, if Willow and I want to be together, you can’t really do anything about it,” he said, his voice firm and his jaw set.
Renee straightened her shoulders and pushed her chair back. “You’re not going to dismiss me so easily,” she said, rising to her feet. “And you’re not going to be together. For the love of God, Cole’s heart is just starting to get strong again. You want to give him this kind of shock, this kind of disappointment? Well, I won’t stand for it.” She shoved her chair under the table, tossed her plastic mug into the sink, and turned back to us, hands on hips.
“Let me tell you what’s going to happen,” she said with a determined glare. “The two of you are going to end this today. You’re not to breathe a word about it to Cole. I’m assuming Matt and Lucas know what you’ve been up to, so tell them to keep quiet too. All of your little overnight trail rides and weekend trips are over. You will see each other over family meals and that is it. You will learn to be brother and sister and these other feelings will disappear.”
“Mom, I’ve already told you that we can’t do that,” James said, his voice like steel. His impatience just fueled her anger.
“You’ll do it, or you’re both cut off,” she said, forcing the words out between clenched teeth.
I was shocked by her idle threat.
“You can’t do that,” I gasped.
“I’m not talking about money, Willow,” she replied. “I’m talking about everything else. If you and James insist on being together, I can’t have relationships with either of you. I can’t speak for your father, but I’m confident he’d feel the same way. We won’t sit on the sidelines and watch the two of you destroy each other. You both need to think long and hard before you do something you can’t take back. I need to get back to the house, Cole’s probably wondering where I am. Breakfast will be ready in twenty minutes. I expect you both to be there.”
She turned and walked to the door. She held the knob in her hand for a few moments and then turned back to us. Her face had softened and her eyes were wet with tears.
“I hoped it wouldn’t have to come to this, but you’ve left me no choice. I know you both hate me right now. I only hope that when you each have children of your own, you’ll understand that I’m doing whatever I can to protect my family,” she finished with a sniffle and disappeared out the door.
CHAPTER 6
“I’m so glad that you’re flying out with me and Lucas on Thursday,” Matt said with a bittersweet smile. “Are you sure we can’t convince James to come with us? I mean, his ticket is already paid for.”
It was Monday afternoon and Matt and I were sitting in my office going over our itinerary for the Belmont Stakes. After the encounter with Renee, I was more than ready to get away from home for a few days. I was too devastated to look forward to the race, but I knew Matt and Lucas would do their best to make sure I had a good time once we got there.
I shook my head and stared at my computer screen. “Renee was pretty clear about her feelings. James and I can’t be together, as in the same physical space, without her supervision. Not until we ‘learn to be brother and sister and these other feelings disappear’,” I said, over exaggerating the air quotes, my voice filled with a bitterness I couldn’t hide. “Otherwise, she won’t have anything to do with us.”
Matt raised an eyebrow. “You know, you could just call her bluff,” he suggested with a devilish smile. “James is her only child. She could never cut off her relationship with him. And she’s out of her mind if she thinks Cole would do that to you. Just stand your ground. I bet Renee would back down.”
I’d already considered what he was suggesting. In fact, I’d spent the past twenty-four hours weighting the pros and cons of all of my options. I knew Renee had the upper hand. “It’s not worth the risk,” I said, my voice flat. “And there’s too much working against us. James was right when he tried to end this before it really started. He was right again when he said we should tell the truth. Why the hell didn’t I listen to him? Why did I have to be so damn stubborn?”
“Because when you put your mind to something, you’re blinded to everything else,” he replied, his tone matter of fact. “That’s why the program is doing so well, it’s one of the reasons we all love you, and it’s why I’m certain that you and James can still find a way to make this work.”
I met his eye and with the slightest hint of a smile on my face. “I appreciate the way you always support and believe in me. If I hadn’t had you to talk to through all this, I have no idea how I’d have gotten through it. But it’s over now, Matt. It has to be. I need you to support that too.”
He sighed and reached for my hand. “Whatever you need, Willow.”
Our tender moment was interrupted when my cell phone started wailing. I recognized the severe weather alert tone and quickly swiped the screen.
“Holy shit,” I groaned and jumped up from my seat. “There’s another fucking storm headed our way,” I said as I rushed out of the office. “And this one’s bringing lightening and straight line winds. Mother fucker, we’re already standing in water. This could be a disaster.”
“How long do we have?” Matt asked as we rushed around the barn, gathering gear.
“A few hours, max,” I replied, slinging lasso ropes over my shoulder. “Huck, James, and Dallas just moved a bunch of the mustang and quarter horse stock into their barns this morning and half of the cattle are in the lower pasture. We’ve got to get everyone moved into open, high ground. If you’ll get our horses saddled, I’ll drive around on the ATV and tell everyone what’s going on,” I suggested as we raced outside.
“Looks like most of them got the same alert you did,” he said, nodding towards the house. Daddy and Renee had just stepped out on the porch and Mason, John, and Harrison were walking toward us from the bunkhouse.
“Willow, there’s a huge storm coming,” Daddy called out as he rushed down the steps. “We’ve got to get the horses saddled and the livestock moved.”
“Daddy, go back inside,” I insisted. “We can take care of this. I don’t want you to get hurt.”
“Nonsense,” he insisted with a wave of his hand. Renee followed close behind him, her face white with worry. “This is my ranch,” Daddy continued. “It’s my job to protect it.”
“I’ll take care of it, Cole,” James said. I turned to see him walking up from the stables. “Dallas and I have the horses saddled. Huck and Colton are already opening gates through all of the pastures. We’ll get everyone moved to high ground and be back before it even starts sprinkling.”
“Matt and I will help too,” I added. “We’ve already got too many people. Why don’t you stay inside and get the house ready for the storm?”
“That’s a great idea,” Renee agreed. “If the winds are as bad as they’re predicting, we’ll all have to move to the basement shelter. We should stay inside and get supplies ready.”
Daddy sighed, knowing he was outnumbered. “Okay. But be careful, kids. And if the storm hits before you’re finished, stop what you’re doing and get inside. The only thing I’d hate more than losing livestock is losing one of you.”
“I’ll take care of everyone, Cole,” James promised.
“I don’t know what I’d do without you, son,” Daddy replied. A proud smile crossed his face and I knew that Renee was right. The four of us were becoming a family. James and I couldn’t jeopardize that by being together.
“We’ll be back soon, Daddy,” I said. I gave him a quick hug and then rushed to the stables.
“Willow, what do you want us to do with the thoroughbreds?” Mason called after me.
“Shut all of the barn windows and secure them from the exterior,” I called over my shoulder. “Then empty the stables and secure as many of the other buildings as you can.”
“You don’t want us to turn the thoroughbreds out to the pasture?” Harrison asked.
I shook my head. “Their barn is much more secure than the others,” I told him. “There’s a concrete foundation under all of that dirt and straw and the walls are reinforced with steel. I’ll ride out the storm with them. If anyone spooks or the walls start shaking, I’ll turn them loose then.”
“You got it, boss,” Mason replied just as I reached the stables.
“If you two will start driving the horses to the upper pasture, I’ll meet up with the guys and help them with the cattle,” James said as we climbed into our saddles. “If you need help, I can send Huck or Colton.”
“We can handle it,” I said, my voice even but my heart heavy. James wouldn’t look at me and it seemed like he couldn’t get away from me fast enough. I hung my lassos over my saddle horn and turned to Matt.
“Did you grab a flare gun?” I asked.
He held up the red gun and I turned back to James.
“If we get into trouble, we’ll signal you. If you see a flare, send Dallas.”
He nodded, his eyes still staring straight ahead. I gave Mayhem a gentle nudge to the flank, and Matt and I left the stables without another word.
***
Three hours later, I sat in the barn and watched the storm clouds roll in. Trees bent in the wind and thunder shook the ground as giant rain drops crashed to the earth. I left the barn door half open, moved my chair a few feet back to protect myself from the water, and watched lig
htening dance across the sky. The barn was dark and aside from a few blows and nervous snorts, the horses were quiet.
Daddy and Renee had tried to put up a fight when I said I was going to stay in the barn, but I managed to convince them that I’d be okay. As I watched the winds blow a horse trough down the driveway, I started second guessing my decision. When lightning struck one of our feed silos, I knew I’d made a mistake.
We’ve never had a storm like this. I should have pastured the horses and gone to the basement with everyone else.
I rushed to the back of the barn and pushed open the pasture door. Wind whipped water across my face, stinging my eyes. I felt horrible about sending the horses into the storm, but I knew they had a better chance of surviving the storm outside. I opened the stall doors one at a time, and no one needed coaxing to leave the barn. They raced into the pasture and I shut the door behind them.
They’d have never survived the barn being struck. I should be fine as long as I stay away from the walls.
I returned to my chair and saw that the first ten feet of the barn floor was covered in water. I knew I should shut the door against the rain, but I couldn’t bring myself to do it. I was entranced by the chaos outside. It was as if Mother Nature knew my heart was broken, and she was mourning on my behalf.
Squinting, I made out a dark figure approaching from the distance. Matt had left the ranch before the storm broke and there was only one other person who’d brave that kind of weather to check on me. A few moments later, James rushed through the door.
“Are you okay?” he asked, dropping the hood of his rain slicker. He finally met my eyes and my heart broke a little bit more. James looked as destroyed as I felt.
“I’m fine. Lightning hit one of the feed silos, so I turned the horses loose.”
“I brought you a slicker,” he said, pulling a rolled up rain jacket out from under his. “Let’s get back to the house.”
I shook my head. “I’m actually enjoying the show,” I confessed. “The weather fits my mood right now.”