I walked out with her, and we returned to her work station. Kelsey didn’t have a laptop—I’d discovered she’d come from a family with hardly any money to pay for things like that. As it was, she’d told me she was taking on a bunch of loans to be here. I could only imagine how badly that would set her back once she graduated and had a degree.
Kelsey was busy outlining a paper that was due in two weeks for her midterm for her sociology class. I offered to help her, even offered her my own laptop, but she turned me down. I think she didn’t want to accept help when it came to these things because she viewed them as a sort of handout. Accepting a handout in her eyes was a cardinal sin. She was the type of person who refused help, wanting to do everything on her own.
It was something I could respect, but everyone needed help every so often. It was a fact of life. Humans as a whole weren’t like other animals. We needed society, community. We needed each other, and if we didn’t have each other, we went crazy.
Kelsey sat at the end of computer tables, and I’d pulled up a chair beside hers. The library was a mostly quiet space, so anytime we talked, we had to whisper.
“You sure you don’t want to use my laptop? You could work on your term paper in your own room instead of being here,” I told her, knowing she’d turn me down. I’d only known Kelsey for a month and a half, but during that time, I’d come to know her well.
“No, I’m fine here.” Kelsey turned her brown gaze to me. “You don’t have to stay here, you know. You can leave me to work in peace.” A suggestion for me to get the hell out of here, that she couldn’t focus while I sat next to her. Got it.
“Fine,” I mumbled, getting up. “I’ll see you tomorrow in class, unless you want to get breakfast?”
“Dude, you know I’m not a morning person.”
I smirked. Of course I knew that, I just liked getting her attitude, teasing her was half the fun. “All right. Class it is.” I gave her a chaste peck on the cheek. I left without saying anything else. We still refrained from calling each other our girlfriend and boyfriend. For whatever reason, labeling it felt like jinxing it.
And that L-word? Neither of us had said that, either. Once that word was said, there was no going back. The last time I said it, I was a liar. This time, I didn’t want to be—and I wouldn’t be, if I was saying it to Kelsey.
It was impossible not to fall in love with that girl.
It was early afternoon, and my classes were done for the day. I meandered back to the house, passing a group of guys lounging in the living room. They were all on their phones, watching something, their interest peaked. When I walked in, they only glanced at me. I paid them no attention, heading right up to my room and falling onto my bed.
I stared at my ceiling. This…this year was turning out to be not nearly as awful as I’d anticipated. Kelsey was a random, yet welcome addition to my life, even if she was Mel’s roommate. I knew I had to tell her about what happened, but I wanted to be sure we were good before I told her. I wanted to be certain that Kelsey wouldn’t leave me because of it. If she did…I didn’t know if I could take it. Now that I’d had her, I didn’t want to know what life would be like without her.
Selfish of me. Insanely selfish of me, but it was true.
I wouldn’t get my wish; Dean made sure of it.
Chapter Sixteen – Kelsey
Friday night, and Levi and I were supposed to meet in the middle of campus and actually go on a date. Yeah, like a real date. Like dinner and a movie or something. I wasn’t sure what we were doing or where we were going, but all I knew was that Levi had a car since he was technically a sophomore, and he was paying.
Yeah, I’d told him I didn’t have money to spare, and I meant it. Felt ashamed admitting that to him, but it was the truth. I didn’t like talking about money, or my lack of it. Felt like a charity case when I did, and I always worried that he’d think I was asking for a handout or something. I could only imagine how Ash felt at Hillcrest.
Last I knew with her, she was getting back at a dick named Sawyer, dying his hair pink. Juvenile? Totally, but it was hilarious. That was…a little while ago. I hadn’t talked to her in a bit, mostly because I’d been too wrapped up in Levi.
Hah. Sounded ridiculous, didn’t it? Me and Levi, together. Things were…actually going pretty well. I didn’t dare call him my boyfriend, but besides the label, he kind of was. He was the only one I’d been with at SCC, and strangely, I had no inkling to drop him.
I hadn’t told Mel yet. Felt like she’d suspect me of being on Dean’s side, or that she’d tell me Levi was just playing me for Dean or something. If that was true…oh, Levi would be in for a world of hurt. He’d never met a crazier bitch.
It was still early, and I sat at my desk, trying to plan my outfit. Mel was on her bed, on her laptop. Her blonde pixie cut had grown a little longer; she was trying to grow it out. She’d gotten it cut a while back, way too short she said, and she missed her longer hair.
Mel’s kind voice broke through the silence, “I’m surprised you haven’t gone home again.”
Ah. My wonderful parents. Also refused to do our weekly calls. I was not feeling it, not feeling them. Right now I wanted to live my life, not focus on the fact that my family was falling apart. Was that so wrong?
I shrugged. “What about you? Why haven’t you gone home at all? Don’t you miss your parents?” I turned away from my desk, looking at her. If Mel left for the weekend, I could have Levi over here. We could actually lay in a bed together. How amazing would that be?
Mel’s lips were caught in a frown, and she looked pensive. “I live a little further away. And besides, my parents are…overbearing. I’m actually shocked they haven’t shown up here for a surprise visit, just to check on me.”
“Why would they come to check on you?” That seemed…a little too much. Mel was nineteen, an adult in America. She could handle herself. Checking in on her randomly just felt so intrusive. I honestly couldn’t imagine having parents who’d do something like that—if my parents ever tried anything like it, I’d give them hell.
But then again, I’d been playing an adult for years.
Mel was quiet for a bit. She shut her laptop, setting it aside as she swung her legs off the side of her bed. Today she wore her usual outfit—leggings and a loose shirt. “Remember when I told you that even though I’m technically a sophomore, I don’t have that many more credit hours than you?”
She’d mentioned it back when we first met, yeah, and I’d let it go, not asking why. I nodded once.
“Well, I had classes last semester, but I had to pull out of them. I was…” Mel’s voice quieted. “Something happened, and I…I did something I’m not proud of.”
That could literally mean dozens of things. I did a lot of things I wasn’t proud of, but did that stop me from doing them? Hell no. Life was about making mistakes and playing games, and I’d be damned if I let common sense tell me what to do. Now that I was with Levi, I was a little more reserved, but deep down I was still the same wild child I always was.
“What happened?” I asked quietly, not knowing if I should push her to tell me the whole story or not.
“I tried to kill myself,” Mel said, breaking the news to me bluntly. “I was so depressed that I honestly didn’t want to live anymore. I never thought my life would get better. My parents put me in rehab for a while, where I could be watched, hence the whole dropping out of my classes and not being able to get those credit hours thing. I’m retaking most of the same classes this semester.”
The news shocked me to my core. Mel had tried to commit suicide? I couldn’t see it, could hardly believe it, and I sure as hell couldn’t imagine the girl five feet away trying to kill herself.
Fuck. Should I be keeping an eye on this girl more than I had been? Did that duty automatically fall to me?
“You were right to keep me away from Dean,” Mel went on. “I know in the end it was my decision to do it, that no one forced me to, but…he was the one that start
ed it. I felt like trash after I found out he’d cheated on me, and then, when I finally put myself out there again, I…” Her shoulders shrugged. “It was too much. I couldn’t handle another broken heart. I’m just not meant for a relationship, I think.”
I wanted to rush to her, hug her, tell her that everything was going to be okay, but I didn’t. I remained in my chair as I said, “Don’t say that. You just need to find your right person—but your right person definitely isn’t that dickbag.” That, I knew without a doubt.
“Eh, it’s fine. I need to focus on my classes anyway. No more repeating semesters for me,” Mel said, giving me a smile.
Now, after all this time, I finally knew why there was such a sadness behind her smiles, why she always felt closed-off, no matter how much she shared with me. Mel had been suicidal; God, I hated knowing it. Myself, I could never imagine getting so low that I would want to end my own life. Once it was over, it was over. There was no turning back, no reset button. Once you were dead, you were dead.
Maybe it wouldn’t seem so final if I believed in an afterlife, but I didn’t. I was one of those people who believed that when you died, you were just gone. There was no place your soul spirited off to, no place for your consciousness to rest forever. When you were dead, you were dead, and because I believed that, I knew that this life was my one shot at it. Granted, it wasn’t a great life; people who were born with money had it easier, but I would do everything I could with it.
“Well, if you ever need someone to talk to, you know I’m—”
“If you say you’re always here for me, I’m going to be the one dick-punching you,” Mel spoke with a chuckle. “It’s okay, Kelsey. I didn’t tell you all that to make you feel bad for me. I told you…I told you because you’re my friend.”
Friend? We were friends? That was…not exactly news to me, I guessed, but still, hearing her say it made me blink. I’d made another friend? How? For years my only friend had been Ash. Me and Ash were the terrible duo. Me and her. I’d thought Ash and I would always be friends, but being on separate campuses, hardly talking to her, it was…a new reality. A slap in the face. Something I hadn’t expected.
Maybe I could have another friend. Maybe Ash and I wouldn’t stay friends forever, as much as I hated to admit that to myself. How often did people remain friends with their high school friends? People drifted apart, just like my parents.
Me and Ash…I didn’t want us to drift apart, though.
“I want to hug you right now, but you know I’m not really a hugger,” I told her, smiling.
“Please don’t hug me,” Mel said. “That would make this weird.”
I laughed.
“So where are you going tonight, getting all dressed up?” Mel asked, tilting her head. “Don’t tell me the library. You going to some party? If you are, just stay away from Sigma Chi—” Sigma Chi was Dean’s and Levi’s fraternity, so I knew enough to nod to agree with her. “And don’t drink too much.”
Ah, yes. She was my friend and my roommate, but she was also like a parent to me. Loved it.
“For your information,” I told her, “I don’t plan on drinking at all tonight.”
“That’s a first.”
“Hey!”
All Mel did was laugh, and I let it slide. I guessed I did give off that party girl vibe. What could I say? I’d always been down for drinks and dick, for years now. I’d dragged Ash to college parties and bars before; I’d had a fake ID for years. I couldn’t imagine being like Mel, never going out.
Once I decided on my outfit, I grabbed the clothes and headed to the bathroom to change and do my business. With my old clothes slung over my arm, I was walking down the long hall, intent on returning to my room, when I passed an open door. The girls who lived there were nice enough; I’d run into them in the hall a few times. Couldn’t remember their names, though.
“Wait,” one of them called out to me, stumbling to get off their futon. Their beds were lofted, and they had a futon under one bed and their TV under the other. A smart setup. Why wasn’t our room like that? It gave the appearance of more space in the room.
I paused in front of their door, waiting for the girl to come to me. She held onto her phone sideways, like she’d been watching a video.
Her eyes were wide. “Have you seen this?” she asked, offering me her phone. “It’s been going around, I guess. I just saw it today because it was shared to Sarah.” Sarah must’ve been her roommate, because the girl deeper in the room made a comment that she reported the video.
“What…” I stopped when I glanced down at the phone screen. The girl whose phone it was hit the small play button on the center of the screen, and I saw a room that was familiar, a room through a camera lens. Night-vision, because the room was too dark otherwise.
I knew, because I’d been in that room. I’d fucked Levi in that room.
And the people on the screen, the girl on her knees giving a blowjob to a guy with a thick, solid back…was me.
And the guy? Levi.
My stomach dropped, my heartbeat pumping louder in my chest. I…I didn’t know what to say. The camera must’ve been hidden on his desk, because I hadn’t seen it. I didn’t know he was recording the entire thing like some kind of amateur porno.
“No,” I eventually said, “I haven’t seen this.”
“I figured,” the girl said. “I heard rumors that shit goes on at Sigma Chi parties, so…if that’s where you’re going tonight, maybe don’t go?”
“Thanks for the heads-up,” I said, turning to walk back to the room, my emotions all over the place. That’s what Sigma Chi parties were known for? Being videotaped while having sex? What in the hell kind of fucked-up was that?
The girl said something about us sticking together, some kind of feminist motto, but I was too blinded by my emotions. I returned to the room, practically slamming the door behind me as Mel glanced to me.
“What’s wrong?” she said.
My face must’ve given it away, but I couldn’t tell her the truth; I couldn’t tell her that I’d fucked Levi, sucked his goddamn dick like some greedy bitch who couldn’t get enough cum. “Are you friends with anyone around here on social media?”
“No,” Mel said. “I deleted my profiles after what happened last year. Why?”
“Oh…some of the girls wanted me to add them, but I—” This was a shitty excuse, and I wondered if she’d even buy it. “—I don’t know if I should.”
Mel shrugged. “It’s up to you. They can’t force you to accept them, and you can always block them if you want.” The words she spoke were the truth, but me? I was a lair. I was the biggest liar ever, and I felt like absolute shit about it.
“True,” I said, setting my old clothes on my bed. I said nothing else.
Honestly? There was nothing else to say.
I might’ve lied to Mel, but I wasn’t the only liar here. Levi was the worst liar of them all. He’d actually made me believe that maybe I could be happy with someone, that maybe everything in my life wasn’t falling apart. His personality complemented mine so well that I…I actually had started to imagine a future with him. Months down the road. Holidays, birthdays, the works.
How fucking stupid was I? How stupid was I to believe a single word Levi had said? All along, I’d known he’d been friends with Dean, and I’d known this was a possibility. Him playing me.
God.
I’d been played, toyed with like a game. Levi had told me everything was a game, but I thought he’d just been talking shit, not that everything literally was a game to him.
How dare that asshole. How dare he for making me fall for him, making me feel like the worst kind of idiot around. Oh, I had some shit to tell him. If he thought I was going to take this lying down, he couldn’t have been more wrong. I wasn’t Mel. I wouldn’t sit back and get depressed.
The only thing I got was angry. Ticked off. Pissed beyond all measure.
How many people at this campus had seen me giving Levi a blowjob a
nd then getting bent over the bed and pounded into oblivion? How many strangers had seen me naked? I wasn’t a prude, but that was an invasion of privacy in the most epic proportions. That was…it had to be illegal, didn’t it? Filming someone doing intimate things without their consent. Had to be, but I was no cop. I wasn’t sure.
Had he done this to other girls too? Was this all some kind of game to the guys in Sigma Chi? Fucking girls while recording it? The mere thought that I was just another notch on his bedpost, so to speak, made my blood boil. I wanted to be sick. I wanted to shout. I wanted to beat the shit out of that fuckface. A dick punch suddenly didn’t feel like enough.
I was going to fuck that asshole up. Levi had never seen a crazy bitch before me.
Chapter Seventeen – Levi
I stood with my hands in my pockets, waiting for Kelsey in front of the student union. I’d been looking forward to this night all week. I had a surprise for her, and it was a surprise I hoped she’d like. I wasn’t the kind of guy who came up with date plans, but I’d actually had fun picking the plan for tonight. It was going to be a long night, but worth every penny I had to spend.
Hell, at this point, I’d spend every bit of my savings on that girl, and it still wouldn’t be enough.
Of course I knew she didn’t care about what we did. She didn’t demand that I spend money on her left and right; she wasn’t that kind of person. She’d grown up without much money, so she was used to roughing it, so to speak.
I stood waiting for a good long while, a lot longer than I thought I’d wait. I checked my phone, noting the time. Kelsey was late, which was odd. She was never late when we set up a time to meet. I started to text her.
I didn’t even get to send the text when I heard Kelsey’s voice rise from behind me, “Texting another one of your bitches, or am I the only bitch you’re focusing on right now?” Her tone cut me like a knife, and I turned toward her, noticing that she had her arms crossed.
Mistakes : A College Bully Romance Page 10