She returned an amused salute to Curtis. “At ease, dude.” Vee faced me with challenging eyes. “So. We’re going to need some new blood.”
Butterflies danced in my stomach. “You want me in the order?” My spine straightened, and I stood tall.
“Yep.”
“Yes!”
“But”—she held up her finger—“there’s a whole test you have to pass, and believe me when I say it is brutal.”
“Oh, yeah!” agreed Curtis. “There’s fire and monsters; a lava course; this half-dragon, half-dog thing. All sorts of craziness!”
“You up for it?”
I blinked, suddenly overwhelmed with the task before me. Was this my purpose? My truth? Could I really rise to the occasion and do this?
“On one condition,” I said with a smile. “You gotta get me one of those business cards with my name on it.”
“Deal.” Mama Vee winked. “Oh. Almost forgot. There’re also dues. Ten bucks a month.”
She held out her hand. I looked at it, confused.
“I know you got paid tonight,” Mama Vee said. “Fork it over, sister.”
I grumbled and handed Mama Vee a twenty. She gave me a ten back. At this rate, Camp Miskatonic was going to have to wait a while.
I crouched down to hug the little kids. “You were all so brave.”
Cowgirl begged me to come visit her, and I promised I would. The nubby end of Wugnot’s tail bumped into my hand like a hobgoblin high five.
“See you at school, Monday,” said Berna with a big smile. I beamed at her. I couldn’t wait to hang out with these three lunatics again.
They were about to drive off when Liz had Wugnot stop the van. She slid out to stand beside me, away from the others. Liz had been quiet for a long while, like she was lost inside of herself, thinking about everything.
“That test is pretty serious,” she said, handing me her babysitter’s guide. “Copy it. Learn it. Live it.”
I held the battered notebook in my hands. It was heavy with responsibility but filled with possibility and strength. Liz stared at the ground and adjusted her makeshift sling.
“And uh . . . sorry I almost killed you,” she said into her chest.
I shrugged. “Happens.”
Liz shifted back and forth. Something else was on her mind. Something she wasn’t normally used to feeling, I guess. Tears fell from her eyes. She quickly brushed them away. “And uh . . . thanks. For not giving up on me and stuff. No one’s ever done that. I know I can be a real pain.”
She flung her right arm around me and pulled me into a powerful hug that bordered on a headlock, squeezing the breath out of me. “You’re the best associate I’ve ever had,” she said, her face pressed against my hair. I could feel her hot breath on my neck. My arms and hands clutched her as firmly as she was clutching me.
“We’re going to find your brother,” I whispered with steel in my hushed voice. “Even if we have to hunt down every single Boogeyman on this planet.”
Liz knew I meant it, and she knew just how far I would go to get Kevin back into her arms. A grateful look spread across her face, and she nodded.
“Get some rest. Gonna need it,” she said, slipping back into the van.
As Wugnot drove off, the last thing I heard was Mama Vee’s voice asking the little kids if they all wanted pancakes before they went home. “Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes!” they said happily. I watched the black van bend around the corner at the end of my block and disappear into the night.
I crept into my house, careful not to wake my parents.
I checked under the bed. No trolls. Looked inside my closet. No pale Boogeyman. Outside my window there was only a quiet moonlit street.
I plugged in my phone. While it charged, I flipped through Liz’s red babysitter’s guide and thought of all the unseen monsters and wisdom waiting inside of it. I couldn’t resist. I flicked on the lamp at my small desk and started to read it, cover to cover. From “anthropoid” to “zurgler.” Then I dug through my desk and found my mostly blank Camp Miskatonic notebook.
My phone erupted with texts from Victor.
I laughed as I read them. I was about to text him back, but I decided it could wait a little longer. No need to rush anything. Besides, I had work to do.
I peeled off the “Camp Fund” label on the cover of the notebook, wrote “A Babysitter’s Guide to Monster Hunting” on it in big letters, and started copying down everything from Liz’s guide onto the fresh, blank pages.
And that’s how I started writing the guide you’re reading. I hope it’s been helpful. There’s so much I want to share. Like how to tell if your local librarian’s a witch. What to do when you’re bit by a demonic child. And how to saddle a white dragon.
All in good time.
Monsters are real. But so are we. And kid by kid, we’re going to change the world for the better. So stay safe. Stay brave. This job’s worth it. Trust me.
—Kelly the Babysitter
Acknowledgments
This all started with a really, really bad health scare, and I thought, Well, if I live, what do I want to do with my life? Remarkably, the tiny voice in my heart didn’t come back and say, Ski Mount Everest or surf the English Channel; it said, Write a kid’s book. So I did.
Along the way, there were those who helped and encouraged and kept the fires going. The first is my beautiful wife, Cara. She was there by my side, encouraging me to keep it scary (kids like scary, she said). Dana Spector at Paradigm was the first pro to read it, and she helped push it forward, giving me wonderful advice and access to my now book agent, Alyssa Reuben. Alyssa provided me with incredible inspiration and detailed notes, the likes of which I had never seen, but most of all she believes in the babysitters and is still a great guiding force. The luminous Maria Barbo, my editor at Katherine Tegen Books, HarperCollins, with a keen eye for words and spooky illustrations, worked these pages over and over with me, patiently guiding me along the way, while giggling about the frights and chills we were dishing out to all of you. Our illustrator, Vivienne To, for bringing to life the guide in all its horrific and swashbuckling glory with such style and originality. Rebecca Aronson for her tireless work and who helped me through my first rodeo. And I am forever grateful to the big boss, Katherine Tegen, for taking a chance on a lousy, first-time babysitter named Kelly.
Meanwhile, on the West Coast, David Boxerbaum, my agent, snappy dresser, and man with a plan, set up the book to become a movie. High-five. Enter Montecito and Walden Media. Ali Bell and Naia Cucukov, two producers who I am happy to call friends, developed the screenplay with me, which greatly informed the final book you just read (unless you’ve cheated and flipped to the very, very end).
I have to thank my parents for listening to a kid with a head full of stories and encouraging him to go for it. And last, my little boy, Theodore. You’re too young to read this right now, but I just wanted to say, Thanks, kiddo.
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About the Author
Photo credit Mike Rosenthal
JOE BALLARINI is a screenwriter who’s worked on numerous feature films, including My Little Pony: The Movie and the zombie comedy cult classic Dance of the Dead. He has written family films, horror films, silly comedies, and sweeping adventures. He lives with his wife, their son, and their two rescue dogs in Los Angeles, California. He is also left-handed. This is his first book.
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Praise for A Babysitter’s Guide to Monster Hunting
“A series opener that melds Goosebumps and the Baby-Sitters Club with ironic glue.”
—Kirkus Reviews
“A Babysitter’s Guide to Monster Hunting is scary, funny, clever, and filled with heart. Best of all, the main character, Kelly Ferguson, proves a smart, appealing, and very real hero. You will root for her, and then you will root for a sequel.”
—Gabrielle Zevin, New York Times bestselling author
“An anthem for female friendship and
the power that comes with it.”
—Ali Bell, executive producer of Ghostbusters
“A nonstop thrillventure about how to overcome your monsters!”
—John Lee, director of Pee-wee’s Big Holiday
“A rich, wonderful, and exciting world of characters and action. A superfun read!”
—Ian Bryce, producer of Transformers
“Ballarini’s action-packed debut is amazing! An adventure roller-coaster ride with crazy chases, daring escapes, exploding teddy bears, enchanted weaponry, and an army of nightmares.”
—Callum Greene, executive producer of The Hobbit: The Desolation of Smaug
Credits
Cover art © 2017 by Vivienne To
Cover design by Joel Tippie
Copyright
Katherine Tegen Books is an imprint of HarperCollins Publishers.
A BABYSITTER’S GUIDE TO MONSTER HUNTING. Text copyright © 2017 by Joe Ballarini. Illustrations copyright © 2017 by Vivienne To. All rights reserved under International and Pan-American Copyright Conventions. By payment of the required fees, you have been granted the nonexclusive, nontransferable right to access and read the text of this e-book on-screen. No part of this text may be reproduced, transmitted, downloaded, decompiled, reverse-engineered, or stored in or introduced into any information storage and retrieval system, in any form or by any means, whether electronic or mechanical, now known or hereafter invented, without the express written permission of HarperCollins e-books.
www.harpercollinschildrens.com
Library of Congress Control Number: 2017932877
ISBN 978-0-06-243783-9
EPub Edition © May 2017 ISBN 9780062437853
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FIRST EDITION
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