Washington Autism Alliance & Advocacy washingtonautismadvocacy.org
SELF CARE
I am a big fan of MBSR (Mindfulness Based Stress Reduction) developed by Jon Kabat-Zinn, at the University of Massachusetts Medical Center. MBSR is a program designed to assist people with pain and a range of conditions and life issues that can be difficult to treat in a hospital setting. It uses a combination of meditation, body awareness, and yoga to help people become more mindful of living in the present moment.
You can find more information about MBSR here: http://www.umassmed.edu/cfm/mindfulnessnorthwest.com
HEALTH & WELLNESS
Taking care of your mind and body is equally important for both patient and caregiver. Surrounding yourself with a supportive network of people will help you strike a healthy balance in your life.
Identify your sources of stress and seek out ways to cope. Get moving, engage socially, avoid unnecessary stress, accept the things you can’t change, and make time for fun—even in the middle of life’s raging storms. Try volunteering in your community. People who spend time helping others, get as many benefits as those they help.
Get help when you need it. Consider finding a skilled listener to help support you through difficult times. A great resource for therapists nationwide is: psychologytoday.com.
Feed your body good food! Eating fresh, in season, whole foods helps to fuel our bodies and keep our minds alert. I love grazing through cookbooks that educate me about the food I am putting in my body. A couple of my favorites are: Eat, Taste, Heal: An Ayurvedic Guidebook and Cookbook for Modern Living, and Giada’s Feel Good Food, by Giada De Laurentiis.
FAITH
Nothing makes you question the existence of God like a personal tragedy. Don’t be afraid to face these hard questions. Make time to look for a safe and healthy faith community. If you bring up death, doubt, or heavy drinking, and they look at you like you have three heads, keep looking. A healthy faith community is comfortable with you wherever you are in your own faith journey, without expecting you to be someone you are not.
Stephen Ministries was helpful for me. They provide confidential, one-to-one care to people experiencing a difficult time in life, such as grief, divorce, job loss, chronic or terminal illness, relocation, or transition. For information about Stephen Ministry, go to their website: stephenministries.org. To find a care ministry near you, call: 314-428-2600.
CHICKENS
Having backyard chickens is all the rage. Not only are they easy to raise, you will have fresh, organic eggs filling your refrigerator every day! For anything you ever wanted to know about raising and caring for chickens, check out Gail Damerow’s books. My favorite is called, Storey’s Guide to Raising Chickens.
Want a fun weekend project? Try building a chicken tractor. There are tons of free plans and tutorials on the Internet that will keep you and your family entertained, and the chickens contained!
HUMAN-ANIMAL BOND
The human-animal bond is a mutually beneficial and dynamic relationship between people and animals that positively influences the health and well-being of both. Research has shown that connecting with animals eases stress, pain, and improves overall functioning in adults and children alike. If you are considering a service animal for your child or loved one, these sites can help lead you in the right direction: cci.org, servicedogsforamerica.org, 4pawsforability.org.
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For a comprehensive, up-to-date resource guide, including a list of books, websites, blogs, movies, recipes and smartphone apps that have to do with autism, self care, health and wellness, faith, chickens, human-animal bond and more, go to my website:
www.kristinjarvisadams.com
Acknowledgements
The best advice I received while writing this book came from my editor, Lynn Price at Behler Publications, and my agent, Roger Williams. After they read my initial manuscript, I received an editorial letter saying, “More chicken.” More chicken? How would I get inside the mind of a backyard hen? With the gentle guidance of Roger, I was able to step inside the mind of the bird that had the most profound impact on my son’s life. In the end, I discovered the voices of hope in our story came not only from our chicken, but also from our faithful village. Those who supported us, cheered for us, and cried with us during twenty years of searching for answers. They are the people who continue to walk with us today.
Thank you to Jennifer Seber and Paula Dobkins. I couldn’t ask for better sisters; Pete and Lynn Baker who took care of our animals on the days we couldn’t make it home; Paul Hogben, Jon’s lifelong friend who snuck ‘contraband’ into the hospital to watch Seahawks games; my book club women who sent meals and love; Sammamish Presbyterian Church who supplied care in countless ways; the Palliative Care Team at Children’s who arranged for a private showing of The Hunger Games for Andrew; Woodinville Rotary for delivering an abundance of Valentines on a very lonely day; our blog followers who sent kind words and prayers; and finally, the person who hung from a cable to spray paint a message of hope on a beam outside our window. You all made us feel loved. You are the village.
But I most want to thank the love of my life, Jon, who is not only an incredible husband and father, but has supported me in everything I have set my heart to. To my children, Andrew and Hannah, who allowed me to share their story—every detail of their brave journey—because I knew it was a story that needed to be told. An eternal thank you to my parents, Terry and Cherry Jarvis, and Jon’s parents, Larry and Connie Adams who have been an incredible support to us since the day our children were born. To Julie Tisdale and Becki Barrett, my early readers and dear friends who challenged me to dive deeply into the story to dig out the truth. Corbin Lewars who first read a jumbled pile of writing and helped me to discover the story hidden inside. To Sue Erland, Andrew’s friend, companion, and comrade in adventure, her gentle voice I still hear coming from a recording in my son’s room at night. To my ‘wise women’ who guided me safely through the most difficult days of my life: Carol Simon, Jeanne Snook, Carol Elliot, and L.A. To Anne Holmdahl, Diana Sonnega, and my Wednesday morning writing group—a powerful group of truth-tellers.
To those who never stopped believing they could help my son: Dr. Troy Torgerson, Dr. Lauri Burroughs, Dr. Rob Nohle, Dr. Merrell Wiseman, and Joan Suver, PA-C.
My deepest gratitude goes to all of the unnamed doctors, nurses and advocates at Seattle Children’s Hospital, Seattle Cancer Care Alliance, and Fred Hutchison Cancer Research Institute for their unsurpassed level of care and expertise.
In loving memory of Larry H. Adams a.k.a. “Grandpa Man”
Thank you for reading!
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And finally, before you go...
Here are a few other wonderful stories you might enjoy:
A CHICK IN THE COCKPIT
By Erika Armstrong
“Ladies and gentlemen, welcome aboard your flight. As you step onto my aircraft, take a quick glance into the cockpit. Yep, that’s me sitting in the captains’ seat, and that’s my first officer laughing about how he accidentally locked himself out of his hotel room. Naked. Again.
We’re both a little ripe from flying for the last five days, but we’re still smiling because we have spent years and thousands of hours training and living an uncommon lifestyle to be up here for you.
For the next few hours, you have to turn your life over to us. It’s hard to trust others, and there are moments when you don’t have a choice about being in control. During those moments, you’ll just have to tighten your seatbelt and trust that others will get you through the storm.
Our route today will take you through a segment of my life up in the air, and you will see things you could never imagine. Since I have been locked in the cockpit with men for several thousand hours over the yea
rs, I have been given a perspective few get to experience. To help you see a different perspective, too, I am giving you a checklist to use as we move along our route. It will take you from gate to gate, and when we’re done we will have both learned a little more about what it takes to fly.
Now…just sit back and relax. It’s going to be a bumpy ride.”
FIGURING SH!T OUT: LOVE, LAUGHTER, SUICIDE, AND SURVIVAL
By Amy Biancolli
"Your life isn't over." My dad says this. "I mean, YOUR life isn't over. Beyond the kids. You'll go on living, doing things. This isn't it."
I know, I assure him. I have the kids. They need me. They're my life now.
"OK," he replies, then grunts -- more of a brief hum. He only hums when he thinks I'm full of shit.
Shockingly single. Amy Biancolli’s life went off script more dramatically than most after her husband of 20 years jumped off the roof of a parking garage. Left with three children, a three-story house, and a pile of knotty psychological complications, Amy realizes the dead car battery, rapidly growing lawn, basement sump pump, and broken doorknob aren’t going to fix themselves.
Amy learns that "Figuring Sh!t Out" means accepting the horrors that came her way, rolling with them, slogging through them, helping others through theirs, and working her way through life with love and laughter.
Amy speaks frankly about suicide and its aftermath. Her humor links the sacred and profane -- the spiritual and the down-and-dirty -- in a way that's honest and reflects how real people grieve and, more than that, live.
FINDING DAD: FROM “LOVE CHILD” TO DAUGHTER
By Kara Sundlun
Kara Hewes knew her father, Bruce Sundlun, was a dynamic man whose legendary bravery during WWII transcended to his life in the courtroom, the boardroom, and finally as two-term governor of Rhode Island. But she’d never laid eyes on him until one transformational moment, when she awoke in the middle of the night as a TV news anchor announced he was running for office. One look at his picture and she knew she needed to find the other half of her.
Her letters and phone calls went unanswered, so the determined teen hired a lawyer, arranged a secret meeting and DNA test, but he still refused to acknowledge her. His rejection permeated every cell. She was bright and ambitious, so why wasn’t she worth loving?
At 17, ready for college, Kara boldly faced a packed press conference to file a paternity suit. In the middle of the media frenzy, Bruce did the unexpected and offered to help pay for college and invited Kara to come live with him so he could get to know her better.
It was a summer of firsts for Kara; living in a Newport mansion, meeting her new family and, toughest of all, trying to find space in her father’s heart. It was Kara’s effervescent smile and inherited stubborn determination that proved impossible for Bruce to resist. It took the unconditional love and forgiveness of a 17-year-old girl to break down the barriers that had separated father and daughter for too long.
THE FOUR GIFTS
By Father Joe Bradley
By all rights, Father Joseph Bradley should be dead. If past usage of beer, marijuana, and cocaine didn't do the trick, then certainly heart failure should have. Instead, by the grace of God, he is alive, clean, sober, and a functioning Catholic priest with another man's heart beating in his chest. But it came at a huge cost.
While Joe was in his late teens, his father died suddenly. The loss was devastating and Joe's emotional desolation found escapist bliss in a beer bottle and cocaine vial, and he pledged irrevocable devotion to both. The slide into the abyss was ugly, and Joe finally sought help because there was nowhere else to go—which led him to serve others as a Catholic priest. The day of Joe's ordination, an old friend came to the mass and announced for all to hear, "Well, now I can say I've seen a miracle."
Joe functioned for fifteen years as a sober priest before his heart gave out from the same heart disease that killed his father. But another miracle came his way, and he was blessed with a new heart—a gracious gift from a family during the most painful moment of their lives.
Joe has been granted the blessing of four gifts: faith, sobriety, a new heart, and a fulfilling ministry. As Father Joe says, "Gratitude inspired this book. I owe it to people who helped rescue me from alcohol and drugs, and I owe it to my heart donor for giving me yet another chance at life."
The Chicken Who Saved Us Page 29