by Falon Gold
A massive palm swings out from the side and lands in the center of my chest, stopping me in the doorway after it collides with a huge artificial flower arrangement in a Grecian urn sitting beside the door. It tilts over on its side. I sputter when fake petals slap me on the side of my face, then I push the urn to its original upright position with the backside of my hand. I’m not about to chance it finishing falling over and breaking, provoking Natalia’s wrath. Everything that can go wrong is going wrong today already, no need for shattered decorations to happen too.
The hand on my chest falls away. Uncle Luke whirls around on me from his place in front of the window, on the other side of the urn. His fury is worse than his wife’s. Normally, he’s a sedate bull. Right now, I’m poking at it after storming into his house, something I wasn’t allowed to do when I was little. Won’t stop me from making sure Astrid is alright, though.
“Move, Uncle Luke.”
He doesn’t. “Slow down, tiger. Astrid’s fine.” He looks over his shoulder. “Listen to your brother and shut up for real sometimes, Tommy. Damn!”
I’ll believe Astrid is okay when I see that for myself, but she’s nowhere to be seen, neither is Malisa “Where is Astrid?”
“You better tell him, Luke, before he kicks your ass,” Uncle Tommy instigates with a wide smile, from the couch on the other side of the room. “And you won’t stand a chance because you’re just as old as your sister Chrysalis is, bruh, even if you are the baby of six. You still greeted Jesus when he was born.”
Uncle Luke’s hand balls into fists at his sides, and twists at the waist, giving Tommy his full attention. “One, kicking my ass in my own house isn’t even possible, Tommy. Two, keep talking, and we’re going to see if the only muscle on your scrawny body, which is your mouth by the way, can keep me off your ass. Three, and this one is for you, Blake.” He swivels back around to me. “Don’t disrespect my house like that again. Astrid’s is in my bathroom with Malisa. It’s the only one Malisa will use, and Astrid is welcome to it, too. The walls are very well insulated by the way, and you know we’re not going to hurt her, so calm your ass down.”
I look him directly in the eyes, intending to do no such thing. “I’m sorry, Uncle Luke, and I know you all won’t hurt her physically. There’s other ways to hurt someone unintentionally though.” With words or lack thereof, and I should know.
Uncle Luke cocks his head, clearly confused.
Uncle Tommy tilts his too. His mouth lifts in one corner. “Still didn’t get that porridge yet, huh, Luke?”
Mama O walks into the room from the far left corner that’s connected to the kitchen, calmly wiping her hands on a dish towel. “What’s really got you rushing up in here like you have no home training, son? And I know you have some, because I taught it to you.”
Let the ‘getting down to the nitty gritty’ begin.
Her imposing presence shuts down most of the aggression in me, always has out of respect. I start to rub the back of my neck, where a ridiculous amount of tension has gathered. “I didn’t tell Astrid exactly how much she looks like Malisa, and I don’t want people saying nasty things about it to her or behind her back because of it.”
Uncle Luke puts his backside to the window again, to observe. He’s like Pops in that regard; they speak only when they have something to say.
Uncle Tommy’s eyes lose their normal liveliness and deviousness, to fill with remorse. “I didn’t mean to say anything that’ll hurt her, Blake. Just calling it like I see it, like I usually do. She wasn’t even in the room if that’s what got your panties in your crack.”
“Unk, I heard you all the way outside. She probably heard you too.”
He stands up. “Okay, let’s get serious for a minute.” That’s something he tries his hardest not to ever do, and it takes me by surprise.
“Somebody take a damn picture of this because it isn’t going to last long,” Aunt Chrys snipes from beside Derek on the loveseat pressed against the far wall.
Uncle Tommy shushes her. “Blake, you’re not so much as worried about Astrid hearing me as you are about her finding out that you had a crush on Malisa as a child, and if she’ll wonder if she’s just a fill-in.”
“She’s not a fill-in, Unk. Never was, and I don’t want her to ever think that.”
Why the hell didn’t I say that to her before someone mentioned it?
Because I’m a coward, afraid she’ll feel exactly how Uncle Tommy called it, a fill-in for Malisa. We would have surely gone downhill from there until I lost her. I did anyway, for a totally different reason.
“I don’t think she is either, but Blake, we all know this goes much deeper than what Astrid will think. Someone somewhere, not me of course, has developed a feeling or had a tickle in the crotch for someone they shouldn’t have. Hell, some families even encourage inbreeding, but you and Malisa don’t qualify, so there is nothing bad about any feeling you had as a teen for her. You didn’t act on it, and that makes you a better man than most adults. She wouldn’t have done too bad with you as her first boyfriend, but we didn’t think she’d let you sow your oats in her fields anyway. You two depended on each other to be there for one another too much to risk ruining your relationship over sex.”
“She’s still too young at twenty-six for being sown and plowed if you ask me,” Pops grumbles.
Uncle Tommy waves him off. “That point is moot, Frank. She’s been incubating Apollo’s super rockets for eight months, remember? Listen, Blake. Your little puppy love lasted all of two minutes before you decided for yourself that Malisa was off limits. Only a good boy growing into a good man would’ve done that, when young boys and some old men who know better still plow through everything in a skirt, if they can. But it doesn’t matter how well the Owens raised you or how much you hold us in your heart, technically, Malisa is never really off limits to you. Well, she is now of course because she found the good man for her. Just don’t develop a crush on me, looking for the next best Owens. I’m telling you up front that I don’t like you like that.”
I chuckle, like he intended for me to, a lot less angry with him just like he wants me to be.
“And Tommy’s a clown again,” Aunt Chrys mumbles.
He looks back at her, frowning. “For Pete’s sake, be quiet, Chrysalis. I got a little more seriousness left in me and I need to get it out. I’m feeling heavy and icky and shit. Back to you, Blake. If Astrid can’t understand any of that or that coincidence is a bitch sometimes, maybe she’s not the girl for you after all, but you’ve got to stop punishing yourself for recognizing the perfect, flawed example of what you should want in a woman. And you’re making too big a damn deal out of your woman looking like your sister. They’re called doppelgangers. Nothing you or anyone else can do about perfect copies of other people showing up in other families or your heart picking one to love. You definitely love something about her if she’s incubating your super rocket and you ran up in your Uncle Luke’s house with your chest puffed out… or you’re feeling suicidal. Whatever the case is, just don’t call her by the wrong name, or she’ll gang up on your ass with whatever weapons she can get her hands on and doppel your nuts. True story, nephew!”
Derek falls over behind Aunt Chrys, who covers her mouth with both hands. Her eyes begin to water. I browse the room, taking in the nonjudgmental gazes belonging to my family. Most are too busy laughing their asses off to be judgmental about anything. They truly understand more than I ever thought they would about the guilt that’s ridden for me for so long. Maybe Astrid will be understanding, too.
“You all knew when I thought I’d hid my attraction to Malisa?” And I hadn’t lost them at all, or it would’ve happen long ago.
Mama O smiles and begins to fold the towel neatly, while nodding. “Everyone knew but Malisa, Blake. That’s how small your crush was at a time, when kids can’t make up their minds about who they like, including you. I’m pretty sure if you wanted her that badly, you’d have told her. Instead, you’ve been feeling ash
amed about your body turning on you, but you’ve always liked the good girls and have always been more overprotective as hell of Malisa than anything, annoyingly so sometimes. It’s not your fault that you had the perfect way to give Apollo hell about hurting her either… I might have used that to my benefit, as well.” After admitting that, grudgingly, she sits down on Pops’ knee. “You and I know that competition makes a real man straighten up. We tested Apollo in our own way, like most families would, and he passed. Most brothers couldn’t express interest in their sister just to make a man see what he has like you did. Anyone that wants someone for themselves doesn’t stick around to decorate a wedding venue so they can marry someone else, and make sure they get a happily ever after. Does that sound a like a man who still has a crush on someone? If it does to Astrid, you send her to me.”
Not with Mama O’s penchant for violence.
“No, but thank you,” I say quickly. This was practice for when I’m facing my father. “This conversation is weird enough.”
She points at me. “You’re right about that. Since it’s already weird, I might as well ask the question that you knew I would. Why do you like Astrid so much? You’ve already covered why you hid her from us.”
“I’m sorry about that, Mama O. I should’ve known you all would understand. The answer to why I like her so much is simple. My heart chose her before I knew anything about her. Her independent streak is adorable. She’s always smiling, and never asked me for anything despite who my parents are, not even my heart, but it’s hers. If I had gotten a say in who took my breath away at first sight, I’d have spared Astrid from ever being put in this position. If I have my way, I’ll be good man to her, and if it makes everyone feel any better, I haven’t met her parents either.”
Apollo, who’s grinning wide beside Pops, points to his chest. “Tried and true good man over here who knows his woman’s people. And she knows mine.” He holds up a single finger. “All one of them.” Sienna, his mother, is all that’s left of his family from Canada.
Pops turns his head and frowns in his face. “Really? You’re going to gloat right now, Apollo?”
He nods his head vigorously. “Damn straight, Frank, soon-to-be-father-in-law!”
I snicker at my future brother-in-law’s smug gesture, feeling for the first time, in a long time, a little less weighed down with guilt over things I truly couldn’t control. “Malisa knows about the crush because I told her, but I thought if you all knew, I’d—”
“Upset us, and then we’d push you out the family,” Pops interrupts. “You haven’t disappointed anyone, son. It’s almost impossible for you to do that, and I think your biggest fear is losing us for one reason or another. That’s heartwarming and this’ll be the only time I say that word, but real family loves each other through it all, or Tommy would’ve been out on his ass after his first joke. Hell, he’s half a joke away from being pushed out now, but you’re not.”
Uncle Tommy’s head dips down in Pops’ direction. “Half a joke away from being pushed out, huh, Frank? You’re going to pay for that. I got more jokes than you got stomach, brother. Remember that.”
I chuckle despite the heaviness still on my conscious about Astrid. There are things she still needs to know about me. “Losing the Owens is one of my biggest fears, Pops.”
He nods, in his all-knowing way. “Losing Astrid is the other. How long have you been in love with her?”
I scrub my hair backwards on the top of my head and blow out my mouth. “From the damn moment I laid eyes on her two years ago.”
“Then you go through the fire with her, son, by sitting her down and talking to her about everything that concerns you. If she comes out the other side with you, she’s a keeper, but you need to talk to her pronto. Let her know what she’s up against in your world, like your snobby biological parents who are still trying to get you to take over their businesses. And while you’re stalling about giving them an answer, because you don’t want to just say no to them though you see right through their manipulating, you should probably mention to Astrid that they barely tolerate anyone who isn’t a Powers or wealthy in their own right.”
“I planned to talk to her about all of that, after it was all over. But what if talking to her now about it is the worst thing for her condition? Pregnant women are affected by everything. The last thing I want to do is jeopardize my family’s health because of my burdens.”
“You’re still stalling, Blake, but you’d be surprised at how much a woman can go through when pregnant. If she hears about any of this from anyone but you, like Tommy’s big mouth for instance, you may lose her anyway. And your baby will go where she goes.”
I swipe my hand down my face, and acknowledge that I haven’t hidden anything from anyone but Astrid. “Damn, what don’t you know, Pops?”
He smiles just as arrogantly as Apollo is doing. “Blake, you’re more overprotective than Lydia is, which is why you’re in this mess. But thanks to Lydia, there’s not much I don’t know about my kids. In other words, my wife is nosy as hell and still talks to your mother, but you hid Astrid well from all of us. I’m going to need some lessons on how to do that. I can’t even hide my weight gain from Lydia. She be all up in my business.”
The room erupts with laughter.
Mama O glimpses back at her husband with a small smile on her face. “Oh Frank, you’re going to pay for that too. Tommy’s jokes are going to seem like child’s play compared to how I can make you suffer. Remember that.”
Pops’ smile evaporates. “See what you’ve gotten me into, Blake?”
Malisa walks through the doorway in the right corner of the room, with a good grip on the wall to stabilize the load in front of her and a lopsided grin on her face. “Blake, if it makes you feel any better, you’re not the only one that’s passed me up for someone else that looks like me after two minutes. Derek decided that Aunt Chrys is the better woman for him, remember, after coming all the way out here to eat breakfast with me? You don’t see them worrying themselves to death about it, and they shouldn’t. She is the better woman for him. Sometimes, how we get to the one we’re meant to be with isn’t the straightforward path we’d like to travel. It wasn’t like that for Apollo and me either, but you don’t have to make the crooks and turns harder to travel than they already are either by worrying about every little bitty thing that could go wrong along the way. You’re missing out on the fun during the journey.”
Then Astrid manifests beside Malisa. How much has she heard?
Chapter Five
Blake
The air stiffens then turns stifling. Is it too much to ask that I get to break just one thing about my life down to Astrid slowly? She strolls toward me, with a blank expression on her face, stopping when her exhales are fanning my neck. She’s still too far away, after being gone for one hundred and eighty-one days.
“You can stop looking at me like you’ve seen a ghost, Blake. I heard just about everything said in here. As you can see, I’m fine and still pregnant. It doesn’t take me that long to use the bathroom, or for women to gossip.”
I shift my weight to one foot, hoping life is now through with overriding my decisions of when she needs to find out something about me. Tonight is not that damn far away. “Well, I’m not fine, Astrid. I’ll do anything to not lose you and my son, again.”
She rubs her hands together between us. “So I see you’ll do anything, including keeping me in the dark a little longer about what else troubles you, huh?”
“It isn’t so much as keeping you in the dark, love. Tonight—”
“Yes, it is,” Uncle Tommy cuts me off.
Pops’ hand slaps the arm of the sofa. “Shut up, Tommy!”
Again, I massage the backside of my neck, where the tension is getting tighter. “I’m only protecting you the best way I know how, Astrid. I’d planned—”
“Your idea of protecting is leaving me out in the cold, Blake, unprepared for what we can’t control. What other people say is one of tho
se things.” She huffs air. “But I have it on good authority that your parents didn’t give you good examples of what it means to fully trust someone with what’s going on in that head of yours, after abandoning you emotionally. You’re not a kid anymore though. You chose to not trust me to stick beside you no matter what comes our way, like being a dead ringer for Malisa. I also know that if it wasn’t for the Owens, you’d be a troublemaker instead of full of troubles that make you embrace everyone with one hand and push them away with the other. I should’ve learned about the innocent crush and your broken upbringing from you before you decided to treat me like your girl but wouldn’t call me that. Well, I didn’t learn all that from you, and that is what’s hurting me right now… I can’t trust you, Blake.”
A haze of defeat descends upon me. Pops’ advice has come too little too late; she’s already heard secondhand what should’ve come from the horse’s mouth. Now, there’s a new break in our relationship to repair; make Astrid trust me again, starting now.
“Astrid, I know I never deserved your trust in the first place, but have faith that this won’t ever happen again. I’ll talk your damn ears off if that’s what it takes to get you back with me. I’ve learned to not let the best thing slip through my fingers, and it was wrong to keep you disconnected from my real life. All I wanted to do was keep you happy, and I didn’t think I could do that if you were tangled up in the shit that surrounds me every day, all day. I won’t ever be able to say I’m sorry enough for that. I do need you to believe from this point forward you’ve had my heart from day one and whatever troubles I have you’ll hear from me first.”
She looks over my shoulder, or tries to—it’s not possible when she’s only five foot two. “Well, if it sets your mind at ease, it’s cool having a look-a-like who’s sweet as Malisa. I admit it was a little startling when she answered the door, but I’m used to it already, and I can handle whatever opinion someone throws my way about it. That’s not a problem for us anymore at least.” One problem down. Only God knows how many more to go. Progress, if I look at it from the ‘cup is half-full’ angle.