by Amanda Jay
OF HEARTS AND MINDS
There is power in our minds, my father was fond of saying. Do not underestimate the power of the mind. But I disagree. I think we often underestimate the power of the heart. The mind weighs consequences, thinks of what is right and wrong, what decisions it should make. And when things get too difficult, minds can crack. And then the people to whom the minds belong, well, they are never the same again.
But the heart? No. The heart beats firmly on. Even if it gets trampled on, even if it is demoralised, even if it breaks into a million pieces, it beats on. The mind weighs thoughts and ideas against each other, always seeking the rational. But the heart beats on, even when reason dictates otherwise.
TOM
It hardly ever rained in Mliss, and water was usually hard to come by, especially if you were a pest in the Underbelly. As a "service" to the less fortunate, the Mayor ordered that a large tank on the outskirts of the main city be filled once a week with water, so those who didn't have access to decent plumbing could fill their canteens for the week, and perhaps even wash themselves.
It was customary that the morning and afternoon brought along lines of people with empty cans, bottles, pots, or whatever else they could find to collect water in. But in the evening, if they were lucky and there was any water left, the children would jump into the now shallow tank and swim.
It was one of Skii's favourite things to do, but Tom, who didn't know how to swim, usually stayed back.
"Come in, silly," Skii would giggle, splashing water at him. But Tom always stayed at the edge of the tank, dangling his legs off the side.
Life was rough in the Underbelly, so, to this date, Tom didn't know if he was pushed in by some bully, or whether he slipped, but all he could remember was that when he was still a child, he fell into the tank.
He remembered the shock-- he hadn't started to panic yet, he just stayed still and looked up as he saw the water close in around him. He tried to breathe, but he couldn't. He had never been that scared in his life. He tried flapping his arms and kicking, it was more by instinct than anything else. He knew he was choking. He thought he was going to burst. He was sure he was going to die.
That was what he felt like as Skii finished talking. He tried to breathe, but his lungs wouldn't take in any air. He tried to focus on his hands in front of him. He tried to focus on something, anything, other than what Skii said. But it was no use. Her words swirled around him like the water in the tank, completely engulfing him.
But he had to break the surface at some point.
"You knew all this time?" he choked out.
"I'm really sorry, Tom. I was going to tell you, I promise."
"When, Skii? When were you going to tell me?"
"I don't know, Tom. The perfect time never came. And I was afraid--"
Tom snorted. "Afraid of what?"
"Afraid you will go looking for him. Afraid you will leave me."
"Don't be ridiculous. You know I would never leave you."
"Do I, Tom? Do I?"
"What's that supposed to mean."
"Please, you were never satisfied, Tom. Always talking of leaving Mliss. Always talking about bigger and better things. From the moment Felix showed up, all you wanted was the life you didn't have. So don't tell me that you wouldn't have left if you had the chance."
"And so you just decided to never tell me?"
"Tom, please listen I--" but Skii was interrupted by Onyx, who, knowing that Skii was distracted, pounced and grabbed the knife out of her hand.
She stuck it hard into the wooden table, handle up.
"I'm sorry to interrupt. I really am. But just don't have the time for this. Skii, please sit down. Are you absolutely sure that this is the case? You know this is a matter of life and death, don't you?"
Skii nodded.
"I still don't believe her. She could simply be protecting the boy," Muriel argued.
"Well, I guess you'll have to take my word for it," Skii replied. She was trying her best to fight back tears, but he couldn't bare to look at her, all the same.
"She isn't lying." It was only when Felix spoke that Tom realised he had been quiet all this time.
"And how would you know?" Muriel demanded.
"It would explain a lot." Felix spoke quietly, but directly to Onyx. "It would explain why he couldn't even look at me. Why there was always something between us. Why he never wanted to me to begin with. He wanted him instead."
Tom looked down. He couldn't meet Felix's eye.
"Look, as far as I can see, there is only one way to fix this. And it's in that little bottle. Let me fix this. I want to. It's the least I can do. I haven't brought anyone anything but unhappiness. Name one other person who can say that and really mean it?"
There was silence in the room as Felix picked up the bottle and surveyed it.
"But there's just one thing. One thing, and I promise I will do whatever you want from me. I have to know what really happened to her. I know she wouldn't kill herself."
Onyx sighed. "Felix, I know that no child could bear to understand that his mother could be capable of such things, but you have to understand--"
"Twin Faced God be damned, have you absolutely no sense of logic? Why in Bearoux's name would they arrest my father if it was a suicide? There was no water in her lungs! I read the report. She was murdered, and I need to know by whom before I die!"
It was must to most amount of gusto Tom had ever seen in Felix.
But Onyx kept her calm. "Felix, I understand, I really do. But how do you suppose we do that? We don't have time for all of this, you know. The longer we delay, the worse it gets for the balance. Especially since you and Tom have been in such close proximity."
"We lasted sixteen years. What's a few more days?"
"A few more days knowing that you are going to die? It's about enough to change a person's mind, I think. And I really don't want to have to kill you, Felix."
"The machine, then. I want to see the machine. You said you brought it here for the Professor to work on. I would like to see it." He was grasping for straws now.
Muriel sighed. "It's no use, boy. Do you think you could fix it when the greatest minds in this city have tried and failed?"
"I don't think, even for a second Professor, that I could fix it. I would just like to see what it is. What it is that my father chose over me, over her, over everything. I'd like to see where it was I came from."
"Fine," said Onyx, standing up, suddenly very business-like. She looked directly at Felix, "You agree though, to go through with it? Because I can't deal with any more funny business."
"You have my word," Felix replied, standing also. There was a look of defeat to him, and Tom found himself feeling sorry for the boy.
"Come along, then. All of you might as well."
Tom stood silently also, and snuck a sideways glance at Skii. She had a dogged look to her, but she seemed calmer now. Tom didn't think she understood. He eyed the bottle in Felix's hand, and he knew, deep inside him, that there was no way either of them would survive this.
"We are all interconnected," Onyx's voice rang through Tom's thoughts. He had no way of being sure, of course, and it looked like Skii hadn't caught onto it either.
Nonetheless, the group moved back down the dark, damp corridor. Onyx led the way with Felix, Professor Muriel followed, with Skii and Tom still in silence, and Xuntak bringing up the back. They reached a large auditorium, and Xuntak left the group to light the oil burners which lay in the corners of the room.
It was only after the flames illuminated the cavernous hall that Tom could clearly see the machine that loomed up in the centre. It wasn't as big as Tom would have imagined. A large globe, big enough, perhaps, for a person to sit in, comfortably hung suspended within a stand of sorts. It was mesmerising though-- perhaps more because everyone knew what the machine was capable of rather than because of what it looked like.
"May I?" Felix asked Onyx, who nodded tightly.
Feli
x went up to the machine and put his hand against the steel. Tom saw him close his eyes and take a deep breath. He wondered what the boy, in his last moments, was thinking about. Tom closed his own eyes. Skii. Would she be safe without him? Would she be alright, in the end?
"Nobody move!" A hard voice rang out, echoing off the rough, stone walls and reverberating through the room.
Tom's eyelids jerked open, but he immediately wished he was spared the sight of at least eight City Guards marching into the room. They have been found out. They would all be arrested, and who knows what would come next.
Tom instinctively reached out for Skii's hand.
Her eyes were darting around the room, looking for a way to escape. It was useless. There was only one door, which was now effectively blocked. Perhaps they could hide? The hall was quite dark. But even Tom knew it was useless.
A burly red haired man pushed himself to the front. Even in the dim light of the room, it looked as though the man's head was on fire. His hair wasn’t as red in the posters he had seen, but Tom had no trouble identifying him right away, even though it was Onyx who spoke out first.
"Mayor Frankly, I didn't think you would join us personally." If she was nervous or fearful at all that the mayor of Mliss himself had found her out, she did a good job of hiding it.
"Where are they?" the mayor asked gruffly, his eyes sweeping the room, taking in the machine. "The boys. I understand you have them." His gaze finally stopped at Felix, and then on Tom. "Twin Faced God be damned, she was right."
That was when the globe started to spin.
TOM
It happened slowly, at first, a gentle swaying, as if it were just waking up. But soon it managed to swing around the whole way, and from there, it steadily picked up momentum.
"What have you done?" Muriel yelled over the thundering of the machine.
"This isn't possible," Onyx called out.
The air in the chamber had started to sweep around them. Tom felt his hair get blown off his face, as a type of strange energy coursed through the room, making his skin break out in goosebumps.
Skii grabbed Tom's shoulder.
"Let's get out of here," she shouted into his ear, trying to take advantage of the confusion.
But Tom was transfixed. What was happening? Sparks of light, like what happened at the Wheel sometimes, were starting to spring out of the machine when it stopped.
The globe stood suddenly still, thin wisps of smoke emanating from it, as a burning smell filled Tom's nostrils.
Felix, who had remained close to the machine, reached out a hand to touch it again.
"Don't," called out Muriel. "Don't touch it. You don't know what it--"
But the door to the globe swung open from the inside, and a man climbed out, gasping for air.
It was Xuntak who rushed to the man, probably, Tom reckoned, because he was the only person to have kept his wits about him through the whole incident.
But even Xuntak took a step back when he saw who it was.
"It can't be," the tattooed man murmured.
"What's wrong, Xuntak. Can't recognise an old friend?" Ezra rasped, as he struggled to his feet.
"Ezra? How--?" Even Onyx was lost for words. Tom had thought nothing could faze her, but even she took a few unsteady steps away from the man hesitantly.
But Ezra had noticed Jamous Frankly and exchanged a curt nod with him.
"You can ask your guards to leave, Frank. No one will harm you," he instructed.
Jamous Frankly nodded, and the city guards left, uncertainly casting confused glances at Ezra.
Ezra crossed his arms and glared at the red haired man.
"Did she send you, then?"
Frankly nodded, looking contrite.
"I still can't believe she's gone. You have to understand how sorry I am."
Ezra's eyes had narrowed to little slits. "Too late for that now, isn't it."
"I didn't understand. At the time, at least. When she asked me for the Pulse Stones, I had to no idea how important it was. I never thought she would go after it herself."
"Pulse Stones?" Ezra asked. "I suppose that is what you'll call Kubles over here?"
Tom noticed that Ezra's hands were trembling. Frankly took a step towards him, but Ezra backed away with a warning look.
"Did she... did she suffer?" he asked, his voice catching.
"She was dead when they found her. She was in no condition to try to climb the Eyes, much less to try to remove the Stones. I wished she would have spoken to me. That I was more patient. I would have told her, like I told you, the Pulse Stones up there were decoys. Just glowing paint. Kept there to give people a sense of purpose.
"I had to... I had to dispose of her body. If word got out that there was an attempted break in at the Eyes, well, even I wouldn't have been able to get the Stones then."
"She died trying to steal the Pulse Stones?" It was Felix who asked the question, his voice filled with disbelief.
Frankly looked over at Felix, his face contorted with something. Tom thought it was remorse. It could have been grief.
"She died trying to fix things. She came to me first. Told me what she knew. I asked her to be patient. To let me take care of it. But she didn't believe me. She thought I would, well, she thought I would hunt one of you down. But I would never do that to her."
"You put my father in jail for her murder."
"I am truly sorry for that. I am. But I had to keep him away until I understood what was going on."
There was a low rumble from a distance. Onyx looked over at Ezra sharply.
"You can't stay here much longer. One of you was bad enough, but with you and Felix both here..."
"She's right about that," Professor Muriel echoed.
"You have it then, Frank?" Ezra asked Frankly.
The mayor held out two stones-- a blue and a green.
"These really are the last two, Ezra. Sorry I lied to you earlier about there not being any left. I had no idea what you needed them for. I wish you had told me. I would have helped you."
Ezra looked relieved.
"So we had Pulse Stones, all this time?" Muriel's voice was thick with disbelief.
Jamous Frankly looked embarrassed. "The absolute last two were removed from the Eyes many years ago. We were worried that someone would steal it. Twin Faced God knew they tried. I had these hidden at the Department of Records. It took quite a erm, fiasco at the library earlier today for me to get them."
"Well, the two you got me back on the other side worked well enough, so that should be good enough for the trip back also."
"The trip back?" Felix asked.
"You didn't think I did all this for the journey, did you?" Ezra asked with a smile. He had avoided looking directly at either of them all this time. When he did, Tom saw him hold his breath slightly, as if it hurt him. His eyes slid from Tom to Felix.
"My boys. How I have longed to see you. How much I have hated myself for what I did."
"But you didn't do it," Felix replied.
Ezra smiled again. "You know there have been times I told myself the same thing. But the Twin Gods know I must have had a part of me that was capable of this, otherwise it wouldn't have happened."
“You mean the Twin Faced God…” Muriel corrected, before shaking his head in disbelief. “Fascinating. If only we had more time to understand what other difference our worlds have between them.”
"Looks like that’ll have to be another time, Professor--" As if to prove his point, Xuntak was interrupted by a loud clap of thunder.
Ezra looked over at Frankly.
"I know it would have been difficult for you. All those years, and then suddenly, all this."
Frankly just shook his head. "She chose you. Over everyone else. And she kept choosing you, even when--” He shrugged. “I hope you know that."
Ezra gripped the man's shoulder.
"I know, Frank. I know."
He took the Pulse Stones from the mayor and went over to the side o
f the machine, but Tom couldn't see what he was doing. He then looked between Tom and Felix.
"I guess now the only question is who I take back with me?"
"Take back?" asked Felix.
"We finally have a way to fix everything, but one of you needs to come back with me."
"And it can be either one of us?" asked Tom.
"According to my calculations, it shouldn't matter."
Felix and Tom exchanged a glance.
"You can go, if you like." Felix said in a low voice. "I already had my time with him. It's your turn now."
Tom's heart thudded. He still hadn't let go of Skii's hand, he realised. She simply stood very still, her face expressionless. She knew. She always knew.
"I'm sorry, Skii," he whispered to her.
She continued to look on straight ahead. "It's okay, Tom Cat."
"No, you don't get it. I'm sorry I ever made you feel like you weren't enough. I can't imagine what my world would have been like without you. I'm just sorry I haven't been able to show you that."
A small, single tear found its way down Skii's cheek, and Tom wiped it off with his thumb.
"Thanks, Felix," he said, more kindly to the boy, to himself, than he had ever been. "But I've got everything I need right here. You go. Rebuild your lives. You deserve it."
Skii squeezed his hand more tightly than she ever had, and Felix gave Tom a grateful smile.
"We need to hurry, then," Ezra reminded them, pulling open the small door to the globe. "It'll be a tight squeeze, but I'm sure we can manage."
"I almost forgot, there's just one last thing," Frankly called out. "Which one of you is Felix?"
"That would be me, sir."
"This is for you, then. It's from her. It explains... well, it explains her side of it." Frankly handed him a crumpled looking brown envelope.
There was another loud rumble, angry and urgent, that rattled Tom's very bones.
Ezra waved to Felix to hurry, and clambered into the small chamber.
Felix looked over at Tom for the last time.
"It was really nice to meet you, Tom," he said simply.
Tom gave him a small smile. "You take care."