Nikolai had disappeared into the cockpit for several minutes before returning to his seat opposite Gregori, the two men talking softly before falling silent again. No one else in the cabin had spoken during the fraught forty minutes before landing, including Daisy as she once again sat with Seth and Jonas.
There had been a collective sigh of relief when the jet finally touched down on the runway, but again no one spoke as they all silently released their seat belts and collected their things before disembarking. It was as if they were all slightly traumatized from the shared experience.
Three black SUVs were waiting outside, and again Daisy automatically aligned herself with Seth and Jonas as they moved to the lead vehicle. Nikolai and Gregori moved to the second along with two of Nikolai’s men, the remaining two men getting into the third vehicle.
“Does Volkov have any idea what happened?” Seth prompted softly once they were on their way to their hotel.
Daisy glanced across at him in the darkness, aware of why he had thought she might know, at the same time as she had no answer for him. “If he does, then he hasn’t shared it with me. But I’m sure there will be a full investigation. Until then, he’s probably as much in the dark as we are.”
“The problem with the engine was a little too convenient for my liking,” Jonas put in.
Daisy had been fighting off reacting to that fact for the remainder of the flight. She was still trying to fight off that reaction, had a feeling that once she did, she would end up a quivering mass as she contemplated how close they had all come to the jet plunging into the icy waters below.
No!
She couldn’t do this here and now, not in front of these two hardened and completely controlled men. Later, when she was finally alone at the hotel, was a different matter. Until then, she would not give in to the urge to cry as a way of releasing some of her tension.
Except, of course, she wasn’t alone when she reached the hotel.
In keeping with the relationship she was supposed to have with Nikolai, the two of them were sharing a suite on the penthouse floor of the prestigious New York hotel. It adjoined the one Gregori had been allocated. The rest of the security detail was in another three-bedroomed suite farther down the hallway.
“Nikolai—”
“Not now.” He threw his bag down on the bed before opening it and taking out a handheld device to begin moving stealthily about the room.
Daisy watched him. “You don’t seriously think the hotel suite is bugged?” She kept her voice low, nonetheless.
“In the same way I didn’t seriously think there was a bomb on the plane earlier either?” He barely spared her a glance as he continued to move about the room, checking for bugs.
“A bomb?” Her stomach gave a sickening lurch as he confirmed what they had all suspected.
He nodded grimly. “The pilot and engineer are checking the engine even as we speak, but we believe the bomb blew up and disabled the left engine. A less capable pilot probably wouldn’t have been able to prevent the plane from crashing.”
A bomb. There really had been a bomb on board the plane. She had suspected it, but having that suspicion confirmed caused her to sit down abruptly on the bed. “Just as well Gregori can afford the best, then.”
“Isn’t it.” Nikolai spared her a humorless smile.
“Shouldn’t you check Gregori’s suite first?”
“He always prefers to do it himself. Occupational hazard,” he dismissed as Daisy frowned. “This room is clear.” He straightened before moving to the adjoining bathroom.
Daisy wondered if maybe she should be the one ensuring the room was bug- and bomb-free, but she wasn’t sure she was capable of it at the moment.
She had been in hazardous situations in the army, as well as several dangerous ones since she started working for Grayson Security, including the shooting at Utopia yesterday. But tonight, as the plane plummeted toward the ground, was the first time she had really felt as if her life was actually in danger of being snuffed out. Finished. Over.
And she realized there were so many things she still hadn’t done.
Things she wanted to do.
Such as travel. Not like this, for work, but to actually go to places like New York, Paris, and Honolulu on a holiday. To stroll around and visit the sights in those cities. Lie on a beach somewhere where someone would bring her cocktails decorated with pieces of fruit and little colored umbrellas.
Not only that, but she wanted what so many other women her age already had. A marriage. Children. Eventually grandchildren.
Damn it, right now, she would happily settle for a lover who would take her virginity. Almost dying a virgin at the age of twenty-five had really sucked.
Tonight she had realized she wasn’t going to enjoy or find any of those things working for Grayson Security.
That there was a reason Dair had all but retired since meeting and marrying Kat. The same reason that Lijah was also leaving Grayson Security now that he and Callie were getting married. The same reason that none of the people working for Grayson Security were married.
The job was too dangerous. Held too many risks that put a marriage, a future, at stake.
What had Nikolai said to her yesterday? Learn a new skill set? After tonight, Daisy was seriously thinking of that as an option. The army hadn’t taught her just how to fight and shoot a gun; she had also acquired a degree in computer science. Maybe it was time for her to use it.
“Are you okay?”
She glanced up at Nikolai as he stood in the doorway to the adjoining sitting room. She had been so deep in thought, she hadn’t even been aware of him leaving the bathroom to go through to check in there.
And no, she wasn’t okay, had undergone an epiphany tonight, now realized she couldn’t live like this anymore.
“Obviously not.” Nikolai crossed the bedroom to throw the device back into his bag before turning to face her. “Daisy—”
“Don’t.” She avoided his hands as she stood and moved across the room, pressing the heat of her forehead against the cool of the glass as she looked out one of the bedroom windows.
All of New York lay spread out before her. Skyscraper after skyscraper, all lit up and somehow beautiful in the moonlight. The famous yellow cabs filled the streets down below, with crowds of people walking along the brightly lit sidewalks. Couples, families, groups of men and women, most of them laughing, talking, or just being together. Ordinary people enjoying an evening out with friends or family.
When had she last done something as lighthearted as that?
Too long ago.
She had a family she rarely saw. A mother and a father. Two irritatingly overprotective brothers. She loved them all very much. She’d like the time to get to know them all again, spend time with them.
“Daisy…?”
She raised her head and saw Nikolai’s reflection standing just behind her in the window. “Once the danger from Petrov has been…eliminated, I’m leaving Grayson Security.”
A frown creased his brow. “Because of what happened tonight?”
Daisy shook her head. “Because of a lot of things.”
“Us?”
She gave a weary laugh. “There isn’t an us, Nikolai.”
His jaw tightened. “Because what happened tonight made the danger surrounding me all too real?”
“No.” Daisy was smiling as she turned to face him. “This isn’t about you, Nikolai. It’s about me. And there isn’t an us because there simply isn’t an us. There never could be. We’re just two people who have been thrust into a situation not of our own choosing, and when this situation is resolved, we will both go our separate ways. You to your life as head of security for Gregori Markovic, and me…Well, I’m not sure where I’ll go yet.”
“Just not Grayson Security?”
“No.”
For once in his life, Nikolai found himself in a situation he felt was beyond his control. Women had come and gone in his life since he was sixteen years old,
and always he had been the one to walk away, to say when he’d had enough, usually after just one night. He’d had just a few hours in bed with Daisy, and now she was as good as saying she had decided there wouldn’t be any more.
Tonight he’d realized that he hadn’t had enough of Daisy yet.
Not by a long shot.
He would have taken her on the plane earlier if the engine hadn’t blown up and, for the next forty minutes, they had all been afraid for their lives.
Was Daisy annoyed with him about that? Maybe, after their time together, she had thought he should have sat with her after talking to Gregori and the pilot. That he should have been with her, comforting her, holding her hand until the plane was safely on the ground.
Should he?
Maybe.
Probably.
No—definitely.
Damn it, he knew nothing, absolutely nothing, about having a relationship with a woman. He never had. Maybe he never would.
He sighed. “I’m sorry if you’re pissed at me because I didn’t sit and hold your hand on the plane earlier—”
“I’m a big girl, Nikolai. I didn’t need you to sit and hold my hand. And you really should take care. Apologizing could become a habit you might not be able to break,” she added dryly.
He scowled. “This isn’t funny, Daisy—”
“I agree, it isn’t.” She sobered. “And I’m not pissed with you. Or annoyed. I’m not overtired either,” she added as he would have spoken. “What I am is seeing clearly, for what seems to be the first time in a very long time. I joined the army to be independent of my overprotective family. I joined Grayson Security for the same reason. It’s now time for me to stop running and see what else there is out there.”
“What else there is…?”
“Life, Nikolai,” she derided. “That thing that other people have and I don’t. I want to experience it all. To travel. To have fun. To walk barefoot along a beach at midnight if I feel like it. And I want to do it all before the opportunity passes me by and I wake up alone one morning, years from now, and realize I’ve left it too late.”
He didn’t like the sound of that at all. “Tonight has been a shock. You’ll feel better after a good night’s sleep—”
“We’ll all feel better after a good night’s sleep.” She nodded. “But I won’t have changed my mind in the morning. I’m going to call Lijah tomorrow and tell him this is my last assignment for Grayson Security.”
Daisy spoke with such finality, Nikolai didn’t doubt that she meant it. Just like that, she had decided to change her life. Not in a small way, but monumentally.
Nikolai envied her the freedom to be able to do that.
Starving on the streets of Moscow for years, followed by several months on the streets of London, and then the past twenty years working for and with the Markovic family was the only life he had ever known.
What would it be like to experience the sort of life, freedom, Daisy was describing? Not to be constantly looking over his shoulder for the next threat?
God knows he had more than enough money never to need to work another day in his life.
But wouldn’t he get bored? Traveling, having fun, walking barefoot along a beach at midnight—
What the hell was he doing?
Daisy was describing what she wanted to do with her life. She wasn’t inviting him to share those experiences with her.
And he didn’t want her to.
Because he would have to say no.
He was Nikolai Volkov. The lone wolf. He didn’t need or want anyone permanently in his life, least of all a woman.
Even one as intriguing as Daisy?
Especially one as intriguing as Daisy.
He admitted she had gotten under his skin the past few days. But it was a weakness he simply couldn’t afford. The sort of weakness that would get him killed. Or Daisy…
“Fine.” He shrugged. “It’s your decision. This one assignment is all I’m interested in.”
Yesterday, even hours ago, Daisy might have felt hurt by Nikolai’s abrupt acceptance and dismissal of never seeing her again after they returned from New York. Now she just accepted it as being part of the man that he was. A man who wanted and needed no one.
Whereas she now wanted everything.
She picked her bag up from the bed. “I’ll use the bathroom first if that’s okay.” She didn’t wait for his answer before going into the adjoining bathroom and closing and locking the door behind her before turning on the shower.
Which was when she finally slid down onto the tiled floor and allowed the earlier shock and fear to overwhelm her as she broke down and cried.
Chapter 10
Nikolai was already in bed when she finally left the bathroom. He was lying back against the pillows on one side of the bed, one arm raised and over his eyes. No doubt to shut out the light from the softly glowing lamp on the wooden unit at the side of the bed.
She couldn’t tell whether he was asleep or not. He was most definitely naked, from the waist up, at least. The bedclothes had fallen down enough for her to look her fill of that bare muscled chest covered in a dusting of hair, his nipples like bronze pennies amid the blond. So tempting her fingers ached to touch all that hard flesh.
Nope. Not going there.
This was a job. Going to bed with Nikolai had been a mistake. Mistakes were to be learned from, not to be repeated.
She’d left her toiletry bag in the bathroom, and she now placed her clothes bag quietly down on the floor to be unpacked in the morning, before crossing the bedroom on bare feet.
“Where are you going?”
Not asleep, Daisy realized with a grimace, shoulders tensing as she turned to find Nikolai now propped up on the pillows and gazing across the dimly lit bedroom at her, his blond hair tousled, that tanned chest and stomach washboard hard.
She shrugged. “The couch in the other room pulls out into a bed.”
His eyes were silver slits. “And?”
“And that’s where I’m sleeping tonight.” She hadn’t meant the words to come out as a challenge, but she was aware that was exactly how they sounded. Challenging. Daring him to contradict her.
Nikolai studied her silently for several long—very long—seconds. “Why?” he finally clipped out.
Daisy felt the color warm her cheeks. Cheeks that were completely bare of makeup, and her hair was damp from her shower. She also felt a little vulnerable wearing just a thin robe over her vest top and boxers, her legs and feet bare. “Because that’s why I’m here,” she reminded him coolly. “There’s no outer door to this bedroom, which means that anyone who tries to enter the suite to get to you will first have to go past me and my gun.”
That silver gaze swept over her again, with slow deliberation this time, from the dampness of her hair to her bare toes. “Where have you hidden your gun tonight?”
“In the pocket of my robe.” Daisy shifted uncomfortably under the intensity of that gaze. “It’s been a long day, and I’m tired—Nikolai!” she gave a protesting squeak as he threw back the bedclothes before getting out of bed and standing.
Revealing that the nakedness extended all the way to his feet.
And a fully naked Nikolai was enough to steal her breath away.
God, he was gorgeous. Absolutely breathtaking.
Lightly tanned all over, his chest and shoulders were wide, stomach flat, hips narrow, his legs long.
He was also extremely aroused.
Daisy had held his shaft earlier today, caressed it, stroked it, even tasted it, but seeing him standing there, in all his naked glory, made her realize just how beautiful he was. His cock was long and thick. The veins stood out in sharp relief beneath the velvet soft skin, the mushroom head a deep and slightly damp purple.
Her throat moved as she swallowed before speaking. “We can’t do this again, Nikolai.”
“Why not?”
“It would only be compounding what we both know was a mistake.”
An
expression of irritation flashed across the hardness of his face. “Don’t presume to know how I feel about anything.”
Daisy gave an impatient shake of her head. “Don’t you realize I’m giving you an out here?”
“And what if I don’t want an out?”
She raised her chin. “Are you willing to take my virginity?”
His jaw tensed. “No.”
“Then we have nothing more to talk about.”
“Damn it, you liked what we did together.” He scowled his frustration with her refusal.
“I loved what we did together—”
“Then why the hell—”
“I didn’t just decide to leave my job earlier today,” she said softly but determinedly. “I’m not asking for hearts and flowers and declarations of love from the next man I become involved with. But,” she stated firmly as he would have spoken, “I now know that I do want him to be a man who accepts rather than fears the responsibility of my virginity. Yes, I’m twenty-five years old. And yes, maybe that is a little old to still be a virgin. But some men would appreciate that fact rather than run screaming into the night.”
A nerve pulsed in his tightly clenched jaw. “I did not run screaming into the night.”
“Only because you knew my job meant I’d have to follow you if you did,” she gently taunted.
“You’re being ridiculous.”
“No, what’s ridiculous about this situation is that you really can’t deny I’m right. Can you?”
If Nikolai had ever felt the need to scream, then surely it was now. But it was with that ever-building frustration and not fear. Because Daisy was asking him for things, wanting things from him he simply couldn’t give.
This was the reason all his past relationships had been very short and rarely sweet. Women tended to need things, want things that he didn’t have to give.
And if the plane hadn’t lost altitude so rapidly, alerting us to the danger we were all in, I wouldn’t have been able to stop myself from taking Daisy’s virginity earlier.
Because he had been frustrated and irritable at the ease with which she laughed and chatted with Jonas and Seth. So much so he had wanted to claim her, to put his mark on her, so that men like Jonas and Seth would know exactly who Daisy belonged to.
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