She pulled away again and studied him. Connor refused to look at her.
“Connor,” Sadi said, grabbing his face between her hands. “Look at me. What you did was dishonest and it was awful. But it doesn’t change the past three years. I can’t pretend like none of it happened. Like we don’t have two beautiful children as a result of our love. Do you remember on our honeymoon when I told you I was pregnant? How happy you were? How scared I was? I can’t pretend like all of our memories aren’t real.”
Connor hesitated but then he allowed a small smile. “Yes Sadi, I remember when you told me.”
Sadi wound up and slapped him hard on the face. She stood up from the couch, looking for something to throw at him. There were only a couple sparkly throw pillows so she picked those up and hurled them at him, one after another.
He put up his arms, trying to fend them off, looking at Sadi like she had lost her mind.
“Luke!” Sadi screamed. “I know you’re Luke! I didn’t tell you I was pregnant on our honeymoon. I told you weeks after we were back!”
Luke put up his hands in self defense. Finally, as Sadi was looking around frantically for something to hurl that would do more damage than a pillow, he came and took her hands, forcing her to stop. She fought against him, scratching his face in the process.
She froze when she saw the angry red line running down his cheek. Luke froze as well.
“At least I can tell you apart now,” Sadi hissed. She took a step backwards trying to calm her breathing. “Why would you trick me again? What is wrong with you two?”
Luke shrugged, breathing heavily as well. “We needed to see which one of us you really loved Sadi. I know that you loved me before the bombing and I needed to see if there was something still there. But I know there isn’t now. What I said was true. I was cheating on you Sadi. I didn’t want to- I hated myself for it. I just- I panicked. I wasn’t ready to get married but I didn’t know how to tell you. I thought I was going to hurt you terribly.”
“So you decided to cheat on me,” Sadi said dryly. “Why did you even come back here, Luke? I’m not some experiment that you and Connor can just toy with. Did you think you were just going to pick up where we left off three years ago? If you didn’t love me then Luke, why would you love me now? In fact, just last night at dinner you were saying that you loved Christine. What about her Luke? Did you even consider her feelings in all of this? There is nothing between us Luke. Absolutely nothing.”
Sadi saw the hurt that came over Luke’s face. The regret that was there. “I did love you Sadi,” he said. “At one time…. I’m sorry, this was a terrible idea. You’re right. I had no right to come back. You may have married me in name, but your heart belongs to Connor.
I don’t know why we needed to see proof of who you really loved. Part of that was his idea, like he needed to know for sure that you would never leave him for me now that you know who he really is.”
“Why would either of you think I was that stupid! Just because Connor tricked me into thinking he was you didn’t mean I didn’t have doubts. I just thought that the bombing had changed you. Made you want to be a better person and live a better life. You changed for the better and I gave you the benefit of the doubt because I wanted to love you, Luke. I don’t know how I could have been so wrong.”
Luke hung his head. “Don’t take this out on Connor, Sadi. I was the one who hurt you.”
“You both hurt me! You’re both liars and cheaters as far as I’m concerned. What about Christine? You said at dinner that you loved her! Did you tell her everything? Did you beg her for forgiveness like you just did me?” Sadi knew that Luke hadn’t. She knew that he had had no contact with Christine at all. “When you do decide to work it out with her…. don’t be so stupid Luke. She deserves a hell of a lot better than that. Oh and tell my husband that I’m sure as hell not coming back here now.”
“Sadi…” Luke reached for her arm but she pulled away fiercely.
“Tell him, Luke. Tell him you both screwed up big time.”
Sadi stalked out of her house. The house that wasn’t really hers after all because it wasn’t Connor’s either. God, what wasn’t falling apart in her life right now? Even the SUV she climbed into was registered under Luke’s name.
She felt guilty about driving it away, but she had no idea what she was going to do without a vehicle. The only thing she could think of doing was getting away, and getting back to her children. She craved the milky smell of Katelyn, the soft warm body of her son, eager as ever to see his mother. She loved her children more than anything in the world. Sadi had no idea how she was supposed to protect them from what was happening when she couldn’t even protect herself.
Chapter 12
Luke had shown up at Christine’s shortly after Sadi had driven back. Sadi cursed herself for not having the forethought to park her SUV down the street. Now both brothers knew where she was. Christine had refused to open the door. Finally Luke had called Christine’s cell and Sadi heard her calmly tell Luke that he and Connor would have to undo the mess they made of everything before there was any chance she would speak to him again.
Sadi envied Christie’s poise. Sadi had told her everything upon arriving home and Christine just rolled her eyes.
“It sounds like Luke is completely adrift. He took what he had for granted before the bombing and now he sees a life that he can’t have. A life that was supposed to be his. I think he’s totally confused. I don’t think that either Connor or Luke or meant to hurt you, but it really sounds like they are both totally floundering in their own lies and guilt right now.”
“But Luke is supposed to love you Christine. They’ve wronged both of us.”
Christine nodded. “I’m not worried about myself, Sadi. If Luke loves me, then we’ll work things out.”
Sadi had burst into tears. Christine was also wronged by Luke. The Luke who was supposed to love her, yet Christine was perfectly composed. She didn’t seem angry or hurt at all. Sadi wished she could react that way. She wished the anger that was buried deep with her would just let go of its tenacious hold, that the tears constantly spilling forth would dry up. She wished she could be rational and calm and act like it didn’t matter to her that her life was in shambles, but she couldn’t.
Sadi had put on a brave face for the children, who had huge smiles when they saw her. She tried to pretend she wasn’t upset after Luke’s visit, but it was a long day.
Sadi was relieved when she put the children to bed and she could finally have time alone to sort out her thoughts.
She joined Christine for tea again.
“I’m sorry you had to take days off work for this,” Sadi said. “I’ll pay you back, I promise.”
Christine waved a hand like it was nothing. Like she would do it all over again, even though she had all but just met Sadi.
“I’m going to have to contact Connor. Although hopefully Luke’s given him his phone back since he texted me and called me from it earlier. I just want to talk to him, and to sort this all out. I’m so angry and I’m so hurt, and I have no idea how to move forward…”
Christine nodded with compassion. “I know, Sadi. I think that you’re right though. You do need to talk to Connor and hear what he has to say. I’m sure that he’s beyond sorry. He loves you and he loves his children. For their sakes, I think you at least need to go and hear him out. Soon.”
Sadi excused herself after a cup of tea. She went into the living room and turned her phone on. There were no missed calls and no new texts. She took a deep breath and dialled Connor’s number.
***
Connor looked contrite in a way Sadi had never seen before. When she arrived at his hotel room she was wasn’t sure how she felt about seeing the black circles under his eyes, the sorrow that seemed to line his face and make him look older than he had only a couple days ago.
“How do I know it’s really you this time?” Sadi asked.
“Because I know my son was born at 4:42am. He weig
hed eight pounds exactly and came out screaming, letting all the world know he was there. I remember the way you looked, the shock of seeing your son for the first time, that bloom on your cheeks and you said, “Luke, I’ve never seen anything so beautiful.”
Sadi looked at the ground. “Okay…. I guess I believe you.” She stepped into Connor’s hotel room. She wasn’t sure why he was in the one in the hotel, but then she remembered that they were both imposters in the real Luke’s house. They were the ones without a home now.
Sadi felt groundless and adrift as she took a seat on the edge of the large king size hotel bed. The quilt was white and downy. She placed her hand on it and couldn’t believe she realized how soft it was.
Connor looked up at her. He was still standing in the same spot by the door.
“Why did you do it, Connor? I still can’t believe that all of this is a lie.”
Connor quickly closed the distance between them. “No, Sadi. It’s not a lie. Not our love, not our children, not our life.”
“Connor, I thought you were Luke this entire time! You pretended to be your brother! How can you not say that our life isn’t a lie?”
“Because Sadi, I know what I feel for you. And I know that you feel the same way, no matter who I am. I know that you’re angry but we can get through this.”
Sadi just sat and stared at the floor. She refused to meet Connor’s eyes even though she wanted to.
“I explained to Luke why I did what I did. I’m sure he told you Sadi that he was cheating on you. I knew that he wasn’t the right person for you. It was true that I did see you first, at Pearson and Pearson. I even spoke with you first. I told Luke about you. This beautiful new girl who was so excited for the boring job. I never thought he would take an interest. You weren’t his type. But then you changed and all of a sudden you were his type, and that was it for me I guess. It was all Luke after that. I tried not to be jealous Sadi. I really tried to be happy for you. For years I told myself that if you loved Luke and he loved you, then you deserved to be happy.
Then Luke confessed everything to me. He had been at my house late and we had a couple beers, and maybe a couple glasses of Scotch as well. He told me that he wasn’t happy and that he was cheating on you. He hated himself for it but the thought of getting married- to anyone- filled him with fear. He didn’t know what to do. He couldn’t just turn you out of his house with nowhere to go, and he hated himself for being a coward and for being unfaithful to you.
I hated that he took someone I loved and hurt them without them even knowing it. I knew that he was going to break up with you Sadi. I told him he better bloody well find you a nice home and make sure you had a good reference for a new job. Just because he acted like a scumbag didn’t mean you had to suffer for it.
I knew Luke was working on it… doing what I asked. Then the bombing happened. I remembered stumbling my way out of the building, then nothing. When I woke up, I wasn’t sure who I was for a moment. I had a nurse asking me if I was Connor or Luke Pearson, as someone had recognized me when I was brought into the hospital. I knew within a couple moments that I was Connor and I kept asking after Luke.
I knew he hadn’t been brought in yet. I had hit my head pretty hard, the nurse told me. Maybe it made me think crazy thoughts. Or maybe, just maybe, I saw that there was a chance that I could spare you a lot of heartbreak. If I pretended to be my brother, just maybe I could give you the chance at happiness that you deserved.
I know I was selfish, Sadi. I know what I did was wrong and pretty crazy when you really think about it. I know that what I did, I did because I loved you and I had loved you for years. It was wrong and I can’t imagine the pain you are going through right now.
After the bombing though, Sadi, I saw you change as well. I realized maybe you hadn’t been happy with Luke either. I saw you start to fall in love with me, even though you thought I was Luke. I felt it when we finally made love. When we got married, I couldn’t have been happier. I knew beyond a doubt that your love was real. When we had Connor, Sadi, you can’t imagine how happy you made me. And then Katelyn: our whole lives have been a dream.”
“That’s just it Connor,” Sadi said sadly. “It was a dream. A very nice dream. And now I feel like we’ve woken up and this is the reality.”
Connor grabbed Sadi’s hand and she surprised herself by not pulling away. “It’s always been real Sadi. What you felt. Does it matter that my name isn’t Luke? You said after the bombing it was like I was a new man. A new man, Sadi. Someone completely different. And you loved me anyway. I’m sorry that I did what I did, but I can’t change it. I wouldn’t want to change it. I couldn’t live without your love, without our children. You are everything to me.”
Sadi looked into Connor’s face. She could see the sincere regret shining in his eyes, but she also saw the love he had for her written all over his face. In all the years she and Luke had been together, he had never looked at her like that once before. It hurt her deeply to know that Luke had been cheating on her, that he didn’t love her at the end either. Somehow, despite everything, Sadi was touched that Connor had wanted to protect her, no matter how wrong it may have been.
Could she just walk away from Connor? He had lied to her but she knew, deep down, that he was right. That she had fallen in love with him all over again after the bombing and that she still loved him now. Could she punish him by denying him their life together because of what he had done?
Years had passed since the bombing. Sadi had been happy in a way she had never been before. She felt loved and treasured in whole new way. Loving Connor had given her purpose. He had given her two beautiful children. He had always stood by her and been faithful to her, even if it had been in his brother’s name.
Connor had asked Sadi if it mattered what his name was. Did it matter that she thought his name was Luke? She knew that she loved the man before her, no matter what his name was.
Sadi hung her head. “You’re right Connor. I did fall in love with you. Things were so off after the bombing and it all makes sense now. I knew something wasn’t right and yet I loved you all the same. I love our life together. I love our children.”
Connor gathered Sadi into his arms. She went reluctantly but once she was there, held in the safe, warm embrace that she knew all too well, she relaxed and melted against him. She was still angry. She didn’t know how long it would take her to fully forgive Connor for what he had done, but Sadi did know that her love for him was still there.
“Sadi, please try and forgive me.”
“I’ll try, Connor.” Sadi sighed against her husband’s shoulder. “It’s going to take a long time though, for me to get over this. I don’t even fully know how I feel right now, but I know our children need a father and a mother who love each other. I know that I’m willing to stay and try. But you have to figure out the rest.” Sadi pulled away and stared into Connor’s face. “You realize that we have no home Connor. You have to undo this mess that you created.”
He nodded, the full weight of his actions settling over his face. “I will Sadi. I’ll fix everything that I can. I promise.” Connor leaned down and kissed Sadi. His mouth was warm, inviting, and insistent. His tongue swept in, stroking Sadi’s, sending hot waves of desire rushing through her.
Sadi didn’t want to, but she found herself wrapping her arms around Connor’s neck. She deepened the kiss. Her hands found Connor’s chest, tugged the hem of his shirt up and over until he was forced to break away to pull it the rest of the way off. Her fingers fumbled with the button on his jeans, in a hurry to get them off.
Sadi half hated herself for not being able to resist Connor but she had a need, deep down, to somehow become one with him again. To try and repair the damage that had been done to her trust, to their relationship. Making love to Connor, seemed in that moment, a very good way to find her way back to him again.
Connor groaned as Sadi slid his jeans down. She cupped him in her hand, feeling how hard and ready he was for her.
/> “God, Sadi,” Connor whispered. He stroked her cheek gently. “You are so beautiful.”
Sadi didn’t say anything. She doubted she could speak past the sudden lump that had formed in her throat. She stood and stripped off her own clothing. She was conscious of Connor’s eyes on her the entire time. Now that she was naked, she felt funny somehow. She knew this man was her husband but now he had a different name. It wasn’t as if he was a different person than Sadi had spent the last two years with, but all of a sudden she felt shy and self-conscious. She had hoped that this would heal the rift between herself and Connor but now she felt further away than ever.
Connor took Sadi’s hand and pulled him gently towards him, as if he sensed her hesitation. “It’s me, Sadi. I’m still me even if my name is different.”
“I know…” Sadi said. Any further protests were drowned out when Connor placed his mouth on hers once again.
Sadi felt her whole body relax into Connor. He was warm and familiar. His was the body Sadi had known for the past two years. Known and come to love.
Sadi allowed herself to be lowered to the bed. Connor surprised her by standing. He bent her legs, opening her up to him. He leaned over the edge of the bed and buried himself inside Sadi. She loved the thickness of him, the way he filled her. The way he knew what angles she liked best, what rhythm.
Connor’s strokes were slow and long, then faster and deeper. Sadi could feel the fire building inside. She shattered, calling out Connor’s name. As soon as the words left her lips they felt strange. Connor. Not Luke.
Connor didn’t seem to notice Sadi’s hesitation. He sunk his fingers into Sadi’s thighs, pulling her tightly against him as he found his release.
Afterwards Sadi lay on top the covers, listening to the hum of the hotel’s air conditioning. Connor. This was her husband. His name was Connor. Sadi ran the word over and over in her head. She still couldn’t quite believe that this was real. She hadn’t fully forgiven Connor for his deception. She didn’t know if she ever would.
Twin Deception: A BWWM Billionaire Romance Page 8