by Ines Saint
He turned and she lunged at his back. Hormonal teenage behavior quickly sank to grade school behavior. Holly hadn’t laughed so hard in years.
The laughter ceased as soon as they reached her door. They were cold, wet, and trembling. “Do you have milk at Johnny’s?” she asked. Neither of them seemed domestic enough to have anything but beer and bread at home.
“No.”
“Do you have soup or anything to warm you up?”
“No.”
“Men,” she muttered under her breath. “Would you like to come in for some chicken soup?”
“Sounds good, I’m freezing. Someone stuffed a snowball down my shirt.” He followed her inside and took his coat off, throwing it over a chair. She lowered some bowls and reheated leftover soup.
“Does your dad still live in Miami?” He picked up a framed picture of Holly and Crystal.
“Yes, he got remarried last year.”
“I’m sorry,” he said, putting the picture down.
“Don’t be, she’s great.”
“No, I’m sorry about Crystal. I mean, I apologized for what I said, but I’ve never offered you my condolences,” he said, meeting her eyes. “Losing her must’ve been hard.”
The ache she normally felt when people expressed their sympathy wasn’t there. As isolated and lonely as her mother’s death had left her, her mom would never have chosen to leave her. “She had cervical cancer and they didn’t catch it in time.” She picked up the picture and traced her mom’s face. “That last year was sad and beautiful and strange.”
“Were you ever angry?” he asked when she set a tray with two steaming bowls of soup on the coffee table in front of him.
“Yes. Sad and confused and very, very angry.”
“How come I never saw you when you were growing up? I saw you when you were a baby, but you never visited afterward.”
Holly put a spoonful of soup to her lips, but it was still too hot. “I always wanted to come up, but Mom didn’t like it here, and both my mom and dad felt Ruby wasn’t the best influence on me. They were all about academics and Ruby’s all about dreams. Plus, it was easier for Grandma to come to us, wherever we were, then for all of us to visit her.”
“How’d you end up here?” he asked.
She stirred her soup and avoided his gaze. “That’s a long story. But I love it here. My mom was great and I adored her, of course, but she and I didn’t see eye to eye on some things. And she and Grandma didn’t see eye to eye on anything.” She smiled a little, remembering their arguments, knowing they’d loved each other deeply anyway. “Mom wasn’t crazy about the whole gypsy connection, and she didn’t like it that Grandma flouted it so much. She absolutely hated that Grandma had named her Crystal.”
Dan smiled at that. “Your dad was in the military, right?” he asked next.
Holly nodded. “She only stayed here when I was born ’cause Dad was deployed. Did she really babysit you?”
“Your mom and Marianne were good friends, and Marianne would leave me with her all the time.”
Holly put her spoon down and looked at him. “Were you really kidding when you said she messed you up? I mean, I know my mom would never purposefully hurt anyone, but she wasn’t a warm and cuddly kind of person, either. I honestly can’t even picture her babysitting.”
Dan shrugged. “She wasn’t into hugging and stuff, which was more than fine with me, but she was very good to me.”
“Tell me the truth, please. Grandma Ruby said my mom once told her she regretted being taken in by Marianne and, well, when you said that, I wondered.”
Dan hesitated, but she was looking at him with such a worried expression in her eyes that he found he wanted to erase any anxiety she might feel. He didn’t want her having doubts about her mom. He blew out a breath. “After you were born, Marianne warned your mom not to leave me alone with you because she’d caught me pinching Johnny. It wasn’t true, Sam had been the one pinching Johnny and he’d confessed, but your mom watched me closely that day and kept you and me apart. It wasn’t a big deal and she wasn’t mean about it. I only knew ’cause I’d overheard. And I can see where your mom was coming from. She had no way of knowing it wasn’t true and she just wanted to protect you.”
Holly looked like she wanted to cry. “You must’ve felt awful.”
“I didn’t. So don’t,” he ground out.
Holly was unfazed. “Maybe that’s why she regretted her friendship with Marianne. She probably figured her out as she got older and began to look back. She did a lot of that that last year.”
They were quiet for a moment and Dan, not knowing what to say, began sipping his soup.
“I hope my mom comes down to haunt Marianne and makes her fall flat on her ass in front of a crowd or something,” Holly said.
He barked a laugh and almost spit his soup.
“Well, she doesn’t like me, as I’m sure you know. She thinks Johnny has a thing for me, too, and is as opposed to me as you are,” she explained.
Dan put his hand around her shoulder. “Hey, if it makes you feel any better, I think you’d be good for Johnny and I’d be more than happy to tell Marianne.”
Holly laughed. “I’m sure you would, but it would have nothing to do with me.”
“Well, her not liking you also has nothing to do with you. It has everything to do with me.”
She turned inquisitive eyes on him.
“She can’t imagine anything worse for one of her sons than to have to bring up someone else’s child,” he explained. Holly’s eyes widened and her hand flew to her chest.
He didn’t want her feeling bad for him again because it would end up pissing him off and they’d have another argument. He wasn’t in the mood, so he changed the subject. “This is good, I feel warmer already. My dad used to give us a bit of bourbon to warm us up when we came in from the cold.”
“Well, I wasn’t going to offer you alcohol. I didn’t want to give you the wrong idea.”
“Is that why you came next door with Ella today?”
“Hey, you brought Johnny.”
“Johnny invited himself.”
Silence. They were sitting side by side, not looking at each other. Holly stared at her socks. “So, you really wouldn’t mind if Johnny and I ended up together?”
He snapped to attention, surprised and angry at the instant jealousy her question provoked. “Why?”
“Just trying to see if you’re being honest.” She shrugged.
“I am. But I don’t want to see you guys together. ”
There was a beat of silence. “Why?” Holly asked, not looking at him.
“It would be pretty damn awkward to have a sister-in-law who has the hots for me, don’t you think?”
“Excuse me?” She shot up. Her eyes flashed. “Who says I’ve got the hots for you? Who do—”
“That’s more like it,” he interrupted. A second later, he was on top of her, kissing her without preamble. She punched him once before grabbing his shirt and pulling him even closer. Her lips parted, he tasted her, and soon they were breathing too hard and exploring too much to be comfortable on the sofa. They parted and their eyes met and held. “We agreed we wouldn’t do this again,” she whispered, her brow furrowed.
Holly’s insides were tied up in knots. Did she want this? Her heart was pumping blood too quickly and making her too dizzy to think.
“Just one last kiss,” he whispered back, eyes blazing. He lowered his head, slowly, his eyes never leaving hers, and her heart almost stopped from delicious anticipation. His lips touched hers, feather-soft, and she sighed into the slow, sensual kiss.
It wasn’t what she’d been expecting. Fireworks weren’t going off in her belly and shooting to her limbs. Instead, a throbbing, aching warmth swelled and spread.
This kiss had meaning and she was starved for it. She put her hands on either side of his face and kissed him back, just as softly. He responded by drawing out every movement. Tears welled up in her eyes. It was as if his
very being seeped into hers, melding with her feelings, making her feel more whole and more alive. She didn’t understand it, but she couldn’t push him away.
Finally, they came up for air. He pulled back to look into her eyes, but she looked away. “You’re crying,” he observed.
“Because your fingers were digging into me,” she lied.
“What are we doing, Holly?” he asked, lightly tracing her tears with his fingertips.
Holly brushed his hand away and with a gentle shove said, “It’s our noses. They detect we’d produce healthy offspring.”
“Wha—” He was off her in an instant.
Holly smothered a laugh with the back of her hand. They were back to reality.
Dan tossed a pillow at her. “You can ask a guy to leave, you know. You don’t have to scare him by tossing around words like ‘offspring’.”
“You asked a question and I answered it.” She tried to keep a straight face. “It’s science, not a scare tactic.”
Dan shot her a look.
Holly crossed her arms. “It is science, and it’s based on the well-known smelly T-shirt study.”
“Go on.”
Holly took a deep breath to get her amusement under control. “Okay. So a group of researchers recruited a variety of men and asked them each to wear the same T-shirt for a couple of days. Women were then asked to smell the shirts and choose the ones they were most sexually attracted to. Their answers were analyzed and it turned out women found the T-shirts worn by men whose genes were different from their own a hell of a lot sexier than the T-shirts worn by men whose genes were too similar to their own. The more different two people’s genes are, the healthier their offspring will be. Are you following me here?”
Dan nodded, his eyes sparkling, his lips suppressing a smile. “Yeah. Half the town knows Ella wants a little brother or sister. You’re saying you want to have my babies. Well, I’m sorry to disappoint you, but I’m not ready to be a father—”
Holly smothered his next words with the pillow he’d thrown at her. “You forget the attraction is mutual. I’m saying we can’t help it. What we can help is caving in to it.” She let the pillow drop, stood up, and waited for Dan to stop laughing.
It took a while. When he finally stopped, he looked up at her, eyes still aglow. “Hey, you’re the one with the overly evolved sense of smell. Your nose obviously knows what it wants. Mine is clueless. I had no idea where this was leading, but now that I do . . .” He got up.
Holly rolled her eyes. “You have nothing to worry about. I don’t want to have your babies, Dan. They’d have a good chance of being healthy, but they’d have zero chance of having a sensitive, mature, and humble father.”
Dan grinned and pulled her to him. She refused to unfold her arms. When he reached out to smooth a stray hair behind her ear, she looked up. His eyes were serious. “Hey, I hear you loud and clear. We’re attracted to each other, but I’m not looking to get serious, and you’re definitely not fling material.”
She looked into his eyes. “I’m not. And even if you were ready to get serious, we wouldn’t be a good fit,” she said. “But I’m sure somebody out there wants your babies.”
“A life of celibacy, it is.”
“Celibacy?” She snorted.
“It’s gotta be easier than all this talking.” He winked, kissed her cheek, grabbed his coat, and left.
Holly stared at the door. Stanley stood at her feet, wagging his tail. When she sank down beside him, he settled his head on her lap and looked up at her as if she could do no wrong, a balm for her unsettled soul.
Holly picked him up, went around to the front of the house, and rang the doorbell.
“Hey, what are you doing out here without a coat? Come in.” Emily opened the door wide.
“Hey, again, Holly,” Leo called.
“Leo’s back from Huffy’s?” Holly peered into the room. “And you’re watching The Notebook... I’ll leave you two alone.”
Emily grabbed her arm and pulled her in. “Don’t leave. We need to have a chat.”
Holly pulled away. “No way. You two are getting your sexy on, and Stanley and I refuse to be the clueless, inopportune neighbors.”
“Leo’s been whining nonstop about a hockey game he’s missing, and I hardly think he’s doing it to butter me up.” Emily rolled her eyes toward the living room.
“I can hear you, and you know I came home to watch the game. We need another TV.”
Stanley’s ears pricked at the sound of Leo’s voice and he at once began to squirm. Holly put him down and he scurried off for some guy time with Leo.
“Second TVs are the reason the American family is falling apart,” Emily shot back before hauling Holly down the hall and into the den. “See? We’re so not getting our sexy on.” She chuckled. “Now sit down. You and Dan left Huffy’s together. What’s that about?” Emily crossed her legs and propped her chin on one hand.
Holly closed her eyes. If she didn’t tell somebody, she’d implode. “Dan and I have kissed. Three times.”
“What?”
“I know! I don’t even know how it happened, but I’ve gotten to know him better, and as crazy as it seems, I—I get him.” She drew in a deep breath and exhaled on a sigh. “The first time we kissed, it felt so good. I loved it. I needed it . . . but tonight we kissed again and I felt more.”
“Honey, I know you’ve only been with one man, and it’s been a long time, but you do know it’s natural for a man to become aroused just by kissing, right?”
Holly managed a smile. “That’s not what I meant by more.”
“Oh. Okay, go on.”
“It’s hard to describe, but it was as if I got to kiss Dan’s soul or something. It was scary in a way.”
“Oh.” Emily’s eyes got all warm. “That’s lovely. Do you think he felt the same thing?”
“I don’t know, but it wouldn’t matter if he did.”
“Because he’ll eventually leave?”
“There’s that.” Holly laid her head back and stared at the ceiling.
“I can’t allow myself to forget how judgmental and uncompromising he can be.” She studied the pattern stamped onto the ceiling, trying hard to bring order to her scattered thoughts. Litter from the past kept creeping in, and it was becoming increasingly difficult to push it out.
How weak she’d been to let everyone convince her that her dreams were stupid. How stupid she’d been to push herself aside over and over again. How she hated the mistakes she’d made because of it . . . She swallowed past the lump in her throat. “Every time I feel good about how far I’ve come, I remember what I did to Ben, and I feel . . . diminished .”
Emily remained quiet for a moment. “You know, I’ve never been able to feel a connection with ‘perfect people’. I only seem to bond with people who know they’ve made mistakes and who know what it’s like to regret them. You’re human. You’re real. And you need to forgive yourself.”
Holly’s chest tightened. “Because of me, a great kid has a mostly absentee dad, and a great dad was forced into being mostly absent. How can I forgive myself that?”
“Don’t set aside what he did, Holly. His actions were the catalyst.”
“But my choices were my own.”
Emily sighed. “Sweetie, why are you beating yourself up over Ben? I thought you came here to talk about Dan.”
Holly drew in a deep breath and sat up. “There’s really nothing more to say about him.”
“Of course there is.” Emily reached over and squeezed Holly’s knee. “You still haven’t told me whether he’s a good kisser or what you plan on doing about him.”
Holly finally cracked a smile. “Obviously, he’s too good for my peace of mind. And I’m planning to avoid being alone with him.”
“That should be easy enough . . . if it’s what you really want.”
CHAPTER 10
For the first time in a long time, a sense of contentment had settled over Dan. He and his brothers were spending
a lot of time together, making plans for the remaining twenty-four houses, playing at Huffy’s during slow weekends, and finding excuses to get together for beer. They’d talk sports, music, and politics. They were older and living their own lives, so he hardly ever ran into Marianne. Only thoughts of Holly agitated him. They hadn’t spoken to each other in two weeks.
Friday evening tours were over. She was no longer knocking on the door, no longer trespassing.
Dan would occasionally see her with Ella in the mornings, but their paths and gazes never crossed. Holly was always in a hurry, her attention focused on her daughter. They met up in the library once and exchanged nods as greetings.
Right now, they were sitting at the same table at Huffy’s, but their words and smiles were directed to everyone but each other. Laughter and conversation flowed easily.
“Hey, you’re looking at home,” Johnny observed.
“You know, I’ve got an idea for a different kind of project. It might interest you.” Sam lifted his shoulder in a careless shrug.
Emily sighed, plunked her drink down, and turned to them. “Why don’t you guys just ask him to move up here? It’s what you want. Jeez.”
Johnny grinned. “Dan’s easily spooked. Gotta be careful around him. Ease him into new ideas slowly.”
Out of the corner of his eye, Dan watched Holly. She sat still and listened in on their conversation, but never looked their way. Sam and Johnny nursed their beers, but didn’t look at him.
“Some people just need to roam and you shouldn’t try to get them to stay.” Holly shrugged. He looked at her, but she wouldn’t meet his gaze. So she wanted him to leave? Because they’d kissed and enjoyed it?
“What’s this big project you have in mind?” He turned his attention to Sam.
“Not here.” Sam winked.
Holly’s cell phone rang and she looked at her caller ID. She didn’t recognize the number, but she got up and answered anyway. The idea of Dan staying in Spinning Hills filled her with mixed feelings, and she didn’t want to examine them too closely. The expression on his face when Emily mentioned it told her it was the last thing he wanted to do. But then he’d looked at his brothers and that expression had softened, whether he realized it or not.