by Ines Saint
“I have a surprise for you.” She looked over at him and watched as he took the incense she’d made, lit it, and set it in a burner in one corner of the room.
“I thought for sure you’d thrown it away.” She stared at the incense a moment, surprised he’d kept it. “I have a surprise for you, too.” She looked down, opened her bag and handed him the cologne she’d made just for him.
He took a whiff and his face lit up. “It smells . . . the way my favorite sweater feels. Does that make sense?”
“It does, actually. It’s supposed to feel right.”
“It feels right. Thank you.”
She took the bottle from him and sprayed some on his neck and on the inside of his wrist. He held his wrist up to her and she breathed it in, thinking she’d captured him too well. Even though she’d grown used to the smell after working on it for a few days, on him it was intoxicating.
The smell of the incense and the perfume combined, and the room felt different than it had when they’d initially entered. Intimate.
This was her now-or-never moment. She chose now. Not sure what to do next, she kissed the inside of the wrist he held up. He held her body apart from his, and slowly lowered his head until only their lips were touching. His mouth began moving over hers, tenderness and warmth in his kiss.
It was easy to give in to that. She kissed him back, cotton-ball soft, and withdrew to trail faint kisses down his throat. His arms encircled her, drawing her closer, until she could feel the hard planes under his shirt and the unsteady beat of his heart. Without warning, he picked her up and gently laid her on the mattress.
He slipped her shirt out of her jeans and her breath came in quick pants as she undid his flannel shirt. Her fingers were trembling. “Dan, I don’t really know what I’m doing.”
He looked at her and took a few steadying breaths before speaking. “I don’t want to be one of your regrets. Maybe we should just lie down for a while, catch our breath—”
“And steady our hearts?”
Dan lay down and pulled Holly down on top of him, splaying his hand along her back, his thumb making small circles on her soft skin. His entire being felt unsteady.
Something was shifting, and he couldn’t stop it. Her amazing eyes were full of trust. Her body on top of his felt so right. His chest hurt in a way it had never hurt before. She remained quiet for a while, shivering now and then at his light, explorative caresses.
“I’ve thought about it, and I know what I’m doing.” Her voice tickled his neck, sending shivers down his spine.
Holly’s hands began to roam, her touch light, her fingers soft. His hands went up to her hair and he took her mouth and kissed her so deep, he got lost in her. Time slowed. There was none of the usual haste as they removed each other’s clothing. Every sensual movement heightened his anticipation until he was so lost in her, there was no room for thought.
Sometime around midnight, Dan woke up. It was too dark to see anything, but he quickly felt around until he found her. In her sleep, she’d tumbled away. He shifted to her side of the bed, hugged her to him, and tried to find a logical explanation for how right it all felt.
“Are you okay?” she asked, her voice sleepy.
“Sorry, I’m a light sleeper.”
“I am, too.” They were quiet for a while. “Are you . . . okay, though, Dan? I’ve been worried all week, but I was afraid to ask. I—I know you don’t like anyone worrying about you.”
“I’m okay, Holly. I promise.” He kissed her hair and breathed in her scent, feeling that ache in his chest again. “It usually annoys the hell out of me when people fuss or try to make a tragedy out of life being what it is.”
“Are you saying you’re not annoyed with me?”
Why was it easier to talk at night? Was it because you could hide the things that gave your soul away? In the dark, it was only words. “I’m not annoyed. Your concern doesn’t come from guilt you shouldn’t feel, like Sam’s and Johnny’s does, and it doesn’t feel like you’re making me the star of some crappy drama where you get to feel better about yourself for trying to save the broken guy. I’m not broken.”
“You hate putting Sam and Johnny in an awkward position.” It was a statement, not a question. She turned to face him, the look in her eyes too gentle.
“Let’s talk about you.” Dan stroked her hair.
“Me.” She whooshed out a breath. “Fair enough, Dan. What about me?”
“I guess I’m curious about Ella’s father.”
“I thought you hated drama.”
“I hate being pulled into it. Your past is your past. But I understand if you don’t want to talk about it.” She was so close, he could feel her swallow.
“He’s a marine and he loves being a marine. He’s also a good man and he’s a good father when he gets the chance.”
“He’s moved around a lot?”
Holly nodded. “I guess he’s a little bit like you in that way. He relishes every new experience, but he especially loves living in foreign countries.”
Had she lived abroad with him? Dan held her away from him for a moment to look at her. There was a lot he didn’t know about the woman in his arms. “And you didn’t enjoy it as much as he did.”
“That part of it is long and complicated,” she said, stiffening in his arms.
“Hey,” he said, kissing her forehead. “I know all about not wanting to talk about it. It’s okay.”
She sighed, her breath sending shivers down his spine. “If I tell you a little bit about it, will you answer me one question?”
Dan hesitated. “Sure. I guess.”
Holly snuggled into his chest again. “Miami was an awkward move for me. It was my senior year and I hated that I wouldn’t share it with my old friends. I was different. The girls all seemed to soak in the Florida sunshine, and I was sunburned all the time.” Holly puffed out a breath. “It seems so stupid and unimportant now, but I was young, and what I felt then, both good and bad, led to everything else. Ben asked me out and, like magic, I was in. I had friends and was included. My dad loved him, everyone loved him, and the rest of it . . .”
She grew quiet. Didn’t she feel as safe with him as he felt with her? He wondered if he’d given her a reason to feel safe, if he even knew how to give that to someone.
She stroked his arm. “My father’s a very good man, but he can be narrow-minded. He never got me or my interests and dreams. But my ex, Ben, was everything my dad admired. He played football and he was in the ROTC. When I brought him home the first time, it was as if I’d finally done something right. Like my little whims were all worthwhile if they’d won me Ben.”
“You’re nothing like my mom, I was wrong about that, but I guess you’d be right to think I’m a little bit like your dad, huh? Narrow-minded and dismissive.”
“I heard some echoes of him in you, but you’re not him. You’ve actually admitted to being wrong. My dad doesn’t have that in him, but I adore him, in spite of it and because of it. He is who he is and he means well. Ella and I do our best to visit him twice a year, but he never visits us. Me living here is one of my whims.”
He held her until her slow and steady breaths told him she was asleep again. What he was feeling was beyond physical. It disoriented him, but he didn’t want to be set right. If she opened her eyes now and looked into his, she’d no doubt see the strength of what he felt.
It hurt in places too deep to get to, leaving him with a sense of being too exposed and too vulnerable. He wondered if he could have her with him like this every night of his life, without ever telling her how he felt.
“Dan?”
“Hmm? I thought you were asleep.”
Holly traced his collarbone with her fingers. “I haven’t asked my question, but I don’t want you to get all annoyed with me, okay?”
“I’ll try.” He should’ve known she wouldn’t forget.
She drew in a breath. “Sherry, Grandma, and Rosa said Marianne wasn’t good to you, but that she wa
sn’t abusive or anything. I understand if you don’t want to talk about the past, either, and I think it’s great that you know how to move on, but I’d like to know what she was like. What it was like for you.”
“I don’t know. I’ve forgotten a lot of it.” He shifted onto his back and stared at the ceiling, unblinking. “Sometimes she’d make eggs and bacon or pancakes and waffles for Sam and Johnny for breakfast and have me fix myself cold cereal instead, saying she knew I didn’t like the way she cooked. She’d take us shopping for clothes and things and she’d only buy me stuff on sale and never enough. Stupid things like that. Nothing important.”
“No one noticed?” she whispered, and Dan knew he’d get annoyed soon if he didn’t put a stop to it.
“I didn’t want anyone to, it always led to hysterics on her part. And it doesn’t matter. I’m all grown up, in case you haven’t noticed.” He covered her body with his and proceeded to remind her how grown-up he was.
CHAPTER 13
Dan and his brothers sat in the middle of a table filled with women. A great jazz band was playing, but he could barely hear above the chatter. Jenny’s friends were a noisy but fun bunch. As entertaining as they were, his mind kept wandering toward Holly. What he felt was simple enough—he liked spending time with her better than he liked anything else—but that said a lot, didn’t it?
“You with us?” Jenny asked, smiling.
“Yeah. Great band. Fun group.”
“Me Dan. You Jenny. Us here,” Johnny mocked. Sam and Jenny laughed.
“At least he doesn’t smell like a caveman. What are you wearing? You smell great.” Jenny leaned in and inhaled.
“Yeah, Dan, tell us what you’re wearing. It smells pretty original.” Sam’s eyes took on a sharp gleam.
“I don’t know what it’s called,” Dan replied. It was the truth.
Johnny looked solemn. Dan wasn’t buying it. “Oh . . . I see. Dan’s been helping poor, broke, struggling Holly out by getting a signature scent made.”
“Holly made it?” Jenny asked, looking impressed. A moment later, she frowned. “Wait—what do you mean she’s broke and struggling? I thought she was doing well.”
Johnny and Dan exchanged a look. “I’m just kidding. She’s doing great,” Johnny said.
Their conversation turned to other things and Dan tried to focus on the band.
“Care to tell us what’s on your mind?” Jenny elbowed him a while later.
“Seattle,” Dan said, the first answer that popped into his head.
“My lease is almost up in Atlanta. I have to find a place before New Year’s.”
His brothers’ smiles disappeared.
And the thought of starting over didn’t have its usual appeal. Dan got up and sat closer to the band, hoping the smooth sounds would cancel out everything else.
“Life should be like one of those ED pill commercials, where people grow old together, still feeling hot for one another, and with a magical pill that lets them get down to business whenever they want,” Holly said to Candy and Emily on Monday.
“You think life with a man with ED is romantic?” Emily looked at her as if she had rocks in her head.
“A man with erectile dysfunction is nothing to fantasize about, yeesh, Holly.” Candy looked like she knew what she was talking about.
“I’m not saying I want a man with ED, I’m saying it would be nice to grow old and still be hot for the same person and be able to act on it. Those commercials are pretty inspiring if you take the ED part out. I’ve been thinking about how hard it would be to never be able to act on hot feelings again.” She’d rediscovered lust, and the fact that she wouldn’t be able to do anything about it when Dan left made her think she’d soon suffer an ED-like hell.
“No offense, boss, but you have some strange ideas,” Candy said.
“So I’ve been told.” She’d only been with two men, but she now wished that for the rest of her life, she and Dan could revel in the magic-like lust they felt for each other now, so they could share that magic whenever he came back to town for a visit. Would that make her a bad role model for her daughter? It wasn’t like anyone had to know. Being with Dan once or twice a year would keep her from drying up. If he didn’t become involved in a serious relationship or get married, that was. Of course he would, though, sooner or later. They both would. With other people. Because they weren’t right for each other. Or was it she who wasn’t right for him?
“Ouch,” Holly cried out.
Emily and Candy looked over at her, eyes wide. “How did you break a perfume bottle with your bare hands?” Candy asked.
“It was a small bottle,” Holly said, coming down from her stupid high. Dan had been warm and loving, yet he hadn’t called all weekend. She’d taken it to mean they were on the same page. There was something special between them, but that something didn’t have the time or space to grow.
That didn’t mean she wanted to see him with someone else or that she wanted him to leave.
A gust of cold wind coming from the front door informed them they had a visitor. Holly looked up, surprised. People always came to the front first, but she smiled when she saw Jenny walk in.
“Hi,” Jenny greeted her. “Is it okay that I just dropped in?”
“Of course it is! We love drop-ins.”
“I tried your shop out front first, but a man named Greg told me I could find you over here.”
“Are you interested in a signature scent, or would you like a perfume from our private collection?”
“A signature scent.” Jenny’s eyes were bright with enthusiasm. “I smelled the cologne you made for Dan last night, and it was so perfect on him I decided I wanted something perfect for me, too.”
She’d smelled the cologne she’d made for Dan . . . on Dan. Last night. Holly’s blood drained from her heart and pooled at her feet, and she struggled not to let it show. She swallowed. “I’d love to help you create a signature scent. Let me clean this mess up—”
“I’ll clean it up,” Emily offered. She hurried over and gave Holly’s hand a supportive squeeze.
“All right, then, would you like a tour first?” Holly went straight into business mode, but the word tour left a bitter taste in her mouth. Had Jenny gotten the type of tour Dan had given her on Friday night?
“That sounds like fun. I’d love it, thanks.” Not only was Jenny genuinely curious and interested, but Holly liked her. She pulled herself together.
After showing Jenny around the perfumery, Holly took her to the laptop out front.
“Is this for work, play, or something suitable for both?” she asked, to see which questionnaire she should bring up.
Jenny looked up at her. “I’m not sure. I’m going to school part-time, to become an accountant, but that’s a few years away. And I waitress at night and meet so many people that it feels more like play than work sometimes, but there are so many other smells at Huffy’s . . .”
Holly squeezed her eyebrows together. “How about something soft and subtle enough that it doesn’t invade anyone’s space or compete with other scents, but playful enough to bring out your personality for those who are allowed and inclined to get close enough?” The moment the words were out of her mouth, the thought Would Dan get close enough? popped into her head.
“That sounds good.” Jenny beamed.
“Do you have time to fill out all three questionnaires?”
Jenny nodded, clearly eager, and Holly softened toward her again. Like many people, she wanted to present the best version of herself to the world, and the thought of having a signature scent proved irresistible.
“If my life were a movie I’d want it to be a romance. Right now it feels more like a comedy,” Jenny said aloud when they got to the second page and Holly had to fight hard not to ask any intrusive, self-serving questions.
And she lost the battle. She was about to ask if there was anyone on the horizon when a voice behind her said, “It sounded like you might have had some romance last ni
ght.”
Holly turned to glare at Emily.
Jenny laughed. “Hardly. A group of friends and I were at a jazz club and the only men there were Johnny, Sam, and Dan. Sam’s in the middle of a divorce and I’m not interested in being the rebound. Been there, done that. Johnny’s a great guy and great to talk to, but he’s got his eye on someone else, and Dan flat-out told me he’s not looking for anything serious.”
Holly and Emily’s eyes met. Dan’s feelings were no secret and no surprise, but hearing it from someone else hurt.
“Did Johnny tell you who he had his eye on?” Emily asked next. That was on Holly’s mind, too. She hadn’t been able to get it out of him and they were close. If he’d told Jenny, she’d be unreasonably jealous.
“Seven women tried to get it out of him and he wouldn’t tell, but boy, did he enjoy the attention.”
Holly laughed her first real laugh since Jenny had walked in, but it didn’t relieve any of the pressure that had slowly been building inside her. They printed Jenny’s results when she was done, and Holly took her out back again to create a scent with her input. If Holly hadn’t been so busy swatting away the questions that kept buzzing into her head the whole time she’d taken care of Jenny, she would’ve had fun. Jenny, at least, had seemed to enjoy herself.
“And I can order a new bottle when I run out?” Jenny asked before leaving.
“Yes, just use the code on the bottom of your bottle’s box. If you lose it, just call and we’ll look it up.”
“All right, thanks. This was fun.” Jenny left and Holly plunked down on a bench, thoroughly unnerved. The knot in her chest had dug in so deep, she wasn’t sure it would ever go away.
No, she and Dan weren’t a couple, but Dan had to know she wasn’t the type to sleep with someone who was seeing someone else. Jenny had said she was looking for something serious and Dan had told her he wasn’t. Had they come to an agreement in the meantime? Were Dan and Jenny just friends or friends with benefits?