Love Him Back

by Kris Nacole

  As Zane walked me to the passenger side, Emberly made a back and forth motion with her hips while pointing at us and laughing. I giggled and shook my head. She was so inappropriate, but I loved that about her. She kept things interesting, to say the least.

  “What’re you giggling about?” Zane asked, looking over his shoulder.

  I smiled. “Nothing. Just Emberly being Emberly.”

  Zane opened the door and helped me up into his truck. As his hand touched my lower back, his fingers slid barely under my shirt. The gentle touch, though short, made me want more.

  He made sure my feet were fully inside and closed the door. I couldn’t help but smile as I watched him walk back around to his door. He seemed like such a gentleman, but the rumors told another story. I wanted to see more of this side of him. The caring and gentle side, not so much the intimidating, rough side.

  We stopped at the BX to eat first. As we ate, we talked about our families back home, our likes and dislikes, and our jobs. He was Special Forces and also volunteered, or was voluntold, to help a lot on base, which was how I’d met him in the in-processing class.

  After we finished eating, we headed back to the dorms. Silence overtook the truck until the sound of Hoobastank’s “The Reason” began playing through the speakers. Listening to the lyrics made me wonder if it was a sign. How he wasn’t perfect, but he’d found a reason to change, a reason to start over, and the reason was a woman he loved.

  The truth was, I had no right to judge Zane by his past or what anyone else said about him. People changed, and maybe, just maybe, I was worth changing for.

  I let my head fall back on the headrest and tilted it enough to see Zane. I could feel pieces of my heart starting to mend. Who knew such a bad boy could actually be good for me? The feelings I had were definitely worth exploring.

  Then Aria’s words ripped through me, and I turned away to look out the window.

  The second Zane senses a girl getting attached or falling in love with him, he never sees her again.

  “You okay?” Zane asked.

  “Yeah, just tired and hung over,” I lied, sounding less than convincing.

  I was more confused than ever. I thought Zane had feelings for me, too, but I couldn’t tell him I was falling for him. As crazy as it sounded, I wanted him in my life more than I wanted to risk him never wanting to see me again.

  What is wrong with me? I shouldn’t even waste my time on a guy who can’t or won’t ever be able to love me back.

  I knew I should just walk away before investing more time and getting my heart broken, but I couldn’t. I wasn’t ready to give up on him yet. I was just getting started.

  Zane pulled into the parking lot, shut the ignition off, and then came around to open my door. I immediately jumped out.

  “Well, okay then,” he said, surprised.

  “What?” I asked, overcome with embarrassment.

  “Was my driving that bad that you couldn’t wait to get away from me?” He was trying to play it off but looked somewhat hurt.

  “No! Sorry.” I grimaced. “Where I’m from, we jump out of big trucks. I’m not used to having a man want to help me. Habit, I guess,” I said coyly.

  He belly laughed and flung the door closed then walked me to my door. My hands trembled with nerves as I fumbled with my keys. I wanted to know why he made me so nervous. Control of my emotions and reactions didn’t exist around him.

  Opening the door, I stepped inside and turned around to look at him.

  “Thanks for the ride. I appreciate it,” I said, butterflies suddenly returning.

  “Anytime,” he said with a pause. He started to walk away but then turned around as if he had something else to say. “Hey, would you want to hang out sometime? You know, without other people around?” He smiled a heart-stopping grin, and his eyes were soft and playful.

  “That sounds great,” I said, wanting so badly to reach out and touch him.

  We stood there staring at each other for a few brief seconds when he finally reached out to take my hand and pulled me into a hug. I breathed in his scent and felt that tingling rush I’d been longing for. When I pulled away, I bit my lip nervously to keep myself from coming unglued.

  A spark ignited in his eyes, and his gaze turned abrasive.

  He brought one hand to my cheek, and his other hand slid around my waist closing the small gap between us. Then, his lips touched mine. The kiss was soft and passionate, different than the one we’d shared before. It not only touched my lips—it went straight to my heart.

  My pulse quickened as the kiss became more demanding. The heat between us was almost too much to handle. I breathed him in, his kiss provoking my body. Our breathing was heavy, and I knew we’d better stop before we couldn’t, so I shifted away.

  After leaving a few small and sweet lingering kisses, he leaned his forehead against mine and sighed.

  “I’ve been wanting to kiss you again since last night,” he whispered.

  “I’m glad you did. Kissing you…is…nice,” I replied breathlessly.

  “Nice? Just nice?” he said, one of his eyebrows hitched up with amusement. “I guess I need to up my game. Maybe I need to practice some more.” A sly look came over him.

  “Oh?” I gasped, not really knowing what else to say. For the first time ever, a man had made me speechless. In a good way.

  He laughed and leaned down to kiss me one last time.

  “Goodbye, Chesney,” was all he said before he turned around to walk back to his truck.

  Standing there, light-headed and very turned-on, I pondered how he could keep doing this to me. I wanted to understand.

  His truck roared to life, and he waved as he pulled off.

  I closed the door and leaned against it with the biggest smile across my face. Touching my fingers to my lips, I could still feel and taste him.

  “Roomie is that you?” I heard Ashley call from our bathroom. I walked over to unlock my door and let her in. Still in a daze, I was floating on cloud nine.

  “Hey! I thought I heard you come in. What’s wrong with you?” She frowned at me.

  I grinned. “Nothing’s wrong. Actually, everything is slowly starting to feel right.”

  “Ohhhh, is this about Zane?” she asked.

  “Maybe. I mean, I’m trying not to look too much into it right now. We’re just starting to get to know each other.” I had to keep reminding myself of that.

  She twisted her lips to the side. “Just be careful, Chesney. Guys like him don’t get to know girls. They use ‘em and lose ‘em.”

  “I’ll be careful,” I promised. Though I was sure it was a promise I would break. I was already not being careful. And even if I thought I was different to him, I couldn’t share that with her. She’d never believe me.

  “Okay then, trust your instincts, I guess,” she said hesitantly then brightened right up. “Now, on to more important business. I have a cheeseburger pizza over here that’s not going to eat itself and an entire collection of Friday the 13th movies waiting to be binge watched. I can’t watch scary movies alone so pleeease watch them with me,” she begged, batting her lashes with a puppy-dog look and her full lips pouting.

  “Okay,” I laughed. This would be good. A real distraction. “Let me change first, and I’ll be right over.”

  “Yay! Bonding time!” she squealed, running into her room.

  I slipped into my pajamas, grabbed my pillow, and headed next door. I was so glad my suitemate was as friendly and easy to get along with as she was. I could’ve been paired with a complete psycho.

  I laughed. It felt good to laugh. Ashley peeked through her fingers as we watched the movie, and she would jump every five minutes. A horror movie was exactly what I needed to take my mind off Zane, so I didn’t obsess over my conflicted feelings for him.

  I ONLY LIVED A FEW miles from base, but when I left Chesney, I decided to go for a drive. I couldn’t go home yet, not with the amount of adrenaline pumping through my veins. The engine in
my truck wasn’t the only thing that was primed.

  I chose one of my favorite places to de-stress, the River Lark. I’d often go there when I needed to clear my head and just be away from people.

  The drive wasn’t short, though, and the longer I drove, the more pent-up tension I had. It was starting to get dark, but I didn’t care. Chesney’s inviting brown eyes flashed through my mind. Her sexy-as-hell Southern accent played like a siren’s song. The feel of her lips as they touched mine and how she erotically bit my lip as I pulled away had been enough to send me over the edge.

  At the river, I parked my truck, threw in my earbuds, turned up the music as loud as it would go, and took off running alongside the river. Tonight was no slow run. I needed fast and hard. I needed to feel something—anything other than this torture.

  I was going to run until I couldn’t move anymore. My lungs burned as I sucked in the evening air. But as much as I ran, I couldn’t stop thinking about her. Even my music couldn’t focus me. At one point, I didn’t even know what song was playing because I was occupied with my thoughts of Chesney.

  What the hell is wrong with me? Snap out of it, Thomas.

  “Ahhhhhh!” I shouted a long frustrated yell as I pushed myself even harder toward exhaustion. These feelings were too real, too raw, and I didn’t want to feel anymore. Sweat was dripping down my face, and I was starting to feel nauseous like I was going to collapse at any moment, so I slowed to a fast walk.

  With my hands on my sides, I leaned my head back, closed my eyes, and concentrated on my breathing.

  I’d decided to take a break before my run back to the truck, and I headed toward the footbridge. As I stopped in the middle of the bridge, I looked out over the river. In the distance, the sun was setting; its fiery glow shined on the water and illuminated each ripple. I should’ve been thinking about that and only that, and yet the first thought to cross my mind was how enjoyable it would’ve been to have Chesney here to see it with me.

  What. In. The. Hell. Man.

  I’d never wanted another woman here with me or anywhere other than my bed. What bothered me even more was, as bad as I’d wanted Chesney, I wouldn’t feel right having sex with her, using her like I had the others. It wasn’t that I didn’t want to sleep with her. Did I ever... The problem was, I wasn’t sure if one time would be enough. Chesney had awakened a part of me that I’d worked so hard to hide, and I didn’t know how to control it or if I even wanted to. That realization alone scared the hell out of me.

  My phone beeped, and I pulled it out of my arm sleeve. It was a text from an unknown number.

  Thank you. -Chesney

  Chesney. Well, I’ll be damned, she actually used my number.

  Thank you? For what?

  For the kiss? For taking her home? So vague, but I didn’t really care. When I’d given her my number after eating and hanging out at the BX, she’d been so nonchalant about it. I figured she’d never actually use it.

  Anytime, I typed out.

  I put my earbuds back in and started running back to the truck. After the week I’d had, I just wanted to sleep for days and turn my mind off for a while. Running hadn’t helped at all.

  As I drove back home, I knew I needed to figure out what I was going to do about Chesney because this messing with my mind wasn’t working for me.

  I forced myself to wait until I got home to check for a reply. That was bothersome. I’d never cared about texts before. But when I got inside, my gut sank when I read:

  0 messages.

  IT WAS MY BIRTHDAY, AND I hadn’t heard from Zane since the day he’d driven me back home. Well, unless you count the one word text he’d sent me. I decided as much as it hurt to go on as if I wasn’t bothered by it, I had to. I refused to throw myself at him and seem needy or psychotic. I’d wanted to text him back and ask him when we could get together, but I wanted him to make that decision, not me.

  There was a knock at my door, and my stomach dropped. What if it were Zane? I wasn’t expecting anyone, especially this early in the morning. It was barely seven on a Saturday. Most of my friends were still sleeping or too hung over to get up that early.

  My palms were sweaty. Glancing at myself in the mirror, I made sure I looked somewhat presentable. Even though I was already awake, I was still in my pajama shorts and t-shirt.

  I slowly opened the door and immediately felt a little disappointed and silly. There stood Erik, Emberly, and a few others I’d remembered from the club. Not Zane.

  Erik clapped his hands together. “Good morning, sunshine. Get dressed. We’re kidnapping you and taking you to London to celebrate your birthday.” He looked down at his watch. “Oh, and hurry up, our bus leaves in an hour.”

  Well, that perked me right up. “Aww…thanks, y’all!” I threw myself at Erik and Emberly giving them each a hug. “Wait…what? An hour? Sheesh! Okay, I’ll be right out!”

  I closed the door and slipped into my skirt and blouse with my cowboy boots. I threw my hair in a ponytail and applied some makeup. I grabbed my umbrella and backpack and was out the door.

  As we neared the bus stop, I was getting excited thinking about exploring London for the first time—for my birthday—with my friends.

  At the bus stop, we rushed up and handed the driver our tickets. Most of the people were scattered throughout the bus, so we couldn’t all sit together. I was heading for the back when I froze in my tracks. There sat Zane chatting away with some guy in the seat behind him.

  Of all days…really?

  I quickly turned to go back to the front of the bus, but it was too late. The line of people behind me kept nudging me to the back. There was only one way I could go. Probably noticing all the commotion I was making, he looked up and saw me. I gave him a nervous smile and stopped when I got to his row.

  Scanning the rest of the available seats, I had very few options. It was either sit with Zane or a guy in the back who was looking at me with creepy eyes or sit next to a couple that were already making out at eight in the morning. My decision was an easy one.

  “This seat taken?” I asked. I shrugged and glanced around. “Limited seats and all.”

  “I guess it is now.” He smiled and pointed to the empty seat next to him. “Have a seat.”

  I tugged my backpack onto my lap the best I could as everyone else finally sat, and the bus jerked into motion. Zane and I sat there awkwardly as the minutes went by. Neither of us said anything. Trying to be friends with someone you were so desperately attracted to wasn’t easy.

  When we hit a bump, my backpack fell forward. He reached over to help me but ended up grazing my thigh, and I jumped. After another moment, he looked at me curiously and settled my backpack on the floor between our legs. I could feel the sexual tension between us. There was no way I was imagining it.

  I was finding it confusing that he had this bad boy reputation, and yet he hadn’t tried to sleep with me. I wasn’t sure how I should feel about that. Maybe I wasn’t good enough? Not slutty enough? If that were the case, he could keep walking.

  I finally had to break the silence. “So you’re going to London for the day, too?”

  Stupid question. Of course he was. We were on the same damn bus for goodness’ sake. He nodded, noticing I was embarrassed. “Yeah, a few friends and I are going pub crawling with one of the new guys from work. What about you?” he asked.

  “I was kidnapped,” I said with a giggle.

  Zane looked amused.

  Erik spoke up from behind me, “You’re damn right. Today’s her birthday, and what better way to spend it than exploring London with her cool-ass friends?” He smiled like he was a genius then added, “Plus maybe, I’ll meet some hot British chicks to bring back to my dorm. Win-win.”

  “Well then, happy birthday, Chesney,” Zane said, giving me his Cheshire cat half-grin that drove me wild.

  I had a hard time not swooning on the spot. I loved the way he said my name. He could caress every part of me with just his words.

  Contr
ol yourself, Chesney.

  “Thanks,” was all I said.

  “Hey,” he tapped my arm, springing goosebumps alongside my body. “Why don’t you and your friends join us for drinks tonight at the Ten Bells Pub? We’re doing the Jack the Ripper tour and then going there for drinks after.”

  “Sure, why not?” I blurted, not thinking about whether everyone else would want to. Then I corrected myself and added, “As long as everyone else is up for it.”

  “Sounds great.” He looked pleased.

  He glanced down at my lips. Without thinking, I rubbed them together, daydreaming about kissing him again.

  When we got closer to London, everyone started chatting about our plans for the day. I was getting downright giddy, bouncing in my seat like a little girl. There was something so magical about London and its history. It fascinated me. And the thought of spending time with Zane in such a romantic place made my stomach do flips. Now, I was excited and nervous. Even though I had been trying to write him off, I couldn’t. If I couldn’t deny my feelings, then I had to embrace them.

  My phone rang. I pulled it out of my backpack and answered it. “Hello?”

  “Happy Birthday to you, Happy Birthday, sweet Chesney, Happy Birthday to you.” My parents’ voices singing to me had tears forming in my eyes.

  “You guys, y’all are gonna make me cry. Thank you. I miss you so much.”

  “We miss you, too, honey. So what’re you doing for your birthday?” Mom asked.

  “Actually, Erik and some other friends are taking me to London.”

  “That’s great!” she said excitedly. “Please be safe and take lots of pictures.”

  “I’ll be fine,” I promised with a chuckle. Parents never stop worrying. “I’m with a big group.”

  Erik yelled over my shoulder, “Hi, Mom! I promise she’s safe with me.”

  “That Erik, he’s a good boy,” Mom said pointedly. She’d been teasing me about Erik since I’d first told her about him. It seemed no one could just have a friend that was the opposite sex these days.