by Kris Nacole
Me: Hey, Ash. Heading back now.
Ashley: Okay, give me a sec, and I’ll walk back with you.
Me: No, you’re having fun. Stay. I’ll be fine!
Ashley: Are you sure?
Me: Totally. See you tomorrow. ☺
Ashley: xoxoxo
Getting excited, I said goodbye to Collins and his friends and told him we’d have to get together again soon. It was pitch-black dark out, and even though my dorm was only a few blocks away, it felt far walking in high-heels. As I turned the corner, the hair on my arms and neck stood up—someone’s watching me. My heart thumped loudly in my chest, and my palms became sweaty. I picked up the pace and started to walk faster.
Why did I wear heels?
A few dimly lit street lights were the only lights between Collins’ dorm and mine. Reaching into my purse, I grabbed my phone to use it for extra light when my body collided with something hard, and I dropped my purse on the ground, spilling everything in it.
Before I could even look up, a hand grabbed my arm and held it tightly in his hand. “So we meet again.” It was Liam, the creep from earlier.
“Hey,” I said, trying to appear casual as I pulled my wrists from his grip, but he was holding on too tightly. My stomach was in knots, and I was nauseous. “Liam, stop it. You’re hurting me. What’re you doing?”
He grinned creepily at me, his eyes so glazed over I couldn’t even see a color in them. Bending over, he tried to kiss me, and flashbacks barreled through my mind of Ian grabbing me, locking me in place, so I couldn’t move.
Not this. Not again.
“Come on,” he said, starting to get aggressive. “You know you want this.”
Chills broke out across my neck, working their way down my body. “Please stop,” I pleaded, again. “Let me go.”
“What’s the matter?” he asked. “Are you afraid of me? It’s kind of sexy,” he growled.
Whoa. Things had taken a quick turn for the worse, and I was fighting between figuring out a way to get to safety and trying to quiet the horrid pictures in my mind.
He cupped his calloused hand over my mouth. “Don’t be afraid. I can make you feel things you’ve never felt before.”
My stomach clenched. The malicious intentions behind his words were evident in his predatory glare.
“No,” I tried to say. In my head it sounded more demanding, but with his hand over my mouth, the word eked out more in the form of a whisper than a scream.
“Hey, asshole!” I heard behind me. “What the hell are you doing? Get your hands off her.” It was Zane, and I could barely brace myself before he had ripped Liam away from me and punched him in the face.
I fell to the ground with a thump and scooted away from them, trying to catch my breath. Zane pummeled him to the ground. I’d never seen Zane so angry. His eyes were narrowed, cold, and hard. His face bright-red.
Oh God. This can’t be happening.
How could I have been so stupid to walk home alone, in the dark? Zane was right.
A couple of guys from the dorm came running over and pulled Zane off of Liam.
“Man, stop before you kill the guy,” one of the men said.
“Security forces are on the way. Leave him for them to deal with,” the other one said.
Liam groaned in pain as security forces pulled up. One of them took statements from the two men who had witnessed everything, and the other helped Liam up off the ground and put him in handcuffs.
“Are you okay?” Zane asked as he pulled me to my feet, his eyes softer now and full of confliction.
“Yes, I’m fine,” I said, reaching up to touch his face. “Are you okay?” I touched the area by his eyebrow where he had a small cut.
He winced. “I’ll be fine. Did he hurt you?” he asked, scanning my body and rubbing my face with his hands.
“I’m okay, I promise. Thank you.” I reached up to give him a hug and kiss on the cheek. “I don’t know what would’ve happened if you hadn’t shown up when you did. How did you know where to find me?”
He swallowed hard, still staring at me like he was looking for injuries. “I went to the party, and they said you already left. Ashley said you were walking alone, so I decided to go looking for you. Who is that guy?” Zane pointed to Liam as security forces put him in the back of the cop car.
I shrugged, still shuddering at the thought of what could’ve happened. “Some guy named Liam. He approached me at the party, and I turned him down. Then he grabbed me here and threatened me, and then you came.”
“Well, I’m just glad you’re okay.” He hugged me tightly to his chest and kissed the top of my head.
I smiled, loving his concern. “Well, thank you for being my hero.” I looked up into his eyes, and I could feel his muscles relax a bit as he smiled back.
He stepped back, and his eyes warmed as he scanned my body in a totally different way. This time he wasn’t looking for injuries. He had just realized I was all dressed up. “Wow, Chesney, you look beautiful.” He bent slightly to give me a soft kiss on the lips.
“Thank you, even though I know you’re full of it.” I couldn’t imagine what I looked like right now. My hair was a mess, my dress was dirty, and one of my heels was broken.
Should’ve stuck to my cowboy boots.
Reaching down, I took off both heels and decided to walk barefoot. Security forces came over one last time to take my statement and Zane’s before they left with Liam.
Good riddance, creep.
“My truck’s over here. Come on,” Zane said, taking my hand and leading me over to it.
Once we got back to my dorm, I was so exhausted. I wanted to go to bed and forget tonight ever happened.
“Chesney, you’re bleeding.” Zane bent down to touch my knee. “Sit down, and I’ll go get something to clean it up with.” He stalked out and returned a moment later with a first aid kit.
“It’s fine, Zane. Really.” For some reason, watching Zane take care of me made me mad. Like I didn’t deserve his help. It made me feel helpless and reminded me of how stupid I’d been walking home alone.
“What’s wrong with you?” He frowned at me as he poured peroxide over my knee. All I could do was swallow back the tears. My eyes stung, and I couldn’t hold back any longer. I was angry. Angry at myself. Angry at Zane. Angry at Liam. Angry at Ian for breaking me so much inside that I feared I’d never be whole again.
He pulled my foot onto his lap and ran his fingers up my leg checking for more scratches or bruises. Tears pooled in my eyes, and I couldn’t hold them back any longer.
“Chesney,” Zane said softly. “Talk to me.”
I took a deep breath, and my body trembled. “Tonight was really scary. Not only because of Liam, but because it brought back so many thoughts and emotions from my past. My ex, Ian, has really broken me. I feel like he’s ruined any chance of happiness I have. Even though I haven’t seen him in a very long time, he’s still here, haunting my thoughts,” I said with a trembling chin. He put his hand on top of mine, and I could see the hurt in his eyes as I spoke. “He beat me, Zane. Really bad. The last time I was thrown to the ground…was because I’d revealed to him I was pregnant with his baby.” I tried to continue without completely falling apart. “He accused me of lying, and then he threw me down with so much force that I had a miscarriage.” My vision was blurred from the tears, but I looked at him, searching his face for his reaction to my confession.
Speaking the words again, reliving the moment Ian took everything from me was excruciating. It was all too much…the stabbing pain in my stomach, the blood pooling between my legs, the doctor telling me I’d had a miscarriage. I involuntarily grabbed my stomach as I remembered what he’d stolen from me that night—my baby.
Zane sat back on his heels, eyes wide and ran his hand over his mouth and chin in disbelief.
“I’m so sorry. I had no idea.” His eyes were conflicted. He looked concerned and angry.
He took my foot off his lap and put it back d
own on the floor. He stood up and then sat down beside me.
His pause told me that he wasn’t really sure what to say or how to respond. He was processing everything I’d told him and was taking it all in.
“Will you stay for a while and hold me?” I asked, lying back on the bed.
He lay down behind me and pulled my body against his, holding me tight. “Of course,” he said softly.
“No man should ever put his hands on a woman to hurt her. I can’t even imagine what you’re feeling, but just know that you’re safe now. I’m gonna make sure of that,” he said with a reassuring tone.
After revealing my past to Zane, my anxiety had lessened drastically. I turned around so that I was facing him. Being in his arms made me happy.
“Zane?” I whispered.
“Yeah?”
“Thank you again.” I wiped my eyes and glanced up at him.
“You don’t have to thank me, Chesney. I’m just glad you’re okay,” he said, gently tucking a strand of hair behind my ear. “Fuck, though, seeing him put his hands on you like that…ignited something in me. A rage I haven’t felt in a long time.” He closed his eyes and took a deep breath. “If he had hurt you…” His jaw tightened with anger.
“But he didn’t. I’m okay. We’re okay,” I said, smiling a reassuring smile, trying to calm him. “I’m glad you showed up, though. You make me feel safe,” I reached up to stroke his jaw with my fingers.
He sighed. “I know the military life is new to you, Chesney, but things are different here. There are people from all over the world on this base, and not all of them are good people. You have to be careful. Promise me you’ll never go out at night by yourself like that again,” he pleaded with me.
“I promise, and I’m sorry I put you in that position tonight,” I replied to him. “Can we talk about something else please? I want to forget tonight and just enjoy my time with you.” What little of it I had.
I changed the subject. “How was work?”
“It was work. Speaking of work, you have to be up early in the morning, and so do I. Will you be okay tonight, or do you want to come back to my house to stay the night?” he asked, hopeful.
He was leaving so soon? I hid my frown from him. “I’ll be fine. You can go ahead and leave,” I said, although every part of me wanted to go with him. I didn’t want to use Zane as a crutch. I needed to figure out how to stand on my own again. When I left Ian, I was completely and utterly broken. Each passing day with Zane was helping me put the pieces back together.
My heart raced as I rushed to say, “Zane, I was going to wait to do this later, but I need to get it off my chest.”
His brows furrowed with worry. “Okay. What is it?”
I took a deep, deep breath and rolled onto my back to look at the ceiling. By telling him my true feelings, I was risking losing him for good.
“I need to know what we are. We haven’t known each other that long, but the feelings I’ve developed are strong. I don’t really know how to explain it, but when I’m with you, I’ve never been happier, and when I’m not with you, I want to be with you more than anything.”
Another deep breath. “The reason I’m telling you this now is because I can’t go any further if you don’t feel the same. Knowing you see other women on a regular basis bothers me. I can’t be having sex with someone who leaves my bed and runs to another.” I frowned. “I’m not that kind of girl, Zane. I’ve been used before, and I can’t do it again. I won’t do it again. My heart can’t take it,” I said, letting it all out at once. I’d done such a good job at holding back the tears. Until now. The warm mixture sneaked out of my eyes and rolled down the sides of my face.
Dammit, my emotions are all over the place tonight. Liam really screwed with my head. Maybe that’s what I needed though. A push to help me get through to Zane and let him know how I’m feeling.
I started to fidget with my hands, nervous about what he was thinking and too scared to look him in the eyes. His silence was deafening. “I know you told me in the beginning that you don’t do relationships. What I’m asking you now is to really open your eyes and see what we could have together.” I finally looked at him. “Give us a chance, please.”
He looked at me as if he’d been kicked in the chest. Hurt. Confused. “Chesney, I have a stressful job. I’m deployed a lot, and I work long hours. Relationships don’t work for me. I haven’t had a serious relationship in years. But…meeting you has thrown everything in my life out of order. I used to have control over my emotions, but when I’m with you, there’s no controlling them. It’s scary as hell sometimes.” He rubbed my face with his hand.
I blinked the tears away and reached up to place my hand on top of his. I was starting to feel deflated as I feared the worst was coming.
He continued, “There’s one thing I can tell you for sure. You’re the only woman who has slept in my bed, except for my ex-fiancée, and that was a long time ago. The confusing part is, I never thought about asking you to go sleep on the couch last night. We fell asleep, and I was comfortable with you being there. That’s a big deal for me.”
So the rumors were true. I wasn’t sure how to feel hearing that. He once loved a girl so much he asked her to marry him. As for the part about the other women, part of me was happy that I was the only one, but another part of me was upset that he had no problem having friends with benefits and kicking them to the curb…or couch, rather.
He paused. His eyes soft. “Do I care about you? Hell yeah, I do. Do I want to continue to see you? Of course. I can also tell you right now that, since we’ve met, I haven’t been able to hook up with anyone else. You’ve changed me in some way, Chesney. I just need time to adjust to what all is happening here, okay?”
I gave him a small nod, feeling elated and somehow disappointed at the same time. “So the rumors about you being engaged were true?” I sat up with my back against the wall. “You told me not to believe rumors I’ve heard about you, yet you just admitted you were engaged before. Why haven’t you told me about her?”
“It hasn’t come up. I don’t want to talk about my ex, Chesney. She’s an ex for a reason,” he said, looking chafed.
This night is not going the way I’d planned. He was getting defensive, and I was getting frustrated and already feeling rejected. “I know, but it’s so hard to trust you when you won’t open up to me and let me in. You’re so confusing, Zane. One minute you’re being a complete gentleman and the next, a total ass. I can’t keep up with you. What do you want? Just tell me what you want, please,” I pleaded with him.
“Maybe I don’t know what the hell I want,” he said, aggravated and hopeless. He stood up and headed for the door.
I stood up. “Well, until you figure it out, maybe we shouldn’t see each other anymore,” I blurted with tears rolling down my cheeks. I sucked in a breath and held it. Saying the words made me sick to my stomach. I didn’t want to lose him, but it was the truth. I couldn’t keep letting him string me along. My heart couldn’t take much more.
He stopped in his tracks, his feet riveted to the floor. His hand rested on the door, and just when I thought he was going to turn around, he didn’t. “Goodnight, Chesney.” And then he was gone.
The breath left my lungs, and my chest ached. “Goodbye, Zane,” I whispered as I fell back onto my bed and cried myself to sleep.
Standing outside, I could hear her sobbing. I was such an ass to leave her. Not only had that asshole put her through hell physically, but I was putting her through hell emotionally.
Part of me wanted to run back inside and tell her I’d made a huge mistake and do something, anything, to take away her pain. My head was a jumbled mess, though, and I had to make sure I knew what I wanted before I reached out to her again.
As I jumped in my truck, I checked my phone and noticed a missed text from Mikayla.
Mikayla: Hey, wanna meet up tonight?
Me: Where are you?
Mikayla: I was starting to think you weren’t goin
g to respond.
Me: Where the hell are you Mikayla?
Dammit, I knew responding to her wasn’t right, but I needed a release, to feel something other than the cluster of emotions coursing through me. I knew I wasn’t good enough for Chesney.
Who am I kidding? I’ll never be good enough for anyone.
Mikayla: Someone a little uptight tonight? I’m at home.
Me: On my way
Mikayla: I’ll be ready and waiting. Door’s unlocked. Xo
Throwing my phone down in the seat beside me, I pulled out of the parking lot and headed to Mikayla’s.
Pulling into the driveway, I noticed the glow of the lamp in her bedroom window. Pushing all thoughts of Chesney out of my mind, I headed inside.
Walking through the house, I could smell the cheap incense she used. Usually, I liked it, but this time it was making me nauseous.
In the bedroom, Mikayla was already on the bed, completely naked waiting for me. When she saw me, she stood up and made her way over to me. She reached up and ran her hands over my chest and across my back as she wrapped her arms around me. “It’s been a while,” she purred, kissing my neck as she unbuttoned my uniform shirt and slid it down my arms. “Where have you been? I heard you’ve been getting friendly with one of the new girls.” She laughed as if that idea was totally ludicrous.
I couldn’t even speak to her. She had no right to bring up Chesney.
She pushed me back into the chair behind me and sat down on my lap. She brought her lips to mine, and Chesney’s face rushed through my mind—her lying there on the ground after Liam had put his hands on her, the look of worry on her face as she touched my brow, the tears streaming down her face as I left her dorm less than an hour ago.
What the hell am I doing?
Confusion set it. I was repulsed by Mikayla. The smell of her perfume, the way her lips felt on mine, nothing felt like it used to. Everything about her was wrong. Being there with her made my stomach churn and made me physically sick.
“I can’t do this,” I growled, breaking the kiss and pushing her off of my lap.