by Kris Nacole
I rolled my eyes and laughed at their sibling bantering.
Throwing my legs over the edge of the bed, I winced as I was quickly reminded of my headache and puffy eyes. The sun shining through the window was blinding. This was worse than any hangover I’d ever had.
With a groan, I walked toward the kitchen. The smell of bacon, eggs, and biscuits and gravy filled the room and made my stomach rumble. I’d forgotten how hungry I was. I hadn’t eaten anything in almost twenty-four hours. Plus, nobody could cook as well as my mom. She made the best biscuits and gravy I’d ever tasted. No matter how many times I’d tried making them, they’d never tasted as good as hers.
A few hours after breakfast, I got ready to go have lunch with some of my best friends. I hadn’t seen them very often because I’d been so miserable in my marriage that I was embarrassed for anyone to find out how bad things had gotten. I practically became a hermit and cut everyone out of my life.
We’d decided to meet at a local restaurant. When I walked in, they were already seated, looking at menus.
Jess, Heather, Amy, Jodi and Alicia had been my best friends since kindergarten. Growing up in a small town had its advantages when it came to keeping the same friends all through school. I could count on these girls for anything. It felt nice to know I had true friends who were honest and always there for me.
“Hey! My goodness, it’s great seeing you again! It’s been too long,” Jess said, standing to embrace me in a hug, followed by the others.
“Hey, girls. Yes, it’s been way too long. Thanks for meeting me for lunch,” I said, taking the only empty seat at the round table.
Jess took a drink of her sweet tea and frowned. “Are you okay? It’s been so long since any of us have talked to you. Why’re we all here? Not that we’re complaining, it’s wonderful to see you.” She reached across the table and grabbed my hand.
I looked at her and then around the table at the rest of them.
My chin trembled slightly. “I’m so sorry I’ve been such a horrible friend over the years. There’s so much I haven’t told you girls, but it’s time…I’m getting a divorce.” I went on to explain the distance and coldness and Chase’s general lack of love toward me and the kids. “I’ve reached my breaking point. He’s never going to change, and I can’t change him. I’ve been wanting to tell you for so long, but I was embarrassed and wasn’t sure anyone would believe me anyway. In the public eye, he could never do wrong.” I searched all of their eyes, waiting nervously for a response.
Jess was the first to break the wide-eyed silence. “Chesney, you have nothing to apologize for. We had no idea. If anything, we should’ve made more of an effort to reach out to you.”
A few of the others nodded their agreements, and Jodi added, “Chesney, if we had known…” she trailed off. “I really don’t know what to say.”
Amy was next. She leaned forward, and her long, blond hair fell over her shoulder. “I can’t believe you’ve been bottling all this up for so many years. It’s okay, now. You have us, and we’re not going anywhere. You can always count on us to have your back.” She grabbed my other hand and smiled warmly.
A tear escaped my eye as I realized, once again, that the women sitting before me were one-of-a-kind friends. I was very lucky to have them in my life.
“I love you, girls, so much.” I started to relax a little.
“We love you, too,” Jess said.
They all stood from their chairs and coaxed me to stand as well. “Group huuuuuug,” Heather said, holding out her arms.
We all laughed, and I loved knowing I had my best friends back in my life. I’m pretty sure everyone else in the restaurant thought we were nuts, but I didn’t care.
Heather broke our group hug. “Okay, now…where’s the wine? It’s five o’ clock somewhere, right?” We all giggled, and I recognized how desperately I needed them to lean on. I hadn’t realized exactly how much, until now.
Jodi lifted her glass in the air and said, “Let’s drink. We have a lot of catching up to do.”
Living in such a small town, I had run into my friends a few times here and there, but I’d always made excuses for why I had to hurry and get back home. I’d avoided conversation at all costs because I didn’t want them to see how miserable I’d been with Chase. They knew a little bit about Zane already from when I’d talked to them about him when I’d lived in England.
Our food finally arrived, and after nearly thirty minutes of talking and laughing, I told them all about Zane and the friend request.
I pushed my salad around the plate with my fork. “What should I do?” I grimaced at them, needing their advice. “I keep changing my mind. One minute I want to click accept and find out how he’s been doing and what his life is like now, but the next I don’t because I’m afraid of what I may find. I’m so confused.” I put my fork down, unable to eat anymore. I scanned their faces for answers. “With everything going on with Chase, I don’t want to open up old wounds, you know? I have enough to worry about right now.”
I ran my finger along the rim of my wine glass when a flashback hit me. It was the night of a romantic dinner with Zane in London about a week before he’d deployed.
I sat at the table across from him and ran my finger along the rim of my wine glass without realizing it. I looked up into his eyes over the candlelight, and he was staring at me with a profound gaze. “You look beautiful,” he said, reaching out to still my hand.
I blushed and grinned as I thought about how passionate he’d been toward me. The heat in his eyes I’d never found with Chase or anyone else. I wanted to feel that passion again. I wanted to feel important and loved.
“Chesney? Chesney, you okay?” Jess’ voice brought me out of my pensive stare.
I chuckled nervously. “Yeah, I’m okay, sorry. What were you saying?” I took a sip of the sweet Sangria and set the glass back on the table. I relaxed back into the chair and put my hands in my lap.
“I was saying you should do it,” Jess said like it was obvious. “It’s clear you still have feelings for him. Until you do this, you won’t have the closure you need. Maybe it’s a sign. I mean, why now after all these years? If you don’t do it, you’ll be wondering what if for the rest of your life. And if you ask me, ‘what ifs’ are worse than going for it and finding out it didn’t work.” She gave me a tightlipped knowing glance.
I sighed. “You’re right, but it feels so soon. I mean, I’m still married. It all feels so wrong to me.”
Alicia leaned in and said, “Ches, from what you’ve told us, it seems like your marriage was over a long time ago, just maybe not on paper.” I frowned. She was right. My marriage wasn’t what a marriage was supposed to be at all.
I smiled up at Alicia and could see the concern in her eyes. “You’re right. As hard as it is to admit, my marriage really ended a few years ago.” I sighed. “I think I need to wait a while and make my decision when I’m not so emotionally unstable.”
“That’s a great idea,” Amy said, her bright-blue eyes beaming with agreement. “And you know we’re always here for you no matter what. Lean on us.”
We all grabbed hands around the table, and I smiled at my best friends. They would always be there for me no matter what. I’d been so stupid to push them away when I was with Chase.
“Hey, would you mind going with me to the house to get some more of our stuff? I could only fit so much into my SUV, and I don’t want to go by myself.” I gave them all a hopeful look.
“Of course, we will. Let’s go,” Jess replied, throwing up a dainty hand.
When we arrived at the house, I remembered as I put the code into the gate that I had thrown my key away last night. Luckily, there was a hide-a-key by the pool house out back.
At the top of the drive, I noticed Chase’s Mercedes and a limo parked out front. “That’s odd. He’s never home at this time.” I looked at the girls, puzzled. “Maybe we should come back later.” I wasn’t sure I wanted to be around him right now.
Heather t
ossed her pin-straight, dark hair over her shoulder. “Are you kidding me? Let’s get this over with, so you don’t have to worry about him ever again.”
Swallowing my unease, we went to the back of the house to retrieve the key and went in the back door to, hopefully, not make any noise. I silenced the alarm, and we tiptoed upstairs to get some more of my things. It was oddly quiet, but I didn’t care. All I cared about was getting out as fast as possible without facing Chase.
Heather’s phone rang, making us all jump. She grabbed it out of her pocket and quickly silenced it. “Sorry,” she whispered.
We quickly gathered a few boxes and luggage and headed back down the stairs.
I heard a loud crash in the office like something fell. “Hang on a minute,” I said to the girls. I placed the bags I was carrying on the floor by the front door and slowly made my way to the office. I pushed open the door and froze. I knew it! A part of me had always known. “You bastard!” I screamed at Chase. He stilled and looked at me, his dark eyes wide with surprise.
My blood boiled, and a knot formed in my stomach. There in front of me was Chase having sex with one of the girls he’d danced with at the last dinner party we’d attended. I’d remember those fake boobs and eyelashes anywhere. He had her bent over his desk, and she didn’t even seem fazed that I’d found them. If anything, she was amused.
Chase jumped away from her and threw his suit jacket over her to cover her up. She looked at me with a cocky smile as if she was satisfied having sex with a married man.
He bent down, pulled his pants up, and quickly buttoned them. “Chesney, baby, I—I can explain,” he stuttered.
I crossed my arms. “There’s nothing to explain. Goodbye, Chase. You two deserve each other.”
I turned to walk away and noticed the girls had already grabbed up my belongings and were heading out the front door to load up the van.
Before I walked out the door behind them, Chase grabbed my arm. “Chesney, wait.”
I turned abruptly to face him and jerked away from him. “You know what, Chase? I do have one more thing to say to you. Thank you. Thank you very much.”
“Thank you?” he replied, confused.
“Yes, thank you for proving to me that I made the right decision. I deserve better.” Then, I turned to the tramp that was standing in the doorway wearing nothing but his suit jacket. “Oh, and you. Have fun with him, sweetheart. I see you enjoy leftovers; he’s all yours.” I walked through the already-opened front door and slammed it behind me.
Damn, where did that come from? Go, Chesney!
I smiled, feeling proud as I turned to walk away. I took a deep breath and walked down the front steps with my head held high. “Let’s go girls. I’m ready. Any confusion I had is now gone.”
They recovered quickly from their shock and finished loading the last few boxes and bags into the back of Alicia’s van. “I’m so sorry you all had to see that. I’m thankful you’re here, though, so I didn’t have to witness that on my own,” I said as we got into the van to leave.
“Oh honey, you’re more than welcome,” Jess said, flipping her long, brown hair. “That’s what friends are for. Don’t you worry about us. I’m just sorry you had to see it.”
“I’m not,” I sighed. “Honestly, I’m glad. I feel free and confident in my decision. Now I can move on without any doubts. He messed up our marriage. Not me.” I was feeling stronger than ever. “Let’s go,” I said, nodding to Alicia.
As we drove away, I didn’t even look back this time. I didn’t wish for him to come after me or fight for me. I didn’t need him. I don’t think I ever did.
There was only one worry I had. “I really hope he doesn’t fight me for the kids. He has more money than I ever will. I don’t want any of it. I just want him to leave us alone.” I leaned against the door looking out the window.
“Something tells me he won’t be bothering you,” Heather said with a devious grin.
“Heather…” Jess raised her eyebrows at her. “What did you do?”
Heather grimaced and looked at me nervously. “I may or may not have taken video,” she said, shrugging. “I’m sorry, Chesney, but I thought in case he gave you a hard time, you’d have something to hold over him. This is the last thing he’d want getting out and tarnishing his golden-boy reputation.”
When I stared at her, speechless, she gave me a worried look.
“Don’t be mad at me. I can delete it, if you want,” she said, grabbing her phone.
After I found my words, I threw my arms around her. “Heather, I love you! You’re a genius. Thank you so much! Of course I don’t plan to actually use it, but it’s nice to know I have it, just in case. You. Are. Freakin’. Amazing!” I shrieked.
Relief flooded over me as I relaxed back into my seat. That video getting out would be Chases’ worst nightmare. He wouldn’t do anything to risk his job and reputation. I had the upper hand for once.
“I know, I know.” She batted her eyelashes and twirled a lock of hair around her finger.
“Hey!” Alicia said as she started to pull onto the highway. “I know exactly what’ll cheer you up. This is for you, Chesney.” She giggled as she pushed a mixed CD into her CD player. She turned up the volume, and I transformed into my fifteen-year-old, high-school self.
“It’s tearin’ up…”
“N*SYNC!” I squealed. “Yeeees!”
We rolled the windows down and were taken back to our high school days. Driving around and singing at the top of our lungs. Well, if you could call it singing. We all started dancing, the best we could in a vehicle anyway, and every other feeling I had went right out the window. I’d always had to be so serious, and I had been sad all the time. It was nice to let loose and feel like myself again.
I fell back against the seat and watched. They were so crazy, and I loved it. I laughed until my cheeks hurt as Heather did her Madonna poses as she sang—or screamed, rather. This was the most fun I’d had in a while. I was lucky enough to have these girls in my life. They were my people, and I couldn’t be happier to have them.
It was a short twenty-minute drive back to the restaurant where I had to pick up my car. Alicia was going to follow me home—well, to my mom’s house—to drop off my things. I guess that would be my home for a while. I frowned at the realization I was in my late-twenties living back at home with my mom and dad. I guess it could’ve been worse. At least my parents were willing to take us in and give us a place to live.
“I’m taking the kids to the fair this weekend, if you and the kids want to come along,” Jess said as she climbed out of the van. “Come on! It’ll be fun.” She smiled and pulled her keys out of her purse.
I closed the van door and grabbed my own keys. “Okay, yeah. The kids and I need a little fun. Text me when you’re going, and we’ll meet you there.”
IT HAD BEEN A FEW days, and the weekend had finally arrived. The kids were starting to ask questions about our extended stay at Nana’s house. They knew something was going on because we were never away from home this long. They had only asked about Chase once, though, which wasn’t surprising. It was normal for them to go without seeing him for long periods of time.
Last night, I sat them both down and explained that we’d be living with Nana for a while. I didn’t go into details right then because they are so young, and I didn’t want them being overwhelmed with so many changes at once. Their questions didn’t linger for very long. They were too excited about going to the fair.
“I can’t wait to get a caramel apple! Yummy!” Dylan shouted as he ran through the house to find his shoes.
“I wanna wide the ponies, Mommy!” Alayna squealed as she ran past me toward the door. “Let’s go!”
I couldn’t help but smile. It was nice seeing them distracted and happy. I slipped on my favorite cowboy boots and checked myself in the mirror. I’d decided to add a few curls to my hair, and I looked pretty good in my jeans and red V-neck blouse.
When we pulled into the parkin
g lot of the fairgrounds, it was getting dark. It always gets dark early this time of year. I sighed happily. I hadn’t been the fair in years. The kids were in awe of all the bright lights and loud music. They were practically jumping up and down with anticipation.
We met up with Jess and her kids at the ticket booth, and once we went through the gates, the kids all ran ahead to stand in line for the tilt-a-whirl. Jess’ kids were only a couple of years older than mine, and they looked a lot like her—same dark hair and eyes. She also had a boy and a girl, except her girl was the oldest.
“How are you?” Jess asked.
I shrugged. “Doing okay. Still a little numb. I know I made the right decision. It just hurts to know I’ve had another failed relationship.”
I plastered a fake smile on my face as I waved to the kids who were looking over their shoulders at me.
Jess grabbed my shoulders and turned me to face her. “This is not your fault, Ches. You may not believe this now, but you’ll heal with time. My divorce was earth-shattering, but I’ve picked up the pieces, and you will, too. For now, though, concentrate on you and the kids, and let everything else fall into place.”
I hugged her. “Thank you, Jess.”
“Of course, Ches. I mean who else could be this awesome?” She brought her hand to her chest making me laugh. “Come on! Let’s go watch the kids and just be kids ourselves. For tonight, let’s go have fun. You can worry about everything else tomorrow.”
Alayna’s long, brown curls bounced as she ran up to me. “Mommy! Mommy! Come wide the cawousel with me! Pweeeeease!” Her brown eyes were wide with excitement.
“Okay, Alayna, let’s go,” I said, giggling as she pulled me toward the carousel.
I looked at my phone and noticed I had a few missed calls and texts, but I didn’t want to touch my phone for the night. I’d deal with whatever it was tomorrow. Tonight was about me and my kids. Everything else could wait.
We got onto the carousel, and I lifted Alayna up onto the giraffe. Glancing over, we waved at Jess, and I noticed she was on her phone, frantically texting about something. She had a worried look on her face and started scanning the crowd around her. The ride started, so it was too late to get off to see what was wrong. I figured I would ask her about it when the ride stopped.