by Cotton, L A
“Do you want to talk about it?” I’d found her asleep among a pile of old photographs, so it didn’t take a rocket scientist to work out what had set her off, but I didn’t want to push her either. Not about this.
“Miss Tamson thinks I’m scared to move forward with my life because I think it means leaving them behind.”
“What do you think?”
Lo blinked back the tears pooling in her eyes. “I think she has a point.”
“But?” There was a but. I saw it in her conflicted gaze.
“I think it’s more than that.” Her eyes darted away again. Whatever it was, she didn’t want to tell me. And if she didn’t want to tell me it was because I wasn’t going to like whatever she said.
My chest tightened, but I managed to choke out, “Lo, I finished a two-hour practice, got in my car and drove here, for you. Because I love you. If you’re hurting, I want to be the one to comfort you.”
“Sometimes,” she sighed finally giving me her eyes again. “It’s like you know exactly what I need to hear.”
“That’s my job.” I drew her closer, tucking her against my chest but Lo’s hands slid between us breaking the connection.
“Wait. I need to explain. I need to get this out, Maverick. This is not easy for me because I know you’re not going to like what I have to say.”
There it was.
My jaw clenched as I nodded. Waiting.
“I told Miss Tamson I didn’t want to apply for college.”
Fuck.
I’d known Lo was uncertain about applying to SU. I hadn’t known she really didn’t want to be with me.
“Maverick,” she said. “Say something. Please.”
“I...” I swallowed hard.
Nope. I had nothing. Come this time next year, I didn’t want Lo anywhere but at SU. With me.
Us.
Together.
It was that simple.
At least, it was for me.
It was one of the only things getting me through the days. Knowing that every day we spent apart was a day closer to us being together. Permanently.
“You don’t want to be with me?”
The color drained from her face as her eyes bugged. “W- what? Of course I want to be with you. I love you. I love you so much.”
“But you don’t want to come to SU? You don’t want us to be together?”
“I do.” Panic flashed behind her wide gaze. “But not for the right reasons.”
I pushed back the covers and sat up. My head was spinning at her admission. My thoughts shooting off in a hundred different directions trying to figure out what had gone wrong.
“Maverick, please, look at me.”
I tugged at my hair, trying to shake off the frustration rippling through me. But Lo climbed off the bed and came around to kneel in front of me. “Maverick...”
Our eyes collided, and I felt grounded. Her faith in me, in us, was right there, plastered all over her face. Lo loved me. Maybe almost as much as I loved her.
So why the fuck did I feel like she was about to shred my heart clean in two?
“I want a future with you, Maverick. So much it terrifies me. Because somewhere along the way, you fixed me.”
“And that’s a bad thing?” I didn’t get it. She said I’d fixed her. That was a good thing, wasn’t it?
“You fixed me, Maverick. You.”
“You’re going to have to spell it out for me, London. Because I feel lost right now.”
“You fixed me when I needed to fix myself first.” The words jack-hammered in my chest as the truth slammed into me.
I’d fixed her.
I’d pieced her back together after she lost everything.
Me.
Then I’d left her. Moved to college and found myself tangled up in a dangerous game with Zac Lowell, all while Lo stayed here in Wicked Bay, worrying about me. Thinking the worst.
Waiting to lose me.
Because experience told her, circumstances would rip the people she loved from her.
And if she lost me... she wouldn’t just be right back where she started, she’d be ruined.
“You are not going to lose me,” I ground out. “That is not going to happen.”
“But if I come to SU and something does happen... and I haven’t dealt with my past—the accident—I won’t survive it, Maverick. I know I won’t. My dad had to move me halfway across the world because he was scared that one day he’d find me overdosed or worse. I can’t be that person again.”
“You’re not.” I framed her face in my hands. “You won’t become that girl again. You’re strong, Lo. I see it. Your dad sees it. My family too. You don’t give yourself enough credit.”
She’d survived a living nightmare and come out the other side.
“I’m a good actress. I show people what they want to see. Tell them what they want to hear. I use us—you, Maverick—as a crutch. I hide behind us telling myself nothing can touch me here. But what if there is no us? What happens then?”
Vibrations rumbled deep in my chest as I fought back the urge to roar. Because while I wanted her to be wrong, while I wanted to argue with everything she said, the truth of the matter was, I couldn’t. This wasn’t about me.
It was about the broken girl in front of me and how she felt. Her view of the world. Of us.
Of me.
I loved Lo with everything, and I would fight my way through anyone and everything that ever tried to hurt her, but she didn’t want a knight-in-shining-armor to save her. She wanted to save herself.
And I couldn’t argue with that.
I leaned in, touching my head to hers, breathing her in.
“You say I’m your crutch, Lo, but that makes you my oxygen. Because I can’t live without you. I can’t do this without you.” I drew in a ragged breath. “Take all the time you need to figure things out. If you want space, I’ll give you space. If you need time, I’ll give you time. And if you decide that college isn’t in your future then we’ll figure something out. But don’t tell me you don’t feel this.” I took her hand in mine and rested it on my heart. “It beats for you, Lo. Always.”
“Maverick, I—”
I crushed my mouth to hers, unwilling to hear any more doubt in her voice, her words. I could live with her being confused and needing time to find herself or whatever, but I couldn’t live with the idea that she doubted us.
Doubted what we meant to one another.
She owned me.
Had ever since that first night we met at the beach.
I didn’t believe in God or fate or any of that bullshit, but I did believe Lo saved me that night. Although it took another year for her to come back into my life, I never forgot the brown-eyed beauty who saw beyond the bad boy with bloodied knuckles. So I could give her space and time, but I couldn’t give her up. I needed her too damn much.
Loved her too damn much.
Tears rolled down her face, anointing our kiss, our lips. She sniffled, pulling away, pressing a final kiss to my lips. “This isn’t an us issue, Maverick,” she said with more conviction. “This is a me issue.” Lo rubbed her eyes with the heel of her palm and gave me a weak smile. “I just need to find myself again.”
I nodded, unable to reply over the giant lump in my throat. I wanted to beg her to come to SU. To make her promise that when—if—she found herself again nothing would change between us. That everything would be fine. But now she’d said the words, now that I knew the truth, I knew things couldn’t go back. We could only go forward.
I just hoped when the dust settled, Lo still wanted me.
“YOU LOOK LIKE SHIT,” Kyle slid into the booth and dropped his wallet and keys on the table.
“Thanks for coming.”
“You rang, I came. Nothing changes.” He smirked, but I wasn’t in the mood. “So how is she?”
“Honestly?” I dragged a hand down my face. “I don’t know.”
“But you guys are okay, right? I mean, yeah shit’s hard right
now but when she’s with you next year it won’t be—” My mouth pulled into a flat line and he mumbled, “Oh, shit.”
“I knew she wasn’t into the idea of applying to SU, but I thought she had cold feet, like Laurie.”
“And now?”
“She thinks she uses me as a crutch.”
Kyle’s brows pinched. “You two do have that whole special bond working for you.”
“Special bond?” I scoffed. “She lost everything, Kyle. I was just there to pick up the pieces.” And I was a bastard to her in those first few months. “What if she thinks this, us, isn’t good for her? She kept talking about finding herself... what does that even mean?” My eyes dropped to the napkin in my hands. The thing looked like it had been shredded by Wolverine.
“Nah, man. Lo loves you. I know she’s struggling. You’re gone. Uncle Rob moved Stella and Beth in without so much as a conversation. Plus the pressure of senior year is on. It’s a lot.”
“What if it’s too much?” My head snapped up and Kyle shook his head.
“It isn’t. Okay, so she needs time to find herself or whatever; it’s not like you’re here to crowd her. She has time and space. Just keep doing what you’re doing. Check in with her. Let her know you’re not going anywhere. Just be there. When she figures it out, she’ll realize she doesn’t just love you because you saved her... she loves you because you guys make sense.”
Silence crackled between us.
“I don’t know, Stone. Watching her stand there this morning as I pulled off her drive sure felt a lot like goodbye.” It had almost killed me.
“Did she say she wants to take a break?”
I shook my head.
“Did she say she doesn’t want to be with you?”
“No.”
“So you need to play it cool. I don’t think Lo even knows what she needs right now. She’s confused. I should have been keeping a closer eye on her. But you know how she gets.”
“I can’t lose her,” I ground out, feeling a vise tighten around my heart.
“You won’t.”
I wanted to believe him. But the tight knot in my stomach wasn’t so sure.
Chapter 26
Lo
I’D SCREWED UP.
When I woke up and Maverick was lying there, I’d thought it was a dream. But then a deep sense of comfort had settled into my bones. Maverick really was there. His warm breath dancing over my face, his arm slung protectively around my hip, I felt it all. Then realisation hit. He’d finished practise and driven back to Wicked Bay. For me. Not because I’d begged, or because Kyle had told him too. He came because he loved me. Because he knew I was hurting, and even if I wouldn’t say the words, I needed him.
It was all I’d wanted and yet, when I opened my mouth to tell him how grateful I was, how much it meant that he came, all this stuff started spewing out and I couldn’t stop myself. I told him about my meeting with Miss Tamson. How confused I was about things. He’d listened. Watched me through intense eyes as he tried to keep his cool. It sounded bad. I knew that. I heard the words rattle around my mind as they poured out.
The whole thing was a mess.
I was a mess.
But strangely, I felt better once the words were out. As if a giant weight had been lifted. I didn’t want time and space from Maverick. It was the last thing I wanted. But I did need time and space to figure things out.
To figure myself out.
Before he left for SU, Maverick held me. Peppered my face with gentle kisses. Each one a silent promise. He didn’t understand, I knew that. But he’d promised to give me whatever I needed. He would return to SU to focus on his pre-season training, and I would ask Miss Tamson about counselling. I’d tried it before, right after the accident, but I couldn’t open up. I couldn’t deal with the emotions conjured up every time I tried to talk about things. But if I was going to face my future; first, I had to deal with my past.
“YOU’RE QUIET TONIGHT.” Liam glanced at me from across the bar. It was quiet, the evening rush yet to arrive.
“Just thinking.” I’d already polished the cutlery within an inch of its life, but it wouldn’t hurt to give it all a second wipe.
“You know they say a problem shared is a problem halved?” He tapped his fingers on the bar, and I paused, tipping my head towards him.
“You know, I always wondered who they are. Like did a group of people get together and make up all the profound sayings of life?”
“You have got to get out more,” Liam replied around a faltering smile, but I couldn’t find it in me to return it. He filled in the awkward pause. “Okay. How about, I’ll guess, and you can nod when I’m close.”
He must have taken my silence as a big fat yes since he started reeling off guesses. “School trouble?”
I frowned.
“Girl trouble?”
I rolled my eyes.
“Okay, since you have an excellent job and stellar colleagues that only leaves trouble of the boyfriend variety.” My lips flattened, and he snapped his fingers. “I knew it. Okay, lay it on me.”
“Liam, I appreciate this.” Whatever this was. “But I really don’t want to talk about it.”
I’d done enough of that with Kyle and Laurie. They had even roped Summer in at lunch to try to get me to ‘open up’ as Laurie kept calling it. I knew Maverick had talked to Kyle. Nothing stayed secret for long in the Stone-Prince family. But I didn’t want to keep talking about it. At least, not with them. They were too close to us both. They knew—or thought they knew—everything. But no one knew the pain and grief I held inside. Miss Tamson had given me the number of a therapist she thought might be able to help me. I just had to pluck up the courage and call. Which I would.
Soon.
“Hey, come on,” he urged, following me toward the opposite end of the bar. “I’m a guy, yes, but I have a ton of girlfriends. Who, by the way, all say I’m an excellent listener.”
I could see that. Liam was... nice. Our banter was always friendly but never overstepped the mark. Also, I heard him talk more about his girlfriends than I did any guy friends. But talking to him about Maverick?
Whole other ball game.
“I appreciate it, I do, but it’s nothing, really.” I flashed him a forced smile before I made myself busy with straightening menus and refilling the salt shakers.
Soon the place filled with people and I was too busy to stop and chat. By the time, I got off, the line at the bar was two deep and Gus had jumped in to help Liam and the new bartender, Miles, out.
“I’m taking off,” I yelled over to them.
“See you, Saturday.” Gus waved, and I ducked out of the bar before Liam could hound me some more about Maverick.
Outside, the cool air hit me, a sign fall was on its way. I dug out my phone, my stomach doing a strange flip when I saw Maverick’s name.
Maverick: I hope your shift went okay. Practice was long. I’m hitting the sack early. I love you xo
Typing a quick reply, I slid my phone back into my pocket and walked home. Hoping that maybe tomorrow would be the day when I decided to face my greatest fears.
TURNED OUT, THE NEXT day was my worst nightmare. Uncle Gentry and Rebecca had invited us over for a family meal. They insisted we got together at least one a month. I hadn’t wanted to go, especially since Maverick wasn’t going to be there. But it wasn’t like I had much choice. Not with Kyle and Laurie, and Dad and Stella ganging up on me.
“Lo, how lovely to see you, dear,” my grandma beamed as I followed Dad, Stella, and Beth, into the yard.
“Hi, Beatrice,” Beth answered for us, welcoming the woman’s attention.
“And how is my new favorite girl?”
Nice, Grandma, real nice. I bit back the words as I headed straight for one of the garden chairs.
“Oh no you don’t.” Kyle intercepted me. “We need to talk.”
“No, we really don’t,” I hissed, narrowing my eyes at him.
“Cous, we can do this the e
asy way.” He folded his arms across his chest. “Or the hard way.”
“Babe, go easy on her.” Laurie came over to us, hooking her arm through Kyle’s. “What my jerk of a boyfriend is trying to say, Lo, is if you need us, you know where we are.”
“No, that’s not what—” Kyle shrieked like a little girl at Laurie’s wedge heel crushing his toes.
“Seriously, guys, I’m fine.”
“Lo, is something the—”
I shot Dad a terse look and he held up his hands. “My bad.”
“Nothing is wrong,” I said through gritted teeth. My irritated glare sliding to Kyle who gave me a pointed look of his own while Dad went back to my grandma, Stella, and Beth.
Thankfully, Macey and Summer chose that moment to appear, drawing the attention from me to them. But something was wrong. Summer had her arm around Macey’s waist, concern etched into the youngest Stone-Prince sibling’s face.
“A little help,” Summer said to no one in particular. The adults had all congregated together over by the grill and were yet to notice the two new arrivals.
“Is she—” Kyle started but Laurie clasped her hand over his mouth and I shot up, moving over to Summer who looked completely out of her depth.
“I found her like this down by the McGyver’s house. Me and Nick managed to wrangle her into his car and bring her here, but I didn’t know what to do.”
“Traitor,” Macey slurred, her head rolling on her shoulders.
“Come on,” I said. “Let’s get her up to her room before anyone notices.” A quick glance over my shoulder told me we were safe. The adults were still talking, laughing, completely unaware of what was happening.
I tried to slip my arm through Macey’s, but she shirked me off, mumbling incoherent jibberish at me.
“Macey,” Summer whispered. “You have to work with us here. You don’t want them to see you like this.”
Macey retched, her body doubling over.
“We need to move her, now.” I grabbed hold of her arm and the two of us began to pull her toward the house.