Jenni had no idea what to say. “I suppose,” she began slowly, taking time to consider every word, “That I’ve never before received such high praise. Thank you seems inadequate, but I do thank you. I appreciate the fact that you felt comfortable enough with me to be honest.” Jenni hesitated, thinking to herself that what she’d just said sounded vain. “I don’t mean that like it sounds. I just meant that your words didn’t sound rehearsed or phoney. They sounded truthful, as though you were speaking from your heart. Not like you were trying to give me a line.”
“Of course I spoke from my heart,” Daniel said, suddenly quite serious. “I never compliment lightly and I never give such an in-depth perspective without a reason.”
“Ah ha, the catch,” Jenni said in mock surprise.
Daniel enjoyed the game. “I suppose you could say there’s a catch. It’s really quite simple, however. I would like –”
“Are you prepared to order dinner, sir?” the waiter interrupted.
Jenni dug her fingernails into her sweaty palms. What had Daniel been about to say and would he continue now that he’d been interrupted for the second time?
“Jenni, do you like smoked salmon?”
“Yes, as a matter of fact, I do,” Jenni replied, straining to maintain control of her voice.
“Then may I order for both of us?” At Jenni’s nod of approval, Daniel turned back to the waiter and said, “We’ll have the smoked salmon.”
Jenni couldn’t concentrate on the rest of the exchange between Daniel and the waiter. She was thinking about the things Daniel had said to her. Why did they suddenly seem so important.
“You’re frowning,” Dan said, touching her hand again. This time Jenni didn’t flinch but merely looked intently at the larger masculine hand that covered her own.
“I didn’t mean to frown,” she whispered. “I was just thinking, wondering really. . .” Jenni fell silent and dared a glance across the table. “I, ah . . .” she stammered to speak, but the words refused to come.
“You want to know what I was getting at earlier?” Dan questioned without a hint of teasing in his voice.
Jenni lowered her eyes for only a moment and then returned them to face Daniel’s intense stare. “Yes,” she whispered, and although the crowded dining room was alive with noise and activities, she felt suddenly as though the whole world had gone silent.
“I suppose you might call me a bit old-fashioned,” Dan stated softly. “I have my own notions about how things ought to be and why. I don’t dally with women and in that I mean that I don’t lead them on in order to take what I want and be done with them. I despise the type of man that uses a woman’s emotional affections – and physical ones as well – purely to advance his own goals and aspirations.”
Jenni knew that Dan was speaking of the few things she’d told him about Brian. She said nothing, however, far too interested in what Daniel had left to say to be distracted by the thought of Brian.
“I believe in the old-fashioned practice of courting. Does that surprise you?”
Jenni found herself shaking her head. It didn’t surprise her, in fact Daniel’s entire personality seemed so comfortably familiar, rather like sitting down with a well-worn, beloved book.
“A great many women are surprised by it,” Daniel continued. “I’ve found that most women have given up on the idea of being treated with respect and gentleness. They find that with the attitude and actions of many of their gender, as well as the men they’re acquainted with, this notion has simply passed on as a memory of more genteel times.”
“I find it refreshing,” Jenni said without thought.
“Somehow, I knew you would.”
For a moment neither one said anything. Jenni felt certain where the conversation was leading, but in her mind she wasn’t sure she was ready to hear it.
“Jenni, I don’t want to play games with you. I don’t want to waste precious time, but I also don’t want to rush you. My fear is that one morning I’ll wake up and you’ll be gone without knowing how seriously I feel about you.”
Jenni swallowed hard, but the lump that had formed in her throat refused to move. She could feel herself begin to tremble, and she knew that Daniel must feel it too.
“I want to court you, Jenni. I don’t want to just take you out for a good time, although I certainly plan for us to have a great many good times. But I want to form a relationship with you that leads to a more serious commitment.” At the look on Jenni’s pale face, Dan smiled. “I’m not proposing, I just want you to consider my feelings on the matter. If you are to continue seeing me, accepting my invitations and such, I want you to know what my intentions are. I’m past the age of playing games. I want to get down to the serious business of living, and I don’t plan to do it alone.”
SIX
Several weeks later, Jenni had still not given Dan an answer. She could hardly believe, though, in this day and age of people living together and flitting from one relationship to another, that this man would come and make a formal request to court her.
“I don’t think I get it,” Kelly said, washing the breakfast dishes one morning.
“What are you talking about?” Jenni questioned.
“This courting thing. I mean, I understand dating – isn’t courting the same thing?” Kelly shut off the water and grabbed a towel to help Jenni dry the remaining dishes.
“No, not exactly. As I understand it or maybe I should say, as Dan explained it, dating is nothing more than a series of shared occasions, with no other purpose than to have a good time. Dating involves any number of other people, as well. But when you ask to court someone, you make a declaration of interest in marrying that person. It isn’t a proposal, but it’s a promise to see only that person and to work towards engagement and lifetime commitment.”
“I don’t see anything wrong with dating someone,” Kelly offered. “I mean sometimes I think a person should take things less seriously and just have fun. You sure don’t want to court every Tom, Dick, and Harry.”
“Exactly Dan’s point. He’s twenty-eight, has his career established, and is ready to consider settling down. The problem is, I’m not sure I am.” Jenni’s voice held a hint of sadness.
“So what’s the problem? You just tell him you can’t consider courting, but you can consider dating,” Kelly said simply.
“I don’t think he’s interested in dating. He’s dated a lot and after knowing all these different types of women,” Jenni sighed, “he wants to court me. I know I should be flattered, and I am, but I’m also confused.”
“I think it’s ridiculous to expect a woman that you’ve only known for a short while to consider anything so serious,” Kelly said somberly.
Jenni stood thoughtfully staring out the window. A heavy sigh was her only reply. She knew Kelly was right, but on the other hand, Jenni found herself appreciating Dan’s honesty and bold declaration. Jenni hadn’t had that kind of respect from Brian.
“Well, don’t let me tell you what to do,” Kelly said, pulling on her shoes. “I think you should pray about it and wait for god’s answer on the matter.”
Jenni nodded. “You’re right of course.”
Knowing that Kelly was going to take over the office for the morning, Jenni had decided to take a hike. “If you don’t need me, I think I’ll pack a lunch and go for a walk.”
“That sounds like a good idea. Just you and God,” Kelly smiled. “I’ll make your lunch while you get dressed. What do you want?”
Jenni smiled. Kelly had fast become her best friend. “I don’t care. Just give me plenty in case I get lost,” Jenni joked.
Half an hour later, Jenni headed up the mountainside behind O’Reilly’s. She’d decided to dress in khaki hiking shorts, black tank top, and long sleeved, blue cambric shirt. On her back, Jennie carried a pack with a pair of jeans, knowing that the air could turn cool quickly. The pack had several other things, as well as the lunch Kelly had packed.
Jenni rechecked the canteen on h
er belt, and after seeing that it was securely fastened, she began to hike in earnest. After living nearly two months in the mountains, she was well acclimated to the thinner air. Even so, the climb wasn’t a simple task, and Jenni took her time. She also began an ongoing conversation with God as she climbed.
“I thank You for this beauty and the freedom to climb and move about as I choose. I praise You, Father, for this time alone with You.” Jenni panted as she reached the first plateau. She paused for a moment to look down on O’Reilly’s, disappointed that she hadn’t climbed very far at all.
Another hour found Jenni quite a bit further. Her legs ached from the workout, so she sat down to study the landscape around her. It was strewn with many rocks and boulders, yet the vegetation grew lush and green. Off in the distance, higher up the mountainside, Jenni’s eye caught sight of movement. At first he gaze revealed nothing, and then slowly the shadows took shape and became big horn sheep.
“How glorious, God. How absolutely wonderful,” Jenni whispered in sheer delight. Then suddenly she heard a rustling noise. The sound came from very near to where Jenni sat and started her so that for several moments she did nothing. Unsure whether she should sit still or move about and make noise, Jenni breathed a prayer for guidance. She sat frozen, waiting, while the noise grew closer.
Dan stepped through the brush and smiled. “Am I intruding?” he questioned and then laughed. “Of course I’m intruding. I should ask, do you mind?”
Jenni breathed a sigh of relief. “You scared me. I wasn’t sure but what you were some wild animal.”
“Sometimes I am, but I’m well behaved,” Dan teased. “I am sorry that I scared you though. May I join you?”
“Sure,” Jenni replied. “Pull up a rock.”
Dan crossed the distance between them and sat down beside Jenni. She grew momentarily uncomfortable at his closeness, but decided to say nothing.
“Seriously,” Dan began. “I have something I wanted to talk to you about.”
“I’m not sure I want to hear it considering the last time we talked seriously.” Jenni tried to make light of Dan’s dinner proclamation.
“Well, this is completely different, although I’d like to know your thoughts on that matter too,” Dan answered, removing his backpack.
“That looks like a good idea,” Jenni said, ignoring Dan’s words. Dan reached up and helped her take off her own pack. He placed it beside his, and Jenni stretched her arms high into the air. “That’s much better. I hadn’t realized how sore I was getting.”
“You shouldn’t overdo it, you know. Is this the first time you’ve been hiking since you’ve been in Estes?” Dan questioned.
“Yes, and believe me, it’s been a humbling experience,” Jenni laughed.
“Well, you shouldn’t have come this far the first time out. You should get used to climbing and using your muscles. You’ll probably be pretty sore tomorrow,” Dan chided.
“Live and learn, I guess,” Jenni said nonchalantly. She was relieved that Dan had apparently forgotten whatever it was he wanted to discuss. Her relief was short-lived, however.
“Getting back to what I started to talk to you about,” he began. He leaned back on his elbow and turned towards Jenni. “I’ve been asked to speak at a fiction writers’ conference here in Estes Park.”
Jenni let her breath out slowly, not realizing that she’d been holding it. “That’s good, isn’t it?” she asked innocently. Having never been to a writers’ conference, Jenni could only guess that being asked to speak at one was an honor.
“Yes and no,” Dan sighed. “On one hand it’s great to be recognized and thought an authority in your field. But on the other hand, it becomes a terrible infringement on your privacy.”
“I see,” Jenni said thoughtfully. “So you aren’t sure you want to accept their offer, because you don’t want to reveal the private life of Daniel James?”
Dan smiled and raised a questioning eyebrow. “Would you want to reveal so much of yourself?”
Jenni turned slightly to study Dan’s face before asking yet another question. “What do you have to hide?”
Dan’s face suddenly sobered. His eyes seemed to narrow slightly, and Jenni couldn’t help but note a change in his attitude. “It has nothing to do with hiding anything. It has to do with sharing the intimate details of your life with total strangers.”
To Jenni’s own surprise she found herself brining up Dan’s courtship idea. “Yet you want to share the intimate details of your life with me – and I’m a total stranger, or very nearly.”
“You’re different,” Daniel said plainly.
“Why?”
“I told you why, don’t play games with me. Not with something as serious as this.” Dan’s voice was stern.
“I wasn’t playing games, Dan.” Jenni returned his firmness. “I know very little about you and yet you want me to consider letting you court me with the ultimate purpose of marriage in mind. Now I ask you, just who’s playing games?”
“What do you mean?” Now his voice was cool.
Bracing herself, Jenni ventured on. “I’m talking about our first date, Dan. I shared a part of my past, a very painful part with you, and then I asked you some simple questions about God and you refused to answer me. I think if you want me to seriously consider being courted by you, then you owe me some explanation as to why you reacted the way you did.”
“I just wanted to have a nice talk with you about this writers’ conference – not set up a battleground over religious issues,” Dan said as he sat up. The tension in his voice was clear.
“See what I mean? You’re avoiding my point.”
“I’m not avoiding anything. I just wanted to discuss this conference. That’s all,” Dan said, his voice less strained. “Honestly, Jenni, the conference will be held at the end of October and I have to have an answer for these people by the end of the summer. I just thought maybe you could offer me some advice.”
Jenni got off the rock and reached for her pack. “Advice on what, Dan? How to avoid the issues? How to run from questions?”
“Jenni, that’s not fair. I don’t want to argue with you.” Dan came to stand beside her.
His blue eyes were captivating, and Jenni felt her fortitude dissolve. Warning bells went off in her head, and she hugged her backpack protectively to her chest.
“I don’t want to argue with you either, Daniel. I just want you to answer my questions,” Jenni whispered against the mountain breeze.
“I’m sorry,” Dan said, pulling on his pack. “I can’t not yet.” Without waiting for Jenni to say anything, Dan headed back in the direction from which he’d appeared. There was a sadness in the way he carried himself, and instead of feeling angry with him, Jenni felt concerned. What was it that made talking about God difficult for him?By noontime, Jenni returned to the office. She’d devoured the lunch Kelly had packed, and found that her water was nearly depleted from her canteen. She’d have to plan more carefully next time, especially if she intended to get further up into the mountains.
Kelly was busy with one of the cleaning girls, so Jenni went to the office and began to update the computer information. The rest of the day was quiet, and by the time Kelly left for her evening off, Jenni was growing bored. Most of the guests were regulars who’d been scheduled for stays of a week or more and required only a minimum amount of attention from their resort manager.
Jenni switched on the “No Vacancy” sign and locked the front door to the office. Without giving any real thought to what she was doing, Jenni locked the back door and headed up the hill to cabin number thirteen.
Somehow, Jenni knew that Daniel would be outside. He was sitting back in the shadows of the porch, watching as Jenni approached. Jenni knew he was there. She could just barely make out his form in the twilight.
“I don’t have a white flag,” she called out, approaching the porch. “But if I did, I’d be waiving it now.”
Daniel’s chuckle let Jenni know she was welco
me to join him. “So you surrender, is that it?”
Jenni climbed the steps to the porch deck and took a chair beside Daniel. “Surrender? I’m not sure that I would have used that exact word.” Jenni thought to herself that surrender was the last thing she had in mind, but she bit back any further retort.
“And what word would you have used?”
Jenni smiled to herself, and thought for a moment before answering, “Perhaps truce.”
“Truce?” Dan said, acting surprised. “Are we at war?”
“Of course not,” Jenni mused. “But I felt that I owed it to you, to both of us, to explain myself.”
“Go on,” Dan encouraged softly.
“Well,” Jenni began slowly. “I can’t explain what’s really going on in my head or my heart. I’m afraid the past is causing me to be rather harsh with you.”
“I’m a good listener. Why not tell me about it,” Dan sympathized, and Jenni found herself expanding on her break up with Brian.
“I really thought he loved me. I thought we both had the same goals and dreams,” Jenni remembered painfully. Then pausing as if to consider whether or not to say more, she allowed herself a quick glance at Dan’s face. The darkness obscured the details and left Jenni wondering if Dan could really understand what she was trying to say.
“Go on,” Dan whispered in a low husky tone. He reached over and took hold of Jenni’s hand.
Jenni enjoyed his touch and tried not to think of what it would be like to be in Dan’s arms. “I figured that if I was a Christian and trusted God, then everything that came into my life was by His direction. I thought it would be mostly good things. You know, blessings and such,” Jenni said, hoping Daniel would reveal his thoughts on the matter. When he said nothing, she continued, “I believed that god would protect me from problems like this. I saw God as this great big shield. I figured He’d keep me safe from everything bad.”
If Given a Choice Page 5