by Dani Dundee
“Are we sure this is a good idea?” he asked, keeping his eyes on Diane.
“Letting them feel smug? Probably not, but what can it hurt? They already know they have all the power.”
He smiled and bowed his head. “Ain’t that the truth. I meant taking them out to Friday Harbor with us.”
“Can’t be worse than camping with the Kelso brothers.”
“Right. Never doing that again.”
Plus, I had a plan for some fun that might return some of our guy power. I hadn’t mentioned it to John yet, but it involved a campfire and snipes.
***
CHAPTER TWO
“How is it possible you’ve never been snipe hunting, Diane? You have brothers, don’t you?” I stretched my legs toward the fire ring, extinguishing a bright red ember with the toe of my boot.
Hailey rested her head against my shoulder. Her short nails scratched a figure eight pattern on my bicep through the thin material of my flannel shirt. Across from us sat John and Diane. Going on ten o’clock, the sky had finally darkened about an hour ago after a long Friday afternoon of doing nothing. A few yards away, the lake barely made waves at the shore. The fire crackled and popped, and the only sound besides us was an occasional owl or muffled voice in the distance. Our cabin was at the end of a road, with only woods behind us. I inhaled the smell of smoke and pine trees.
“What’s a snipe?” Diane asked. “Please tell me this isn’t another offer to show me your penis, Tom.”
Across the fire, John chuckled and I shot him a look. If he let his bride in on the joke, my whole plan would be ruined. Hailey’s fingers paused and I squeezed her hand. She knew all about snipe hunting, but loved a practical joke almost as much as I did. I knew she’d play along. As much as we both liked Diane, she needed to be fully initiated into being an islander.
“One time. That was one time. And it was kind of an island tradition.” I defended my only serious attempt at hitting on Diane.
Both women snorted and rolled their eyes at my old pick-up line.
“Settle down. First, I have a girlfriend now.” I let my eyes meet Hailey’s and, as happened a lot when I looked at her, I smiled. I couldn’t help it. I was a man in love. “Second, I’m not showing Diane what she’s missing. No matter how much you beg. I don’t want to break up a marriage.” I grinned and gave her both dimples. Our relationship bordered on brother-sister, especially the teasing part.
“Okay, so if it’s not another penis euphemism, what is it?” Diane asked again.
“It’s a bird,” Hailey spoke up. “Very rare, but they’re all over the San Juan Islands.”
John leaned forward. “Especially around here. Something about the lakes they like.”
Diane glanced around the dark woods and lake. “I haven’t noticed any unusual birds since we’ve been here.”
“That’s because they only come out at night.” I set down my beer and rested my elbows on my knees. “You may have heard them. Their birdcall sounds like their name.”
“Snipe, snipe,” John and Hailey said at the same time. John spoke in a falsetto. I couldn’t look at him and keep a straight face.
“Snipe, snipe?” Diane imitated them. “Sounds a little bit like that Monty Python sketch, “The Knights Who Say Ni.”
John met my eyes and raised his eyebrow in a silent challenge. Was she onto us already?
“Not quite the same thing. I don’t think they even have snipes in England.” I attempted to sound convincing. “They’re really cool. Similar to pheasants, but prettier. The males have blue and green feathers, like peacocks. Only smaller. Like the length of my forearm from beak to tail. Their eyes are bright yellow and glow in the dark. That’s how you spot them,” I babbled.
Diane wrinkled her forehead. “So a nocturnal, pheasant-peacock hybrid with glowing yellow eyes?”
Hailey nodded. “Exactly. They’re really cool. It’s kind of a rite of passage to see one. Some people try to catch them because…” she paused and stared at the dark lake, “…their feathers are supposed to bring good luck.”
Nice recovery.
“Do people eat them?” Diane asked.
“No!” we all said in unison.
“They’re protected, like eagles,” John said.
“So? This is a thing I need to see while we’re here?” Doubt crept into Diane’s voice.
“Since it’s your first camping trip on San Juan, it’s a must!” Hailey sounded overly excited, probably to counteract Diane’s growing suspicion. She even bounced in her camp chair, giggling and almost tipping over. That might’ve been going too far.
I reached out and steadied her chair. No need to go crazy. I suspected she and Diane were both a little more than tipsy.
“What do we need to do? Walk into the woods with flashlights?” Diane looked at John.
With a straight face, he answered, “It’s not that easy. They’re shy. You need to be completely quiet. Silent. No laughing.” He gave them a stern look.
Both women giggled.
Hailey frowned and pressed her finger to her lips. “Shhh, we’re hunting snipes. Be serious.”
“Yes, sir.” Diane saluted him and giggled louder.
Ignoring them, John continued. “We’d need to gather supplies first. Probably better to break into two groups. One group can set the trap and the other can flush out the birds towards it.”
“You guys are good at being loud and causing a ruckus, so I say Diane and I will sit with the bags and let you two act like bird dogs,” Hailey smiled at me.
I love that she was up for scaring her friend. If the prank went well, maybe I’d get a bonus blow job.
“We need bags and flashlights.” I set down my beer and stood. “John, don’t you have some in the truck?” I jerked my head toward the road.
“Right,” he stretched out the word and patted his thighs. “Bags and flashlights coming right up. Guess we’re going snipe hunting.”
Away from the glow of the fire, the night closed around us. Diane and Hailey’s voices, along with quiet laughter, carried through the trees.
“So what’s the real plan?” John asked as we walked to his truck.
“Same thing as always: scare the girl.”
He clicked the lock and his lights blinked bright orange in the darkness. “You know, they’re both a sure thing, right? Pissing them off might not be the best idea.” He held up his left hand where the gold from his ring reflected the light.
“I know, but that doesn’t mean we can’t have some fun. I figure we’ll let them wander off, make some noise, then circle back and scare them. We’ll all have a good laugh and the adrenaline could make things interesting later.”
“It’s all about sex with you.”
I nodded. No denying my love of sex.
He shook his head and pulled two canvas wood carriers from the back of his cab. “These will have to do. I should have a flashlight in the glove box and there’s another one in the cabin.”
I clapped my hands and rubbed my palms together. “Excellent.”
“You realize Hailey knows all about snipe hunting from when we were kids, right?”
“Yeah, but she loves a good prank as much as we do. At least she likes being on the pranker side.”
“I’m still not sure what’s in it for me, but if I get in trouble, you’re in the dog house with me.” He stared me down. He could be intimidating with his giant height and dark beard, but after over twenty years of friendship, I knew he was all glower and no fight.
“Deal.”
*
When we returned to the fire, the girls were whispering with their heads together. John cleared his throat behind me, and both women jumped apart.
“Gossiping?” I asked, trailing my hand over Hailey’s shoulder before leaning down to kiss her behind her ear.
She exhaled a shaky breath. “Us? No, never.” She reached her hand behind the chair and grazed my upper thigh.
I stepped away before she found her target.
When she tilted her head back to look at me, her mischievous grin told me she knew the exact affect she had on me and my body. She owned me, and we both knew it.
Unable to resist her, I leaned over and gently brushed my lips against hers in an upside down kiss. Her hands wove into my shaggy hair and tugged.
“Ahem. Are you two going to make out or are we going to find these silly birds?” Diane had left her chair and wrapped herself around John. She only came up to his shoulder.
Hailey leaned forward. “I think we should have a bet.”
As she stretched and stood to her full height, I eyed her long legs in tight jeans. “Bet?”
She knew there was no such thing as a snipe, what exactly were the stakes?
“Yes, a bet. Whoever finds the first snipe wins.”
“What if we can’t find any? I don’t want to be tromping through these woods all night out there with all sorts of rabid animals. The last thing I need is to be mauled by a crazed woodchuck.”
I laughed. “I think we could take a woodchuck, if they even lived on the island.”
Diane shook her head. “Don’t joke. They can be vicious. Especially if they’re hungry. Or rabid. I overheard a guy at the lodge mention a cougar sighting.”
“Are you sure he was talking about the cat and not the woman?” John asked.
“He was serious. They’re nocturnal, too.” Diane’s eyes widened with fear. A branch snapped in the woods and her head spun around like the Exorcist. “What was that?”
“I’ll protect you from any fearsome woodland creatures in the dark. The scariest thing will be Tom, I promise.” John kissed the top of her head and she looked up at him like he’d hung the stars just for her. The man was tall enough he could probably reach them.
I’d never heard of cougars around here except for in the bars at Friday Harbor. “Ha ha. Okay, let’s bet. Snipes you win, cougar you lose?”
“I don’t want to jinx ourselves.” Worried, Diane looked over her shoulder.
“I bet the two of you can’t be quiet,” John suggested. “No laughing, giggling or talking. No sounds other than whistles or snipe calls.”
“We’ll take that bet.” Hailey grinned.
John and I laughed.
Both women frowned and crossed their arms over their chests.
“What?” I asked innocently.
“Why do I get a distinct feeling you think we’ll lose?” Diane asked.
“Oh no reason.” I looked at John for back-up. Once a wingman, always a wingman.
“Well, for one thing, Tom and I are experienced snipe hunters. We’re guys. We can go for hours without talking. Plus, I can’t think of the last time I giggled,” John said smugly.
The women had a silent conversation that ended with both of them rolling their eyes.
“Now, what are we betting for?” I asked.
“We want a day at the spa. The lodge doesn’t have one, but Roche Harbor does,” Diane declared.
John made eye contact and shrugged. We knew we’d win, so why not agree? “Sure,” I said. “Get the works.”
Hailey smiled. “And what do you two want?”
Would it be rude to ask for blowjobs? I mean, that would be the obvious answer.
“Hmm…” John stroked his beard.
I tried to telepathically tell him to please say blowjob. It would be better coming from him.
“I’m pretty confident Tom and I can find a snipe or two tonight. I don’t want to make you ladies suffer in defeat, so if, I mean, when, we win, I think a grilled steak dinner with baked potatoes and corn, all cooked by our beautiful, sweet women would be a great prize. Don’t you think, Donnely?”
Steak?
What happened to blowjobs?
Wait… when was that made-up holiday that combined both? March? Today was August seventh. I mentally counted the months in my head and told myself to mark it on next year’s calendar.
“Tom?” Hailey asked.
“What?”
“Steak dinner good for you?”
I frowned and stuck out my bottom lip in a pout. “Sure. Steak’s good.”
“Since when don’t you like steak?” Hailey tugged on my sleeve.
I gazed down into her beautiful green eyes. “Nothing. I love steak.”
“Did you want the prize to be something else?” Her fingers grazed mine before she wove them together.
I leaned closer and told her the truth. “I was hoping he’d say blowjobs.”
She swatted my arm and laughed. “You know you don’t have to earn those,” she whispered. “What are you doing later?”
“Let’s go find these damn snipes!” I shouted.
The others startled at my booming voice.
“All right. Let’s do this.” John pointed to the woods behind the cabin. “We’ll find a clearing to set the trap, then leave you so we can flush out the snipes.”
He stomped off through the trees, his flashlight lighting a narrow path. I followed behind, marking our path so we could find our way back to the lake.
About ten minutes later, we arrived at a small clearing around a large rock and a downed tree. It would be easy to cut through the trees and hide behind the log or sneak up behind the boulder. It was perfect.
“This looks like the perfect spot. If you sit with your backs against the rock, we can funnel the snipes through the ferns, straight into the bags.” John spoke with the confidence of an experienced snipe hunter.
“Leave us one of the flashlights,” Hailey suggested. “So we can make sure whatever comes through the ferns isn’t a raccoon. Or a serial killer.”
“Tom, you did leave your hockey mask at home, right?” Diane asked.
I smirked. “I don’t usually travel with it. If you see someone wearing one, you better scream and run.”
“And lose the bet? No way. I really want a massage.” Hailey grinned at me.
My competitiveness flared. The sooner one of them lost, the sooner I could get her alone. I ducked my head to steal a quick kiss.
“May the best team find the snipe,” I whispered against her lips and pinched her ass.
She yelped and stepped away. “It’s on, Donnely. Bring it.”
The girls opened their bags and leaned against the boulder, with their crossed arms and serious game faces. I suddenly felt unwanted.
“Don’t forget the snipe call,” John called over his shoulder as we retraced our steps down the path.
Diane chirped, “snipe.”
We both struggled to contain our laughter.
“How long should we let them go on with that?” John asked when we returned to the fire. He pulled out a beer and opened it, offering it to me before he got one for himself.
I took a long pull from the bottle. “I say at least ten minutes. Let them start listening for rabid forest creatures. A few snapped twigs and rustling leaves will only build up their nerves.”
We sat in silence, drinking our beers, and listening to the faint sound of snipe calls and whistles from the woods.
“Ready?” John asked after finishing his beer.
“I am, but I have an idea.”
“Why am I afraid to ask about this brilliant idea?” He shook his head.
“I like that you think it’s brilliant and you haven’t even heard it yet.” I jumped out of my chair and unbuttoned my jeans.
***
CHAPTER THREE
“What the hell?” John shouted and moved to the other side of the fire. “Why are you taking off your pants?”
“It’s part of my plan.” I yanked my jeans over my left boot, causing me to lose my balance and sit on the ground with a thump. “Okay, boots off before jeans would have been smarter.”
“Your plan involves being pantsless?”
“I was thinking it would be funnier if we were naked. We could run through the woods. Like streaking.”
John’s mouth dropped open and he shook his head. “And the point of that is?”
“Dude, oth
er than running naked through the woods?”
“What’s up with you being naked outside? Haven’t you outgrown this already?”
“Come on. Who doesn’t like being naked outside? Next you’re going to tell me you don’t like to piss outdoors either.”
“Every man likes peeing outside. It’s one of the joys of being a man.”
“Just checking you’re still a man. Come on.” I unbuttoned my shirt and pulled it and my T-shirt over my head. I stood there in my boxers and boots, goosebumps appearing on my skin. “Hurry up. It’s colder than I thought.”
“You’re insane.”
“You’re boring.”
I stared down my best friend. Back when we were kids, I could talk him into any sort of cockamamie idea I had. Didn’t matter that it usually ended with both of us in trouble. Or if I couldn’t convince him to join me, I knew he’d bail me out when I screwed up. Now that he was married, our days of being stupid guys felt numbered. Soon he’d probably become a dad, and get all responsible and serious.
Hell, I’d probably be a dad someday, too. Hailey and I hadn’t talked about it, but she loved my big family. And I loved her. Someday we’d get married. With the way we had sex all the time, her getting knocked up would be inevitable.
Married with kids.
I shook my head at the thought, but smiled.
“You ready?” John stood there in his boxers and boots.
I gave him a mental high five. “Ready.”
I dropped my boxers and ran off into the woods, praying there wasn’t poison ivy or stinging nettles around here.
Realizing I was making too much noise, I slowed to a walk. I heard John catch up to me, but I didn’t look back. We whistled and called out “snipe” in falsettos to let the girls know we were coming, then cut across the path to the other side. Once we had them thinking we were heading back from the lake, we approached from the opposite direction.
About ten yards ahead, the glow of a flashlight lit the clearing. I held up my hand to let John know to stop. He whistled to catch my attention and then pointed behind the rock. We focused on treading softly through the underbrush in that direction, lest we give ourselves away. John let out a low growl. I covered my mouth to stifle a laugh.