Yes.
I loved Sawyer.
I could think that freely now. I hadn’t said it out loud yet, but I was definitely thinking it. There were no more doubts where he was concerned. If I wasn’t in love with him, losing him wouldn’t hurt so badly. And it hurt way more than I could put into words.
Deciding I wasn’t going to let him ruin what we had going, I got dressed and went to Jim’s. The boys practically lived there on Sundays, and if he wouldn’t answer my calls or text messages, then I’d just talk to him face to face, which I preferred anyway.
I had my game face on, ready to take on anything he had to say, but once the dark-haired girl appeared at my side, I knew I needed to get out of there before I burst into tears in front of everyone and made a total fool out of myself.
When I got to my car, I sat in the driver’s seat and cried so hard my eyes ached. I decided then and there, as I cried in my car alone, that I was done. Obviously, he didn’t feel the same about me. He probably never did. If he did, he never could have moved on so fast. It hadn’t even been a week and already he had another girl snuggled up to his side, looking completely comfortable with the situation.
Evidently, I was just another notch in his headboard.
I’d never be that again.
The following week, I went to Professor Watts’ class to see about doing a make-up for the final. I couldn’t let the Sawyer situation mess everything up, and I needed to get my classes under control. The semester was winding down, and I couldn’t imagine screwing up my GPA over a broken heart.
I wasn’t that girl.
Yet, I totally was.
Walking into the classroom, I found Sawyer inside talking to the professor. They both stopped talking and looked my way, putting me on the spot and making me fidget.
He looked so good in his jersey and jeans. He hadn’t shaved and his beard was thicker than usual, lining his thick lips, which were begging to be kissed. His blue eyes devoured me, moving over my body and lighting a fire between my thighs.
God, I missed him.
I missed him so much it hurt.
Just being with him.
His touch.
His smile.
Everything.
“Sorry, I’ll just wait outside,” I said, turning to leave.
“No, it’s fine. Come on in, Gretchen. We were just finishing up here,” Professor Watts said.
I nodded and took a seat at the closest desk.
Keeping my eyes away from the two of them, I let them shift around the room as I pretended the man I loved wasn’t sitting five feet away from me. It was awkward. The large classroom, which was usually filled to the brim with students, felt way too small. I could practically smell his cologne from where I was sitting. He smelled amazing.
I heard him mutter his good-bye, his deep voice soothing the ache in my heart briefly, and then he was gone. The heavy classroom door closed behind him leaving me feeling as if I was locked in a tomb with depleting oxygen.
After Sawyer had left, I went to the professor’s desk on shaking legs and explained the situation. Thankfully, he let me set up an appointment to take the final. I hated using Jacob’s sickness in my favor, but the truth was the truth.
Stepping from the room, I felt a tiny bit of relief. I was getting things back on track, which meant my GPA wasn’t going to be shit. My relief disappeared instantly when I ran right into Sawyer. He was standing outside the door, his dark-haired beauty wrapped in his arms.
My heart skipped a beat before dropping into my stomach. Nausea swept through me, making me gag. He looked over at me, a knowing smirk on his gorgeous face, and I knew that he’d stayed there with her on purpose.
I stood there, my feet cemented to the floor, as my eyes moved over the two of them. The way he held her close reminded me of how he used to hold me. The look in his eyes when he looked down at her was the look I’d thought was only mine.
I was wrong about him.
So fucking wrong.
Anger moved through, freeing my feet from the floor and giving me the urge to run away. I didn’t run. Instead, I turned on my heel and walked. My stride strong and purposeful as I fled the uncomfortable scene. I was halfway down the hallway before I decided the entire situation was total bullshit.
Who the fuck did he think he was?
I’d done nothing wrong.
He didn’t get to treat me this way.
He didn’t get to parade his concubines in my face.
Plus, he was mine.
Not hers.
I’d given myself to him, and he’d given himself to me. I’d seen a part of him that no other girl had. I trusted that. I was positive he’d never been with another girl the way he was when he was with me. He’d never opened up for anyone else.
Just me.
Mine.
Turning quickly, I started back toward the two. My fists clenched tightly, nervous moisture building in my palms, and my knees knocked. I hoped they didn’t give out on me. The last thing I wanted was to fall face first in front of the man I loved and his new fling.
Her arms were around his neck, her fingers sifting through the hair on the back of his head. His lips moved across her cheek as he whispered sweet nothings in her ear, making her smile.
Her teeth were white and perfect.
I hated her.
Without a second thought, I grabbed her arm, my fingernails digging into her skin, and I pulled her away from him.
“What the hell?” she called out, her eyes moving over me in shock.
She was taller than I was. I was sure if she tried, she could probably kick my ass, but I didn’t care. Her beating couldn’t possibly hurt as much as Sawyer’s actions. I had things I wanted to say and Sawyer was going to hear me out. He couldn’t do that with the fairy wannabe hanging around his neck.
“You listen to me!” I growled, poking him in his large chest.
His lips tightened, and his eyes darkened.
“You’re being ridiculous. What you think you saw isn’t what you saw. Jacob is family, and I was being there for him. He got hurt. You saw him get hurt.
“I’m sorry I didn’t tell you we were related sooner, but that’s not a good reason to rip us apart and you damn well know it.”
He looked away and shook his head before he turned to walk away from me. Reaching out, I grabbed his arm, my fingers digging into the muscles of his forearm.
“I’m not afraid to admit that I miss you so much it hurts, Sawyer, and I know you miss me, too. Stop this,” I said, pointing to the dark-haired girl. “This isn’t you anymore. I know you, and this isn’t you.”
He moved, prompting me to take few steps back until my shoulders pressed against the painted cinderblock wall. His blue eyes were so dark they looked gray and the skin around them was tight in anger. His nostrils flared with his heavy breaths and I thought for a second he was going to kiss me and we were going to move on.
That was not what happened.
Instead, he moved closer, his minty breath striking the side of my cheek.
“You thought you were something special to me? You thought a few fucks and I was falling for you? Newsflash, I was nice to you because I wanted to fuck you. I kept being nice because you’re a good lay, but I got what I wanted. You’re too much trouble for a little bit of pussy. So we’re done now. Move. On.”
His words struck me deep.
So deep that they settled in the pit of my stomach making it roll and flip until I felt like I was going to be sick. My chest ached, the pressure so heavy I sucked in a deep breath. Tears rushed to my eyes, burning and stinging.
I tried to save myself the embarrassment.
I tried so fucking hard to stop the tears.
But it wasn’t happening.
My eyes watered up, blurring Sawyer’s face and making the world around me swim. I blinked rapidly, but it was no use; the tears flowed down my cheeks and a sob that I hadn’t felt coming jumped from my lips.
I pushed at his ches
t hard, freeing myself from the wall, and then I ran from the situation. My eyes landed on the dark-haired slut before my palms met the exit door. The fall air instantly cooled the tears on my cheeks when I broke out of the building, the cold a shock to my senses.
I took the two steps down to the sidewalk, almost losing my footing and face planting, and when my boots reached the sidewalk, I began power walking. My arms swung at my side as I escaped the moment.
I just needed to get to my car. I just need to get away from Sawyer and his hurtful words. Away from the pity-filled eyes of everyone who had heard him. Away from everything.
Another sob broke from my lips and I slapped my hand over my mouth.
Far away, I heard Sawyer call my name, but I didn’t turn around. I didn’t want to look at him. I didn’t want to even think about him.
I was done.
So fucking done.
Instead, I kept moving. I picked up speed, my power walk becoming a full-blown run. Whatever it took to get away. I ran hard, my boots digging into the earth and propelling me forward. My car came into view, and it was so close. Sweet salvation was within my grasp. I picked up speed, running into the road, anxious to get to my car on the other side.
And that was when it happened.
There was a loud noise—a horn—stopping me dead in my tracks. Turning my head, I saw Sawyer running. He was so close I could see the panic in his eyes. And then he was there, shocking me when he reached out and pushed me with all his might. His large hands pressing so hard into my chest it catapulted me over the asphalt and into the damp grass on the side of the road.
My head snapped back, crashing into the dirt and sending my mind reeling. There was a loud noise and things were dark for a few seconds, but then there was silence—deep, dark silence.
Peeling myself from the earth, I shook the fuzzy stuff from my mind and pushed myself up. A wave of dizziness crashed into me, tilting the world on its side briefly. Bending over, I patted the dirt from the knees of my jeans and shook the dizziness away.
That was when I heard the commotion.
A truck had stopped in the middle of the road. People were surrounding it, panic in their eyes and their phones out and ready to take in the scene.
Reality kicked in.
I ran toward the truck, silently praying that I was losing my mind. Pushing through the crowd of people, I made it to the front of the truck. It was still running, the hood still hot. I ran my fingers over a bit of rust on the top and that was when I saw it.
Blood.
It was spattered across the hood like an abstract painting. The windshield was cracked, bits of broken glass smeared with blood holding on for dear life.
In shock, I stepped around the truck, scared of what I’d see next. My knees knocked together and I was shaking uncontrollably. All sounds disappeared with the exception of my loud heartbeat drilling in my ears. I took in the faces of those around me; their eyes staring down at something I knew would rock my world. And then my eyes moved down, landing on a heap of man lying in the middle of the road.
Sawyer.
There was blood everywhere, seeping from his forehead and his lip. And then everything came back to me. My ability to move came rushing back and the noises all around me amplified. My lungs filled with a much-needed breath, and I rushed to his side, hopeful that when I got there his eyes would be open.
They weren’t.
I cupped his cheeks, his skin cold and clammy.
“Sawyer,” I whispered his name through my tears.
He looked like he was sleeping, peaceful even with the blood smeared across his face. Still, he didn’t open his eyes.
The world blurred around me at the thought he may never open them again. My heart clenched in my chest, the breath punched from my lungs as reality slipped over me. Everything else seemed so insignificant as I looked at his twisted body on the road.
I loved Sawyer, and I’d never even told him. And as I looked down into his battered face, something told me I’d never get the chance to.
The second the words left my lips, I wanted to suck them back. I didn’t know what possessed me to say something so terrible to the girl I loved.
Maybe it was hurt.
Maybe it was the fucked-up desire to make her hurt the way I was.
Either way, there was no excuse good enough for how stupid I’d been to say those things. To purposely try to hurt her—to belittle her and make her think what we had wasn’t special—it was one of the worst things I’d ever done in my life.
When the tears formed in her eyes, I felt like I’d been punched in the beans, but when they rolled down her flushed cheeks and threatened to drip from her chin, I was done for. I felt the exact moment my reason collapsed. It was the moment her tears escaped her face and splattered onto the front of her shirt.
And then she was gone.
She ran—leaving me watching her with my eyes wide with shock and my heart shattering. I couldn’t move my legs. I couldn’t speak. It took a few seconds for me to recognize what was happening.
I was losing my girl.
I wouldn’t let that happen. I couldn’t let her get away without apologizing—without dropping to my knees for her and begging for her forgiveness. I refused to let something as stupid as my own selfish pride keep us apart. Something told me if she got away, she’d never let me in again.
Hell, I didn’t deserve her, but I was sure as hell going to fight for her.
I ran after her, sure that I could catch her. I was on her heels, calling out her name, wishing she’d stop and let me make it better.
And then the world stopped spinning.
I watched as she ran into the road without even looking for oncoming traffic. My boots dug into the earth in a rush to get to her, the many years of drills and practice on my side. I heard the horn of the oncoming truck and panic seized my heart in my chest.
And then she was in front of me.
I’d made it just in time.
I pushed her hard, my large hands engulfing her as I used every ounce of strength in my arms to move her. I just wanted her out of the way. I just wanted her safe. I had so much I wanted to say to her. We had our lives ahead of us. The rest of it didn’t matter. We’d deal with everything else as it came to us.
Her tiny body flew away from me, and I heard her cry out just before a brick wall crashed into me. The world around me faded away, sending everything into an endless darkness.
I woke up feeling as if a car had hit me.
I was wrong.
Apparently, it was a truck.
There was a nurse beside my bed who wouldn’t shut up. She was a never-ending run-on sentence as she checked monitors and tubes. I could barely keep up with what she was saying, but I still managed to catch the laundry list of injuries: stitches over my eye, bruised ribs—not broken—scrapes and bruises. I tuned her out at that point, needing her endless talk to cease, but then she said the words that shook my world.
Broken arm.
“You’re really lucky, Mr. Reed. That truck could’ve done some real damage. A few bruised ribs and a broken arm.” She shook her head in awe. “Someone was smiling down on you, son.” She rambled on, “That girl you saved hasn’t left your side. She’s real torn up that you got hurt. I finally had to shove her out to eat something.”
In the distance, the rapid beats of my heart taunted me. My chest grew tighter by the second until I felt as if I couldn’t breathe. Glancing down at my arm, I silently prayed with all that I was that it wasn’t my throwing arm. The world tilted on its axis when I saw my right arm in a cast. Just as reality was sinking in, Gretchen walked into the room.
“You’re awake!” Her smile was so damned big I wanted to wrap her in my arms and soak in her goodness.
Then it hit me like that fucking truck … again.
If it weren’t for her, I would have never been injured.
My voice was nowhere to be found. I wanted to respond to her, but my brain couldn’t seem to wrap ar
ound the situation.
I was in shock. That had to be it.
This couldn’t be happening to me. I’d worked so fucking hard to the best, and now, it was over. A broken arm could end my entire career before it even got a decent start.
“Sawyer?” Her voice cut into my thoughts. “Are you okay? If you’re hurting, I can get the nurse back in here. She can give you something for the pain.”
Looking up, my eyes traveled over her flushed face. What I saw there make me sick to my stomach.
Relief.
What the fuck was she relieved about? My life was over.
“No, I don’t want any-fucking-thing. In fact, just get the fuck out of here, Gretchen.”
I knew I was being harsh, but I just couldn’t find a fuck to give.
Her face fell, her bright smile crushed under my sharp tongue. I was a fucking dick, but I was in full-on pity party mode, and I didn’t need to add her pity to it.
My eyes bore into hers, expecting and dreading her tears. Instead, she schooled her expression, straightened her spine, and said no. A flash of pride moved through me when she stood up for herself, but it only lasted seconds before my anger took over again.
“No, Sawyer. I’m not leaving and you can go straight to hell if you think I’d abandon you. You saved my life. The truck that took you down would’ve killed me. The only reason you didn’t get more banged up is because you’re built like a brick wall.” She struggled with keeping back her tears; I could see her eyes gloss over, but she didn’t stop there. “Just because you’ve treated me like one of your whores doesn’t change anything. I still love your stubborn ass. And I know you love me, too.”
She was right.
I loved her.
How she could forgive me after what I’d said, I had no idea. But it didn’t change the fact that I wanted her gone. I didn’t want her to see me like I was—so weak—so small.
“Please, just leave. I can’t do this right now.”
In three strides, she was at the bedside chair. Stubbornly, she plopped down and grabbed my uninjured hand. She held on tight; even when I pulled, she refused to let go.
“Go ahead. Tell me to leave.” She tilted her chin, stubborn determination all over that beautiful face of hers. “You’d be wasting your breath. I’m staying beside you because that’s what you do for someone you love.”
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