by Ariella Papa
And then we saw Tiny Mouse. Our cat darted across the living room, making a break for our room to settle under our bed. It was the first time I’d seen him in months.
“Wow,” Steve said. “Do you think Tiny Mouse has finally kind of accepted it?”
“I hope so,” I said. “I have.”
Steve squeezed my hand. I thought about all we had been through and how we couldn’t possibly know all that lay ahead. And I knew that though all these things are so meaningful and weighty to us now, one day we would barely remember them. One day, Abe would be big and we would yearn for these uncertain times when we could hold him and try to make it all ok, even If we didn’t know how.
I am aware of how fast time is passing. I finally understand all those women who wrote, “enjoy every minute” on cards at my baby shower. Any minute Abe was going to be six months and then he would be sixteen.
So I resolved to try and stop looking forward. I know that is impossible, but I want to try to enjoy it all. I want to be present in each day. I want to give myself a break for all the mistakes I am going to make.
Home alone in our apartment, there seemed only one way to do this, to start right away, by seizing the moment. I straddled Steve.
“Hey there,” he said, giving me a perfect drunken kiss.
“This time is going to be different,” I said.
“Oh, yeah, how?”
“I want to go slow. I don’t want to rush.”
“I’ll do what I can,” he said. He put his hands on my hips, and I felt as if I was back in the saddle again. So I gave a little cowgirl cheer and he laughed. Then he pulled out the condom that he always kept on him just in case. He set it aside, so it would be ready when we needed it, but this time we were going to take our time.
And everything was slow and sweet and weird and new and familiar and perfect. And the son we made slept through until morning.
I didn’t always think this was possible, but now I know that it is. One day follows the next and I will celebrate each one and try not to wish for anymore than I have.
I think I can do that.
Table of Contents
Title Page
Copyright
Dedication
Table of Contents
Claudia
Kirsten
Ruth
Chapter 1
Chapter 2
Chapter 3
Chapter 4
Chapter 5
Chapter 6
Chapter 7
Chapter 8
Chapter 9
Chapter 10
Chapter 11
Chapter 12
Chapter 13
Chapter 14
Chapter 15
Chapter 16
Chapter 17
Chapter 18
Chapter 19
Chapter 20