by T. A. Roth
She looks up at me, gold flecks shimmering in her hazel eyes.
“I did it for me, really. You were starting to stink up my couch.” She grins and I let out the first laugh in days.
We’re in the bedroom getting dressed, and I get an idea. “Will you drive somewhere with me?” I ask. She looks at me quizzically.
“What you’re putting on is fine.”
She finishes slipping on her jeans and smiles. “Okay.”
We’re in the car for a few minutes when her question breaks the silence. ”Can I ask where we’re going?”
I look over at her and grin. “You can, but it doesn’t mean that I’m going to tell you.”
“Smartass,” she murmurs crossing her arms and slouching into her seat. I turn the radio on as I make my way onto the freeway.
It’s a quick drive. Traffic is surprisingly light. I exit the freeway and make my way up the hill. The Santa Ana winds have cleared the night sky. It’s perfect. I park the car and look over at her.
“The Observatory?” she asks questioningly. I nod and get out of the car.
She follows, confusion furrowing her brow. I lace our fingers and lead us toward the entrance.
“My dad used to bring me here when I was little. I was obsessed with anything having to do with space. I wanted to be an astronaut.” She smiles and I continue. ”We would come on the Sundays he wasn’t working and watch the show at the planetarium.”
“I think I’ve been here on a school trip once. I was probably in the third grade,” she says.
I walk us up the stairs toward the observation deck.
“Yeah, I remember now.” She walks toward one of the gold telescopes and peeks through it. “I was mad because there were too many kids, and I didn’t get my turn.” She leans in and takes a longer look.
“Oh, my God, Ben. Come here, you can see everything on this thing.” She steps aside, and I take a turn. It’s beautiful; my eyes don’t know where to look first. I learned the constellations pretty young.
“Come here.” She steps toward me. “Look through the telescope again. You can see Cassiopeia tonight.”
She wrinkles her nose. “Cassio what?”
I chuckle. ”Just look through the telescope.” She presses her face against the viewfinder, and I angle it north.
“Okay, can you make out the little dipper?”
She’s quiet for a beat then answers. “Yes.”
“Do you see the star on the very end that makes the handle of the spoon?”
“Yeah,” she answers again.
“Look to the left of that. You should see a group of stars that look like the line on the front of Charlie Brown’s shirt.” She adjusts the telescope a little, and I can tell she’s trying really hard to concentrate.
“Oh, shit. I found it. I found it, Ben,” she says sort of muffled from pressing her face into the viewfinder. She turns around and excitedly wraps her arms around my neck.
“Wow, a jock and a science nerd. That’s pretty hot, you know that?” She tilts her head, and I give her a soft kiss.
“Yeah?” I breathe across her lips. She nods. “How did you learn about all of this?”
“My dad was always working, but this was the only thing he would always make time for. It was something I would look forward to. I started studying the constellations to impress him. I made sure to have something new to show him when we came. Nana knew how much this place meant to me so she started bringing me after he died. I always felt closer to him here, like he was watching over me, you know?” She rubs her thumb under my eye. I don’t even realize I’m crying. “I haven’t thought about that in a while. I guess I just hoped that maybe they’re together now, both watching over me.”
ARI
The knot in my throat is so big it’s making it hard to swallow. I’m trying hard to be strong for him right now but seeing him in pain is killing me. I wrap my arms around him and bury my face into his chest. Sam Smith’s acoustic version of “Latch” is playing over the speakers, and I begin to sway us to the music.
He lets out a slow breath ruffling my hair. “I love you,” he whispers.
My body stiffens, and I pull away from him to meet his watery eyes.
“Did you hear me?” he asks.
“Yeah, but say it again,” I whisper. The left side of his mouth tilts up in a grin.
“I love you. I love you so much, Ari, and I’m sorry that it took me almost losing you to say it. You have to believe that a part of me fell for you the minute you walked in the door that night. You woke up a part of me that I never thought existed, and now that I have you, I’m never letting you go.”
I’m dizzy, and my chest is tight. The knot in my throat loosens and the waterworks begin. This smart, strong, gorgeous man loves me, and I almost lost him. I cover my face with my hands and bury myself into his chest sobbing. He strokes the back of my hair.
“Baby . . . are you okay?” I look up at his equally tear stained face as he wipes under my eyes. “Say something,” he says.
I shake my head trying to get my scrambled thoughts to make sense. “I love you, too,” I manage to croak out. He lets out a relieved sigh.
“I’m sorry. It’s just; I thought I lost you, when I saw you with her.”
“Ari, I-” I put my fingers over his lips to keep him from saying any more.
“I’ve loved you for a while, and I tried to fight it because I thought you would end up hurting me and it wasn’t fair to you. You’ve been nothing but honest with me, and I should have given you the benefit of the doubt. I’m sorry.”
“Look at me.” I tilt my head up, and his amber eyes are blazing. “You don’t ever have to apologize to me for that night. If I would have seen what you had, I don’t even know what I would have done. Just the thought of someone else touching you makes me fucking crazy.”
He cups my face and crashes his mouth onto mine. He explores every inch of my mouth with his tongue, and my body begins to ache. He pulls back, and we’re left panting.
“I’ve wanted to do that all night. Fuck . . . that shower, babe. Really?” I shrug my shoulders. “I almost passed out from holding my breath so I wouldn’t attack you.”
I smile up at him. “Let’s get you home so I can make it up to you.”
BEN
It was hard coming back to the house today. It feels so much bigger without Nana in it. Her room has been cleaned and all of the medical supplies are gone. It’s weird. I feel like at any minute she’s going to come walking around a corner. Ari had to work today. She felt bad that she couldn’t come with me but promised to be off in time to meet me at the rosary. We spent the night wrapped in each other’s arms, and it was really hard to let her go. I’m crazy about her, and I’m not sure how I would be getting through this without her.
I sit at the kitchen counter and spend half the day returning phone calls, listening to voicemails, and responding to ignored texts. The first of two services is tonight. I’m coping by reminding myself it’s a celebration of her life and not a final goodbye. Family from all over will be attending and I’m excited to introduce them to Ari. My nana was loved by many, and I’m surprised I didn’t have to rent out a football stadium to accommodate everyone who said they were coming.
I lock up the house a few hours later and head back to Ari’s to get ready. My uncle’s flight was delayed, and he sent a text that he won’t be arriving until tomorrow morning. I sigh and toss my phone on my bed. I know it’s out of his control, but I can’t help but be a little pissed that he’s missing this. His mother was sick, and he couldn’t even make it out to see her before she passed. It’s just bullshit.
The service was exactly what I expected. Long. My grandmother had a ton of friends and family and each one wanted to share a story about her. I was stuck in an endless line of hugs and condolences. I’m exhausted and have to prepare myself to do it all over again tomorrow. I crawl into bed, and Ari wraps her arms around me. “It was a beautiful service.”
“Yeah
.”
“Everyone really loved her.”
“Yeah, they did.”
“I love you,” she whispers. My heart swells and I swear for as long as I live I will never get tired of hearing her say those words.
“I love you, too.”
ARI
Last night was hard, but today is proving to be even harder. We’re standing at the gravesite. Ben is gripping my hand like I’m his lifeline. Family and friends have lined up to pay their final respects and place a lily on her casket. They were her favorite flower and the church and gravesite are filled with them. A female mariachi singer croons out “Amor Eterno” by Rocio Durcal. The song is about eternal love and saying goodbye. Listening to her beautiful voice is making it really hard to rein in my sobs.
Ben is doing well. He’s cried, but considering the loss, he is holding it together. Elizabeth approaches and kisses him on each cheek then quickly says her goodbyes. She has a flight to Milan that she can’t be bothered to miss. The woman still infuriates me.
Everyone leaves and Ben and I stay until she’s lowered into the ground. He takes a deep breath, and I pull him into a tight hug. I wait for him to pull away before leading him back to the car.
“Thank you,” he says kissing my hand. I wipe under his eyes and place a soft kiss to his lips.
“I love you.”
I know it’s crazy, but I love saying it. I want to say it every chance I get just because I can. Just because I never thought I would. He leans in to kiss me again and whispers it across my lips. “I love you, too.”
We get back to the house and the reception is in full swing. Round tables covered in white linens and her favorite flowers fill the space. Her friends from church insisted on handling all of the details. They did a wonderful job, and Ben hasn’t had to worry about anything.
Ben’s extended family is just as big as mine. I’ve been welcomed with open arms and we both have been hugged and kissed enough today to last a lifetime.
We took a small time-out to introduce Karen and Paul. He mentioned how much his nana liked Karen and wanted his help to set her up with someone. When Paul showed up to pay his respects, we laughed and thought what a kick Nana would get out of this.
I sneak away for a minute to get a drink and my sister Alba walks over.
“Hey who is that guy talking to Mom and Dad?” she asks. I look across the yard, squinting my eyes. The sun is bright and I can’t make out his face.
“I don’t know. Why?”
“He keeps staring at you.”
“What?” I ask almost choking on my wine. “What do you mean he keeps staring at me?”
“Well, at first I thought it was because Mom and Dad were pointing you out. But then I noticed him doing it at the service, too.”
I let out a nervous laugh. “Oh, please. He’s probably just curious since Ben has never had a girlfriend.”
“Okay, dude, just wanted to warn you. I was getting creepy vibes.” She curls her hands into my waist, and I jump swatting her away.
“Get out of here, weirdo, and stop sneaking drinks. You’re probably drunk.”
“Not yet.” She winks and walks away.
My sister is a menace but pretty observant. I shake it off and walk over to spend some time talking to Vonne and Eli. Ben is still being pulled from one end of the yard to the next.
The glass of wine I served myself starts to warm my belly and I realize I haven’t had a chance to eat yet. I excuse myself from the group and walk over to the enormous food table to fix myself a plate. I’m making my way back to Vonne and Eli when the man my sister was talking about approaches me. Unease immediately settles over me.
His brown hair is cut short, a day’s worth of stubble covers his strong jaw. Like most of the men here, he’s wearing a suit, but the way he keeps pulling the sleeves tells me it’s not his usual attire. His deep chocolate brown eyes meet mine as he steps in front of me, and they are eerily familiar.
He reaches out to shake my hand. I smile politely and place my hand in his. He’s holding it longer than I’m comfortable with and stares into my eyes. Alba was right. I’m getting a major creep factor.
“Have we met? He asks. I go to answer when the sound of his voice jogs my memory.
He rubs his thumb over the top of my hand. Ice runs through my veins and bile rises up in my throat. It can’t be. It can’t. Ben walks to his side and smiles at me.
“Ben, she’s beautiful.” And there it is. My eyes flutter back and forth between them, and I feel the blood drain from my face. The word I hear over and over in my nightmares. Beautiful . . . I’m trembling, and I can’t hide the nerves that are wracking my body. I want to run, but my legs feel like they are made of lead.
“Sorry, babe, I didn’t get to introduce you earlier. This is my Uncle Amos. He’s my dad’s brother.” Those are the last words I remember before my world goes black . . .
AMOS
I would never forget her face. She’s all woman now and that thought excites me. Oh the things I dreamt of doing to her. She’s turned out even better than I could have imagined. Those beautiful hazel eyes still hold me in their grasp. I’ve thought about her for years. I was so close to having her. She thought getting Mommy and Daddy to cancel her lessons and cutting off her hair would keep me away. She was wrong. I watched her for months. My infatuation bordered on obsession.
But I needed her to grow up. She wasn’t ready for what I had planned for us. I forced myself to give her time while she haunted my dreams.
She’s old enough now, I repeat to myself almost in disbelief.
I stand here holding her hand. The feel of her skin against mine sparks memories. The mere scent of her is making me hard. She looks into my eyes and recognition passes, but she’s struggling to place me. Then I say the magic word. Beautiful . . .
Ari and Ben’s story will continue in book two of the Speak Series “Say Nothing . . .” Coming Fall 2015
TO MY AMAZING HUSBAND WHO puts up with my crazy ideas and has always supported me in everything I do. I love you. To my babies for having patience when Mom has her headphones on and tunes you out. I’ve gotten better at reading lips. I love you both.
To my real life Vonne, my best friend Vib. Thank you for your constant encouragement and support. For never laughing at me when I come up with my hair brain ideas and for having conversations with me about these characters like they’re real people. You’ve understood my kind of crazy since we were twelve and I love you for it. I promise to write you a story about hot cowboys one day.
To my SB’s
Ana
I’ll never forget the first time we talked on the phone while booking our flights to San Francisco. I’ve had the best time getting to know you this past year and I consider you and J some of my best friends. Thank you for letting me ramble on and on about this project and always offering your encouraging words and support. I love you and your crazy eyebrow.
Jodi
I would never have had the guts to do this without you. The day I got lucky enough to have you in my chair my life changed. I appreciate all of your help and encouraging words. Thanks for talking me off the ledge when I was ready to quit. “They’re real dammit” I love you “eh” you crazy Canadian.
To my family who had no idea I was writing a book and think I’ve lost my damn mind; I love you. I’ve always had your love and support and appreciate everything you do for me.
Last, but definitely not least to my Salon Cheval family.
For allowing me to be a complete book nerd and never making me feel bad about it. Thank you for your constant support and excitement.
Fatman Scoop ~ “Be Faithful”
T-Pain ~ “Booty Wurk”
Steve Aoki ~ “Delirious (Boneless)”
Usher ~ “Good Kisser”
Taylor Swift ~ “Everything Has Changed”
Colbie Caillat ~ “Try”
(song Ari is humming in the car after their dinner date)
Maroon 5 ~ “Sunday Mornin
g”
Jay-Z ~ “BBC” (the song Ben is jogging to)
Sam Smith ~ “Latch”
Rocio Durcal ~ “Amor Eterno”
Ari’s Bridge Jumping Playlist
Beyonce ~ “Resentment”
Lauryn Hill ~ “Ex-Factor
Keyshia Cole ~ “Love”
Al Green ~ “How Can You Mend A Broken Heart”
Adele ~ “Make You Feel My Love”
Alicia Keys ~ “Like You’ll Never See Me Again”
Sam Smith ~ “Not In That Way”
Sam Smith ~ “Lay Me Down”
Ed Sheeran ~ “Give Me Love”
James Morrison ~ “The Pieces Don’t Fit Anymore”
John Mayer ~ “Gravity”
Rihanna ~ “Stay”
Coldplay ~ “Fix You”
Christina Aguilera & Blake Shelton ~ “Just A Fool”
A Great Big World & Christina Aguilera ~ “Say Something”
T.A. Roth is a wife and mother of two funny and crazy kids. Born and raised in Los Angeles, she couldn’t imagine living anywhere else. When she’s not beautifying clients as a stylist/make-up artist at her day job you can find her reading, fangirling her favorite authors, or singing along to the radio. After getting the opportunity to read the debut novel of a then client now friend something clicked. Her “what the hell” attitude kicked in and a year later, here we are.
Say Something . . . A new adult romance is her debut novel.
Learn more at:
Website | Facebook | Twitter | Instagram | Goodreads