by Kimmy Love
It was what she had dreaded all those years. She didn’t want to betray the memory of James and their late night talks about making the world a better place and having kids of their own. She had left Rushport desperate to keep her hopes and dreams afloat. While life there was good, she wanted to search for something far better than what her small town had to offer.
“You make it seem like you know all the answers,” she quietly said.
He shrugged. “I’m sure I know more than you do. I wasn’t raised to think for myself. A lot of people depend on me.”
“Even if you’re the only child?”
“I’m not. Remember, I have half-siblings. Two younger brothers, one in high school, one’s in grade school.”
She nodded. He had mentioned it casually before, telling her she would meet them soon. At the reunion, perhaps? “Why don’t you live with them?” she found herself asking.
“They’re living on their own, well, sort of. My mom sees to their affairs once in a while.”
“Your mom…”
He shrugged. “My mom’s got a really good heart. They’re my half-brothers, but she treats them like she raised them herself. See, my brothers’ mothers weren’t very keen on becoming mothers to begin with. Responsible parenthood should become an advocacy,” he muttered.
“You don’t hang out with them?”
“They’re kids,” he said. “I see them every now and then, but it’s awkward for us all. My father didn’t think it through when he cheated on my mother.”
“Is that why you don’t want to be in a relationship?” she asked him gently.
He shrugged. “This conversation is about you, not about me.”
“You already opened it up.”
“It’s just-I’m not ready for crap like this. I’ve seen how it ended for my parents. I don’t want to go on the same path. Can you imagine living with someone you don’t even love? Or worse, living with someone you love, but that love fades away over time and you find yourself cheating on each other to keep something going?”
“Then it isn’t love,” she told him.
He huffed. “What do we know about love? We’re too busy for it.”
“We make time for people we love. I’m sure you make time for your parents.”
He was quiet for a moment. “Yes I do, but these are people I’ve known for years. I’ve seen the love they can give. For everyone else, I only have respect or derision.”
She was a bit hurt. Did he not see her as an equal? Sure, he respected her. But what if he didn’t like her at all and was just pretending because of the contract? But they were having this conversation… and she was sure he hadn’t been this open with anyone else.
“God, all the burger and ice cream is getting to me,” he said with an indifferent laugh. “I guess I’d better get going. Sleep well.”
“Sure,” she said, standing up to accompany him to the door.
He gave her a quick peck on her cheek and left. His heart was pounding when he kissed her. This time, it was different. It was a different kind of good. Ben didn’t like it one bit. It made him feel vulnerable. That was an emotion he didn’t allow anyone to see. Sierra was such a nice person. He only wished for her happiness and that the guy she would date after their contract ended wouldn’t hurt her at all but would love her with all that he could.
Chapter11
Ben was getting bothered by his feelings for Sierra. He knew they were something alarming when work didn’t do a good job of distracting him. There was nothing wrong with liking her, right? It was better than hating her. It would totally show while they dated, and everyone would see it in their body language. He decided to take a walk in Central Park to release some tension.
It was another cold afternoon, and hues of orange and red abounded in the park. He liked the sound of the leaves crunching under his feet. It reminded him of is carefree youth, when he hadn’t found out yet about his father’s affair. Where they were still a happy and complete family. He remembered his mother allowing him to play in the fallen leaves after school. He would roll in them, smelling the earth and crisp autumn air and laugh along with his dog, Chance.
“Ben?” a voice interrupted him.
He spun around to see Denise.
“Denise,” he muttered, wondering if she would slap him. Women took a while to heal; he knew that. He eyed her critically. “How have you been?”
“Pregnant,” she replied. She wasn’t angry at all, and he couldn’t see any protrusion on her belly.
“How far along are you?” he found himself asking her.
“Just a month,” she said with a smile. “How have you been?”
“I’m doing okay,” he replied, unable to believe Denise had moved on so quickly and he hadn’t even heard of it. “So, did you get married?”
She shook her head as they began to walk together. “No, funny thing. I had cried earlier that day, reminded of how much of an asshole you were. My eyes were puffy, and when I began to walk home, some guy suddenly offers me a tissue. He said I looked harassed and that I shouldn’t because I was too pretty to look like that. We hit it off great. We’re getting married after the baby’s out.”
“Congratulations,” he found himself saying. It was genuine.
Denise looked surprised. This was the closest to sincerity she had ever seen in him. He was almost always never involved, and when he was, he was passive about it or extremely temperamental.
“You were right, Ben.”
“About what?”
“You’re not the one for me,” Denise said with a smile. “And for that, I’m glad.”
“I’m happy for you, Denise.”
“Are you?” she asked him.
“I don’t know,” he evaded.
“Oh please, Ben. Everyone knows you’re dating a model. I think you made it a point to let people know, so that everyone could see how you’ve moved on. You’re really immature in that aspect. You’re obsessed in terms of winning in everything you do or say; you can’t allow yourself to lose, even in relationships.”
He was taken aback. It was the first time in his life that he had listened to a woman who wasn’t his mother or his grandmother.
“Why didn’t you tell me this before?” he found himself asking.
“Because you never listen,” she replied simply. “You’re self-absorbed and you know it, don’t you?”
He didn’t say anything. This was something that was new to him. Did he bury this fact because he wanted things to be uncomplicated in life, even in relationships?
“You didn’t answer my question,” she said. “Are you happy with her?”
“I guess I am.”
Denise gave a short laugh. “Some things never change, do they? I hope she knows what she’s getting herself into. People have been saying she’s a nice person.”
“What the hell is that supposed to mean?”
“If you’ve got any humanity left in you, it’d be great for her if you could stay away. And I hope she breaks your heart if you hurt her. It’s probably the best thing for her, staying away from you. You’ve never learned, Benjamin Claus Eriksson.”
He stared at her, his eyes wide in surprise. Well, that was blunt, wasn’t it? “You’re one to talk. Everyone’s a work in progress. People deal with things differently.”
“Shouldn’t you have learned that by now? Instead of people constantly adjusting themselves to you?” she scoffed. “You should really see what she’s like before you lose her. I’m not talking about anyone in particular, but if you find that one person who’s supposed to be yours—” she stopped herself and laughed. “God, what am I saying? Of course you know better.”
He took a breath, not liking where this was headed. It was as if she was forcing him to realize how good each and every one of his relationships had been, Denise included. “I don’t know everything. If I did, I wouldn’t be judged like this.”
“What’s she like?”
“Who?”
“Your girl
friend. I hear you’ve gotten quite attached to her. But then again, it’s all just hearsay.”
“She’s very nice.”
Denise shook her head. “Oh Ben, poor Ben,” she said with a pitying smile, a smile that he disliked in an instant.
“Why the pity?” Ben asked with his jaw hardening.
“Is that all you can say about someone you’re supposed to love?” She took a breath and looked at her watch, not waiting for him to reply. He had to find that out on his own. “I have to go; you take care of yourself.”
“You too.”
She gave a short wave and left. That was that. Ben stood there, motionless, trying to digest what she had just said. It was a strange conversation, all in all. These were sinking realizations, and he desperately tried to get a grip on his emotions before they could snare him into rumination.
He slowly began walking back to his office, his thoughts of a relaxing stroll dissipating.
***
Sierra saw her door was unlocked. She stashed her key back in the bag and opened it. Her eyes popped open. Her living room was overflowing with bouquet upon bouquet of roses. What in the hell?
“Hi,” Ben greeted her calmly as he put down the containers of Chinese takeout he had ordered for an early dinner.
“What’s all this? Was there a photoshoot without me knowing? Or some new business gamble that’s supposed to start in my living room?”
“Oh, they’re for you,” he said with a grin.
“Why’d you give me flowers?” she asked suspiciously.
He laughed. “Should I need an occasion or a blunder from me to give you flowers?”
She frowned. “You’ve never done this before.” She took off her coat and hung it on a rack by the door.
He shrugged, trying to make light of it. “It’s just that I haven’t acted all boyfriend-like since our contract started. So I figured, let’s make things easy for us. We might not feel anything, but at least we can make this bearable or fun for the both of us, right?”
“You make it sound like it’s all child’s play,” she told him, placing her bag down.
“How was your shoot?” he asked her, beckoning her to come over.
She slowly approached him, still uncomfortable with the flowers. She sat on the couch and surveyed the room once more. In a few days, these flowers were going to die. It was a waste of money, however noble the gesture.
“It was okay,” she said. Cosmopolitan magazine had gotten hold of her, finally after weeks of negotiation.
“You don’t like my surprise?” he asked.
“It’s okay…” she slowly said, her nostrils filled with the heady scent of roses in shades of pink and red. “You don’t really have to do this, you know. It wasn’t part of the contract, and we’re not outside.”
“Like I said, I’m making this as fun as possible for us. We have one month more to go.”
“Bearable,” she corrected.
“Fun and bearable.”
“How can it be fun and bearable at the same time?” she asked him. “There’s nothing fun about the whole idea of pretending to hurt you and me coming out as the bad guy.”
“Because you’re getting benefits out of it,” he reminded her. “For someone so smart, you come off as incredibly stupid. Now, do you like the flowers or not? I can have these thrown out.”
“Don’t!” she said, surprised at how strong it sounded.
He smiled. “I thought so. You’re such a woman.”
“What?”
“You’re a typical woman,” he repeated for her.
She threw a pillow on his face before he could grab his Chinese takeout box.
“What the hell’s your problem?” he snapped, flinging the pillow back to her face.
She laughed. “Finally, something genuine from your mouth. You don’t have to act all nice around me you know. In the two months we’ve dated, you were an asshole from the start.”
He was quiet for a moment.
Sierra felt a little guilty but she didn’t want it to show. “Did I strike a chord there?” she half-laughed.
“A little.”
“Something happen at work?”
“Well, while I was out,” he admitted.
She moved closer beside him on the couch and grabbed her dinner. She happened to like dim sum a lot and was glad he did, too.
“Hey, you know how to use chopsticks,” he commented.
“I’m not as backwards as you think I am just because I haven’t been to China or Japan or anything,” she said with rolled eyes. “And one of my closest friends in high school was from China. Anyway, where was I? So, what happened while you were out?”
She hoped it wasn’t meet up with some girl to replace her with after their contract ended… What the hell was she thinking? Stupid.
“I saw Denise.”
Who was Denise again? The ex-girlfriend before she became the hired girlfriend? Yes, her. She’d heard about Denise. A successful real estate agent in her own right who didn’t need Ben’s money at all, unlike her…
“And?” That was all she said for fear of sounding like some psycho fake-girlfriend.
“We talked a little. She’s pregnant. Not my kid, I’m sure,” he added quickly.
She strangely felt relieved. It wasn’t his child; he and Denise hadn’t reconciled. Why the hell was she acting all jealous? It wasn’t like she was in love with him or anything. Perhaps she was just used to his thrice-a-week presence in her life.
“How’d it go?”
“It was okay. I congratulated her,” he said, unwilling to elaborate much on his ego being bruised. “She looked great, though. I’m glad she’s happy.”
Happier than she was with you, Sierra thought, or do you miss her without you realizing it? “You’re bothered,” she suddenly said to him.
He didn’t say anything; he just continued eating his dinner. She didn’t force him to answer the question. So they ate their dinner in silence.
The news was on. Ben was nibbling absentmindedly on his chopsticks as he looked at the TV.
“Do you always watch boring news like this?” Sierra suddenly asked.
“What boring news? It’s the stock market. I’m watching out for my company,” he replied without looking at her.
“Well, you aren’t eating your noodles anymore.”
“Oh.” Ben stopped chewing on his chopsticks and picked up his noodles properly this time, slurping his way through his meal.
“Can we watch something else?” she said to him.
“Like what?”
“Something fun.”
“What is your definition of fun? ‘Cause I find this fun.”
“Something enjoyable, something to make us laugh aloud,” she told him.
“I don’t know, my brain’s enjoying this. Up by three. Good, good,” he muttered.
She didn’t know how to approach him. Did he think it was that simple that he could give her a multitude of flowers and expect her to soften up just like that when every chance he could, he acted like a total prick?
She picked up the remote beside him and changed the channel.
“What the hell?” He glared at her. No one changed channels without his permission. He grabbed the remote from her hand, leaving her open-mouthed. “I was watching that.”
“I told you I want to watch something else,” Sierra said, snatching the remote back before he could change it back to boring stock market news.
He grabbed it right back from her with lightning speed. “No one touches the remote while I’m watching something.”
“You’re in my place,” she said through gritted teeth.
“I own this place,” he snapped.
“But I live here and I’m taking care of it, as per contract,” she retorted.
Ben glared at her again, then the left corner of his mouth twitched up and the right followed and he let out a short laugh. “Jesus, you’re the first person to ever change the channel I was watching, ever.”
&
nbsp; “Glad to know that I’m the first. That’ll teach you to stop acting like a spoiled brat.”
“Say, my mom wants to invite you over for dinner on Friday.”
“What?”
“She says it’s so she can get to know you better before the family reunion.”
“I can’t do that,” she began.
“Why not? It’s part of the contract.”
“It’s making ties with your family. I can’t betray them like that.”
He shrugged. “It’d be great if my mom could meet you at least. So you wouldn’t feel too left out and stuff.”
She sighed. “I thought I’d go there to break up with you, and then I’d look like I’m the bad person. How can I act normal around your mother when I know this is where our arrangement is leading?”
“You’ve had two months to work on this,” he told her, finishing the last of his dinner. “I expected you’d be so used to me being an ass that you could break my heart without hesitation by then.”
She swallowed. “I’m telling you, meeting up with her will make things harder for me.”
“Fine,” he huffed. “Let’s not go for dinner. I’ll just tell her you’re busy. She just wanted to meet you.”
“Why are you making things difficult for me? Pretending to even like you is difficult as it is.”
He gave a mock look of horror. “Am I really that difficult to like?”
“Maybe I’m just the wrong girl.”
He gave her a look of scorn. “If you were, then I wouldn’t have given you the time of day. I still remember that morning, though. You were brilliant just standing there and embarrassing that reporter.”
She laughed, embarrassed a little.
“Now that’s the spunk and the brains I thought I needed.”
“Why do you want to hurt your family so much?” Sierra interrupted him.
His smile faded. “I don’t. But I don’t want to hurt them even more in the future. This is a contingency plan. I have too many things to think about. Just this once, I’d like for them to stop bothering me about settling down and having children at my age.”
“This is pretty juvenile,” she mused.