by Lonz Cook
“So why is it so difficult for me to find one?”
“You’re looking in the wrong places. Online isn’t it. Maybe we should try the grocery store.”
“Haven’t we tried that before?”
“Well, yeah, but you never know.”
“I’m not shopping every day.”
“You’re online every day.”
“Good point. But I’m not online only to find men. I’m online for different reasons and sometimes it’s just for a great conversation,” explained Tiffany.
“As focused as you are online, I wonder if you’re as hard to please there as you are in person. I’m almost at the point of giving up on you.”
“Really Valerie?” she paused, “Not that I don’t appreciate your effort, but come on, some of those guys you introduced were, well, let’s just say, you not helping might be a good idea.”
“If I didn’t know better, I’d say you’re being harsh with me.” She clasped her hands, frowned and then smirked. “But I love you the same and yeah, I’ll stop trying to take care of you. If an interesting man shows up, I may have to keep him for myself. And I’ll have to remember that you will find your own guy.”
“Thanks for understanding. That’s why I love you.”
Tiffany rose from the couch and raised her coffee cup, “Want a refill?”
Valerie looked at her watch, “No, I’ve got to get going,” and placed her cup on the coffee table. “I have got to get to the drug store. I’ll catch you later. Listen, you’ve got to get out of the house and start living.”
“Yes, get out of the house. Have a good night and I’ll talk to you soon,” Tiffany said as she watched Valerie leave. Tiffany walked to the kitchen and opened her laptop on the kitchen table. She pressed the button turning it on before returning to the living room grabbing Valerie’s cup from the coffee table. She placed the cup into the sink on her way to the kitchen table and sat down in front of the laptop. She clicked on a dating site from her ‘favorites’ drop-down menu and logged in. The site gave her notifications of multiple new messages. Tiffany glimpsed at the subject lines, ignoring flirts altogether and sidetracking any marked ‘I’m interested’. She scanned the list and saw that her new friend Manny had sent a message. She opened it and read his note. She thought about her response, before composing her reply.
Hi Manny,
Thanks for sharing your experience with me. It’s important that you visit Camille very soon. Women love men who follow up. You could take her something, but not flowers. How about a package of specialty coffee or chocolate coffee beans? You can’t go wrong since it’s focused on what she does. I know I would appreciate any gift I can enjoy or use immediately.
It’s nice you’re doing this so early. I‘ve never had a man make such a fuss over me. Here in San Fran, I haven’t found that guy. Oh well, I guess I have to keep looking. Let me know how it goes.
Well, your daughter seems sweet. It’s cute she’s looking out for her daddy.
Please let me know what happens, and I’ll give you an update on my search for Mister Right.
Take care,
Tiffany
It wasn’t long before Tiffany found a profile that captured her interest. She checked the guy out from every possible angle. She Googled his profile name and searched for any possible connection this guy may have to other dating sites. When she found a few of them, she joined the sites to see if his presentation was consistent; a lesson she learned after a bad experience.
Tiffany met what seemed to be a down-to-earth guy. She chatted with him on multiple occasions and felt hopeful. Before she could suggest meeting her new interest, she stumbled onto another dating site of which he was a member. Tiffany didn’t see a problem with him using the same picture on all of his pages, but she was shocked at the comments other women had left on his site. It was then that she saw where a few of them had linked his profile to the ‘Shameless Bastards’ website and described him as an extreme liar and pervert. She read some of their accounts on their interactions with him and wasn’t about to second guess their impressions.
Tiffany found him in the chat room where they usually conversed. As soon as her name appeared, he pounced into action.
Betterthan8: Hey SanFranPearl, good seeing you online babe.
Tiffany, remembering the comments she read from those other women, was anxious to start her interrogation. She placed her fingers on the keyboard and words rolled onto the screen reflective of her newly found information.
SanFranPearl: I’m doing okay…So, I found your profile on multiple dating sites.
Betterthan8: I’m on a lot of sites, but as soon as we get together I won’t need them anymore.
SanFranPearl: Is that what you told those other women?
Betterthan8: What do you mean?
SanFranPearl: The women who called you a liar and pervert.
Betterthan8: Those women lied.
SanFranPearl: How can multiple women say the same thing and all be lying?
Betterthan8: Because, unlike you, they didn’t stand a chance to get with me.
Tiffany exhaled with a short grunt while tapping the table with her fingers on each side of the laptop. She looked at the ceiling in search of a response, as if she had a person changing cue cards. She glanced at the laptop and set her fingers on the keyboard. She typed her message with as much kindness as she could muster.
SanFranPearl: You’ll never get a chance with me. I don’t do shitheads.
Before long, room members saw his hasty retreat from the chat room. Tiffany clicked the chat room box exit button and closed the window. She closed the laptop and walked to the bathroom, standing in front of the mirror staring at her reflection. Tiffany laughed, covered her mouth, and shook her head recalling how Betterthan8 played on a woman’s vulnerability. She ran warm water in the sink, held her hands under the faucet and splashed her face. Tiffany toweled dry and walked back to the living room couch. She pulled the laptop from the coffee table, opened it and tapped the mouse pad, awakening the screen. Tiffany typed the URL to another dating website. She read each profile and confirmed the guys’ location following her strict rule of locals only.
It was her dream to connect in San Francisco as she opposed having a long distance relationship. Her marriage to Brad filled her in ways she didn’t understand then, but now, on those lonely nights, she missed having a companion. She remembered being spontaneous; enjoying long nights of conversations, or heated debates that stimulated her mind. Tiffany yawned, covering her mouth with her hand, flashing back to a moment when she’d reached for her husband just to pull him closer, feeling his warmth and smell his fragrance. She looked left and didn’t see him there sitting next to her on the couch. Her body yearned for a touch, the graze of a hand against her cheek, or the arm around her shoulder pulling her closer, the perfection of rhythmic breathing and the kiss upon her lips for one reason…love. Tiffany blinked at the dark laptop screen in disappointment. She wanted a live body, someone to keep her sane. Her desires increased once she touched the keyboard, awakening the laptop and the screen to its full color and brightness. She saw a cover picture of a man on her screen and her mind imagined what she’d experience in the wee hours of morning. It was one of many moonlit, breathtaking moments, when love was the practice of entangled hearts. “I need him here,” Tiffany dropped her head, “I want him next to me.” She closed her eyes, took a deep breath and fantasized about a rump in the hay. Her body responded to a flash of what she had with Brad, though he was a disappointment, at least he satisfied her physical urges. There were times Brad there were nights he filled what she now thought were empty moments.
Tiffany returned to her reality when the light of the laptop went dim. She tapped the keyboard reawakening screen, touched her URL space and a dating website appeared. “I am not traveling to a man, no way,” she shook her head, leaving the great looking man for a landing page. Her ideas of traveling outside of San Francisco,
was a serious risk. She looked at the website, touched her search engine, and pictures appeared of her saved query selection. After Tiffany scanned the list of her selection, she wrote an icebreaker email.
Hi Stranger,
You have an interesting profile and you’re posted on multiple dating sites. I’m curious how having so many profiles works for you. Maybe we’re searching for similar things. Drop me a line. I hope we get a chance to talk. I’m open for a conversation; what about you?
San Fran Pearl
There, I hope it’s good enough for a response, she thought and continued, It’s easier writing an introduction than having an unattractive man approach me on the street. What can he do? Here, it’s simple; either he responds, or he doesn’t. This is so much easier. Tiffany relaxed and was happy with her action. She stood, walked to the mirror, and evaluated her reflection. She pushed in her stomach, turned to the side, and relaxed her body as she watched it take on multiple shapes. “What if he responds? I’m not even close to being ready to go on a date. There is no way I will impress a man looking like this. Who am I fooling?”
Tiffany decided to start a workout regimen. It was her third attempt at staying fit. The battle against aging and fighting a skirmish with a strict diet was normal for her self-preservation. She never worried about her weight as a young woman, but now it was a major concern. She knew for her to impress anyone, she would have to improve her appearance. Tiffany decided to take a huge step at regaining her youthful figure and vowed to revisit her New Year’s resolution to use her gym membership. Tiffany sighed with her best intentions as she returned to the laptop.
Tiffany surfed dating sites in search of more profiles. Each guy’s look had certain values and some of their content was amusing. The more men she found matching her interest the more her basic qualification rule disqualified them. Distance was strictly a “go” or “no-go,” and those who declared they were local, didn’t seem close enough. In the Bay area, there were not enough guys available within a twenty mile radius. Tiffany was persistent in locals only, so she expanded her age range from 40-50 to 35-52. There were quick responses and invitations which she ignored because the guys didn’t suit her. It was her drive to find someone - a special someone - to share every moment. She wanted a person who complimented her life.
Being married at a young age hadn’t set things right for Tiffany. Her forever-mate had neglected her need for a fulfilling relationship. She had believed her husband Brad was the love of her life. It wasn’t a partnership by any means. It was more of a mother–son relationship. Brad was not the man she needed him to be. He never made an effort to fulfill her emotional needs, even in the short time they dated and rushed into marriage. He wasn’t respectable enough to keep his hands off other women. And although he begged for her forgiveness, he failed to get back on track even after admitting to the deed. After multiple discoveries of infidelity, their marriage became Tiffany’s nightmare. She feared diseases and unwanted pregnancies from his wild excursions.
Finally, she discovered their finances had derailed with his spending on other women. She made a second effort to fulfill her dream of a happy marriage and took on additional jobs to keep the family afloat. She tried everything possible to make her marriage work, but when he broke the last straw, spending the hard earned dollars she sweated to earn on another woman, she ended the marriage and felt losing a battle was better than living with unwarranted pain. She thanked God for not having children with Brad. Tiffany felt it was better not having any ties with her ex-husband. Brad being out of her life was a blessing. Her memory of a failed marriage made her sad, but it also sparked a desire for more in her next relationship.
Tiffany turned in after reading a large number of profiles. She was happy with her newly made list of eligible bachelors to explore another evening. She felt life would change after finding a local man to date. She smiled before closing her eyes.
Morning came quickly. Tiffany woke without her alarm. She opened her eyes at a time when the sun had not yet crested on the horizon. She rose from bed, got herself together, and began her day. Thinking about her life made her restless, she walked in a daze to the kitchen. She stood next to the stove and fantasized about having a man to love, a man to share the early morning rise, and someone with whom she could throw herself into a fireball of heated passion. She started to make coffee, and as she pulled the coffee can, she remembered this was her day for an early start time at the store.
It was her storefront day, and she had to be there by nine. Since it was early morning, Tiffany decided to stop somewhere along the way and have breakfast. It was a break from her routine because she seldom left home so early. She chose a route to a little diner not far from the store before catching her bus to the downtown cable car. Though she considered the streets were safe, it wasn’t her norm to walk in public before commuters appeared at local bus stops. She felt safe in large numbers versus walking practically alone. While she waited at the bus stop, she greeted a few neighbors and even spoke to strangers.
A tall gentleman standing in the group caught her eye. He was slim, well dressed and mature with an aura of wisdom. Tiffany found him attractive and she covertly searched for any sign of his relationship status. She looked at his hands and work bag for any hint of a woman’s influence. Tiffany moved to the far side of the crowd and watched him. When the bus arrived she heard a group of neighbors in a conversation... Tiffany caught part of a comment, “…he’s new around here,” from a woman who had just boarded the bus. Before Tiffany turned around, the tall gentleman was behind her as she stepped to tap her electronic bus fare card.
“So I’m the new guy. That sounds like I’m a kid going to school after moving to a new neighborhood,” he said.
“For us regulars, you’re a fresh subject we can talk about,” Tiffany responded as she paid the bus fare and moved to an empty aisle seat. The gentleman followed her and sat in an aisle seat one row behind and across from Tiffany.
“I’m Tom Stetson, by the way.” Tom reached over to shake Tiffany’s hand. She obliged and responded, “Tiffany Wilkes.”
“Nice meeting you, Tiffany. I must ask, do you always look so great in the mornings?”
“I…,” Tiffany hesitated and looked at Tom’s hand again before she answered. “I always try to look my best before leaving home. You never know who you’ll have to impress.” She faced forward expecting the conversation to end.
“Impress?” asked Tom.
“Yes, impress. You only get one chance for what I call “making the impact.”
“Impact! I haven’t heard anyone use that word to describe a first impression. Why impact?”
“Well,” Tiffany turned to face Tom as she answered. “Most people say the first impression is everlasting. Over time, I’ve realized why. I think it's an impact because it forces people to think and respond. So, the greater the impact, the better the response.”
“The greater the impact, the better the response … hmm, you have a wise outlook.”
“Yes, what an impact!” Tiffany smiled at her wit. She saw Tom was impressed with her comment by his facial expression. Normally, Tiffany wouldn’t talk to a total stranger, but Tom seemed like a gentleman.
“So, what’s the deal Tom? Are you married or single?” Tiffany got to the point. She looked into his eyes for an answer and then glanced at his left hand. “Well, I’d bet you’re married.”
“I am. How did you arrive at that conclusion?”
“I looked at your hand and didn’t see a band or a cheater’s ring. I didn’t see anything giving it away. But, I’ve noticed in general, married men usually have a kinder way of conversing.”
Tom looked at his hand before responding. “Yeah, dang, I left without my ring. She’s going to be pissed,” he chuckled. “Usually my hand gives it away. I’m proud of my commitment. Nothing in this world is greater than having an excellent woman. I guess we married men aren’t good at making a personal acquaintance.”
“Your ring would be a total giveaway,” Tiffany smiled after her response, turning to face forward and adjusting her purse in her lap. If only he were single…well, I better leave well enough alone.
The bus stopped at the next route pickup. Tiffany let her imagination fly as images of Tom flashed into a fantasy. She saw a vivid picture of a delightful, scented field of waist high wildflowers, a clear blue sky, and a patch of trees near a stream. She imagined Tom holding her hand while they walked in the field, laughing just before approaching a large tree with extended branches in full bloom that blocked the beaming sun. Tom embraced Tiffany and kissed her with sweetness. She felt the strength of his arms around her. She enjoyed the touch of his toned torso next to hers. And she felt his power to melt every ounce of her will. Tiffany gave into him, as if a vine of a weeping willow swaying with the force of the wind. He pulled her closer and enjoyed the shortness of her breath. She imagined his heart beating next to her breast, and she enjoyed the pounding excitement brought to her body. Tiffany looked into his face and saw him staring back as if he searched for heaven in her eyes.
The bus bell rang for the next stop, snapping Tiffany out of her day dream. She watched Tom exit the bus. Her thoughts vanished, yet she wished for the opportunity to share her daydream with him. Shortly after Tom got off the bus, the bus arrived at Tiffany’s stop. It was a short walk to her job but along the route, she walked around Union Square’s beautiful statues and artwork with it’s touching structures. She smiled every time she passed that concrete haven for early morning coffee enthusiasts who purchased drinks from the few vendors within the square. Tiffany observed how comfortable and easy going those drinkers were. She envied their relaxed look, bringing in the morning with the city coming to life. She too had dreams of waking early as the sun rose, commuting to the square and like others, sip the morning’s steamy drink while watching workers invade the city. Tiffany stopped at a restaurant on the far end of the square, ordered a bagel and coffee, and enjoyed her morning amongst the easy going drinkers as she joined their ranks.