by A. D. Ryan
“I-I do. I believe you.”
Shaking his head, Nick laughed humorlessly. “No. You don’t. Not entirely, anyway.” Silence. I was about to argue when he continued. “You’re coming around, but you haven’t accepted it yet. Belief and acceptance are two totally different things, Brooke. Once you accept that this is as much a part of you as being human, you’ll be in control of it.”
“How long…” I cleared my throat, swallowing the lump that formed. “What I mean to say is…you’re a…” I had trouble forming the end of my sentence, so I was grateful when Nick stepped in.
“You want to know how long until I could control it? Or how long I’ve been this way?” He lowered his face but kept his eyes locked on mine. “A werewolf.”
“Yeah,” I agreed, tucking a piece of hair that had fallen free of my ponytail behind my ear, still unable to take the word seriously. “That. Have you always been…? I mean, can it work that way? Can people be born…?”
“Werewolves,” he repeated, this time a little more firmly. I could tell he wasn’t upset, but he was trying to get me used to the idea. It wasn’t working as quickly as he probably hoped. When I nodded, the right side of his mouth curled up into a half-smirk. “It is possible for someone to be born with the gene.” Pausing, he seemed to be gauging my reaction. “But I wasn’t. I was bitten.” He nodded to my shoulder, covered beneath my light pullover sweater. “Like you.”
A tingle moved beneath my skin, originating where I was bitten, but it was probably just due to the memory of that night. “When?”
Nick sighed, running his fingers through his unruly hair. “Brooke, do you really want to know all of this?”
I answered with a hesitant nod, not sure I trusted myself to speak aloud. I did want to know, but I was afraid. Why? Because if I really thought back to the changes in my own behavior since the attack, I could pinpoint similar changes in Nick right before…
“Shortly after Bobby’s death.”
…he left me.
Even though I’d already come to this conclusion a second ago, his confession hit me hard, leaving me winded. My hands gripped the metal chains of the swing tightly, and I stared at Nick, unblinking. I wondered if I heard him right, but the remorse in his eyes didn’t leave me wondering for long. “Seven years?”
Nick’s head bobbed up and down. “It’s why I left.”
“No.” The chains rattled as I stood abruptly and walked away from him. Then I turned and walked toward him. I was pacing now, thinking about the night he left over and over before repeating the reasons he gave me that night out loud. “You told me you needed space.”
“I did.”
“That you were going through some changes.”
“I was.”
“You wanted me to understand.” I was slowly losing grip on my calm demeanor, my heart thudding against my ribs, and my stomach twisting into knots. “But I didn’t understand. All I knew was that within the span of a few weeks—”
“Just over a month,” Nick interrupted, garnering himself an evil glare from me.
“Does it really matter?” I demanded coldly. “I lost Bobby, and then you left. I needed you, and you just left.”
“I know.” He dropped his gaze, and a pang of guilt stung me when I recognized his own self-hatred all over his face. “I think about how we left things every day,” he confessed, eyes slowly rising again. “But it was something that needed to be done. I was dangerous. Out of control.”
My hands trembled, the vibration increasing until it moved through my entire body. I instantly recognized it as residual anger from Nick leaving me. I shouldn’t have felt this way. It had been seven years, and I’d moved on with a wonderful man. Unfortunately, ever since Nick returned I felt like I’d been on an emotional rollercoaster.
And now this.
Nick stood from his swing and stepped toward me hesitantly, his eyes continually locked with mine. “That tremble in your hand…” he started. “Your elevated heart rate… The anger… The hurt… You’re starting to lose control. You need to harness it. Close your eyes and take a deep breath.”
I don’t know why, but I did as he said.
Inhale. The smell of the grass and dirt filled my head, the cool early morning air revitalizing my body and mind.
Exhale. I could practically feel my breath form the cloud against the cool morning air.
Inhale. Along with the familiar scents of the nature that surrounded me, I picked up notes of the woods and a musk that was uniquely Nick. For some reason, this caused the feeling to dissipate, and as I exhaled, I opened my eyes to see Nick standing right in front of me. His smile was wide—proud—and he lifted his right hand to brush his fingers over my cheek.
“Good,” he praised, his warm breath fanning over my face and numbing my senses momentarily. It was intoxicating, even.
My body betrayed me, awakening my desire for the man who abandoned me in my time of need so many years ago, and I let him tilt my face toward his as he leaned down. I was so hurt and confused. Everything I thought I knew had been ripped away, and all I wanted was to get lost in something familiar… Someone familiar.
His lips brushed against mine, but before I could give in to this temptation completely, a twig snapped to my left. Thrust back into reality, I shoved Nick away and scanned the perimeter, inhaling deeply and picking up the scent of…a wolf? Was that what it was? The second the deep amber eyes appeared in the darkness, and its canines gleamed in the light cast off by one of the streetlamps, my suspicion was confirmed.
Nick noticed our visitor and didn’t even try to hide his annoyance. I was still on high alert, not recognizing the scent. When the wolf stepped out of the darkness, I took in its appearance and ice-cold fear raced down my spine. His brown coat, amber eyes, and size were unsettlingly familiar, and I stepped back, ready to run.
“Jackson, what the hell are you doing here?” The wolf regarded Nick with a tilt of its head, and I momentarily wondered if they were able to communicate telepathically.
Nick turned to me, his annoyance quickly shifting to concern when he saw me staring wide-eyed at the wolf that joined us. “Brooke?” His gaze moved between me and this wolf—this Jackson—and he tried to comfort me. “This is Jackson. He’s one of my Packmates.”
It didn’t matter to me what he was to Nick. To me, he looked an awful lot like the wolf that bit me and condemned me to this…this nightmare. I continued to back away, never taking my eyes off the wolf, afraid that if I did, he’d attack me. Again.
“Jackson, you’ve gotta go. Tell the others to keep looking for what we came here for. We’re close—I can feel it.”
Jackson released a low snarl, communicating in some way, before eyeing me. I swore he winked at me before darting back into what remained of the darkness as the sun continued to creep higher in the sky. The second he was gone, his scent fading on the breeze, my entire body relaxed and I fell to my knees, breathing heavily.
Concerned, Nick knelt next to me, his hand running over the length of my back in an attempt to soothe me. “I’m sorry,” he said. “I didn’t think he’d show up here. He was supposed to be out with the others…searching.”
My fear ebbed and I started to register what Nick had said. “Searching?” My detective instincts kicked into overdrive, and I turned to face him. “There are more of you?” Nick nodded, waiting for this tidbit of knowledge to freak me out. It didn’t. Instead, I decided to focus on something else. “What exactly are you looking for?”
When Nick laughed, I detected a nervous lilt to it. “That’s a very long story.” He looked to the east and noticed daylight was fast approaching. “And I don’t think we have time for that today.”
As the sunlight stretched over the ground, I realized he was right, and I pushed myself to my feet. Nick followed suit, walking with me to the edge of the park. “I’ll walk part of the way with you.”
I agreed, partly because I was still a little rattled about the wolf and partly because I didn’t t
hink I was ready to be apart from Nick just yet. I hated feeling this way, especially while David slept soundly back at the house. It wasn’t like I planned to leave David for Nick. That would never happen. Nick had his chance, and he blew it. Besides, it sounded like he was only here temporarily anyway, and my life was here. My family, career, David… Nick was just passing through.
“I promise to tell you more about what brought me back here,” Nick said as we wandered down the sidewalk. “But I want to make sure you’re ready and able to control your urges.”
Despite the warmth of the morning sun, a chill moved through me, and I wrapped my arms around myself. “How am I supposed to do that?” I asked, glancing at him through my periphery.
“One day at a time,” was his reply as he shoved his hands into his jean pockets. “Can you meet me later tonight?”
I didn’t hesitate, even though I probably should have. My need to know what was coming next heavily outweighed any common sense I might have had left. “Yes. Where?”
“Come by my place.”
This sounded like a recipe for disaster, but I couldn’t seem to resist, because, the truth of it was, I believed him now.
And, even though he broke my heart so many years ago, I felt like I could trust him with my life.
Chapter twenty | deceit
Did I feel bad about deceiving David to go and see Nick? Of course. I wasn’t heartless. But I needed to know how to control this if I was going to have any kind of life. After learning what I did, acknowledging that what Nick said was the truth, I could feel that part of me fighting for dominance. Perhaps I was just more aware of everything I was feeling, or maybe I just wasn’t strong enough to maintain control.
Whatever it was, I needed to figure out what to do.
David and I had been at work all day, still trying to track down this club that mysteriously vanished on us. We were no closer to figuring out what the hell went down there, and the entire team was starting to feel the pressure. By eleven that night—after having worked fifteen straight hours—Dad sent David and me home. David wanted to stay, and a part of me did as well, because I wanted to nail the son of a bitch responsible for these murders, but I also wanted to see Nick again. There was still so much he needed to tell me.
When I sided with Dad, David agreed, and we headed for home. Once there, I feigned a yawn and suggested we head to bed in order to rest up and start fresh on the case in the morning. Truthfully, I wasn’t tired in the slightest, but I needed to be able to sneak out without being detected. It was low and deceitful, and if David did it to me, I’d be crushed.
But I had my reasons, and right now, I believed they were pretty sound. Nick suggested that I was dangerous as long as I couldn’t control my urges. What if he was right?
In bed, David curled up behind me, draping his arm over my waist and pulling me against his body. He kissed my neck and shoulder, sending a shiver of contentment down my spine that made my toes curl. I momentarily reconsidered my plan, but when that telltale sign of anxiety and agitation settled in like clockwork, seeping into my bones and causing me to become restless, I knew I couldn’t.
Behind me, David’s breathing evened out, becoming deeper, and I felt his steady heartbeat against my back. It was soothing and kept me from bolting out of the bed, grounding me in some way. It wasn’t enough to settle me completely, but it helped a little.
“David?” I whispered, turning my head slightly. His brow furrowed as his subconscious registered the sound of my voice, but he didn’t respond. Slowly, I wiggled out from beneath his hold, waiting and watching as he rolled over onto his stomach and buried his hands beneath his pillow. I remained still for a few more minutes to be sure he stayed asleep, and then I crept around the room silently, pulling on a pair of yoga pants and a blue long-sleeved T-shirt. After putting my hair up into a ponytail, I exited my room, pulled my shoes on at the front door, and silently slipped outside. I thought about taking the car, but my increased energy screamed for release.
So I walked. And then I ran.
Feeling the wind on my face before it slipped through my hair was exhilarating, and it revitalized me. I inhaled deeply, taking in the combination of smells. I tried to bypass any of the more unpleasant smells—exhaust, oil, sewage, day-old trash—in favor of the leaves on the trees, the freshly clipped grass from earlier in the day, and an impending rain that hung heavy in the air. It would be the first, and one of few, this season.
There weren’t very many people out, given it was near one in the morning now, but the few that were, looked my way only briefly before going about their business. Cars passed me on the street, one of them honking their horn before someone hung out the window and started whistling and catcalling.
I supposed this was normal for one in the morning; people would be heading home after a night out drinking with their friends.
“Hey, baby,” the man called out, his words slurred. I picked up traces of beer and whiskey on his breath as it left his mouth and traveled on the breeze. Normally, this would be impossible, but given what I now knew about myself…
When I ignored him, he tried again, the driver slowing the beat-up old Chevy down to a crawl. “Where you off to? Little late to be out runnin’, don’t ya think?”
Again, I ignored him and continued on my way, focusing on my breathing.
“Aw, don’t be like that.”
Up ahead, I spotted Nick’s house. Only four houses away. The front light was on, as were a couple of the upstairs lights. I never did call ahead to let him know I was coming, but he would be home…at least, I hoped he was, because I’d hate to have to deal with these guys any longer than necessary.
The guy kept trying to get my attention and finally asked the driver to stop the car. I wasn’t too concerned with my own well-being; I was a cop and had taken more than my fair share of self-defense training courses. Not to mention, I was much stronger than I’d ever been in my entire life.
This didn’t mean I wanted to have to use any of this knowledge. I’d honestly prefer he just left me alone.
His clumsy footsteps were loud and unsteady as he tried to catch up. I was only one house away now, and just as I was about to use the neighbor’s front yard as a short cut, the guy grabbed for my wrist as he caught up. He missed—probably because his depth perception was a little skewed given his current intoxication—and I stopped in my tracks, suddenly angry that he’d even think about laying a hand on me.
I whipped around to face him, and his drunken smile disappeared from his face, his unfocused eyes widening as he realized his error. I clenched my hands at my sides, my heart still racing from my run. My blood boiled beneath my skin, which started itching and crawling. My breath came hot and heavy, turning to fog in the cool night air between us. His mouth opened and closed a few times, likely trying to find a way to explain his brazen attempt to physically stop me, but I refused to hear what he had to say. Several violent outcomes flickered through my mind, ranging from tearing his throat out with my bare hands to ripping his arm from his body and beating him with it. These thoughts should have concerned me, but I apparently shot right past rational thought and directly into extreme measures.
Before I could act on any of these scenarios, I inhaled deeply, stopping the minute I picked up the unique woodsy musk I’d come to recognize. As usual, it calmed me in a way that nothing else had been able to since this all began. It was then that I realized the drunk boy’s eyes seemed unfocused not because of how much he’d had to drink, but because he wasn’t looking at me. He was looking past me…
…at Nick.
Slowly, I turned around to find Nick sauntering down the sidewalk toward us. He didn’t have a shirt on, and I admit to staring just a little too long and hard at his broad shoulders, chiseled chest, and well-defined abs. I swallowed thickly when I noticed that V-shaped muscle as it dipped below his low-slung jeans, and I had to remind myself to take a breath before I passed out. I didn’t remember him being this in shape when the two
of us were together. Sure, he’d always been fit, but never like this.
“You lost, boy?” Nick demanded, his voice deep and gruff. I even picked up a hint of a growl, but forgot all about it when I felt the heat of his body so close to mine. He rested his hand on the small of my back, assuring me of my safety—not that I ever questioned it, remember—and I turned my focus back to the guy who tried to stop me.
While I doubted this guy had any idea what he’d gotten himself into, it was obvious he wasn’t stupid enough to challenge it further. Instead, he stammered, his eyes never leaving Nick. He looked so terrified, and I worried he might lose bladder control. But then that worry turned to hope.
It would serve him right.
When he still failed to say anything—which was weird considering just how chatty he’d seemed before Nick showed up—Nick took my hand. What surprised me was I let him without pause. “Come on, babe,” he said, pulling me toward the house. “Let’s go inside.”
I let him tug me along, but I kept my narrowed eyes on the stunned boy. I was still pretty angry, and while I knew I couldn’t hurt him, something deep inside me still wanted to. This alarmed me more than anything. This must have been what Nick was talking about. My urges needed to be harnessed, and I needed to learn how to do it.
Before I turned my eyes toward the house, I watched as the guy ran, stumbling a few times before reaching his friend’s vehicle. The tires squealed against the pavement as they took off, and I felt the need to go after them—no, not because I was a werewolf and chasing cars was something dogs enjoyed doing, but because I was a cop and they were speeding.
At least, I was pretty sure it was the latter…
Finally, I shifted my focus to the house, noticing the three motorcycles and one car—a newer red Camaro—in the driveway for the first time. This meant that Nick wasn’t the only one staying here. Did these vehicles belong to his—what did he call them?—his Packmates?
Once inside, Nick closed the door. He didn’t lock it, but I supposed he probably felt he and his buddies were a good enough security system, being supernatural creatures and all.