“My people, they would like you,” I told him. “You’re much more down to earth than so many other gods and demis.”
“More like you?”
I nodded. “More like me, yes. There, all finished for tonight.”
“Pity,” he growled, and I nearly dropped the bowl. “I shall see you in the morning then? We’ll make our way to Channon and see who wins this wager of ours.”
“You know, I can always still take you to the man who did my markings.”
He shrugged, reaching out to run his hand along the braids, down to my shoulders. “I want to earn them, have them tell a story. We shall see what happens tomorrow.”
I nodded and started to back toward the door, but suddenly, I didn’t want to leave. At least not like this. I set the bowl down, loving the way he tilted his head just slightly, tugging at his beard. I wanted to do that, and I reached up, running my fingers through it before I cupped his face and stood on my toes. I kissed him then, not sure what I was planning on doing, but his arms wrapped around my waist and crushed me to his chest. I had only ever kissed one or two other gods in my lifetime, but those moments were pale comparisons to how Holden made me feel. Safe and wanted, two things I never truly thought I’d experience in my life. And yet here in his arms, I had them both without having to compromise anything about who I was.
We were both grinning as he set me back on my feet and we caught our breaths. “See you in the morning.” I darted out the door.
Tomorrow was going to be quite an adventure indeed, and I could not wait.
Hela and Grell stood on either side of me as we hunkered down in the brush, waiting. We followed a trail of elk deeper into the mountains, at least three of them, and waited for them to make an appearance. Hela sniffed the air and pawed at the ground. They were close. Very close.
Snow fell lightly around us, adding to the quiet of the woods. My breath puffed out before my face, and my fingers rested on my bow, waiting for the right moment to draw. Holden was nearby. He broke off from the three of us not long ago. I worried he was going to get himself lost up here, but he assured me he was better with direction than I gave him credit for. I craned my head, listening for any hint of where he was, but then Hela nudged my side, and I shifted my gaze.
There, breaking through the trees ahead of us were the elk. They were a good size and would easily feed several families in the village. I crept forward quietly a couple more steps, planting myself behind a tree and being sure to stay downwind. I lifted my bow, fingers tugging hard on the string as I pulled back. I rested my thumb against my cheek, waiting for the doe to turn. She took a step, then another… almost…
An arrow struck her straight through the heart, and she collapsed, dead in the snow. The other two bolted lest they be struck down next.
I whipped around, glaring.
Holden lowered his bow and bowed deeply.
“Cheater.”
“What? How was that cheating?” he argued as he traipsed closer, grinning like a little kid. “You were taking too long.”
“I was waiting.”
“And you waited too long,” he repeated as he reached me. “I think this means I win, yes?”
I draped my bow over my body, rolling my eyes. “Sadly.”
“Don’t worry, in time I may yet consider letting you help me train some pups,” he promised. “If you excuse me, I must go collect my kill.”
I followed behind him, exchanging the same annoyed look with Hela as we followed him. Grell had trotted on ahead with Holden and watched the demigod demon closely as he drew a dagger and dressed the elk before we would take it back to the village. He was skilled with a knife, and I found myself transfixed, just as I’d been the day he trained the pups. Every move he made had a purpose and was not done without cause.
When he finished, he hefted the elk over his shoulders, showing me just how strong he was. “Ready?”
“After you,” I said, motioning him forward. “It appears you’ve earned your first tattoo. What are you going to get?”
“Isn’t it obvious?” he asked as I walked alongside him.
“No… what is it?”
He smirked as he said, “An elk, of course.”
My brow rose. “You want an elk on your back? You’re certain?”
“No, I was going to ask you what those symbols meant on the beads you gave me.”
“Better than an elk,” I sighed. “Well, there’s a number of symbols for the people of Channon that mean strength, loyalty, honor… love… Ziggy can show you more once we return to the village.”
“Ziggy. Sounds like an interesting person.”
“Oh he is that, but he’s a master artist. Does most of the markings for the villagers and all of Channon. Also does the beadwork.”
A curious look came over Holden’s face before he broke out into a huge grin.
“What are you planning?” I asked suspiciously.
“Me? Nothing at all.”
“And that’s a lie.”
“No, it’s an omission… sort of.”
“Holden,” I started then stopped, shaking my head. “Never mind.”
“No, what is it?” he asked, stopping and setting the elk down. “You know you tug on your hair when something worries you.” He reached out and stopped my hand. “Did I say something?”
I was being an idiot, but the doubts were there in my mind, and I’d thought I could keep shoving them aside. But the way Holden looked at me, how his hand held mine… I had better ask now before I got myself in any deeper.
“The last few days… it’s all been real, hasn’t it?”
“What do you mean?”
“I mean this, what’s happening between us, it’s not just you putting on a show because of what I told you? I just… I’m not used to whatever is transpiring between us and I want it to be. Gods do I, but if I guilted you into feeling like this, acting this way toward me—”
“Gabby,” he said firmly, cutting through my rambling, “this is real.”
“You’re sure?” I blurted, and he laughed quietly. “I’m sorry, I know I just…”
“You don’t know if you trust when someone is being genuine toward you,” he filled in for me, and I bobbed my head. “I understand the feeling, I do.” He slowly backed us up until my back hit a tree and he cupped my cheeks. I relaxed at his touch, wanting more than anything to be able to believe without any fear at all that what I felt with Holden was not just some girlish fantasy of needing to feel loved and cared for. The next moment, his lips found mine and my arms were around his neck, pulling him even closer. “I’m not going to lie and say I know what this is,” he murmured, “but I swear to always be genuine with you, Gabby, and this… this is how I feel.”
“Good, because I feel the same,” I replied with a breath before we were kissing again. My head spun, and I felt nothing except Holden. Not the cold wind on my skin, or the bark of the tree against my back. Nothing but the warmth he exuded.
“We should get the elk back to the village,” he mumbled a while later.
“We should,” I agreed, then stole another kiss as he beamed at me. “I guess it is possible then.”
“What is?”
“That two people can truly be fated to be together, even when they think they’re better off alone.”
He rested his forehead on mine, running his hands over my braids and beads. “I don’t ever want to be alone again. This last week with you… you’ve taught me to open up again, to trust again, and I can never thank you enough for that.”
“You can by telling me what you’re up to,” I tried, but he shook his head, pulling away to pick the elk back up over his shoulders. “Just a hint!”
“Nope, come on. We’ve got quite a walk to go still.”
Being around Holden was more pleasurable now we’d broken down some of our walls. We kept things from each other about ourselves and our pasts, still, but we had the rest of our lives to figure everything out. To truly understand one another.
This was a good start, and I was happy, as much as I woke up every morning now telling myself it was all in my head. We were so alike in the best ways and though I could tell I annoyed him some days with my optimistic attitude, and he drove me mad with the way he purposely acted in a way to increase the tension between us to get a rise out of me, we worked together. Holden and I fit. Our similar pasts definitely gave us a starting point as far as knowing what the other had been through, having been there before ourselves, but our emotions were truer because of it. Neither one of us wanted to appear vulnerable, and yet when I was, he was there to give me strength. I did the exact same for him.
If only Irina could see us now, I wondered what she would be saying.
After we reached the village, we took the elk to the butcher, and he promised to take care of it for us, dividing the meat between the families who needed it most.
“Where’s this Ziggy?” Holden asked, and I led him to another large cabin.
I knocked twice, and a bear of a man opened the door.
“Gabby!” he exclaimed and wrapped me up in a bear hug until I laughed.
“Hello, Ziggy,” I said and stepped aside. “I have someone I would like you to meet.”
“Oh? Wait, are you the one who finally snagged this one here?” he asked, and I glowered at him.
“I am, yes,” Holden said with a smirk. “Holden.”
“Very nice to meet you, my lord,” Ziggy said and bowed.
“No need for that. I have a feeling very shortly you’re going to be causing me some pain.”
“Is that so? I take it you’ve seen Gabby’s markings?”
“He has, and he would like some of his own. Can you get him started?” I asked, and Ziggy stepped back inside, waving for Holden to join him. “You two go ahead, I need to stop by the cabin and stock up on some supplies.”
“You certain you want to go alone?” Holden asked, looking suddenly worried. “I can come with you first.”
“No, I’ll be fine. I have my wolves.”
His jaw clenched, and he stared past me to the road leading up to my cabin. His hand shifted toward his hip where his dagger rested. Why was he so worried about me?
“Holden, truly, I’ll be back shortly.”
He nodded stiffly, but I felt him watching me as I walked away and made for the woods. It was true I had not been back here since taking up residence in Disgrace, but after not hearing Tori’s voice for the last week, I managed to convince myself it was all in my head, after all. Nerves over a marriage to a demi, subconsciously telling myself that my relationship with Holden was going to turn out the same way hers had with Alric.
Thankfully, that did not seem to be happening. Holden was still brooding and grumpy at times, but there was no more hiding. If he wasn’t ready to answer something yet, he told me so, and I respected his decision. And he had shared quite a bit with me. Hattie and Josef were beyond pleased to see how much his attitude changed in so short a time. A swift kick in the arse had most definitely been what he required to make him see how much more there was to life.
I skimmed the trees as I walked, searching for any sign of Hela and Grell. Normally by now, I would see them nearby, but they were absent. I whistled, long and loud. Nothing.
“Curious,” I whispered to myself, my steps slowing as I neared my cabin.
I came to a stop altogether at the tree line, staring at the cold and empty firepit. My pulse pounded like a drum in my ears, and my breath quickened. I squinted, trying to see into the shadows it was too early to have around the cabin, but there was nothing there. I was alone. So why didn’t I feel as if I was alone?
“Just grab what you need and leave,” I ordered myself, struggling to get my feet moving again. “You are alone. There’s no one here.”
One foot finally broke free of the apprehension holding me back and then the other. When I reached the cabin, I pushed the door open, letting it swing wide. Inside looked just as I’d left it. Nothing was out of place, no wet footprints that hinted someone had been there recently. The air was thick, and the moment I stepped over the threshold, the door slammed shut behind me. Despite the windows not being shuttered, the light from the overcast day vanished, plunging me into complete darkness. I fumbled around, grabbing for the door, but it was stuck fast. I pounded my fist on it, screaming to be let out, but nothing happened.
Holden. I should have let him come with me. Each breath I took grew more ragged, and the temperature dropped until I was shivering so hard my teeth clacked together.
Gabriella… my daughter…
“No… no this isn’t real,” I whispered harshly. “You’re not here.”
Soon, my daughter, soon we will see what blood runs through your veins…
“No! Get out of my head! You’re not here!” I screamed, clasping my hands over my ears.
I never left. This is my home… “Not yours.”
I stared wide-eyed at the figure emerging from the darkness to stand sternly before me. Her hair was like mine but hung loose and wild down to her waist. Her brown eyes were filled with power that pulsed with a life of its own. She was me, an awful version of me.
“Tori,” I breathed.
“Gabriella, my poor daughter. Look what they’ve done to you,” she murmured sadly, reaching out to hold my cheek. I tried to back away, but my feet were trapped. Her hand touched my face, and I screamed as it burned. “You will not suffer long, my child, this I swear.”
“You’re the one who made me suffer!” I yelled through the pain until her hand finally fell away. I gasped, wincing at my burned face. “You tried to kill me!”
“Save you,” she argued vehemently. “And I will continue to do so.”
“I don’t want you in my life! I’m happy as I am! Go away and leave me be, please.”
She sighed, pacing around me, her black cloak dragging on the floor behind her. “You will never be happy, not with a demi for a husband,” she spat. “The blood of the gods will ruin him as it has nearly ruined you. Destroyed my legacy… or I thought it had.”
I whirled around to glare at her, but only my head moved, and I strained my neck with a curse. “What do you mean? I have none of your power.”
“Don’t you?” she questioned. “The day of your birth fast approaches, and with it, everything will change. You shall see soon enough and then, my sweet Gabriella, you and I can finally have our revenge. You will help me do what I’ve longed to do for so many years.”
“Whatever it is no,” I snapped. “It won’t happen.”
“It will.”
“I will not follow you!” I yelled. “Why can’t you understand that? I want nothing to do with you and your scheming. Nothing!”
Her hand was around my throat suddenly, and I clawed at it as she squeezed, choking me. “Even if I have to wipe your mind clean, you will join with me when the time comes. There is no hiding, not from your true fate.”
Unable to yell again, I spit in her face, and she released me with a grunt of disgust.
“Holden will betray you, that’s what they do. He will be your end unless you join me.”
“You can rot,” I seethed. “Rot for all eternity.”
“It appears he already has a hold over you. Another issue I will have to remedy.”
“Don’t you dare touch him!” I screeched, finding my feet and lunged for her, but I only grabbed air. I spun around as she cackled, and I winced, the noise pricking my ears.
“Soon, Gabriella, very soon you will understand.”
Then she was gone. The darkness lifted as if I’d suddenly opened my eyes after sleeping. I climbed to my feet, waiting for her to appear again, but I was alone. The door was open to the cabin, and Hela, and Grell trotted up to the porch, whining.
“I’m fine,” I assured them. “I’m fine. Just… just in my head.”
I gathered what I needed as quickly as I could, only half-looking at what I threw in a leather bag I had lying around, tossed it over my shoulder, and ran all the way back to
the village. After I was free of the trees, I turned back and swore I saw a black-cloaked figure ducking back into the shadows. I swallowed hard and barely nodded in greeting to those I passed. I made it to Ziggy’s cabin and knocked once.
“Enter!” he called, and I stepped inside, slamming it shut behind me.
“Gabby?” Holden asked. “What’s wrong?”
“Huh? Nothing, why?” I stammered as I dropped my bag and spun around to see him and Ziggy both eyeing me as if they were ready to grab their swords and go charge into battle. “What?”
“You’re pale and shaking,” Holden pointed out.
I held out my hands to see they were indeed shaking, violently. I tucked them in the folds of my fur coat and shrugged. “Cold, is all. How is your first tattoo coming along?” I asked, willing him to change the subject and not ask anymore.
His brow drew together as he settled back in the chair, resting on the upright part, so Ziggy had access to his bare skinned back. “Fine, I believe, not as though I can see it yet.”
“Not until I’m finished,” Ziggy said and went back to work.
“Did you get what you needed?” Holden asked me as I dragged over another chair and set it, so I could see him and the front door. His eyes narrowed, but he remained quiet.
“I grabbed what I could.”
“You didn’t have to rush back here… unless there’s something at your cabin that has you worried.”
“No,” I said in a rush. “No, just cold and I was anxious to see what you chose to get.”
Even Ziggy’s brow shot up at my blatant lie, but he kept his mouth shut. I looked anywhere but at Holden’s piercing gaze and spotted the beads I’d gifted to him on a table nearby. At first, I thought perhaps they were new ones Ziggy had lying around, but when I reached for them, I saw the detailing I’d asked Ziggy to add, images of hounds.
“You had these on you?” I held one in my fingers. “A bit smug to think you were going to win.”
Holden’s shoulders stiffened as he murmured, “I always have them on me.”
“You… you keep them with you always?” I asked, surprised.
“They were a gift from my wife, why would I not?”
Disgrace Page 10