The previous night must’ve affected Connor more than he let on. I’d never seen him so close to messing up. He was always double and triple checking. Although, the other night in the classroom….
“Hey, big man.” Adrian crossed the shop and slapped Connor's hand in one of those straight-boy handshakes I could never pull off. “Glad you came by. I have a bone to pick with you. You stole my help away from me today. I think it’s only fair you meet me at the farm tomorrow. We can put all those muscles to use.”
Connor glanced at me, still flustered. “I suppose I could—”
“Shut up, Adrian.” I relocked the front door and joined them. “Always looking for free labor. Plus, Connor’s gotta protect his hands. He can’t have them all messed up and do tattoos.”
“It’s picking carrots, not roadwork.” He gave Connor a wink. “Fine. No hard labor. Show up in a pair of overalls and no shirt, it’ll give me enough motivation that I’ll clear a field in half an hour.” He smacked Connor’s shoulder and laughed good-naturedly. “Just kidding, big man. Don’t get me wrong, you’re sexy as hell, but you’re Micah’s brother, and he’s kinda like mine, so that would just make it… gross.” He shuddered. And knowing him as well as I did, it was clear it wasn’t too much of a show. God, if Adrian thought Connor was off-limits because he was my brother…. “I gotta go clean up, but Micah and I were just getting ready to grab dinner at Mabel’s. Why don’t you join us?” Adrian didn’t wait on an answer, just turned around and headed off toward the restroom in the back.
Connor leaned to one side, watching him go, then faced me, his voice low. “I’m so sorry. I wasn’t even thinking. If I had said two more words—”
“You didn’t. It’s all good. Besides, you’re the one who has a problem with people knowing. Not me.” It was an old jibe, one that usually held a lot more venom. But I didn’t have it in me. Not after the night before. Not after seeing Adrian’s reaction. Not after my conversation with Seth.
Even though I hadn’t said it in a hurtful way that time, Connor winced. “Well. It sounds like you have plans. I should let you get to them.” He turned and started to walk to the door.
I grabbed his hand and held on until he stopped moving.
As always, he glanced around, checking. “I shouldn’t have come by. I’m sorry. I don’t know what I was thinking.”
I stepped into him. Just long enough to press my body against his. “I actually think it was pretty clear what you were thinking.” I meant to move away quicker, but I caught a whiff of him, the sweat from a long day, the smell of fresh ink.
Connor arched back, and pulled his hand from mine, another glance over my shoulder. “Well, it was a stupid idea. Honestly, I figured you’d have plans with Seth. But you already do with Adrian, so never mind.”
“Adrian? There’s nothing between me and Adrian.” For a second I forgot I hadn’t told him about Seth, hadn’t told anyone. But if he thought Adrian and I were….
“I didn’t mean there was.” He sighed. “Again, sorry. I should be stronger. This” —he motioned between us—“just makes everything confusing. And things are up in the air enough. I’ll leave you alone.”
This time when he turned to walk away, Adrian came to the rescue as he stepped back into the main room. “You boys ready to get your fried chicken on?”
“I sure am.” I jumped in before Connor could say anything. “Connor can’t stand fried chicken. But he’ll eat enough meatloaf to work his way through three head of cattle.”
Connor glared at me but didn’t object.
“Great!” Adrian came up between us and threw his arms over our shoulders, at least as much as he could, since he was several inches shorter than both of us. “Dinner with two handsome men. Must be a day that ends in Y.”
Dinner was a bit of sweet torture. Knowing why Connor had come to the shop. Knowing that no matter what he said, I’d be underneath him before the night was over. I wanted to rush through dinner, get away from Adrian. But I knew what would happen. Connor and I would fuck. Maybe fast and furious and raw, maybe slow and tender and sad. Either way, the minute it was done, he’d come to his senses and run. At least I could be with him a little longer while we ate, get to be in his presence. Keep assuring myself he was safe. That he wasn’t about to disappear. That the vestiges from the night before had no hold over reality.
“When I heard it was you lot I was cooking for, I decided to bring out your food personally.” After Mabel set down our plates, she rubbed Connor on the back in a motherly way as she placed his platter of meatloaf in front of him. She had a soft spot for Connor, always had. Of course that was true for the entire town from the moment he’d moved in. She waved dismissively at Adrian and me. “These two hooligans I see all the time. Selling me their goods at double market price just because they claim to be organic.” She winked.
Connor grinned up at her, suddenly looking like the boy I remembered from childhood when we’d come here to eat. “Thanks, Miss Mabel. Sorry I haven’t been in lately.”
Her face grew serious. “Never you mind that. You’ve had your hands full. I have to say, I’m mighty proud of you for taking in that nephew of yours.” To my surprise, she wiped at her eyes. Mabel was about as kindhearted as you could get, but she wasn’t a softy by any stretch of the imagination. She sniffed and then gave her shoulders a tiny shimmy and straightened, as if reminding herself of that very thing. “Anyway, it’s awful good, what you’re doing. Makes me even more glad for all the money Sapphire and I dropped on that date with Andrew and Joel to support building the youth center. Sometimes it’s easy for me to forget that even though things are better than when I was young, there’s still a long ways to go outside the town limits.” She gave a little chuckle. “And you know that if my wife and I are paying good money for a set of cocks, there’s a damn fine reason.”
As much as I loved her, and as certain as I was the sentence had been said in complete jest, it took an effort for me not to shudder at the mental image it brought up.
It didn’t seem to bother Adrian. “Trust me, Miss Mabel. I can’t speak about Joel, but you’ll get your money’s worth with Andrew. Granted, I haven’t sampled him since back in the day, but still. They say things get better with age.”
“Hey!” I smacked Adrian. “That’s Andrew you’re talking about. And I didn’t know you and he ever had a thing.”
“There’s plenty I haven’t told you. I have layers. You gotta take your time and peel them back.”
Mabel chuckled again and pointed at Adrian. “You’re nasty. Nasty, nasty nasty.”
“True story, Miss Mabel.” Adrian winked at her.
She shook her head, leaned down, and kissed Connor quickly on the top of his head and then with a wave she disappeared back into the kitchen.
Adrian leaned across the table. “Ya’ll want to hear the story about the night with Andrew and me?”
“No!” Connor and I shouted in unison, and then chuckled. Connor took over. “We most definitely do not. I swear you’re as bad as Gilbert.”
“I’m not sure anybody’s as bad as Gilbert.” Adrian lifted a chicken leg and tore off a bite, not bothering to swallow before he continued to speak. “Now your ex”—he poked the chicken leg in my direction, crumbs flying—“he’s almost as bad as Gilbert. Pretty sure there’s not one man in the city limits he hasn’t slept with. Me included.” I kicked Adrian’s leg under the table, and he let out a holler. “What was that for? I wasn’t insulting him. The man’s good at what he does.”
Connor had straightened across the table, and I could feel him staring at me. I adamantly avoided his gaze and sought for a subject change. “You know, Adrian, Miss Mabel got me thinking. Doesn’t she have a couple grandkids in high school? Maybe they’d be looking for summer jobs.”
Adrian was bent over, rubbing his shin. “We’re gonna need a lot more than summer help if you keep kicking me.”
“Which ex?”
Connor’s voice was quiet enough it somehow got
both of our attention, more so than if he’d spoken at normal volume. I glanced into his hazel eyes and looked away quickly, not able to stand the accusation I saw there.
Adrian answered for me. “Seth, of course.” He glared at me for another second and then turned his attention to Connor. “You know what I mean. After all this time, you had to have played around with Seth. You can’t argue the man’s got talent.”
Though he answered Adrian, I could still feel his stare on me. “Nope. Can’t say I’ve had the pleasure.”
I looked back at him then. Seth had been my first, but not last, attempt at making Connor jealous. I’d barely been eighteen, hooked up with Seth, and then told Connor all about it.
It had worked.
As a result, though I knew in the years since then that Connor had slept with as many people as I had, he’d steered clear of Seth Marino. They’d been friends but never anything else.
“Well, Connor, I gotta say, you missed your chance.” I marveled how at ease Adrian sounded, that as well as he knew me, he hadn’t picked up on the tension between Connor and me in that moment. “Now that he’s your brother’s ex, you can’t go have fun on that playground. There’s not too many rules, but that’s one of them.”
Connor finally looked away from me and turned to Adrian. “Maybe you should take another ride.”
Adrian flinched at that. “Nope, I’d never do that to Micah. The bro code. Seth is off-limits to me now too.”
Before long, the conversation changed, thank God. It seemed Adrian had been considering getting some tattoo work done, so he and Connor got lost in shoptalk while I tried to figure out how to salvage the night.
Turned out, I didn’t have to. Adrian had barely finished his meal when he glanced at his cell. “Well, I hate to eat and run….” He leaned back, pulled out his wallet, and took out some cash to toss on the table. “I have somebody to meet. Granted, they’re not as fun as Seth, but they’ll do. One of the boys from Olema. You know, I like to mix it up.”
I barely paid attention as goodbyes were said. Before I knew it, he was gone and Connor was staring at me from across the table once more.
“You and Seth broke up?”
I nodded.
“When?”
“The night of the Meat Market.” I sighed. “I drove over to him right after I left the school. I had to end it.”
“That was over a week ago.” Those eyes I loved more than any others searched mine, daring me not to look away. I didn’t. “Why?”
I nearly laughed. “You know why.”
Ten
Connor
Micah had broken up with Seth. Because of us. Because of me. He had ended his first real relationship. Maybe he’d had some in New York he hadn’t told me about, but I doubted it. Endless strings of sex, sure, but never a relationship before. Seth, in a sick twist of fate, had been his chance to break free.
Becoming a member of the Bryant family had saved my life. But it had put chains around Micah.
I didn’t see the stunningly handsome man sitting across from me. I saw the sixteen-year-old Micah. He had been beautiful back then, his hair more blond than it had become as he aged. He hadn’t gone through the awkward skinny stage I had. He’d even skipped the pepperoni pizza face. He could have been the inspiration for any of the Renaissance painters’ obsessions with beautiful young boys.
I hadn’t noticed. Micah had never been beautiful or attractive to me. He had been just Micah. My little brother. In many ways, when I’d looked at him, I hadn’t seen anyone different than the nine-year-old kid he’d been when I moved in. I’d loved him like I loved Gilbert, Hayley, and Lacy. The only thing I’d felt different for him was a fiercer protectiveness because he was younger than the rest of us.
I’d come home from college, Mom and Dad insisting I get a degree even if it was in art. I hated college. I hated living in the city. I’d learned long ago the world was unsafe outside of the borders of Lavender Shores. I just wanted to stay home, but I would do anything Patrick and Regina Bryant asked or expected.
I’d fallen asleep in my own bed, so relieved and happy to be back where I was safe, reminding myself I only had another year and a half and it would be done. I could come back to Lavender Shores for good.
Sometime in the night, I felt another body sliding against mine under the sheets. Naked, smooth, and muscled. It wasn’t a new sensation. There was a guy, Jared, I’d been sleeping with in college. Hands roamed over my body, stroking over my chest in the way he knew I loved. Then lips met mine as fingers curled around my cock. I wasn’t entirely sure if I was dreaming or if it was Jared. In that space hovering around wakefulness, it didn’t matter. A tongue slipped between my lips and caressed over mine. I began to thrust into the fist as I wrapped my hands around a firm back and pulled Jared’s body closer to mine, ready to be inside of him.
I didn’t notice the taste of the kiss being different, didn’t register that the body was thinner, tighter than Jared’s.
Legs straddled my hips and the kiss ended. There was a soft whisper of my name, and the spell broke.
My eyes flew open, and though I instantly knew it wasn’t Jared and wasn’t a dream, it took me several seconds to not only remember where I was but to identify the man on top of me.
Looking back, I think that was what took so long. It was a naked man rising over my body, lifting up, attempting to guide my erection into himself. It didn’t match with the view I knew of anyone. Then he looked down at me and smiled. “I love you, Connor.”
My brain screamed his name a split second before I shoved him.
Micah tumbled off the bed as I scrambled backward, clutching the sheets against me. He looked up from the floor. Hurt and confused.
He wasn’t the only one. I truly couldn’t comprehend that the man I was seeing was my brother. When had he changed? How had he become this man? “What the fuck are you doing?” Even I could hear the disgust in my voice, not that I tried to suppress it.
Still, he looked confused. “I love you.”
I stared at him, no thoughts forming, nothing. Nothing other than panic. “Get out.”
Micah’s bottom lip trembled slightly as he stood.
My gaze flashed over his body. I couldn’t believe what I was seeing, how the man in front of me was somehow the boy I had known for so long.
“But, Connor—”
“Micah. Get the fuck out of my room. Hurry up. What if Mom and Dad came in here?”
He hesitated, then whirled around and ran from my room, leaving the door open.
I stared after him, then glanced quickly across the room, expecting to see Gilbert. In the confusion I’d forgotten he’d officially moved out over a year ago and rarely visited home. Then I returned to staring into the bathroom that lay between Micah’s room and mine.
A quick replay of what had happened flashed in my mind, and I stumbled out of bed, hurried to the bathroom, shut and locked the doors, and then threw up.
It would be another two years before I kissed Micah again. Not until I saw he was dating Seth Marino, and it forced me to admit what I’d denied since that night. That every time I’d looked at Micah, I no longer saw my brother. No longer saw some kid I used to know and love. I saw a man. A man who was beautiful and so alive. A man I loved in a million different ways that I couldn’t make sense of. A man who caused my body to react despite every effort I made.
“You and Seth broke up?” Mabel’s restaurant disappeared. I’d spoken those words, those exact words so many years before.
Micah nodded.
“When?”
“The night of the Meat Market” Micah sighed. “I drove over to him right after I left the school. I had to end it.”
“That was over a week ago.” I searched his eyes, wasn’t sure what I was looking for. Some glitch, some thought or emotion that would save me from the memories of what I’d done to him. “Why?”
“You know why.” He sounded like the answer should be obvious. I supposed it was.
It pissed me off.
“Goddammit, Micah. You could have had something with him. Finally.”
He flinched, an echo of the confusion from years before crossing his face. “What?”
“You can’t keep giving everything up for me. It’s not right. You’ve sacrificed everything because I got stuck in your head at some point.” Like I didn’t know which exact moment. Like I didn’t know it was my fault. I’d sworn to protect him, and I’d been his undoing. I knew he’d been the one to crawl into my bed. But I’d kissed him back. It didn’t matter whether or not it was in my sleep. And when I’d woken, when I’d finally realized who it was… I’d wanted him. I saw only the gorgeous man he’d become, and I’d wanted him. Despite my best efforts, I’d never been able to stop. And Micah was the one who paid the price.
Micah’s lips moved silently for a second, as if searching for words, and then his brows creased. “Don’t pretend you didn’t hate me dating Seth. What was that the other night in Ms. Westfield’s room? It wasn’t pretend. It never is with us.”
That was true. One more thing that was my fault. “So what? You can’t tell me that things weren’t different this time. You guys have been dating for months. You had a chance.”
Micah glanced around the restaurant and then leaned across the table, his voice low, a dangerous hiss I rarely heard. “Don’t you dare throw that in my face. The only reason I was dating Seth is because you ended things right before we were going to tell the family. When Moses showed up and you were too worried about us hurting your chances of getting custody.”
Despite myself, a flash of my own anger fired. “Don’t blame things on—”
“I’m not. But it doesn’t change what happened. The only reason I was with Seth was because I decided I couldn’t go through it again. It was time to finally end things with you.”
The Hideaway (Lavender Shores Book 5) Page 10