“Wait,” she says, stopping me. “Are you sure?”
“Yeah. It was dark inside. Figured maybe he was just going to sleep. But it was freezing in there. I had to talk him into coming with me.”
She shakes her head. “I didn’t know. I mean, it’s not the first time this has happened. But we’ve never lived in the arctic fucking tundra before.”
I pull her inside and shut the door behind us. Jess sits on the couch, looking half-asleep.
“Help yourself to whatever food you can find if you’re hungry. There’s a bed for you upstairs. First door on the right,” I tell him.
“Thanks, man.”
“I’ll be up soon,” Lo says as I walk up the stairs to give them some time to talk.
“How…domestic,” Jess remarks, and I hear Lo tell him to shut up right before I close my door.
I take off my clothes, leaving my boxer briefs on since Jesse’s staying over. I fall onto my bed, thinking about how much chaos has fallen into my lap since Lo entered my life, but even more troubling is the fact that I don’t mind the mess. It’s a nice reprieve from my own.
When I wake up, it’s still insanely early. Too early. My own personal furnace is lying halfway on top of me, one of her legs between mine, cheek smashed against my chest. I brush the hair out of her face with my fingers, noticing how young and innocent she looks in her sleep. Sometimes I forget she’s only twenty-one.
Slipping out from underneath her, I walk quietly to my bathroom, making sure not to wake her. She had a long night. Shit, this girl has had a long life. I take a piss and brush my teeth before throwing my black jeans and hoodie on. My cabinets are pathetically bare, so I decide to stop by Sissy’s and Belle’s for some coffee and breakfast to bring back.
Jess is still asleep, if the colossal fucking snores coming from his room are anything to go by. Once I’m downstairs, I glance at the time on the stove. Six thirty. I don’t remember what the fuck time high school starts, but I’m guessing around eight, so I have time.
Sissy and Bella are elderly sisters, and two of the small group of people who never treated me any differently. Sissy runs the coffee shop while Belle runs the diner. You’d think they hated each other with how much they bicker, but that’s just how they’ve always been. Ever since I’ve known them anyway. I grab a couple of orders of waffles before heading over to get coffee from Sissy. You can’t go to one without the other.
Sissy hands me a drink carrier full of coffees, then walks out from behind the counter with a bag of extra pastries, like always, as she gives me shit about seeing “that old hag” next door before coming to see her. When I remind her that she’s the older sibling, she flips me off.
“Nice to see you, too, Sissy.”
* * *
WHEN I WOKE UP THIS morning, Dare wasn’t here. A sense of panic rose inside of me. Then I panicked even more because I was panicking. Panicking equals falling for someone. Depending on someone. And as soon as that happens, they leave. Everybody leaves.
So much for not getting attached.
As I wash my hair—helping myself to Dare’s shower—the rational side of my brain starts to wake up. He probably had an errand to run, or something. Last night, he implied that he wanted a relationship. Nothing happened to change that in the middle of the night, and he did go out of his way to make sure Jess and I had clothes to survive the winter that we severely underestimated, fucked me like he worshipped me, then bailed my little brother out of a potentially dangerous situation.
Those aren’t the actions of a man who plans to leave.
Once I’m finished, I step out, my wet hair dripping onto the cold floor. I wrap myself in a towel, then brush my teeth with my finger, which is about as effective as it sounds, but it’s better than nothing. Remembering the clothes downstairs, I run to grab the bags and dump the contents out onto Dare’s bed.
Jesus. He really went all out. Beanies, leggings, thermals, boots, long-sleeved T-shirts, a pair of gloves, more of the socks that I plucked off the top of the bag last night. Something lacy catches my eye, and I fish it out from underneath one of those puffy vests. I hold it up in front of me. It’s strappy, black lingerie, and I can’t help but laugh. So maybe his motives weren’t purely selfless.
I decide on a light gray fitted hoodie with the black puffy vest and leggings. I’m surprised to find that not only does it fit, but it still feels like…me. I pull on the pair of tan boots with a black toe. They’re fur-lined and probably the most comfortable thing my foot has ever been inside. They’re maybe half a size too big, but with the right socks, they’ll be perfect.
I hear the alarm on Jess’ phone go off, so I scoop his stuff up and make my way to the room he stayed in. He’s sitting on the edge of bed, shirtless, hands in his hair, appearing to still be half-asleep.
“Hey. Got some things for you,” I say, lifting the bag. He eyes it suspiciously.
“What’s all that?”
“Just some warm clothes. Boots.”
“Where’d it come from?”
I drop my shoulders, sitting next to him on the bed. “Dare.”
“Ah.” He nods. “Eric two point oh?”
“It’s not like that with Dare. I really like him.”
“And it has nothing to do with the fact that he has money and you have…assets?”
“Fuck you, Jess,” I say, standing. “That was a low blow.”
Sure, at first, that was part of the appeal with Eric. But Jess knows it was more complicated than that.
“My bad,” he says. “For what it’s worth, I actually like this guy. It just looks a lot like how things started with Eric.”
It’s not the same. Not even a little. But Jesse wouldn’t know that. He wouldn’t know that I’ve felt more for Dare in the first week of knowing him than I ever felt for Eric, or that Dare fought this thing between us just as much as I did.
“I think he’s broken, Jess. He’s broken, but he still tries to save me every single day. The job, the clothes, the defending of my questionable honor,” I say, huffing out a laugh that lacks humor. “He brought you here when I was too wrapped up in my own shit to realize my little brother was without fucking heat or lights.” I’m still beating myself up for that one. Jess has always been my first priority, and I slipped up this time.
“Oh, come on, Lo.” Jess rolls his eyes. “We’ve probably lived half our lives without that shit.”
“It’s not the same. You were alone.”
“Quit being dramatic. Look, if this guy makes you happy, fuck the rest. I don’t think you’ve ever done a goddamn thing for yourself. I’m not eight anymore, Lo. You don’t have to take care of me.”
“That’s not true. We take care of each other. Always.” I need Jess to know that I’m not going anywhere. Ever. “Like, it’s going to be you, your future wife, and then me hanging out in one of the eighteen spare rooms in your mansion when you become a legitimate hacker for the government or some shit. You aren’t getting rid of me.”
Jess cracks a smile, picking at a piece of fuzz on his pants.
“How were things with Henry the other night?” I’ve been meaning to ask him.
“Good,” he says, and I wait for the but that never comes. “He offered to take me to my first meet. I guess he did wrestling in high school, too.”
“Wow,” I say, shocked and impressed…and maybe a little hurt that I didn’t even know about his meet. “When is it? I’ll see if I can request the day off.”
“It’s like an hour and a half away. Henry said he’d get us a hotel room and we’d make a weekend trip out of it.”
“I still want to go,” I insist, and he nods. I’m proud of Henry for stepping up. I’m wary, but optimistic. Jess needs this. I just hope it doesn’t backfire.
“I’ll send you the information. It’s in my locker.”
I lean over to give him a one-armed hug, then pull away, wrinkling my nose. “You smell like a foot. Why don’t you go take a shower and get ready for school?”
“Blame your stalker. He was the one who cockblocked my shower.”
“What did Eric say to you, anyway?”
Jess shrugs a shoulder. “Not shit. He just said he wanted to talk to you.”
“That’s it?”
“That was it. Well, until your new boyfriend came and smashed your old boyfriend’s car to pieces.”
“What?” I screech, right as I hear Dare’s truck pull up.
“Sorry, I’d say more, but my shower calls.”
“Asshole.”
Jess walks away, chuckling, and I make my way down the stairs to meet Dare at the bottom. I stand on the last step, arms crossed, waiting for him. He walks in, hands full of coffees and two white paper bags.
“Morning, Sally.” He extends the drink carrier toward me in offering, but I don’t take one.
“What happened last night? Did you lie to me?”
“Your brother’s got a big mouth.” Dare sighs, setting the drinks and bags onto the floor, before walking up to me. He still towers over me, even with the extra inches from the step. His arms circle my waist. I arch an eyebrow, waiting for an answer.
“I didn’t lie—not technically. I didn’t touch him. He ran his mouth, so instead of killing him, like I wanted to, I beat up his car instead.”
I shake my head, hating that he’s involved in this at all. “You shouldn’t have done that.”
“Why are you worrying about him?” he asks, his voice slightly more accusatory than I’m okay with.
“I’m not worried about him, you idiot. I’m worried about you. This isn’t your mess.” Eric isn’t used to rejection. The man probably never heard the word no before I came along. It’s not about me. It’s about winning. He’s like a child throwing a tantrum, and everyone knows the fastest way to make it go away is to ignore it.
“I’m a big boy, Lo,” he says, his hands smoothing down the dip in my lower back before palming my ass. Ducking his head down, his nose burrows into my still-wet hair, and I feel his breath on my neck. “I can make my own decisions.”
“I have to admit…you getting all protective does get me kind of hot.”
“Oh, yeah?”
“Mhm.” I nod, bottom lip between my teeth. “But you’re still an idiot.”
“Yeah, well, this idiot brought you the best cherry danish you’ll ever have. Where’s Jesse?”
“Shower,” I answer simply, as if I’m not swooning on the inside. Dare nods.
“These the new clothes?” he asks, backing up to look me up and down.
“What do you think? Do I look like a real local now?”
“Hotter,” he says. “But I can’t take all the credit. I had some help from Briar and Mollie.”
“Ah, that would explain the lingerie.” I laugh.
“Say what now?” Dare asks, hooking a finger into the neck of my shirt and peeking inside. I slap his hand away, earning a groan.
“Later.” Besides, I’m not wearing the pretty stuff right now.
Jess barrels down the stairs, louder than a herd of elephants, and helps himself to a cup of coffee. “What’s in the bag?” he says, eyeing it like he’s about to score something illegal.
“Pastries,” Dare says flatly. He bends over and fishes something out before handing the bag to Jess. “Go to town.”
Jess doesn’t need to be told twice, taking it over to the counter to inspect the goods. Dare hands me a danish with cherries and cream cheese in the middle. The sweet, tart smell alone has my mouth watering, but the taste is what has my eyes rolling back into my head.
“This is amazing,” I say around a mouthful. Dare’s eyes land on my lips. He swipes his thumb across the bottom one before sucking the excess off.
“Ready to go?” Jess asks. Dare clears his throat and schools his features before turning around.
“Ready when you are.”
Jess shrugs his backpack over one shoulder while I grab my purse, making sure to bring my danish and coffee, then we’re on our way.
“What are you up to today?” Dare asks as we near Henry’s house.
“Well, it just happens to be my first full day off. I thought I’d grab some groceries and other necessities. Look around for a place to rent.” Buying warm clothes is one less worry, thanks to him.
“Still want to get your tattoo?” He surprises me by asking. I smile, sheepish, having forgotten about that with everything else that went down.
“Clearly, the alcohol clouded my ability to think rationally. I can’t afford that right now.”
“Oh, you didn’t know about the employee discount? Free-ninety-nine.”
“I am not taking a free tattoo,” I say, bringing the warm cup of coffee to my lips.
“It’s only fair, since I get to pick what I put on you. It’s basically free advertisement. Really, I should be paying you.”
I laugh, shaking my head.
“I have some time around six. I wanted to talk to you about something anyway.”
Oh, come on.
“You can’t just say that and expect me not to freak out all day.”
Dare smirks. “Just come see me. Now, get out before you make your brother late for school.”
“Fine,” I say, opening the door, but he surprises me by grabbing my chin and pulling me in for a kiss. It’s slow, but chaste. He smooths his thumb across my chin as his eyes search mine, and there it is again. That shift. It leaves me breathless and hopeful and terrified all at once.
“Don’t mind me,” Jess says from the back seat, effectively ruining the moment.
“See you tonight,” Dare says, his voice husky. I nod before jumping out.
“Call me after school. And don’t forget to send me the details for your meet,” I say to Jess.
“I won’t.”
“Love you.”
“Love you, too.”
I shut the door and watch them drive away, thinking how strange it is that someone else is taking my brother to school. Things like that probably seem so trivial to most people, but it’s almost unfathomable to me that someone wants to share my load, to do something nice for nothing in return. It’s freeing, but it also makes me anxious and guilty. Like I shouldn’t be letting this happen. Like I should take care of my shit on my own. Like it somehow makes me less than for accepting help.
I stop inside to grab the keys to the 4Runner and a hair tie to throw my damp hair on top of my head. The temperature inside serves as a reminder that we need to find somewhere to go. Fast. I’ve been so busy with work and Dare—admittedly—that I haven’t had a chance to do much else.
I hit the local grocery store. Stocking up on food for the week that doesn’t require a microwave or refrigerating is harder than I thought. I grab some candles, wood for the fireplace, and splurge on some pricey protein bars, thinking Jess could use something to get him through these long wrestling days.
Afterward, I follow up with the only lead on a house I had, only to learn that they’ve already rented to someone else. I sit in my car, searching for rental listings on my phone. I can’t find anything even close to our budget. Not one thing. I drive through neighborhoods for hours—searching out For Rent signs—my frustration building with each failed block. I’m all but convinced that we’re going to have to move back to The Bay.
“Shit!” I take my anger out on my steering wheel, pounding my fists against the old cracked leather until my hands hurt. I know exactly what will happen if we move back. No school will take Jess back, so he’ll drop out. He’ll go back to selling drugs and hanging out with the wrong people. Mom will weasel her way back into our lives, and all of this, every single minute of it, will have been for nothing. I’ll have to leave this place and these people who have slowly started to feel like home. And Dare. I don’t even want to think about what that would mean for us.
Dropping my forehead to the steering wheel, I breathe deeply, willing my tears not to fall. I don’t know how many times I can fail before I just…give up. If it were just me, I would’ve throw
n in the towel long ago. But Jess? Jess is smart. He can actually go somewhere in life. He deserves the opportunity, and I thought I could give it to him.
My phone buzzes from the seat beside me, and I reach for it.
Jesse: Home. Power’s back on.
Huh. I wonder if it wasn’t shut off for non-payment. Must have been an outage. I never bothered to mention it to Henry because I figured he’d simply quit paying it since he was moving out.
Me: Nice. Upside-Down Day?
Jess: Hell yeah.
I smile, despite my current state of sadness, loving that he still gets excited about things like that.
I notice the time on my phone and realize it’s almost time to meet Dare. Angling the rearview mirror down, I fix my smudged eyeliner, tighten my ponytail, and give myself a mental pep talk.
Suck it up, Lo. You’ve been in worse situations. You’ll figure this out, too.
I decide to run back inside the store to grab what I need for Upside-Down Day since I can use the stove now, then I drop off the groceries at Henry’s. The kitchen table is gone. With each load he moves to his shop, my anxiety about finding a place intensifies.
The whole drive to Bad Intentions, I’m racking my brain for a solution that never comes. I don’t even know if we have a home to go back to in Oakland. We are, quite literally, out of options.
I park behind the shop, running toward the back door to escape the freezing wind. No one notices my arrival. Matty and Cordell each have clients, but I don’t see Alec. Dare sits at his station, his back to me, head down. His foot taps against the floor as he focuses intently on whatever he’s working on—a habit I’m not even sure he’s aware of.
I walk up behind him, covering his eyes with my hands and kiss his neck.
“Dammit, Cord. How many times do I have to tell you? Not in front of the customers.”
“Shut up.” I laugh. He tosses his sketchbook to the floor and pulls me onto his lap, my arms automatically circling his neck. I already feel lighter being around him, but heavier at the same time, knowing our time here has an expiration date.
Bad Intentions (Bad Love) Page 18