“So give him the perks of being old, of being the patriarch of a loving family. Tell him to wield that iron fist and give everybody shit. That’s what being old is about, saying and doing whatever you want,” he laughed.
She let out a loud laugh, and it made him feel good.
“Yeah, you’re right. I’ll take him to the grocery store, and he can be the dirty old guy, instead of the dirty young guy. The only difference is now he can get away with it.” Some of the tension had left her voice.
“What can I do, Natalie? Tell me, anything you want, I’ll do it.”
She breathed heavily again, “There’s nothing you can do, Michael, but thanks.”
He wanted to hear, ‘Come here, be with me, hold me, make me feel everything’s going to be alright.’ He knew she would never say it, he thought she didn’t trust him enough to. And in her mind, she had every right. But he was determined to change that. He wanted to wipe out the past, but he knew he couldn’t do that either. So he was determined to make a now, and a future.
“Send me your address,” he told her.
“Why?”
He could hear the shock in her voice.
He laughed again, “Don’t worry, I’m not going to show up at your door. I want to send you a surprise.”
“Michael…,” she started to protest.
“Sshhh, Natalie, don’t argue. Please.”
“Ok,” she hesitated. “Thanks Michael,” her voice softened, and he could hear the smile she wore.
“For what?” he asked.
“For caring,” she almost whispered.
“I always have, Natalie, I just didn’t know how to do it right. I’m not the same man I was then.”
“I know,” was all she could say.
He knew she was holding back the tears.
“Keep me posted.”
“I will. Bye Michael,” she whispered again.
“Bye Natalie.”
He sat back in his chair. He could picture her, sitting there all alone, being strong, always keeping everything held tightly inside. That’s what hurt him the most.
Later that afternoon, Natalie answered the door to a delivery man. He was holding a huge arrangement of red roses and a basket. The basket contained a bottle of French Sauvignon Blanc, candles, a gift certificate for a massage at the finest spa in the area, candies and treats for the kids, along with the latest Xbox game, dinner for Natalie and her daughters at the best restaurant in town, and a week’s worth of personal chef services, to be used whenever she wanted.
That’s when she broke down and cried.
1985…
“Natalie…” Michael said quietly when he came through the door.
Natalie jerked her head at the sound of his voice as her world opened up beneath her. She felt the blood drain from her face, then it came back in a rush. She had been sitting in the living room putting her books away after finishing her homework.
“What are you doing here?!” She asked him, shocked.
“You’re not happy to see me?” he said in that deliciously wicked way he had that made him irresistible.
Michael couldn’t believe how nervous he was. His palms were sweaty and he had to work at keeping his voice from cracking. Nothing ever made him nervous. But once he’d made up his mind to face Natalie, and confront her about the other man, nothing was going to stop him. He had no idea what he expected to accomplish, if she let him at all, but that wasn’t the point. It was something he had to do.
Natalie was speechless. No, she wasn’t happy to see him, but at that same time, she was ecstatic. She could only blink at him a few moments while she tried to regain her ability to speak.
“It’s not that…,” she fumbled for words.
In the fog of Natalie’s brain, she didn’t notice he was walking towards her until he was so close, she could feel his body heat, and he was hot.
Michael slid his arms around her, as if he owned her and had every right to. And he did, because no matter how much time passed, where she went or he went, she was his. Her body reacted to him, betraying her, and her anger and hurt, as she melted into him. His arms enfolded her, and her cheek was drawn to his chest with his strong heartbeat below it, the sound of it lulling her.
“Do you want to tell me what the hell you think you’re doing?” the sound rumbling through his body vibrated against her.
Natalie jerked away from him.
“What the hell I’m doing?!” she shot back at him.
She pushed herself from him and turned away. She couldn’t let him see the look of pain she knew would be on her face as the image of him kissing that woman flashed in her mind again. The hurt cut through her like a burning dagger, just as fresh as it had that day.
“Yes, you. Are you crazy, going off and staying with some guy in the city that you don’t even know?!” he yelled at her.
She was furious with Vinnie for telling Michael about Joe. But a sick satisfaction seeped through her as well. She was glad Michael had found out she wasn’t sitting around waiting for him like a lovesick girl, which she knew she was, but she didn’t want him to know that.
“It’s none of your business what I do, Michael,” Natalie informed him, lifting her chin at him defiantly.
She wasn’t going to explain herself, or tell him they’d been dating. He’d lost that right when he kissed that woman.
“Everything you do is my business, Natalie.” He thought she was right, so damn right, but that didn’t change anything.
There was a look of pained struggle in Michael’s eyes, Natalie could see it.
Michael fought back the words he wanted to shout at her. He wanted to tell her she was his, she belonged to him, and he wasn’t going to share her. That he never let her go.
But he knew he had no right to, not after how he’d treated her. And especially because of all the things he’d done that she didn’t even know about.
“Are you crazy, Michael?!” Natalie asked him dumbfounded.
“No, I am not,” he said, as he stepped closer.
“Yes, you are.”
Natalie took a step back. She couldn’t let him get close. When he was too close, she lost all reasoning, all control, and she couldn’t allow herself to fall into that pit again. Not now. Not yet.
“You disappear for weeks, I don’t see you or hear from you AT ALL. And you come barging in here, telling me I’m your business! You. Are. Absolutely. CRAZY.” Natalie’s voice was rising and she knew she was entering that place where she wouldn’t be able to think straight.
“You’re right. About everything. I’m a piece of shit. I’m sorry,” he said, he couldn’t deny it because she was right.
At least he had the decency to look shameful. Natalie was so mad at him right now, she wanted to hit him.
She was angry at him for making her love him, for making her believe in him, for making her believe in them. And for taking all of that and throwing it back in her face, and humiliating her.
“Natalie,” Michael whispered.
He had her in his arms as his lips possessed her.
Natalie was swept into the whirlwind that was Michael. All that rage, all that fury inside her, morphed into the passion that had been lying dormant between them, awakened by the magic of his kiss.
The fire they had shared before exploded in that instant. The hunger he’d always had for her was clawing at her and pulling her in.
“Don’t,” she said, her voice strained, as she wrenched away from him.
“Natalie, please…,” he whispered, as he pulled her back.
“Michael, what do you want from me?” Natalie was desperately trying to hold onto the last fringes of self-control she could grab. His mere presence wiped everything from her, except how much she wanted him.
He struggled for words, and held back what he really wanted to say.
‘Be patient with me, Natalie.’
‘Wait for me Natalie.’
‘Forgive me, Natalie.’
Knowing he h
ad not right to say any of those things, he dropped his hand and released her. The expression on his face shuttered as a hint of the arrogant façade he wore for show drifted across it. It was his armor and defense mechanism.
‘Fight for me, dammit!’ she screamed at him in her mind.
“I only want you to be happy, Natalie,” he said with sincerity, as his eyes gentled.
That was the truth. That was what he wanted most of all. But he was selfish, he’d always fought for everything he’d wanted his whole life. It was all he knew. If he wanted something, he went after it with everything he had, and all he had was himself. The problem was, there were always casualties, and in this fucked-up situation his life had led him to, Natalie was one of them. Even though he cared about her.
Natalie waited for more. She needed more. She stared at him silently, as her eyes told him that wasn’t enough.
“Jesus, Natalie, what do you want me to do?!”
“I want you to tell me what you really want Michael, and stop playing with me,” she said firmly, daring him to be honest for once in his life.
“What I want?” he threw at her as sarcasm dripped from his words. “It doesn’t matter what I want, because I have nothing to give. The fucking clothes on my back is all I’ve got, I have nothing, Natalie, nothing to offer.”
The pain and agony that pulled at him bore into Natalie from his dark eyes, etched in the expression on his gorgeous face. Her heart lurched with the intensity of it.
Natalie’s eyes pleaded with him, trying to make him understand.
All she wanted was him.
He continued as the look passed, tucked away behind his reserve, “I have no right to tell you what to do, I know that. But I can’t stand the idea of you with somebody else, it fucking kills me inside!”
His body tensed and his fists clenched at his sides. She could still see the struggle battling inside him.
This man was so tormented, fighting so many things inside himself, and keeping a tight lid on it every day.
“But I’m trying to change that, Natalie, I just need time,” he said finally, and she knew that was all he would tell her.
Natalie looked at him a long moment, weighing if that would be enough for her.
“Ok,” she whispered, because that was all he could give her.
“Come here, I need to hold you.”
His voice behind the smile sounded so needy and so helpless, there was no way she could deny him. It pulled at her heart and reached so deeply inside her, it touched a sacred place where she lived.
Natalie stepped into the circle of his arms, into that secret world where everything inside her came alive. She could feel his body relax against her, into her, taking the peace that she offered him freely. He let out a heavy exhale. Maybe the first real one in a very long time. His body molded into her, and made her a part of him.
“God, Natalie, you have no idea what it feels like holding you like this,” he murmured as he held her tighter. “It’s heaven, perfect, like nothing can touch us here.”
Natalie heard the genuineness in his voice, it had a peace he didn’t have a moment ago. It made her heart ache for him.
“I missed you Natalie,” he whispered as his arms tightened around her.
“I’ve been right here, Michael.” She couldn’t hide the hint of sorrow in her tone, conveying the pain she tried to hide.
He breathed in deeply, “I know. It was me who wasn’t. I’m really sorry I’m such an asshole.”
She didn’t tell him it was ok, it never could be. Her silence said it all. This was who he was, this was the man a lifetime of survival had created. She loved him anyway, maybe because of it. He was strong. He had the kind of strength that couldn’t be attained, but the kind one was born with.
It was up to her to decide if she would accept him completely this way or not.
He knew she loved him, he felt it leaving her and seeping into the deepest, darkest parts of him, healing him piece by piece. That’s why he loved her, he had no doubt.
But it was such a pure love, the kind that could be destroyed by the ugliness of this world.
His lips stroked the softness of her skin so tenderly, it almost made her cry. She could feel the depth of his emotion with the light touch of his kisses, so yearning and needy. He needed her, and she wanted to give herself to him, she wanted to ease the constant ache she knew he had inside.
“I need to make love to you, Natalie,” the strained sound of his voice whispered to her.
That was what he knew, the only way he could express all that he felt for her. It was the only time he was unguarded with Natalie, and vulnerable. Because she demanded it, she pulled everything out from him. And he felt safe and free.
“Then you’ll disappear again, Michael…,” the words slipped from her mouth as it searched for his, hungry to taste him again.
“I don’t want to…” his breath mixed with hers.
His tongue caressed her lips as his hands clasped her face, holding it a breath away from his.
She let him savor her as she got drunk on his touch. What flared between them was something she’d never felt before. It was stronger, with a yearning so deep, it almost scared her.
He didn’t say he wouldn’t leave, he didn’t promise that he wouldn’t. But if he had, she would have known he was lying. The way he felt when they were like this together, when what they had blazed between them like a raging fire, she knew there was nowhere else he’d rather be than right here. She knew he didn’t want to leave. She also knew he would.
They were alone in the house. She had thought she was going to be alone until late. Her parents were still in North Carolina and Vinnie had a date with a girl from school, which was something normal for a change.
“How did you get here?” Natalie asked him quietly. She had to know if someone was waiting for him outside.
“I took a cab. I’ll call another one when I have to leave. Do you want me to go?” he stilled with the question. “I took a chance, I needed to see you, half expecting you to throw me out when I walked in.” There was a tremor hidden in the humor he tried to portray.
“I’m glad you did,” she would give him that much to let him know how happy she was to see him.
“I’m glad you didn’t throw me out, at least not yet.”
Michael wanted her. Every fiber of his being pulsed with the need to own her, have her, drown himself in her. It was a hunger so deep, one that he’d never felt before.
He was still waiting for her to answer. The depth of emotion in his eyes sent a shiver up her spine.
They stared into each other’s eyes as his hands cupped her face, and hers held his waist. Her fingers dug into him, wanting to reach inside him, yearning to get closer.
His lips lowered to hers, softly at first, stroking her languidly and deliciously. But she could feel the stirring of something powerful and hungry inside him. She moaned as she was swept into the waves of desire consuming her, seduced by the beast within.
She was Michael’s safe haven, his place of quiet in the storm, where everything righted itself, where the world was beautiful and perfect. She was the drug that his soul craved, its food and its nourishment. The man in him needed her, what she gave to him, more than anything else. And the beast inside loved the taste of her succulent innocence and purity. His only. The passionate woman that she became under his touch just for him.
And he knew he was a scumbag for taking all she offered him, and asking for nothing in return.
She wanted to save him, her poor tormented dark angel. From himself.
Her body answered him of its own volition, as it pressed into his, giving itself to him. And he responded, as his hands captured her and his mouth possessed her.
Natalie didn’t think with her mind, but acted with her body, as it led them towards her bedroom. Michael closed the door behind them. When he turned to face her, her heart stopped with the look of intense longing in his eyes. For one tiny instant, everything inside him
was there on his face. She couldn’t breathe. It was raw, it was primal, and it was predatory. And she wanted it.
“Take your clothes off for me, Natalie. I want to look at you,” his voice was strained and gravelly.
Natalie was trembling, from both fear and anticipation. She slowly pulled her shirt over her head and dropped it to the floor. Then her fingers moved to the closure of her jeans and fumbled with the button, before finally freeing it and lowering the zipper, the sound of it mixed with the pounding of her heart. She was sweating as chill bumps raised on her flesh. Her body lowered as she pushed the pants down her legs, pulling her socks off with it. She slowly straightened and reached behind her to unclasp her bra. The straps slid down her shoulders as it fell to the floor.
She heard Michael’s sharp intake of breath before he said, “Stop.”
She froze.
“I want to remember you like this. Perfect and beautiful,” he whispered.
A ripple of foreboding flittered through her.
She was his, a vision of everything his body, heart and soul could have ever hoped for. He wanted to freeze this moment, this picture, in his mind. He needed to have it, to cherish it. Because he didn’t know if he would ever have it again.
His hand reached up to trace a slow line down her neck with a finger, as her chin rose up to offer itself to him. It continued down the valley between her breasts. Her nipples hardened at the light touch. Her chest lifted and fell below his finger with shallow breaths. He kept going until he reached her navel, and circled it. Her breath sucked in at the intimacy of that simple caress. He was killing her with his slow seduction, toying with her. He lowered his mouth and nipped the upturned line of her jaw. She gasped as the shocks reverberated through her. He stepped closer while never losing contact with her bare flesh. His hand flattened against her hip, then slid behind her, and inside the thin fabric of her panties, to cup her cheek. His other hand moved to clasp the other, to remove the last barrier of her clothing.
“Now me,” Michael gritted out as he took Natalie’s hands in his and placed them on his stomach.
She felt his muscles flex under her light touch.
The Rooster Club_The Best Cocks in Town Page 15