by Tracey Smith
Michael didn’t seem as disheartened by the events as I would have expected. He insisted that it was time for him to move on anyway. He felt inspired to go back to small canvases again, portraits in particular. He promised that he would not give up on his painting and begged me to allow him to help at the bakery. I couldn’t refuse. The thought of having him with me every day was too tempting to put up much of a fight.
When my alarm woke me the next morning, Michael got up with me. I tried to make him go back to bed explaining that he could sleep for a few more hours, but he insisted on coming into work with me. He helped me in the kitchen just as he always did at home and it was nice having him there with me.
Amy was surprised when she arrived a few hours later, but I quickly explained that Michael was going to be taking her place and she seemed happy with that fact. She didn’t question our motives and I was glad that I didn’t have to explain them to her. As much as I loved having him there, I felt guilty and was still having a hard time justifying it with myself.
Amy’s last few weeks flew by quickly and Michael easily learned everything he needed to know to take over when she left. Michael took over ordering all of our supplies and dealing with vendors. He continued to come into work with me every morning and help me in the kitchen until it was time to open. I taught him some basic cooking techniques and divided the daily tasks between us.
With his added help in the kitchen I had more time to concentrate on organization. I decided on which key items I would offer in the bakery on a daily basis and also created a menu for items available upon order. Michael helped me design the look of the new menu that we distributed to our customers and we quickly saw an increase in called-in orders.
With Michael’s help in the kitchen I was also able to devote myself more to specialty cake decorating, which was definitely my underlying passion. Michael even helped me think of interesting new cake designs, he had wonderful suggestions. Our days flowed smoothly and I couldn’t even remember how I had done this without him.
After work every night we went back to his place. As promised he didn’t give up on his painting. I was often the object of his portraits, and I enjoyed how he used me as a living mannequin deciding how to pose me, how to dress me… or undress me.
When his first painting sold, I felt relieved and less guilty about stealing his time at my shop. Our lives had fallen into perfect order.
Spending Sunday nights with Amy, Dan, Charlie, and Claire had become part of our happy routine. We usually used my apartment to host our dinner parties, because my kitchen was set up to accommodate cooking for everyone, but we always went back to Michael’s apartment after we ate because he had the larger living room.
“You guys should just build a staircase between your apartments and make it two-stories.” Charlie laughed one night as we all trekked up the stairs to Michael’s place.
“That’s not a bad idea.” Michael commented, “Although I’m not sure the landlord would be too happy about it.”
Everyone laughed, but suddenly their voices seemed far off. My head started swimming and I felt dizzy. I broke out in a cold sweat as I reached for the banister to keep from falling backwards.
“Katherine, what’s wrong?” Michael was instantly at my side supporting me. I leaned against him trying to make the room stop spinning.
“I’m not sure.” I whispered collapsing against him.
Amy grabbed my other arm as they helped me up the last few stairs. I didn’t even remember walking the rest of the way to Michael’s apartment. I felt so strange.
I was aware of a cool cloth being placed across my forehead and realized I was laying on one of Michael’s couches. I could hear everyone talking around me, but couldn’t concentrate on what they were saying. Suddenly my stomach heaved and I jumped off the couch and ran for the bathroom. Luckily I made it just in time.
Michael was right behind me, holding my hair back for me as I leaned over the toilet expelling everything that was in my stomach. When I finished I felt better, aside from the extreme embarrassment I felt at having him watch me.
“Are you okay?” He asked as I rinsed my mouth out at the sink.
“I think so.” I told him taking inventory of how I felt.
Whatever it was seemed to have passed just as quickly as it came.
“Maybe you should lie down.” He said still looking very concerned.
I agreed and allowed him to lead me to the bed. Amy was standing in the bedroom looking anxious.
“Katherine?” She asked coming to sit on the edge of the bed “What happened?”
“I don’t know.” I told her “I felt fine and then all of a sudden I felt horrible, but I feel okay now. Maybe it was something I ate. How do you feel?” I asked her trying to make sense of what had just happened.
“I feel fine. I don’t think it was the food. We’re going to leave so you can rest.” She said and I didn’t argue, I was exhausted.
“Okay.” I smiled and closed my eyes.
Michael walked her out and said goodbye to everyone and then came back to check on me.
“How are you feeling?” He asked sitting down on the bed.
“Just tired.” I told him and quickly drifted off to sleep with him watching over me.
The next morning I felt fine when the alarm woke us up. Michael watched me closely as I dressed for work. I felt perfectly normal. We went to work and the day passed without further incident.
As we cooked dinner that night Michael finally seemed to have accepted that I was fine. He chopped the vegetables and passed them to me to sauté. Then all of a sudden the heat from the stove felt overwhelming and the smell of the food repulsed me. I ran for the bathroom, this time closing the door behind me. I became sick again, violently heaving as I hugged the toilet bowl.
“Katherine!” Michael called anxiously from the other side of the door “Can I come in?”
“No!” I shouted.
I didn’t want him to see me like this again, once was bad enough. Finally my stomach stopped turning and I sat back leaning against the wall. I couldn’t understand the cause of the illness, I had felt fine all day.
After a few minutes I felt composed again and got up to brush my teeth. When I walked out of the bathroom Michael was waiting for me.
“I’m taking you to a doctor.” He insisted.
“I’m fine.” I told him, and really I was.
Just like the night before once the initial nausea passed I no longer felt sick.
“No you’re not. Don’t argue with me.”
The look in his eyes told me there was no point in arguing. I grabbed my purse and let him take me to the 24-hour walk-in clinic. Once there he explained the events of the last few nights to the nurse while I sat quietly wishing we hadn’t come. I felt fine again and I felt stupid for coming.
When Michael finished telling her the story the nurse looked at me with a weird smile. She asked Michael to excuse us and he looked at me nervously.
“I’ll be fine.” I assured him and reluctantly he left the room.
As soon as he did the nurse began her round of questions. Most were standard questions that anyone would expect: how old was I, had I been running a fever, any other symptoms. Then she asked a question I didn’t expect. She wanted to know if I was sexually active. I thought it was a strange question and wasn’t sure how it related to the current situation, but I told her that I was. Then she asked when my last menstrual cycle had been. Immediately I realized what she was getting at. How long had it been? I tried to think back but couldn’t pinpoint an exact time frame.
“I’m not sure.” I answered honestly and she smiled again.
“Are you on any form of birth control?” Her last question confirmed my suspicions as to where her line of questioning had been going.
“No.” I answered quietly.
I realized I hadn’t even thought about that. When I was with Michael I didn’t think rationally, I hadn’t thought to take any precautions. The nurse drew s
ome blood and left me alone in the small room to contemplate the new possibility that was forming in my mind. I didn’t have long to dwell on my naivety. The nurse returned after a few minutes smiling and holding my test results.
“Congratulations.” She started “You’re not dying and your morning sickness should pass after about another month or so.”
“Morning sickness?” I repeated.
“It’s not really an accurate description. It can hit any time of day really.” She explained “You’re pregnant sweetheart.” She added, just in case I hadn’t understood.
I didn’t know what to say. I just stared at her for a minute. Her smile faded.
“I take it this was unexpected.” She assumed.
I nodded.
“Is he the father?” She asked gesturing toward the waiting room where Michael waited.
I nodded again.
What would he think? What did I think? I didn’t know. My mind was racing.
“Would you like me to tell him?” She asked looking a little concerned.
“No.” I said finding my voice “Can I go?” I asked.
“Of course.” She looked a little flustered now. Obviously my reaction wasn’t what she had expected.
She walked me out to the waiting room and Michael jumped up as soon as we entered. He looked from me to her nervously.
“Well, is she okay?” He asked the nurse after neither of us said anything.
“She’s fine.” The nurse replied professionally. “You will need to follow up with a… specialist.” She told me handing me some papers.
I took them silently and walked to the door. Michael beat me to the door and opened it for me. I walked into the cool night air and the breeze felt good against my face. We walked to the car without talking.
“What is going on Katherine?” he asked as soon as we were in the car.
“I’m pregnant.” I said staring out the windshield.
He was quiet for a minute and I was afraid to look at him. He hadn’t started the car yet. We just sat there in the silent car and finally I turned to face him. He was smiling a little.
“What are we going to do?” I asked shaking.
I felt the tears building up.
“We’re going to have a baby.” His smile widened and my tears broke free, but I was smiling now too.
“We’re going to have a baby.” I repeated smiling through my tears. He leaned over and wrapped his arms around me.
“Why are you crying?” He asked still holding me.
“I don’t know.” I laughed and wiped my tears away.
We drove home silently, both of us deep in thought. We went back to my apartment and again I felt exhausted.
“I’m ready for bed.” I told him as soon as we got inside.
“Okay” he said still smiling “I’m going to stay up for a while.”
I kissed him goodnight and stumbled to bed. I was asleep as soon as my head hit the pillow.
The next morning I woke up before my alarm went off. I felt rested and ready to take on anything. I lay in bed for a few minutes thinking over the revelations from the night before.
I was happy. I was nervous, and surprised and unprepared, but more than anything I was happy. I climbed out of bed quietly trying not to wake Michael. I noticed an easel in the corner that hadn’t been there before. I realized he must have brought it down from his apartment after I’d fallen asleep. A cloth was draped across it so I couldn’t see the painting. I walked quietly across the room and started to lift the cloth.
“No peeking.” Michael’s voice surprised me and I turned around quickly.
He was still lying on the bed propped up on his elbow.
“It’s a surprise.” He told me smiling.
“I thought you were still sleeping.” I said strolling back over to the bed.
“How are you feeling this morning?” He asked as I slipped into bed next to him.
“Good as new.” I told him gently stroking his chest and letting my hand linger at his waist.
He leaned over and kissed me tenderly. I pulled him on top of me, but he kept his weight supported on his arms barely touching his body to mine. I kissed him more passionately but he still restrained himself.
“I’m not going to break.” I teased him.
“I know, but…” he trailed off looking down towards my stomach.
“It’s fine.” I told him “From what I understand it takes at least a month before a pregnancy test would be positive, so that means I’ve been this way for a little while now.”
“Yeah, but now that we know…” again he trailed off, he seemed torn between his desire and his concern.
“I was pregnant last week, before we knew…” I paused meaningfully remembering our love making over the last week and knowing he would too. “and I still am.” I finished.
This seemed to convince him and he kissed me softly, but still didn’t release his weight against me. We made love slowly, tenderly. When the alarm went off, we ignored it.
We were late getting to the shop that morning, but we were able to pull things together quickly and open the doors on time. Michael watched me like a hawk, insisting that I lifted nothing heavy and begging me to sit and rest during every break. This was going to get old.
“Michael millions of women have had babies, I’m not the first.” I told him as we ate lunch.
“I wasn’t in love with those women.” He told me seriously. “I don’t want anything happening to you… or the baby.”
“I’ll be fine, and so will the baby. I’ll take it easy I promise, but it’s going to be a long 9 months if you’re watching every move I make.” I told him
“I’m sorry.” He apologized and I felt bad for having chastised him.
“I’m going to make an appointment with an obstetrician, you can come with me if it would make you feel better.”
He beamed at my offer.
“When are we going?” he asked excitedly
“I’ll call now.” I said getting up from the table.
I made an appointment for 2 o’clock on Friday and realized I would have to close the shop early that day. I started thinking about how having this baby was going to affect my life.
Surely I would be able to work through most of my pregnancy, but then what? What would I do with the bakery? I decided I had plenty of time to figure it out, so I wouldn’t worry about it yet. But now that I’d had the thought, it stayed naggingly at the back of my mind.
Chapter 24: Unexpected
Katherine and I spent every day together in the bakery and every night together in each other’s arms. I couldn’t imagine anything that would make me happier than I already was. Then Katherine told me she was pregnant and I discovered new levels of happiness, and also new levels of worry.
Suddenly Katherine seemed so fragile to me. Despite her constant assertions otherwise and even her doctor assuring me of the health of both her and the baby, I still worried night and day.
Nights were easier. She was very tired for the first few months and often fell asleep as soon as we’d finished dinner. When she slept she looked so peaceful, almost angelic. I loved to watch her sleep.
I kept an easel by her bed and painted her while she slept. I worked on it nearly every night, but kept it covered so she couldn’t see it. I planned to have it finished by her birthday in May. I wanted it to be perfect. I wanted to capture every detail. Sometimes when I worked I felt consumed with the fear that I wouldn’t have enough time to finish it.
Days were harder. She worked so hard at the bakery and I constantly watched her waiting for something bad to happen despite her pleas for me to stop. I couldn’t help it. The thought of anything happening to her was too much to bear, and strangely the idea of losing this child I had not even met was almost equally painful. I loved them both.
Thankfully her initial sickness passed quickly and soon her energy returned too. I was happy to see Katherine acting like herself again, and some of my fears subsided. We began staying
up late together again, talking into the night. Making plans for our future, for our family. Katherine worried about what she would do with the bakery. I didn’t like for her to worry. I assured her that we would work it out somehow, although I truthfully didn’t know how.
Our friends were ecstatic over the news. Amy and Claire immediately started planning a baby shower, which quickly became the topic of Sunday afternoon conversations. I decided there was no reason for me to keep my old apartment, since we spent every night at Katherine’s place. Charlie and Dan helped me pack up my stuff one Sunday and move it downstairs while the girls discussed their plans for the party.
Katherine finally started showing around her sixth month. It was just a small swell between her hips that was easily hidden by her clothes, but I could see the subtle differences in her body. Her features became softer as her body rounded, but she was still absolutely beautiful. She was so happy it radiated from her. We were thrilled when the day came for the first ultrasound.
“I hope we can see if it’s a girl or a boy!” Katherine exclaimed excitedly as we sat in the waiting room of the doctor’s office.
“Maybe that will make picking a name easier.” I said.
We had not yet been able to settle on a name that sounded just right, for a girl or a boy.
“It’ll come to us in time.” Katherine said confidently.
Just then a nurse called her name and we got up and followed her back to a small dark room. Katherine lay on a table and the nurse rubbed a clear jelly all over her small round belly. She looked up at me excitedly as the nurse began moving her probe around searching for images of the baby.
We watched the small screen intently staring at the fuzzy black and white image. Then I saw something fluttering. The nurse stopped the probe holding it to Katherine’s belly as she pushed a few buttons on the ultrasound machine.
“This is the heart,” she told us pointing to the small fluttering image on the screen.