He sucked in a breath, lips pursing. “How serious about this are you? You’ve already accepted the job in Virginia.”
“I know.” She looked down at the ground. “It’s silly, considering it. But it’s something to consider for the future.”
Jake sighed. “Yes, you’re right. And it’s true, you might start the job and realize it’s not for you. Maybe you’ll only do it for a little while, and like you said, wind and solar aren’t going anywhere. So put his card in a safe place.”
She nodded. “I will.” Leaning up, she kissed his cheek. “Thank you. You always encourage me to do what makes me happy. I appreciate it, Jake.”
He gave her a small smile. “That’s what I want, Alex. For you to be happy.”
Twelve
Alex held her breath as Jake drove into the cemetery. She’d been here before, over a year ago, riding in a black limo and holding hands with Nathan’s mother, Regina. Numb, still in shock.
Today was different than any other day so far on the trip. Knowing they were visiting, she’d woken up feeling depressed, but it wasn’t the same emotion she’d felt a year ago. It had become less about devastation and anger, and more about the loss of what would never be. The sadness of moving on to things that had nothing to do with Nate or the life they’d been planning. The life she’d be living right now if he hadn’t been taken from this earth. From her.
“Take a right here, I think,” she said to Jake, clutching the red rose she’d picked up at a grocery store nearby. “I remember that big magnolia tree. It’s on this side.”
She watched out the window as he pulled slowly through the tree-lined road that winded through the cemetery.
“Stop,” she said quickly.
He did so, pulling over to the side. They sat there in silence for a moment, the truck idling. Alex let her eyes scan the rows of gravestones until she thought she saw a few that might be his. It was hard to tell, considering things had looked so different at Nate’s service when there’d been so many people. Or maybe it was because she’d been in such a fog that day.
“I can remember the day of his funeral like it just happened,” she said.
Jake didn’t reply but reached over and squeezed her hand. There was really nothing he could say. She knew this must be somewhat odd for him, but she was glad he was here with her. A strong, calm person. A friend, who let her feel what she needed and, even better, share when it made her feel better.
She looked over at him. “I changed my mind. Will you come with me?”
The look on his face let her know that he hadn’t expected the request. “Of course.”
Alex watched him get out and round the front of the truck. He made his way up to her door and opened it, something he’d never done before, but hadn’t hesitated, as if he knew she needed help every step of the way to get through this.
Grieving a loved one was a funny thing. One moment you felt like the progress you’d made was so significant you might be a new person inside, ready to take on the world. Only to take a fresh breath and once again feel the weight of your pain like it was brand new.
The minute her nose inhaled the scent of that magnolia, she went back to that day, when she’d sat beside a grieving mother crying with so much anguish that she’d almost felt guilty for not doing the same. Was a man’s fiancée supposed to be crying like that, she’d wondered. She hadn’t wanted to, but the sound of Regina Williams’ pain had made her feel like she was drowning in the kind of sorrow that literally killed someone. It had taken her breath away.
“Give me your hand,” Jake said quietly.
Alex looked up and realized she’d just been sitting in the truck in a daze. Jake had his hand out, so she took it and let him help her down. After shutting the door, he allowed her to lead them through the grass, past the blooming magnolia, and down a row that seemed somewhat familiar to her.
Then she saw it. Her breath hitching as she stepped up to the stone and read.
NATHAN OMAR WILLIAMS, BELOVED SON, BROTHER, FIANCÉ, AND STAFF SERGEANT IN THE UNITED STATES AIR FORCE. Below was the Air Force insignia.
Next to her, Jake remained quiet, his hand still loosely intertwined with hers. She let go and kneeled. For a moment she just placed her palm over Nate’s name, then carefully slid the rose into the metal vase next to a bouquet of silk red, white, and blue carnations and an American flag that his family had probably put there for the Fourth of July.
When she stood back up, she grabbed Jake’s hand once again. They stayed like that for a long time, nearly five minutes. She imagined Nate lying beneath her feet. Could he feel her here? Could she feel him? And why was she thinking such crazy things? Except, no, they weren’t crazy.
Over a year had passed. She wasn’t the same person anymore. Not better or worse. Different. In fact, she’d been many different versions of Alex over the past thirteen months. Like a Barbie doll. She’d left for Italy as Broken Alex. Traveled through Europe as Looking for Meaning in the Universe Alex. Now she was the most recent version. Trying to Move On Alex. She hoped this version of her was the strongest yet, although she knew there was still a ways to go.
One day at a time.
“Thank you for bringing me here,” she said, finally looking up at Jake. His face was solemn, but he nodded, before trying to give her a warm look.
“You want a minute alone?”
She considered it, staring back down at the beautiful gray stone with her Nate’s name etched into it. The birthday she always looked forward to and the day of pain so acute that her heart felt as if it was literally going to break into pieces remembering it. She could still recall the phone call she’d made to her brother. For some reason she’d kept herself together until then, but the minute she’d heard Dean’s voice from across the ocean—her only person left in the world—it had knocked her right off her feet with the weight of her new reality. She’d sobbed like she’d never sobbed before.
The sound of a car door closing caught both of their attention, and Alex turned to look back at the road. Her heart stopped.
“Oh God,” she whispered, dropping Jake’s hand. A middle-aged black woman was heading in their direction, giant tortoiseshell sunglasses on her face. Alex bit at her lip as she watched the woman who was always dressed to the nines every time she’d seen her. Today was no different with her pink slacks and white ruffled top. “Regina!”
Walking quickly toward the woman who would have ended up being her mother-in-law in a different life, she put her hands out, a smile on her face.
“What are you doing here, Alexis?” Regina asked, tears flooding her words. The moment they were close enough, they embraced. “I couldn’t believe my eyes when I saw you.”
They gently swayed back and forth. “I should have called you.”
“Yes, you should have. What’s wrong with you?” Regina said accusingly, but there was no anger in her tone.
Closing her eyes, Alex breathed in deep. Regina smelled like Nate. The lotion he used, which his mother used to send him in care packages because you couldn’t find it anywhere but the States. The scent brought tears to her eyes. She hadn’t smelled it since.
When they finally pulled back, Alex wiped at her eyes as Regina held onto her arms and looked her up and down. “Don’t you look lovely after a year in a beautiful place.” Regina glanced over at Jake. “What are you doing in Atlanta, young lady?”
Alex looked over her shoulder. Jake had his head down, eyes up, and hands in his pockets, just waiting quietly. He’d moved a little way down from Nate’s grave.
“I’m here for work.” Alex took Regina’s hand and led her over to where Jake stood. “Regina Williams, this is Jake Cooper. He’s one of the owners of my brother’s distillery. We’re on a promotional tour and we came through Atlanta for the music festival up north.”
“It’s nice to meet you, Mrs. Williams,” Jake put his hand out. She took it. “And I’m so sorry for your loss.”
“I appreciate that, Jake, and it’s nice t
o meet you,” Regina said in the beautiful, rich, Southern accent that Alex loved so much. Letting go of his hand, she turned to Alex. “You know, I hadn’t been here in a couple of weeks. But I woke up this mornin’ and the sun was so bright, I went for a drive and something in my soul just told me I needed to visit my baby. I must have felt his happiness from seein’ you here.”
At her words, Alex’s lips began to tremble, and Regina wrapped her arm around her.
“I uh,” Jake started. “I’ll give you ladies a few minutes.” He walked away, heading for the truck.
Alex walked up to the gravestone with Nate’s mother. “I’m so glad I saw you here,” she said. And she meant it. It had occurred to her all week that she could have contacted Regina earlier, but something had stopped her. This feeling, probably. The feeling of connection to a woman who she’d wanted as a mother and who would now never be that to her. They’d kept up through emails while she was in Italy, but over the year they’d become more and more spaced out. The last one two weeks ago had been brief, just letting her know that she’d returned to the States.
“I’m glad too, although I’m still trying to figure out why you didn’t call me. But I’ll forgive you,” she said, leaning over and placing a kiss on Alex’s temple. “So you’ve decided to work for your brother, have you?”
“This is just temporary. I liked the idea of the travel.”
Regina nodded. “You bring that beautiful rose?” she asked.
“I did.”
“I know Nate loves it.” The older woman looked over at her, but Alex couldn’t meet her eyes. Instead she continued to stare at Nathan’s name, willing her tears to hold back. “He loved you something fierce. But I know you know that.”
Alex smiled, finally glancing at her. “I do. Even though he told me I’d never be as good a cook as you.”
Regina burst out laughing. “That’s my boy. But you know his plan, don’t ya? He was gonna ask you about having y’all spend some time in Atlanta so I could teach you my secrets.”
Alex’s eyes narrowed. “He was?” She glanced back at the grave. “He never told me that.”
“I’m sure he didn’t want you to be nervous about learning from the best,” Regina teased.
“Maybe.” Alex couldn’t help thinking that maybe Nate had never told her what he’d wanted in fear of her saying no. She’d been adamant that if they were going to settle down, it should be in Kansas. Why had she been that way? Had he wanted to move back to Atlanta? He’d thrown the idea out there, of course. But he’d never made a big deal about it, always just pretty happy to let her have her way for the most part. Would he have put off starting a family and moved to Virginia if she’d let him know it was important to her? She’d known having children was important to him, and yet, maybe there had been room for compromise. And maybe she was overthinking something that was no longer relevant.
Eventually they made their way back to the truck and Regina’s car. Jake was leaning on the driver’s side door, facing away from them, but when he heard footsteps he pushed off and waited for them to approach.
“He’s awfully handsome,” Regina whispered.
Alex just laughed awkwardly, no idea what to say.
“So what day are you leaving? Can you do Sunday supper after church tomorrow?”
“Ohh…” Alex glanced at Jake. “I don’t know, Regina.”
“Is supper, uh, lunch?” Jake said with a small smirk.
“Supper is lunch, yes you’re right, son.” Regina smiled and put a hand on Jake’s arm. “And if you like barbecue chicken on the grill, potato salad, and coconut pie, then you will join us for supper at noon tomorrow.”
Alex’s mouth parted in shock as Jake grinned at her. “That sounds amazing. I think we can make it. Can’t we, Alex?”
“Yes, of course, Regina. I would love to see everyone.” At the thought, she suddenly felt very excited. She’d missed them all so much.
“Good.” She gave Jake’s arm one final pat, leaned over, and wrapped her arms around Alex once again, and then turned and waved at the grave. “Bye baby,” she yelled. “I’ll see you two tomorrow.”
She walked over to her beige sedan, which had to be a decade old but was in pristine condition, and drove away with a wave.
“I’m so sorry about that,” Alex said.
“Why are you sorry?” Jake asked. “She’s very nice. And I can’t, in good conscience, pass up a meal like that. Besides, there was no way you could have told her no.”
“You’re right.” Alex smiled. “You’re a good sport. But I know this is weird.” Her shoulders sagged.
Jake stepped into her space and grabbed her chin, tilting it up. “Because we’re sleeping together?”
“Well, yeah.”
“It’s not weird, Alex. This is Nate’s family. Would have been your family. You’re in town. I can be a little bit uncomfortable in order for you to spend some time with them.”
“You need to stop being so sweet, Jake,” she said.
That boyish smirk returned. “I can’t help myself.”
“Ha ha, I’m sure.” They got in the truck, and she took a deep breath. Why did he have to keep being such a good guy? If he kept it up, he was going to make it really hard to keep this only physical, though that’s exactly what she needed it to be. After this trip it would be over, and she’d be able to focus on preparing for her move to Virginia.
* * *
The rest of the day was hot and exhausting as they worked the booth at the festival. Luckily they were so busy it flew by. Once they were packed up that evening, they grabbed some fast food and then drove to a nearby RV park so they could hook up to sewer and electric. After they ate, Jake got in the shower, and by the time he got out Alex was asleep on the sofa.
He sat down near her head in only his underwear, and gently brushed her hair off her cheek and behind her ear. She shifted the slightest bit but didn’t wake. She was so beautiful, this woman, and had endured so much. He knew her parents had died in a car wreck when she was a young teen, forcing her to have to move in with Dean and his ex-wife. Then to lose her fiancé … he couldn’t even imagine.
But she remained kind, affectionate, loving. The last two times they’d had sex it had been intense. Nothing like he was used to when sleeping with a woman, where it was all about pleasure and release. This had felt … emotional. The night before, she’d sat right here on the floor, knelt between his legs and given him the most earth-shattering blow job he’d ever had, but it wasn’t because he’d climaxed. Hell, he’d gotten off a thousand times in his life, but the way she’d looked at him, touched him, said his name.
He was still thinking about it.
“Jake,” she whispered, adjusting her body. Her hand reached out to find him although her eyes remained shut. “My turn?” she asked.
He grabbed her wandering hand and held it. “Nah, babe. You sleep. You can shower in the morning.”
“Mmm. Okay.” She tucked in her chin, smacking her lips.
He couldn’t help laughing quietly. Standing up, he reached down and scooped her into his arms, and damn, she wasn’t light, his small but muscular girl. Especially not while asleep. But he managed to get her into the bedroom—not an easy feat carrying a grown woman in an RV—and laid her down on their bed.
It was going to be difficult to give this up when they were back in Maple Springs, but he would. He’d let her go, because if anyone deserved to be happy and get what she wanted, it was Alex.
Thirteen
The next afternoon Jake pulled the pickup up to a smallish bungalow-style house about five minutes from the cemetery they’d been to. There were three cars parked out front, lots of kids’ toys scattered around the yard, and a heavenly smell coming from the back.
On the way over they’d agreed that they’d stick to the coworkers story, which technically wasn’t a lie, even if it didn’t tell the entire truth. But the last thing he wanted was to upset Nate’s family. Or Alex. Besides, there wa
s no reason to make this something it wasn’t, considering their time together was limited.
After asking if she thought it’d be appropriate, Jake had brought along a bottle of Stag Signature Bourbon for Nate’s father, Leon. He grabbed it from the back seat and headed around to the front of the truck.
“You look nervous,” she said.
“Do I? Well, I am.” Why, he wasn’t sure. It wasn’t as if he necessarily needed to impress these people. Maybe it was more guilt. He felt as if he had a sign plastered on his face—I’m screwing your dead son’s fiancée.
“Don’t be. They’re the nicest people, and you’ve already met Regina.”
He nodded and then followed her to the front door. Halfway up the driveway, the door flew open and a girl of about six ran out.
“Aunty Alex!” she called, running down the drive.
“Juju!” Alex wrapped her arms around the small body and hugged her. “I’ve missed you.”
“I’ve missed you, too.”
Alex turned to Jake. “This is June. She’s Nate’s niece. June, this is my friend, Jake.”
“Everyone calls me Juju,” she said, her Southern drawl dramatic and adorable.
“Nice to meet you, Juju,” Jake said.
“You Alex’s new boyfriend?” Juju asked, eyeing him sternly.
Jake’s mouth dropped open, but Alex saved him.
“Oh no, Juju. Jake’s just my friend.”
“Okay.” Satisfied, she turned and ran back, beating them inside. “Aunty Alex is here!” She yelled into the depths of the house.
Once inside, they were greeted by a large man who instantly hugged Alex. “How are you, girl?” he asked quietly.
“I’m good,” she said warmly. “How are you?”
“Taking it day by day. Sure is good to see you. I couldn’t believe it when Regina came home and said she seen ya.” He nodded at Jake. “Tell me about your friend.”
Before Alex had a chance to respond, the man stepped around her and put out a hand to Jake. “Leon Williams.”
“Hello, sir. I’m Jake Cooper. Alex and I work together.” After shaking hands, he held up the bourbon. “I brought you a little something. Alex’s brother, me, and another guy own a distillery outside of Kansas City. Thought you might enjoy one of our products.”
Maybe for You--A Whiskey and Weddings Novel Page 14