by Glynis Astie
I smiled cautiously at her. “I’m fine. Thank you for rescuing me.” I glanced around one last time to make sure no one had been paying attention. “I just wanted to make sure we didn’t get caught.”
Maya’s eyes were wide. “Sydney Durand! Will you please stop worrying about what people think? That…SKANK was about to ruin your dress. And you’re the freakin’ guest of honor!”
“I know, but…”
There were no buts as far as she was concerned. “You act like being an American is something you have to apologize for. What kind of bullshit is that? Embrace it!” She walked over to me and began poking me in the chest. “You show these snotty French people, no one messes with you. We are PROUD Americans. They should be so lucky to have you in their family! And if I see one more slight towards you while I’m here, they’ll be truly sorry.”
“Maya! You know it’s not Louis’ family; they’ve all been wonderful. It’s his exes and…some of his old friends…and some of the other people who live in the town…” What else could I really say?
She smirked. “Listen, Syd, YOU can certainly continue to project a ladylike image. They know you’re trying to make a good impression on everyone and won’t fight back, but I don’t give a crap what anyone thinks of me. I love you like a sister and no one messes with you. NO ONE.”
I believed her. At that moment I was infinitely glad she was on my side. Maya was much more than a formidable enemy. She had the capacity to make your life a living hell. The ex-pack had better watch their backs…
Once the rest of the pack got wind of Big Hair’s ill-fated incident with a bush and a glass of wine, they decided to call it a day. The mass exodus of the pack confused poor Simone, but Maya and I were thrilled to see them go. We settled on the terrace with a bottle of wine from one of the Durand vineyards and enjoyed the beautiful view.
By the time we finished the bottle, the party had died down and my mood had vastly improved. Suddenly a thought occurred to me.
“Hey, where’s Devon?”
She smirked. “Around.”
Hmm. “Why isn’t he here with you?” He was invited after all.
She shook her head. “I’m working, hon! He can’t be here to distract me.”
I really hoped she was joking. “Maya!”
She held her hand up. “Relax. He’ll be here for the wedding.” She paused. “Now, there’s one thing I forgot to tell you about the pack.”
I raised my eyebrows. “Did I miss something?”
She looked at me and started shaking with laughter.
I closed my eyes. “Maya, what did you do?”
She cleared her throat. “I may have given Scary Eyes a container of industrial strength hair gel, which may contain a small amount of crazy glue.”
My eyes snapped open and my hands flew to my mouth. “Shut up!”
Maya grinned back at me.
Wait a second. “If you gave it to her, what would make you think she’d use it? The whole pack knows about what happened to Big Hair.”
Maya giggled. “I didn’t give it to her.”
OK. “Then who did?”
“Monique has your back, Syd.”
Holy shit! She got Monique involved?
Maya quickly assessed my thought process and intervened. “Syd! Don’t worry! She’s a really smart cookie. She figured out what was going on and wanted to help put them in their place.”
I couldn’t process it all. “But…how?”
“My Spanish is pretty good, Syd.”
I cocked my head to the side. “And you just…asked her to give Scary Eyes the tainted hair product?”
“Where do you think I got the glue?” She winked at me.
As the reality of Maya’s words sunk in, Louis came out to the terrace.
He beamed. “How are my girls?”
“Great!” Maya and I said in unison.
Louis came up behind me and put his arms around my shoulders. “I’m glad you have Maya to keep you company. I know this week has been a little lonely for you.” He frowned. “I don’t think those outside my family have been too friendly.”
I winked at Maya. The less Louis knew, the better. I believed there to be an excellent chance the ex-pack was finally going to leave me alone. On the off chance they decided to give it one more try, as of tomorrow’s event, they would have the rest of the cavalry to deal with. And that didn’t paint a pretty picture. If there was one thing Americans knew how to do, it was fight.
Chapter Twenty-Three
Though the afternoon activity involving the takedown of the ex-pack made the day seem pretty full, we still had a dinner event that evening. While this event in particular would be far less stressful since half of the guests were related to me, this didn’t stop me from drinking a very large amount of wine in preparation. I had been balancing on a precipice for the last week and was enjoying being on solid ground.
It’s possible Maya and I went a bit overboard with the second bottle of wine (there may have been a few demonstrations of dance moves that we hadn’t performed since our freshman year), but it was too late to turn back now. The resurrection of our ancient moves sparked a discussion of some truly disastrous experiences we had been through as eager young college students. Following Maya’s recollection of one of our more embarrassing party mishaps, which involved a rogue blender, I heard my dad’s voice break through our raucous laughter.
“Duck, have you been drinking?” Oh shit. I was nearly twenty-nine years old, yet I still had some explaining to do.
Maya leapt to my defense. “Mr. Bennett, you have no idea how much this girl needed to drink. SOME people were being very rude…”
I greatly appreciated her efforts to explain my behavior to my father, but it probably would have been more effective had she not teetered drunkenly on her extremely high heels.
My father glanced back and forth between us and smiled. “You girls are really cute, but I worry about your mental functioning.”
I carefully got up from the table, swayed slightly and went over to greet my parents. I hugged each of them for a long moment and offered them seats at the table.
“How was your trip?” I thought about how awful it must have been for them to endure two flights, one layover and one long car ride. Neither one of them likes to fly and large crowds make my mom nervous.
My mom beamed at me. “Fine, sweetheart. We’re so happy to see you!”
My dad rolled his eyes. “Fine, my ass! The food was awful, the planes were too crowded and at no point on the trip was I offered any chocolate.” He punctuated his indignation by banging his fist on the table.
My mom smacked him in the stomach. “Stop complaining! You should’ve been very comfortable since you lifted the armrest between our seats and took over part of mine!”
I laughed. “Up to your old tricks again, old man?”
My father gave me his most innocent smile. I sighed with contentment. I had really missed my parents.
I was about to ask my mom if she would like a “nice cup of tea” (her favorite thing in the world), when I saw Zoe and Charlie walking towards us from the driveway. I was so excited, I jumped up and ran over to them. Probably not the best idea given the wine had gone to my head and I was wearing high-heeled sandals, but the good news is I didn’t fall flat on my face. Or my ass. Things were looking up!
“Sydie!” Charlie opened his arms to me.
I almost knocked him over with the force of my hug and quickly pulled Zoe in to join us. I was so happy, I almost cried.
Zoe started to laugh. “You really missed us, didn’t you?”
I pulled out of the hug and beamed at them. “I really did.”
“Oy!” It seemed my father was in need of something.
I brought my gaze to meet his. “Yes, Dad?” Then I noticed Simone had just come out of the house and was smiling at all of us.
I walked over and introduced her as best I could to all those she had previously “met” over Skype. Video chats never do peop
le justice, so I think it took a minute for everyone to look familiar to her.
I turned to Simone. “S’il vous plait, Simone, où est Louis?”
Charlie grinned. “Nice French, Syd.”
I rolled my eyes. I knew my French was awful and he was mocking me, but I wasn’t giving up!
She said something which sounded like she would go get him and went back inside the house.
The moment Louis came out of the house, I heard a sound I had missed for over a week: the happy gurgles of my perfect niece. I whipped around to see Kate and Nick approaching with my little angel in tow. I was filled with so much joy, I felt tears form in my eyes. Now that my family was here, I genuinely felt like I could breathe.
I walked over to Kate and Nick and hugged them soundly. “You three are a sight for sore eyes.”
Kate beamed at me. “We’re happy to see you too, sweetie.” She paused. “How have things been here?”
I grinned broadly. “Great!”
Nick laughed. “Wine will do that for you, Syd.”
I shook my head. “The wine was simply a celebration of freedom.”
Nick seemed confused.
I offered an explanation. “The removal of the ex-pack.”
Kate clapped her hand over her mouth. “What did Maya do?”
Nick was about to ask a question when Kate smacked him in the stomach.
I chuckled. “She put them in their place.”
Kate started to bounce up and down. “I need details!” She kissed Sam on the head, handed her to Nick and linked her arm through mine. “Don’t hold out on me, Syd. I want to hear exactly what happened to those horrible women.”
Charlie turned to Louis. “Do I want to know what they’re talking about?”
Louis shook his head. “I do not even want to know what they are talking about.” He then slapped my brother on the back. “Let us grab your bags and put them in the remaining guest room before my mother forgets you are staying there and fills it with more unnecessary wedding paraphernalia.”
While Louis and Charlie dealt with luggage, Kate and I joined my mom and dad, Zoe, Maya, Nick and Sam at the table on the terrace.
Kate gave my dad a kiss on the cheek. “How’s the hotel, Dad?”
My dad is far too high maintenance to be a guest in anyone’s home. He requires professionals to deal with his needs. Suffice it to say the cleaning staff is always given an extremely generous tip. By my mother.
He caressed her cheek. “It’s great! You’re going to love it.”
Kate had insisted on staying in the local hotel, despite the ample room in the house. She was deathly afraid Sam’s nocturnal activities would cause too much difficulty for a family which was under a great deal of pressure from hosting such an important wedding. (In other words, she was afraid of pissing Simone off.) Apparently, the mass of out-of-town wedding guests who were also staying in the hotel didn’t worry Kate in the least.
For the next hour, my family sat on the terrace and got to know Simone and Michel. Zoe and Kate tried out their French, while Nick and Charlie took a page out of my book with a dictionary and hand gestures. I sat contentedly catching up with Sam, soaking up her sweetness in an attempt to heal the damage done to me over the last week.
As the sun set, Louis’ aunts, uncles and cousins started to arrive. There were endless rounds of introductions and awkward attempts at the triple-kiss greeting, but in the end, everyone was smiling and laughing. It warmed my heart to see our family members getting to know each other. (Or at least making a concerted effort to understand each other.)
Due to my heightened nerves concerning the introduction of our two families, I had neglected to ask Louis about the details of tonight’s dinner. It would seem Simone was using this event as a warm up for the wedding banquet, which as you no doubt remember, would contain fourteen courses. As the food continued to appear, I looked to my left and began to watch my father, who had no qualms whatsoever about unbuttoning his pants at the first sign of discomfort. And with a meal of this size, there would definitely be a good amount of discomfort. Not that it would stop him from eating…
I saw my mother lean over and whisper in his ear. My dad simply shook his head and helped himself to more sautéed mushrooms. I watched as my mother surreptitiously tucked his napkin over the top of his pants in case he decided to unbutton them without her detection. I guess she’s become a pro at handling him after all these years. I said a silent prayer that my father kept the napkin in place following the unbuttoning process. I then breathed a small sigh of relief and returned my attention to the rest of the table. We certainly were an interesting mix of people.
Kate was having an animated conversation with Monique (because, of course, my perfect sister is fluent in Spanish). I believe Charlie, Nick and Louis’ uncles were talking about motorcycles since they appeared to be miming putting on helmets and twisting throttles. My mother and Simone were no doubt discussing gardening or some kind of craft project, while passing a French/English dictionary between them. Maya was talking about God knows what with two of Louis’ cousins and the remainder of Louis’ aunts and cousins were fussing over Sam. It was an amazing sight to take in. We were a family. One big, loud, pantomiming, dictionary-toting family.
I smiled to myself and looked up to find Louis grinning at me. Since we had finished our main course and had a few minutes before the salad course (followed by the cheese course, the first dessert course and then the final dessert course), Louis came over and walked me to the edge of the terrace for a private moment.
He slipped his arms around my waist. “How are you feeling, mon coeur?”
I breathed in his heavenly scent. “I’m so relieved.”
He chuckled. “To have your family here?”
I tapped his nose. “Yes, and to know our families are able to get along.”
He kissed me tenderly. “And here I thought you were enjoying your victory over…what do you call them? The ex-pack?”
What? He knows about them? Maya!!! Wait…Kate? No, definitely Maya.
Louis laughed as he watched me go through different theories in my mind. “Syd, relax, Maya filled me in.”
I was going to have to kill her. I had told her QUITE CLEARLY not to get him involved. I exhaled loudly. “I’m so sorry, Bluey. I didn’t want you to worry.”
He put his finger under my chin and brought my gaze to his. “I dated those women a long time ago. I was very young and there really weren’t many options in such a small town. I feel terrible that they treated you in such a way. Why didn’t you tell me?”
I sighed. “Your mother seemed to be so close to them and I didn’t want to be a tattletale. I considered it to be part of the hazing process.”
Louis cackled. “The hazing process? You think you are being hazed?”
“It sure feels like it.”
He pulled me back into the safety of his arms. “Oh, Syd, I am so sorry. I didn’t think about it from your perspective. I guess you have been asked to do a lot.”
I sighed. “Why do you think I made a reference to a performing seal?”
He cracked a smile. “Your family did not put me through this extent of testing. You are a better man than I am, Sydney.”
“You can say that again.” Maya grinned.
I pointed my finger at her. “YOU suck!”
She surveyed me without emotion. “Really, Syd, there’s no need to be so crass.”
I walked over to her. “There’s every need for it. Why did you tell him?”
She had the audacity to look bored with my outrage. “Louis had the right to know how you were being treated right under his nose. And once you stop being such a dumbass, you’ll realize I did exactly what I needed to do to take care of you.”
The pieces were slowly falling into place. I turned back to Louis. “YOU sent Monique to help Maya.”
He raised his eyebrows at me. “Why would I do such a thing?”
I grinned. “Because you wanted to help bring down tho
se heinous bitches without getting caught by your mother.”
He kissed me on the forehead. “I always knew you were a smart girl.”
Suddenly we heard Louis’ mom calling him to come help bring another table out to the terrace. Apparently a few more cousins were coming for dessert.
Louis started to walk away, but he turned back to add a quick comment. “By the way, Maya, that was a nice move you pulled on Brigitte.”
She smiled at him mischievously. “Who?”
He coughed. “Big Hair.” Hiding smirks, they exchanged a subtle high five and Louis left to help his mother.
Maya took my hand. “I really had your best interest at heart, Syd.”
I was about to agree with her, when Kate materialized and decided to add her two cents.
Kate scoffed. “When has she EVER had your best interest at heart? Need I bring up the lime green dress?”
Maya scowled at her. “I seem to remember you getting quite a laugh out of that one, O Perfect Sister.”
Before a cat fight broke out, I put my arms around them. “I love you both so much.” I looked them each in the eyes. “I really, really, really missed you.”
“We know.” They said in unison.
I loved them with all my heart, but they were often far too smug for my taste. I decided to distract them with another topic.
I gestured towards the dinner table. “So what have I missed?”
Kate sighed. “Well, Dad has opened his pants. Then he accidentally started a burping contest with Michel.” Kate was being kind; I doubted it was anything other than intentional.
Maya chimed in. “And Louis’ uncles are judging.”
I slapped my hand to my forehead. The farting contest wouldn’t be far behind. “So Dad is making a great impression on my new French family.” Sweet! After all the work I’ve done to try to improve their opinion of Americans, my dad sends it right back down the toilet.
Maya whacked me in the back of the head. “Will you relax, Syd? Look at them!” She pointed towards the table filled with men. It would seem the women felt the need to escape all of the belching since they were nowhere in sight.
I begrudgingly peered at my father. He was laughing so hard, his face was bright red. Charlie, Nick and Louis’ male family members were all boisterously laughing as well. It didn’t appear that anyone was upset or embarrassed; they were all simply having a good time. I smiled the tiniest of smiles and desperately hoped they had moved on from the burping contest. To something which didn’t involve gas…or any other bodily function. (You never know with my dad!)