by Devri Walls
“No!” Alcander growled, pulling Kiora tighter.
Emane jerked back his hand before being seized with anger. “What is wrong with her?”
Kiora’s head lolled back. Her eyes were closed, her face relaxed and peaceful.
Alcander’s face was deathly white, beads of sweat dotted his nose, and his pupils were constricted. “I said no.” His voice was tight and thin. “She is dumping a lot of magic—she will hurt you.”
Drustan lumbered to his feet. “It looks like she is hurting you. Set her down.”
Alcander forced himself back up. He stumbled over to Kiora’s sleeping pad. Nearly falling again, he deposited her as gently as he could before pulling a blanket over her. “It’s all right,” Alcander breathed. “We fixed it. The Shadow can’t find us.” He wobbled before collapsing next to her.
CHAPTER FOUR
Confessions
KIORA WOKE THE NEXT morning to the sun shining on her face. She blinked. The sun was high—it had to be past lunchtime. Alcander lay next to her, fast asleep. She realized it was the first time she had ever seen him sleeping. He looked so peaceful.
Having seen his mind, she ached to give him peace all the time, to take away the things that weighed so heavily upon his soul. She itched to reach out and run her finger along his jawline. The sound of feet scuffling across the rock caught her attention and she propped on her elbow. Drustan was sitting near the fire in human form, roasting something on a stick that smelled delicious. Emane, on the other hand, was moving back and forth across the rock, running drills with a sword he didn’t have. Bad sign. He did drills when he was upset.
“Emane?” she asked. “Are you all right?”
“He’s been doing this on and off all morning,” Drustan said, stretching with a groan. “I am exhausted just watching him.” He looked over to Kiora, raising his eyebrows. “Would you care to tell us what happened last night?”
Emane finally stopped to look at her, pushing his sweaty hair off his forehead. “I’d love an explanation.”
Drustan took the meat out of the fire, carefully pulling a piece off and popping it in his mouth.
Kiora sat up and crossed her legs beneath her. “We joined minds.”
Drustan choked on his meat, sitting up straight and gasping for breath.
“What is that?” Emane demanded. “What does that mean?”
“Our minds are connected. I can see his thoughts and he can see mine. He is acting as a shield to keep the Shadow from finding me through my dreams.”
“Connected? You mean like us?” Emane asked. “Kiora, if that’s all you needed, why couldn’t I help?”
And there it was. The slippery slope that led nowhere but down. “Emane, we need to talk.”
The look on Emane’s face punched through her. It was wary, and sad. As if he already knew. Despite the look, he grabbed her hand. She put up the bubble so they could leave the enclosure. She kept her surging magic at bay—it leaped when he touched her because she loved him. She would always love him. But right now she didn’t know what that love meant because she was pretty sure she loved Alcander too.
Despite her efforts to hold it back, Kiora could tell some magic had gotten through as Emane gently disentangled his hand before shoving them both in his pockets. She led him up to the other enclosure she had built.
“Emane, our connection . . .” She trailed off as Emane stilled.
“It’s gone, isn’t it?” he asked. His sadness was apparent in the droop of his shoulders.
Kiora bit her lip. She had never seen him so close to tears. “It is.”
Emane smiled bitterly. “I thought maybe you had just been distant since the battle and that’s why I wasn’t feeling anything.”
Kiora plopped down on a rock. “I had to sever the connection before we came for you,” she explained. “It had grown so strong, I couldn’t fight Dralazar like that—he would have killed us both.”
Emane nodded, sitting next to her. “I was terrified when I realized you were feeling my pain. I just . . .” He raked his hands through his hair. “Was that the only way?”
“Yes.” She ran her fingers over the back of his hand. “I’ve missed you.”
“I was beginning to wonder if you were glad I was back.”
“Of course I am.” Kiora hesitated.
Emane sensed it immediately. “But . . .”
“But some things happened while you were gone that I need to tell you about.”
Emane heaved a giant sigh and looked over the landscape. “It’s Alcander, isn’t it?”
Kiora was quiet.
Emane finally looked back to her. “I noticed how many times he turned to see if my arm was still around you.”
“I don’t know what’s going on. I am so confused right now.”
“Confused about what? I understand why you had to cut our connection, but that isn’t everything. Something else is bothering you.”
“I—I . . .” She grabbed her head. “Ugh! I want to tell you something, but then I am just going to go and ruin it with the next thing I have to tell you.”
“Then tell me the other way around,” Emane said, clearly losing his patience.
“Alcander kissed me.”
“What? That scheming, lying . . .” Emane sputtered. “I knew he was after you from the second I met him. I need to teach him a lesson.” He started to push himself to his feet.
Kiora grabbed him and pulled him back down. “I kissed him back.”
Emane angrily brooded for a long time before Kiora finally had the nerve to ask, “What are you thinking?”
“You could kiss him,” Emane said through clenched teeth, “without tossing him across the room?”
“Yes.”
“I see. And which of these details were you ‘scared you were going to ruin with the next thing you had to tell me’?” he asked, mimicking her previous statement.
“None of them. I haven’t told you that yet. I . . .” Kiora clenched her fists together. “I kissed Alcander back because I have feelings for him. I tried to deny it, but it’s true.” Kiora pulled her legs up, wrapping her arms around them as if that would protect her. “And I hate myself for it.”
Emane turned his face away.
“But Emane, I lo—”
“Stop!” he nearly shouted, putting up his hand. “Don’t you say it—don’t you dare. Not now.”
“But I—”
“No.” He shook his head, his hair tossing from side to side. “I have waited and waited for you to say that, and I will not allow it to be ruined. Or prefaced by the fact that you have feelings for Alcander.” He stood abruptly.
“Where are you going?”
Emane looked over Kiora’s head, his jaw clenched tightly. “Back to camp. You can either take me or I will walk back without you, and I don’t care who feels my thread.”
Kiora had no time to argue—he had already turned and was heading out of the barrier. She jumped toward him, throwing a bubble.
Emane was fuming, and she didn’t need to feel his anger to tell. When they got back to camp, he grabbed her arm before she dropped her bubble. “Since I can’t bubble, I am stuck here, and I need some time to sort through this—without you.”
Kiora stiffened. She deserved that. Stepping backwards, she let Emane slip out of the bubble.
***
EMANE STOOD JUST INSIDE the enclosure, shaking with simmering rage as he stared down at a sleeping Alcander, his hands balling into fists.
Picking up on Emane’s ill intent, Drustan made a noise of warning, leaning forward. “Emane,” he cautioned, “I don’t think—”
“Is Kiora gone?”
“I don’t know.”
Emane’s lips tightened. “If our connection hadn’t been severed, I would have known.”
“You know it had to be done. She was feeling every bit of pain Dralazar was inflicting on you.”
“I am going to wake Alcander up, and you will not interfere.”
Drustan lean
ed back on his elbows. “If anyone would benefit from my interference, it would most likely be you.”
Emane nudged Alcander with the tip of his boot, hard. “Wake up.”
Alcander leaped to his feet, eyes darting around to find the threat.
“How dare you,” Emane seethed.
Alcander’s eyebrows furrowed as he focused on Emane. “What are you talking about?”
“You know what I am talking about! While I was having my flesh burned off, you were kissing Kiora!”
Alcander’s posture straightened, his eyes narrowing. “Watch your tone, Witow.”
“Don’t you call me that,” Emane hissed, shoving his finger in Alcander’s face. “I saved your miserable life.”
“And I yours,” Alcander retorted.
“You have always thought you were better than me.” Emane started circling Alcander, his hands clenching in and out of fists. “Is that what it is? I am not good enough for your Solus?”
“I did not kiss her to hurt you,” Alcander said, turning to protect his back.
“Then why did you?”
“The same reason you did.” Alcander was infuriatingly calm.
“You barely know her.”
“I know enough.”
“Alcander,” he breathed, “I am only going to say this once: leave—her—alone.”
Alcander inclined his chin. “Or what, Emane? What will you do?”
His question caught Emane off guard. “What?”
Alcander took a step toward him. “What will you do?” he asked, raising his voice for the first time. “Will you love her when you are old and gray and she looks barely older than she does now? Will she still love you? Will you ask her to watch you die a slow death as you wither away before her? She is not one of you anymore. She is magical. The magic that runs through her veins will keep her young for hundreds of years. If you loved her, if you truly loved her, you would let her go.”
Emane internally deflated. He had heard those words once already, from Drem. In the madness of Dralazar’s torture he had shoved them deep into the recesses of his mind, his heart not ready to relinquish—not yet. “And what—let her go, to you?”
Alcander laughed. “You would punish her because of your hatred of me? Perhaps she and I could find happiness.”
“Enough!” Emane shouted. “Don’t touch her—don’t even look at her! If I so much as see you within ten feet of her, I will—”
“Will what?” Alcander interrupted with a demeaning chuckle. “Fight me? We both know who would win.”
Emane lunged at Alcander, who lazily held him back with a magical shove.
“Emane,” Drustan cautioned. “That is not a good idea.”
“Stay out of this.”
“Drustan is right, Emane,” Alcander said. “Out of respect for Kiora, I am not going to hurt you, but you can only push me so far. My patience wears thin.”
Emane lunged at him again.
***
KIORA WANDERED AROUND THE rocks for a bit, nursing her wounds. Emane had dismissed her. She snorted. What had she expected? A pat on the back and understanding?
What was love? she wondered. It was supposed to be kindness, respect, bliss. She claimed to love, she thought she loved, but all she did was hurt. How could the two possibly be connected?
A vision came, slowly this time, trickling in like someone, or something, was trying to hold back the tide.
Jasmine lounged next to Belen on a grassy hill, her hand intertwined in his. “I don’t know what I would do without you,” she told him. “After what my father did, I felt so helpless.”
He put his arm around her, pulling her tight. “What are you going to do?”
She shrugged before snuggling into him.
It was strange seeing her act like this. She had seen a few visions of Jasmine and never once had she looked—well, like this. Demur, mild, and loving.
“I don’t know. I just want my immortality back. Without it, I might die before you.” She looked up into his eyes. “You are so powerful. You will live for thousands of years.”
Could it be? Is that why she kept dreaming about Jasmine? Her eyes—they were the same eyes that found Kiora in her dreams. She was almost sure of it. They were the eyes of the Shadow. She had to tell Alcander and Emane.
Emane! She gripped her head at her own stupidity. She had left Emane in the enclosure with Alcander. He hadn’t wanted away from her—he had wanted time alone with Alcander. She sprinted across the rocks, running back through the enclosure as Emane bounced off whatever defenses Alcander was using. All thoughts of Jasmine fled.
“Stop it!” Kiora yelled.
The two just turned to look at her, silent. No excuses or accusations. She wished one of them would yell at her, tell her this was all her fault. Because it was. She deserved to be called any names they could think of.
Kiora shook her head. “I tried to tell you, Emane. I told you so many times. And I should have told you too, Alcander, but everything happened so fast, I didn’t have the chance.”
“You told me what?” Emane demanded.
“I told you not to love me!”
“That is ridiculous,” Emane started. “I—”
“No! Emane, no. I hurt everyone I love. I hurt everyone who loves me.” She laughed bitterly, staring at the sky. “Up until now, it has felt like some horrible twist of fate that I couldn’t control. But that’s not what this is—I have the control and I am still hurting you.”
“Kiora—” Alcander began.
“No, stop. I want to fix this, but I can’t!” She turned to Emane. “I cannot—I will not—tell you that I don’t love you. Maybe it would make it easier if I did, but I can’t! And Alcander, I am not ready to condemn you to a life alone. I wish I had known the stakes before you did what you did.” She hesitated. “Before we did what we did. But I know now, and I can’t take it back, and I…I don’t know if I would want to, even if I could.”
Emane’s eyes closed painfully under that confession.
“Emane, you are my Protector. I am the Solus. We can’t spend our time fighting. No matter how unfair it is, the four of us have to figure out where we are going from here, and we cannot do that if the two of you are at each other’s throats.” She stood tall, feigning bravado that was not there. “I need to talk to you, but first I am going to walk out of this boundary to give you some time. The fighting has got to stop. I know it is a lot to ask, but right now, there are bigger things than us.” She turned to leave before adding, “I hate myself for this. I hate myself for hurting both of you.” She wanted to say “I’m sorry” a thousand times, but the sorrys were all too late anyway. Putting up a bubble, she vanished.
***
ALCANDER AND EMANE STOOD silently while Drustan lay on the ground, lounging back on his elbows and looking quite amused with the entire situation.
Emane finally spun on Alcander. “What is she talking about? Condemn you to life alone?”
Alcander glowered at him before glancing at Drustan. “Why don’t you ask Drustan? He’s quite good at explaining it.”
“What are they talking about?” Emane asked, exasperated.
Drustan’s mouth twisted up as if he had swallowed a lemon. “Taveans are…different from humans, Emane.”
“Tell me something I don’t know.”
“A Tavean only bonds with one person—ever. When that person dies, or if they leave, they will never bond again.”
Emane’s eyes narrowed. “Are you telling me he bonded with Kiora?”
“Yes.” Drustan shrugged. “To his credit, Alcander didn’t tell her.”
“To Alcander’s…credit?” Emane asked incredulously. “He just bonded with the woman I love and I am supposed to give him credit for not telling her?”
“Yes. He didn’t want to put that pressure on her.”
“Who told her?”
Drustan just looked at him. Emane rolled his eyes, breathing in deeply through his nose. “You have got to be kidding me.�
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“I didn’t understand what he was trying to do until after I had already told her. I thought she had the right to know.”
Emane clenched his fists. “That selfish, self-centered—”
“Selfish?” Drustan interrupted, jerking up. “Is that what you think he is? Alcander is a lot of things and I can’t say I care for him much, but he was willing to sacrifice his happiness—willing to be alone for the rest of his very, very long life—”
“Thanks for that little reminder,” Emane interjected.
“—than to put that kind of pressure on Kiora. Do you understand what I am telling you? He was willing to let Kiora choose you over him without ever telling her that her choice would condemn him to solitude.”
Emane fell silent. “But why…why would he…”
“I know you don’t want to hear this, but he loves her.”
Emane closed his eyes. “And she loves him?” His voice wobbled.
Drustan sighed heavily. “I do not know the depths of her feelings for you, so I cannot tell you if she cares for him more than you. I assume that is truly what you are asking. All I know is that for the bond to have formed between her and Alcander, there had to be some feelings on her part.”
Emane sat, hard. “And this mind-joining they did last night—that strengthened this bond of theirs?”
“That was a surprise. Taveans are very protective of their minds. To be honest, I am not sure I fully understand the mind-joining. All I know is they can see and feel—experience—the other person’s thoughts and memories. Kiora now knows more about Alcander than anyone else does.”
“And he her.”
“Yes.” Drustan perked up. “Although, if you would like a bright spot, that means Alcander felt Kiora’s feelings for you.”
This almost got a smile out of Emane. “Too bad it wasn’t enough to make him give up.”
“If the alternative was a life alone, would you give up?”
“Drustan!” Emane growled. “Go jump off a cliff.”
“I certainly could, you know. Not the best retort to a Shapeshifter.”
“Shut up.” Emane pressed his finger and thumb into the corners of his eyes. “Just shut up.”