He took another step closer. “Julia Grace, I think it’s time I kissed you.”
Past time. A surprise, to want a man’s kisses. But she wanted his.
He gathered her close and lowered his head. The first touch of his lips upon hers sent unexpected sensations coursing through her. Startled, she drew back and looked at him, wide-eyed. He let her stay there only a moment before tightening his hold and kissing her again.
How was it possible she’d reached her age — almost thirty! — and been married eleven years and conceived three babies and still never knew a kiss could make her feel like this? Shaken but strong. Shattered but soaring. Lovable and loved.
Hugh gently gripped her upper arms while taking a step back from her. He cleared his throat. “I … uh … I’d better take care of my horse.” His voice was low and tense. Passion smoldered in his eyes.
She saw it and wasn’t afraid. She wasn’t afraid because with the passion she recognized his control of it.
I love you too, she wanted to tell him, but the words remained lodged in her throat. The last time she’d shared those feelings with anyone, she’d been a child telling her mother. Since then, only God had heard of her devotion. Now it seemed that she didn’t know how to give voice to that emotion, even when she wanted to.
They sat in the parlor after supper, Julia in one chair, Hugh in the other, and he told her his story. About his childhood in the tenements of Chicago. About his father’s drinking and his frequent and lengthy absences. About his mother’s death. About his experiences on the train with the other orphans from Dr. Cray’s Asylum for Little Wanderers. About his father coming for him in Nebraska and their return to Chicago. About his introduction into a life of crime, picking pockets, slipping into homes through open windows. About the night his father stabbed a man who surprised them in the middle of a robbery and how he left Hugh to be arrested for attempted murder. About the quick trial and the long, hard years in prison. About everything that had eventually brought him into the barnyard at Sage-hen.
She listened with scarcely a change in expression.
Hugh couldn’t remember another time in his life when he had been as honest with anyone, not even his mum. It was hard to ignore the niggle of fear he felt, laying his life bare before this woman he’d come to adore. She might reject him, now that she knew the truth. She might send him away. He couldn’t blame her if she did.
But rather than demanding he clear out, that he put his few things back into the saddlebags and ride off, she told him her story. Some of it — the parts about her husband’s abuse — he’d suspected before now from little things she’d said, from certain looks in her eyes. Some of it — the part about her stillborn babies and the miscarriage — he’d guessed from the small graves on a knoll. But the stories of her childhood in the mining town and her mother’s occupation and how Julia had come to marry Angus Grace, those he couldn’t have guessed.
Gloaming had fallen over the earth by the time she finished. Crickets took up an evening song, the sounds drifting through the open front door along with a fresh breeze. Softly, Julia said, “ ‘And I will restore to you the years that the locust hath eaten.’ ”
Hugh didn’t know the verse, but he knew her words must be from Scripture.
She smiled sadly. “It’s a promise from God that I’ve held onto through the years. When nothing else makes sense to me, I cling to Him and to that promise from His Word.”
He’d told her he loved her. He’d also told her he had nothing to give her. His pockets were empty. Hadn’t her life been difficult enough? Could he invite her to share his poverty? Was it wrong of him to even consider it? He didn’t want her to go with him only because she’d lost this place. He wanted her to have a choice. She’d had few enough of those in her life. Something he hadn’t understood before. He wanted to do everything in his power to give her that choice.
He stood. “I think I’ll turn in. Been a long day.”
“Yes.” She stood too. Confusion swirled in her eyes.
Although he wanted to take her back into his arms, to hold her, to shelter her, to kiss her, to love her, he didn’t. Although he hoped she would tell him she loved him, she didn’t.
He touched her cheek with his fingertips. “We’ll figure out something, Julia. I promise. We’ll figure out a way for you to keep the ranch.”
TWENTY-SIX
In that moment between dreams and reality, between sleep and wakefulness, Julia envisioned her arms outstretched, her hands turned palms up but tightly clenched. Then she pictured the Lord gently trying to loosen her fists.
Let go, beloved. There isn’t anything you can hang onto that I’m not wanting to replace with something far better. Let go and receive.
Letting go of Sage-hen meant she could grab hold of Hugh. She could go with him wherever he wanted and be all right. Security was found only in God, and her home would be found only with Hugh.
As a smile played across her mouth, she envisioned her hands again, empty and open and ready to receive.
Before the sun was up, Julia rode to the knoll where her babies were buried. She took with her some wildflowers she’d found growing near the house. Kneeling beneath the gnarled tree, she placed the flowers on the ground, then touched the small headstones with her gloved fingertips, first one, then the other. She’d never had a chance to know them, but she loved them as if she had. She wouldn’t love them less or miss them less if she didn’t live on this ranch.
“I will take you with me in my heart wherever I go,” she said softly.
The sound of cantering hoofbeats caused her to look up. She wasn’t surprised to see Hugh riding toward her. In fact, she realized she’d been expecting him to come to find her.
Love blossomed in her chest, a feeling so strong, so sweet, so all-encompassing that she could scarcely draw breath. She’d thought she would never love or be loved, that she could never entrust her body or soul into another man’s care. But she loved Hugh. She trusted him. She believed in him. When God brought him to Sage-hen, He had changed her mourning into joy, her ashes into something beautiful, and the heaviness of her spirit into songs of praise.
She stood, putting a hand above her eyes to shield them from the rising sun. “You found me.”
“I thought this was where you’d be after our talk last night.” He dismounted.
“I was saying goodbye.”
“There’s still time. We might figure out a way to —”
“You don’t understand, Hugh.” She took two steps toward him. “It isn’t Sage-hen I want.” God, give me the words to say to make him understand. The prayer had no more than formed in her mind before she had her answer — and the boldness to speak the words aloud. “ ‘Intreat me not to leave thee, or to return from following after thee: for whither thou goest, I will go; and where thou lodgest, I will lodge: thy people shall be my people, and thy God my God: where thou diest, will I die, and there will I be buried: the Lord do so to me, and more also, if ought but death part thee and me.’ ”
Conflicting emotions played across his handsome face before he asked, “Are you sure, Julia?”
She nodded, her throat suddenly tight.
“It isn’t because you have no other choice?”
“No, that isn’t the reason.” She drew a deep breath, ready at last to say the words aloud. “It’s because I love you.” She was in his arms before she realized he’d reached for her.
“Say it again.”
“I love you, Hugh. With everything that I am, I love you.”
She’d been disappointed last night when he’d returned to the barn without kissing her again. He made up for it now.
When at last he drew back, he said, “Will you marry me?”
She laughed, feeling giddy. “Of course.”
“You’re sure? I know you —”
“I’m sure.”
God could strike Hugh dead right then and there, and he would arrive in heaven the happiest man who’d ever lived. Grace. Undeserv
ed favor. It had been poured out upon him most abundantly, but never in any manner more beautiful than the woman who wore the last name of Grace. Although she wouldn’t wear it for long, if it was up to him.
Still smiling up at him, she said, “We must tell Rose and Peter and the girls.”
“Do you think they’ll be glad?”
“They’ll be glad. Rose is the one who told me not to be afraid to love you.”
“Remind me to thank her when we see her.”
“Let’s go now.”
“Now? It’s still mighty early. Don’t you think we should give them time to eat breakfast first?”
“No.” She laughed again.
He knew it then. He was in trouble. Deep trouble. He would never want to deny her anything. That was clear as day to him. Also clear was that he didn’t care.
“All right. Whatever you want.” He swept her feet off the ground and carried her toward the black gelding. “We’ll go now.”
Peter was walking out of the barn, carrying a bucket of fresh milk in his right hand, when he saw Julia and Hugh riding toward the farm, Bandit running out ahead of them. He stopped in the middle of the barnyard and awaited their arrival. He couldn’t be sure what brought them to the house this early in the day, but he thought it a good sign that they were coming together.
When the horses and riders slowed to a walk, Peter said, “You’re out mighty early.”
“We have news.” Julia seemed to glow from the inside out.
“From the look of you, must be good news.” Peter jerked his head toward the house. “Let’s go inside. Whatever it is, Rose will want to hear it firsthand.” He shifted his gaze to Hugh. Maybe he wasn’t glowing like Julia, but there was something about the way he sat in the saddle that made him look taller, stronger, more confident than he’d appeared the day before. If Peter was a gambling man, he’d wager he knew what those two had come here to say.
He led the way into the house.
The kitchen was in its usual state of morning commotion. The children were eating, talking, and laughing. Rose stood at the stove, stirring something in a pan with her right hand while holding the baby against her hip with her left arm. When she glanced toward the table, she saw him walking toward her. “Oh, good. Peter, you’re here. Put the milk down and take the baby while I —”
“We’ve got company, Rose.”
“Company?” She pulled the pan off the stove before turning around. “Julia?” Her expression grew worried. “What’s wrong? What’s happened now?”
Julia’s smile broadened. “Nothing bad.”
“Thank God. I don’t think I could stand more bad news.”
“Here.” Peter held out his arms while subduing a chuckle. It amazed him that she hadn’t already guessed what was happening. “I’ll take Jem.”
His wife passed the baby to him, then wiped her hands on her apron. “Well?”
Julia turned toward Hugh who hadn’t entered the kitchen yet. Reaching out to him, she drew him close to her side. “We came to tell you we’re going to be married.”
Rose’s eyes widened. “Truly? I thought it would happen but I never expected it so soon.” She hurried across the kitchen and embraced her friend. “I’m so happy for you.” Hugh was the next to receive a hug. “So very happy.”
Peter waited until his wife had released Hugh before he went over to offer his own — but more subdued — congratulations. He shook Hugh’s hand and kissed Julia’s cheek and wished them both much happiness.
“When will you marry?” Rose asked as she took the baby once again into her own arms.
Color rose in Julia’s cheeks. “Soon. Very soon. This week maybe. At least before we leave for Boise.”
Tears welled in Rose’s eyes. “You’re leaving so soon?”
Peter heard her rising anxiety. Her dread of what would happen if Charlie Prescott took over Sage-hen was palpable.
“Peter,” Julia said, drawing his attention back to the moment. “We … Hugh and I … we were talking on the way over here. I’ve decided to ask the Trents if they’ll buy the rest of my herd while the ranch is still mine. If not we can ship them to market and get whatever we can for them. We’ve got until the end of the month to sell them. That’ll give me enough to pay the taxes this year, and I can leave Wyoming with a clean conscience, not owing anybody anything.”
He nodded, surprised by her decision and yet not surprised.
“It would give me a year to find a buyer for Sage-hen before the taxes are due again.”
“Charlie Prescott wants the land,” Peter said, stating the obvious. “He’ll buy it from you right now.”
Julia looked at Rose. “I won’t sell the ranch to Charlie, no matter what he offers.”
“But —,” Rose began.
“I won’t sell to him, Rose. If the county takes the ranch next year, maybe he’ll get it, but he won’t get it from me.” She turned her gaze to Peter again. “The laying hens I’ll give to you, and I’ve got a cat with a litter of kittens I hope you’ll take.”
“Sure.”
“And the horses, if you want them. All but Teddy, of course, and one we’ll take with us as a packhorse.”
“Afraid I couldn’t pay you what they’re worth.”
Julia reached out and touched the back of his hand. “I don’t want any money for them, Peter. Not from you. After all you and Rose have done for me through the years. It’s enough to know you’ll care for them.”
Peter heard his wife sniff, and an unwelcome lump of emotion formed in his own throat.
“I’ll sell what household goods we can’t take with us,” Julia continued. “Which means most everything. But if there’s anything either of you want …”
It sounded to Peter as if she was fighting tears as well. If both women got to crying, they’d be drowning in saltwater in no time.
Two hours later, Julia kissed Rose’s cheek as she hugged her, then said, “The Lord knew I wasn’t meant to stay here for good. He brought Hugh to Sage-hen so I might go with him. I’ve never been so sure of anything in my life.”
“I know. I see it in your eyes and I hear it in your voice. Was a time I hoped you might feel that way for my brother.”
“I know.”
Rose shook her head and offered a small smile. “Wasn’t meant to be.”
“No.”
“Hugh’s a good man. I can rest knowing he’ll be looking out for you.”
Julia nodded.
“You come tell us straightaway when you know the day of your wedding. We’ll all want to be there.”
“We will.” Julia stepped off the porch and walked to her horse.
Hugh was already in the saddle. “Ready?”
In her mind, she saw her open hands once again and knew that God was filling them with something better than she could have known to ask for.
“I’m ready.”
TWENTY-SEVEN
“I’m not sure this is a good idea after all,” Hugh said as he tightened the cinch on his horse’s saddle. “Not this soon. What if the thief comes back?” He turned to look at Julia. “I don’t like the idea of you being here alone.”
She rose on tiptoe and kissed his cheek, still surprised how much she loved having the right to do so. “The thief won’t be back. He has everything of value already.”
“I still wish —”
“Go on, Hugh. The sooner you start for the Double T, the sooner you’ll have an answer from the Trents about the cattle and can come back.”
One corner of his mouth rose in a wry grin. “Will you always be this stubborn?”
“I’m afraid so. It’s the new, more opinionated me.”
Hugh stepped into the saddle. “Guess I’d better get used to her.”
She marveled at the pleasure that bubbled up inside over their silly banter.
“I’ll be back tomorrow night,” he said, the smile gone, his gaze both loving and intense.
“I’ll watch for you.”
As he rode away, s
he remembered the day — not so very long ago — that she’d sat astride Teddy, watching a train in the distance as it churned its way west. She’d wondered where its passengers were headed, what were their final destinations. Soon it would be Julia who would head west. First to Boise City. But then where? What would be their final destination, Julia and Hugh? She didn’t know. She didn’t think he knew either. Once the uncertainty of her future would have filled her with fear. No more.
She flicked her braid over her shoulder and tilted her chin upward, in defiance of her old insecurities. There was much to do before Hugh returned from the Trent ranch. She must decide what would be sold and what she would give to others and what she wanted to take with her. She must go into Pine Creek to see Reverend Peabody. And she needed to tell Mrs. Humphrey at the mercantile that she would need a little more time before she paid her bill. Julia didn’t doubt that the Trents would buy the remainder of her cattle, but she couldn’t be certain how soon they would conclude the transaction.
Knowing she must tell Mrs. Humphrey that she couldn’t pay her bill as yet helped Julia decide what she must do first. She would go to town. She would go now.
It took Hugh all the self-discipline he possessed not to push his horse too hard as he rode south and east, dropping down onto the vast Wyoming plains and finally following the railroad tracks toward the Double T Ranch. As the sounds of hoofbeats filled his ears, thoughts of Julia filled his mind, and he was surprised once again at what God had accomplished since he’d left Illinois in search of his sisters. On the trail he’d found salvation, redemption, forgiveness, and love.
Love.
He’d thought himself unworthy of a woman like Julia. He was unworthy of a woman like Julia. And yet she loved him despite all the reasons she shouldn’t. Even after he’d told her the whole unvarnished truth, she still loved him. How had he thought, even for a short time, that he could ride away and never see her again? Knowing her, being with her, loving her made him whole in a place he hadn’t known he was broken.
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