by C. M. Owens
"Yeah, you've got it bad. Come on."
I just chuckle as he gets in on the passenger side. I never would have thought I'd be laughing with him after the shit he put me through today. But the mere mention of Raya wanting me back has made all this madness worth it. One step closer.
We make idle chitchat on the way back, but by the time we reach the trailer, Josh is laughing hysterically. Apparently Bud is going to have to lie on his stomach for a while. Oddly enough, the weird group of friends find it hilarious.
I call it karma after all the times he shot at my feet today, so of course I'm laughing my ass off. When we pull up, I fight the urge to run inside and see Raya.
Josh pushes the door open after warning me once more about not telling Raya about the hell they put me through, which makes me laugh again. It's comical to see them all so freaked out.
I expect to see her in the living room, but she's missing. Her mother's smile is huge, making me wonder what all Raya has told her today.
"Where's Raya?" I ask, unable to help myself.
"She's in her room," she says, her grin only growing.
My brisk stride has me through the trailer in no time. Pushing through the bedroom door, I'm greeted by Raya's body lying face down, her head in the pillow, and her legs slightly parted. How am I supposed to behave when she's sprawled out like that?
I want to touch her. Need to. After this horribly tense day, I want to be as close as possible, so I go and drop to the bed, covering her body with mine and wrapping her up. She's been worried. Her whole body is stiff.
Josh deserves to be scared, and though I'm not stupid enough to tell Raya the truth, I can mess with him a little.
"Your brother is one crazy motherfucker," I murmur against her neck, enjoying the way her skin feels against my lips. Damn, I want to kiss her.
She starts laughing, so I respond the same way, laughing as well. Sadly, she thinks I'm kidding.
"You didn't get shot," Josh calls, making me burst out laughing for real as I think of the douche Bud. Raya laughs harder, but only because she thinks he's joking.
Josh really is psycho.
"Only because the gun jammed," I lie, scaring the shit out of Raya when she gasps.
"It's was a joke, Raya!" Josh yells, sounding truly panicked.
It makes me want to tell her the truth. I'd love to see why he's so scared of her.
Her breath of relief makes me decide against it—that and the fact I don't want to sleep with the lights on for the rest of my life. Something tells me Josh would come for me.
"You guys ready for supper?" her mother asks loudly.
I want to keep Raya under me, hold her to me, never let her move, but instead of groaning in protest, I sigh.
"You're exhausted, aren't you?" she asks, her words muffled by her pillow.
She doesn't realize the sigh was because I don't want to move. And it's not because I'm exhausted. I happen to love having her body pressed against mine.
"You feel more tense than I was the whole time," I joke, deciding against telling her the truth.
"I know Josh better than you do."
That makes me laugh, because I doubt she has a clue what Josh has been doing to guys who have been interested in her. I pull her to her feet, ignoring the bulge in my pants.
I was honestly worried my cock would never work again after having the barrel of a gun pressed against it—a loaded gun. Leave it to Raya to bring it back to life.
She has an enigmatic grin that intrigues me as she walks over to her bag. I'm even more curious when she pulls out a wrapped box.
"What's this?" I ask as she hands it to me.
I look down to note the small Christmas trees on the red paper, making me bud with excitement unexpectedly. I can't remember the last time I received a wrapped present.
"Something for you. It's impossible to buy a Colton anything unless you're the Queen of England, but I wanted to get you something," she says, seeming genuinely giddy and nervous in the same breath.
I smile as I sit down on the edge of the bed, but suddenly I feel like a complete jerk. Christmas. This is her family's Christmas, and I didn't get any of them anything. Damn it.
"I didn't even think... Raya, my family hasn't done presents since we were kids. I didn't even think to get you anything."
When you get what you want anytime you want it, it makes gifts seem unnecessarily redundant or pointless. Not even my granddad does gifts anymore.
"I don't expect anything. Believe me, this is nothing exciting. Open it," she says, her excitement not faltering.
She goes and does something nice for me, and I haven't got anything for her in return. I'll buy her something on the way home. Anything she wants. And then some.
I start tearing the paper away, but I know what it is before I even open the box. Holy fucking hell, and I thought that cherry pie smelled good. This is divine.
I stifle a whimper when I see all the baked goods in small Ziploc bags, and my mouth waters. But my chest clenching overrides my hungry desire. She did this. For me.
"Seriously? You can cook like this and you're just now telling me?" I ask, trying to choke back the strong emotions she's just stirred within me.
No one has ever done anything like this before.
She snickers as I put the box down, and then I pull her to me, needing my arms around her for a few different reasons. She smells just as good as the box of treats.
"It's perfect, Raya. Thank you."
I can feel her smile as I brush my lips over her forehead. I'm ready. This is the moment I've been waiting for. I wanted her to come to me, but this is close enough. She's ready. She has to be.
"Raya, I think we-"
"Come on!" her mother yells, completely shattering my moment. "Food's ready!"
When she pulls back, I can't help but touch her, so I move a stray piece of hair from her face, letting my hand graze her cheek.
"What were you going to say?" she asks, her eyes locked on mine.
But my resolve is suddenly gone when my balls seem to be missing. I blame the shotgun. Not really. I blame those blue eyes staring into mine right now, because I don't think I could handle it if she ever stopped looking at me the way she is in this moment.
I can't do it. If this doesn't work, I'll lose her. And that's not acceptable.
"It's nothing. We'll... talk later. I'm starving."
It takes a hell of a lot of strength to give her a reassuring grin, but I manage, and it's worth the effort it takes when she smiles back.
Chapter Ten
Getting Bad
"I'll take the pink ones," I say, motioning to the skis on the wall.
The girl behind the counter smiles, but I barely acknowledge her. I'm nothing more than a ball of nerves, and I keep chickening out every time Raya gives me an opening. Why the hell won't she come to me? I've played the game perfectly.
"Dude, you've got it some kind of bad," Tag says from behind me, laughing. Bastard. Why did I invite him to help me?
"Shut up," I grumble, paying for the skis while Tag draws the attention of the flirty cashier.
"How much shit are you going to buy her? It's just a week."
I might have gone overboard, but I want her to have everything she needs before we go, that way it doesn't look like I didn't think of her. Jumping through fucking hoops. What the hell has happened to me?
"I just want to make sure she doesn't have to worry about anything," I murmur mildly.
"And you're buying her pink shit?" Tag laughs, leaving the cashier to follow me out.
"Pink is for girls, and Raya happens to like girly stuff. She buys pink stuff fairly often, so yes. I'm buying her pink shit."
Tag just laughs. Jerk. I hope he understands one day. And I hope he's forced to feel just as crazy as I feel these days.
"Now that you've bought one of everything in pink, how about we hit Silk? It's open tonight, and I want to see Dane."
"Why is Dane there?" I ask, frowning.
"He bought the place."
My jaw tries to drop, but I pull it back in. Dane's not on my people-to-like list.
"Nah. I should get back and rest up. It'll be a long day tomorrow."
Tag rolls his eyes, a knowing grin on his face. I don't care if he does know I'm pathetic. I really don't have time to scrape together my dignity. Every day with Raya is better. I keep praying for a flaw, anything to wake me up. But all she does is suck me in deeper, making it impossible for me to do anything else besides be close to her. I actually hate going to class, because I don't get to see her during those times.
So pathetic.
Tag helps me load up before walking away and mocking me, calling me a few names that all refer to me being "whipped."
I flip him off while driving by, prompting his laughter to roar louder, and I hurry home. Raya had some random errand to run today, and she refused to let me go. She also wouldn't tell me what she was doing, so I assume it was probably some sort of "female" thing. There's no other reason for her to keep secrets.
When I pull up in the driveway, I notice a dark SUV parked at the curb in front of the house. Not sure what's up with that. I'll call to have it towed if it's there much longer.
I can't help but smile when I walk through the door, hoping Raya's home. I don't even bother unloading everything because I want to see her first. I start calling out for her as soon as the door opens. It's unlocked, so she has to be here.
"Raya? You home? I went and got everything we need for tomorrow—"
Who the hell is in my living room? Why is he so close to Raya? Hell no. She had so better not have gone out on a date. But the ridiculously sexy pajamas she's wearing make me almost sick. She's apparently pretty fucking comfortable with him to be wearing those in front of him.
Tearing my eyes away from the unknown asshat in my house, I turn back toward Raya, barely suppressing my anger. Never knew I was able to get jealous. Really don't like it.
"Raya? Care to introduce me to your... friend?" I ask, not even bothering to hide how pissed I am.
She looks nervous and unsure, which only strikes a new chord of dread in me.
"This is Brody Sparks. A friend of my father's. He came by to drop off a gift from my dad. I told him I was going with you to Aspen, so I guess he wanted to make sure I had some cash to spend."
It takes me a second to process everything she's saying, because I almost stop listening after she mentions her father. She's never once mentioned him before, but she's spoken about her mother, stepbrother, and stepfather numerous times. That's not... wait, money? She was worried about money for the trip?
Did I not tell her I would be handling it all? I'm such a dick. I just assumed she knew.
"Raya, I was planning on covering all the costs. You don't have to spend your money," I say softly, forgetting about the prick who's trying to be her hero as guilt washes over me.
She stares blankly at me for a moment, and all I want to do is kick this guy out so I can wrap her up in my arms. I'm relieved when she walks all the way over to me, putting her hand on my arm.
I need to know what's going—about why she's never mentioned her father. She should know by now that she can tell me anything.
"I'll go show Brody out, and then we'll watch a movie if you want. Unless you're going out," she says, her eyes still on mine.
Going out? When have I gone out without her? Hell, I barely want to go to bed because that puts distance between us.
"Ah, being tossed out. Well, it was nice to meet both of you. Raya," Brody says, moving toward the door, his eyes on my girl, "I'm sure I'll see you around. Have fun. I mean that. You deserve to kick back a little."
She leads him out, and I follow at a distance, making sure he doesn't touch her. Then it clicks, 'nice to meet both of you.' So this is the first time he's met her. He must have just shown up, which fills me full of relief. She wasn't planning on being alone with him. Thank God.
I lean against the frame of the foyer as the guy leaves without saying or doing anything. As soon as Raya turns back around from shutting the door, her eyes meet mine, and I don't waste time with idle conversation.
"Your father? So he's alive?" I ask.
She looks confused, as though I've said something that makes her feel bad.
"You thought otherwise?" she asks, slowly making her way toward me.
It takes a monstrous effort not to be distracted by her skimpy pajamas—thin material that clings just a little too damn perfectly. Her legs are very exposed, the thin straps and low neckline of the top offer me a vast view of her usually covered chest and back. Where the hell did she get them? Why doesn't she wear them daily?
Her father, Kade. Focus.
My arm moves to be around her shoulders as I guide her toward the living room, wishing I could hold her the way I want to. I hate that she hasn't told me anything about him.
"I assumed he was because you never talk about him. He's alive but you're not close?" I pry, since she seems to be reluctant to say anything.
She sits down on the couch with me, and I keep her close, not allowing very much space between us.
"We're close," she says, not bothering to elaborate.
They're close, but she doesn't talk about him. That makes no sense at all. And he has money to give her for a trip, but he wasn't there for her when she was close to getting kicked out of her home? That doesn't make any sense either.
"That's all I get?" I say with a forced laugh, trying not to act as hurt as she's making me feel.
Why doesn't she trust me? It's obvious Brody knows, and he shouldn't know more than I do.
It seems to be hard for her to speak about it, which makes my protectiveness try to creep out. Something's amiss.
"My father and I are really close, but things are... complicated. I'll tell you one day. If you decide to hang around me after the end of school."
So it's something she feels insecure about, which worries me even more. And if I decide to hang around her after school? I thought it was pretty obvious how I felt by now. Apparently I'm doing better at hiding it from her than I am from Tag.
"I think you're stuck with me at this point," I say while smiling, loving the way her grin forms immediately. But she seems tense. "You okay?" I add, losing my smile as I study her.
"I'm fine. So we're flying out tomorrow, right? On your dad's jet?" she asks, shifting the subject.
"Early tomorrow, as in four in the morning. My dad loves to be the first on the slopes."
I'll drop it for now, but she's going to have to tell me some time, because I'll be damned if I'm going anywhere. She has no idea how stuck with me she is.
"I've never skied before. Is it hard?"
Whoa. This is priceless. Something Raya won't be good at. It's going to be hilarious. I'm sure my shit-eating grin is plastered to my face right now.
"You've never skied? At all?" I ask, possibly enjoying the fact I'll be teaching her how to.
My hands on her hips, her body close to mine... all day. This could be good.
She lets out a laugh, but there's no humor. It actually sounds a little bitter.
"Don't sound so surprised. You saw my home. I lived there from twelve until I moved out here. People from Springton trailer parks don't spend much time in Aspen."
Ah, hell. I didn't even think about the fact she's never had the opportunity to go. I keep forgetting and putting my foot in my mouth. But a chance to learn more about her has presented itself.
"So you didn't always live there?" I ask, devoting my full attention to her.
Her eyes come back up to meet mine, but it's hard to read her right now. She looks torn about what to feel.
"I had a house once, with my father. It was nice. We were happy. But we lost it later on."
I can't let this go. I have to make it better, because I don't like that s
ad smile she's forcing.
"Did he leave you and your mom?"
She frowns before shrugging. "Yes and no. He left because he had to—not because he wanted to. It's a long story I don't want to delve into tonight."
I nod slowly, trying to read between the lines, but none of this is making any sense.
"Did... did he do something to hurt one of you? I'm trying to understand, Raya, but I'm starting to feel like I should hate him. I don't see how someone just runs off, no matter what the reason."
He sounds like he's messing with her head, making it okay that he left her. Raya is too damn sweet and understanding, so it pisses me off that someone could be manipulating her.
She's fragile. I remind myself of that all the time. Too fragile for someone to handle wrong.
"My dad isn't a bad man. He's good man who made some bad mistakes. Believe me, I know the difference. I promise I'll explain one day. Right now, you need to help me learn to ski. I don't want to look like an idiot."
One day. So she's not always going to shut me out, because she's considering letting me in. I can work with that. And I doubt she could look like an idiot, but she'll look pretty damn funny. The image of her trying to keep from doing the splits on skis pops into my head, and I start laughing.
"You're going to look as goofy as a baby deer learning to walk. Get over it, Raya. You can't always be perfect," I joke.
"Perfect," she scoffs, shaking her head as though I've said something preposterous.
She has no idea. I've been begging for a flaw for a while. Something tells me her being unable to ski won't even come close to helping with my obsession.
Chapter Eleven
My laughter roars out as Raya lets free a string of curses, glaring at the snow like it's supposed to tremble in fear. I've already heard her condone global warming—in fact, she was praying for it.
I've never laughed so much in my life, and I've never seen anyone struggle so much to learn how to ski. Sadly, it's only made me want her more, because it's too fucking adorable.