That surprised him. “Why?”
“We spent a lot of hours together waiting to hear about your condition. He asked me about the charms on my bracelet and what you were like back then.”
After a few beats, Brady inquired, “And what did you tell him?”
“That we fell in love and it happened fast and we were connected from the moment we met. When I told him…”
He caught the glimmer of sudden emotion in her eyes.
She gave him another smile. “The memories are still so alive and real. They were comforting when you were in surgery. I could recall what I’d been wearing and what you’d been wearing. I could even smell the scent of British Sterling. Remember? You wore it the night we went dancing…the weekend before you left.”
Were the memories comforting to her because back then everything had been so easy between them and now nothing seemed easy?
She pointed to the tiny envelope charm. “Do you remember calling me from Fort Dix to make sure I’d received this?”
“I remember.” He’d known how much those charms had meant to her. That was why he’d bought another one. “I sent you that charm to remind you that what we had was real.”
“You were jealous of Jack.”
“I was afraid he was going to take my place. When he asked you to go to the movies, I thought he was moving in.”
“He was just being a good friend.”
“He still is.”
“Have you talked with him?”
“No.” He hadn’t talked with anyone but Laura, Pat and the kids since the night of his heart attack. After he recuperated, he’d face the rest of the world.
“Angie called yesterday to find out how you were. She and Jack are going to become grandparents again around Thanksgiving.”
Brady remained quiet for a while. Eventually he confided, “The other day before surgery, I was thinking of all the things I might never experience. Being a grandfather was one of them.”
“Now you don’t have to worry about that. You’ll be stronger than ever and hopefully we’ll have at least five grandkids.”
With arched brows, Brady grimaced. “We’re older than other parents who have kids Sean’s and Kat’s ages.” He and Laura had been married fifteen years when they’d adopted Sean.
“Not really. We were just before the trend. Lots of couples now don’t have kids until they’re thirty-five or forty. Besides, isn’t age just a number?”
“Yeah, a number I’m feeling right now. Laura, we don’t know what’s going to happen when I go home.”
“Yes, we do. You’re going to start rehab and be stronger and even better than you were before.”
She leaned over to kiss him on the lips.
Her closeness, her perfume, her silky hair sliding across his jaw, stirred up desire he didn’t want to feel…shouldn’t feel. They might never have a normal sex life again. The meds the doctor prescribed could cause problems.
At the last second he turned his head so her kiss fell on his cheek instead of his lips.
So much new territory ahead of him. So much old territory he wanted to dismiss. But he knew that Laura wouldn’t let him. And sometimes, he resented her for that.
He couldn’t resent Laura. After all, she’d saved him. She’d saved his sanity years ago. She’d saved his life after his heart attack.
He owed her too much to ever forget.
After Laura left Brady’s room, she needed a few minutes to herself before she joined Kat and Sean in the lobby. She felt close to tears and knew it was because Brady had turned away from her kiss.
His color was better each time she saw him. He was also more alert. She was scared to death of the drive to their house tomorrow, afraid she’d jostle him. She was just as unsure what kind of routine they were going to establish…how much care he’d need. But she wanted him home. She wanted them to become close again. She was going to take care of him. Right now he had no choice but to let her.
For the few minutes that they were remembering his call from Fort Dix, she’d felt close to him. There had been a time when Brady had been open and communicative and she’d practically known every thought in his head, just as he’d known hers. As soon as he’d given her his address at Fort Dix, she’d written to him every day and he’d written to her. Through those letters, they’d talked of their childhoods, their hopes, their fears and…their dreams. Back then she’d considered herself the luckiest woman on earth.
Feeling shaken by Brady’s withdrawal, she slipped into one of the hospital’s lounges. She just needed a few moments to herself…a few moments to recall where they’d come from so she could figure out where they were going.
Before he’d left for Fort Dix…
Sinking onto one of the couches, she laid her head against the back cushion. After Brady’s college graduation, she’d tried to prepare herself for his leaving. They hadn’t discussed his service duty or the future or where they were headed. That territory was so foggy, the road so undetermined, just to live in the moment was easier.
Since everyone realized that they had a standing date on the weekend, his mother had made a suggestion while Laura was helping arrange flowers for a wedding. “We’d like to do something special Saturday night before Brady…goes away on Monday. We’d like to take you along, too, to a private club we belong to. A band plays on weekends and it could be a lot of fun.”
Laura wanted to spend absolutely every minute she could with Brady before he left, preferably alone. Anna seemed to sense that. She’d patted Laura’s hand. “We don’t have to make it a late night, and you and Brady will still have some time together. Believe it or not, his father and I understand young love.”
Although Laura had blushed, she’d known she couldn’t refuse this woman who had been so kind to her, who had given her a place to stay, who had accepted her into her family.
On Saturday night when Brady picked her up, he’d looked so handsome Laura’s mouth had gone dry. He’d worn a navy suit, a blue-striped tie and a white shirt. To believe that this terrific man was dating her had been hard.
He’d driven her to the club. While they were dancing, as the band played “Stardust,” he’d ducked his head and whispered into her ear, “I want to go back to your place. Two more songs ought to do it. If I can’t kiss you soon, I’m going to explode.”
“I wouldn’t want that to happen,” she teased, but when she looked into his eyes, she saw the hunger there and felt the same hunger inside herself. She felt it keenly in every atom of who she was.
His voice was rough when he bent to her again. “I bought condoms.”
Condoms. She’d heard of them but had never seen one. She had a friend who’d told her that her boyfriend wouldn’t wear one.
She understood exactly what Brady was suggesting. He was giving them a way to avoid an unwanted pregnancy, a way to make love without repercussions, a way to be closer to him than she’d ever been before.
Yet was making love with him the right thing to do? Her virginity was important to her. She had viewed it as a gift she’d save for the man she married. But she realized now, that was the ideal. Real life was here and now with Brady. She also suspected she wouldn’t be Brady’s first. What if she was just one more girl to take to bed? Even if he got home for a few days after basic training, then he’d be gone again for two long years.
Her doubts must have shone in her eyes.
He brought her closer still, forgetting about propriety. “I wanted you to know I was prepared.”
The way she’d been raised warred against what she’d wanted. She’d wanted Brady. But what if she disappointed him? What if her inexperience embarrassed them both? What if she wasn’t woman enough for him to come home to?
What if he met someone else while he was gone?
The memories of that night pulled Laura in. The hospital and all its trappings—the smell, the noise, the fluorescent lights—faded. With hardly any effort at all she could see herself standing outside her apartment door with
Brady, inserting her key into the lock, not knowing exactly what was going to happen next. Yet she understood that whatever happened next was her decision to make.
As she’d opened the door, Brady had taken her into his arms and kissed her as if it were the last kiss they’d ever experience. She’d found herself drowning in it, her questions lost in the desire that he’d banked until tonight. Before when they’d kissed, he’d been demanding but had always given them both the opportunity to cool down, to remain levelheaded, to understand the situation they were in. The future was so uncertain. Since that night in Jack’s bedroom, they’d both buried their fears.
Should she foolishly give herself to Brady for tonight, hoping for forever? On the other hand, if she didn’t show him how much she loved him, maybe he would look for someone else while he was away. He’d never said he loved her. He’d never put his feelings into words.
Breaking away, breathing hard, he gazed into her eyes. He’d removed his suit coat, thrown it into the back seat of his car and tugged off his tie on the drive here. Black chest hair curled at his open collar. His hands cupped her breasts and stroked her, while his mouth devoured hers again with almost a fevered desperation.
But now she couldn’t let his kiss sweep her away. During the past few months, maybe their dates had been a much-needed distraction. Maybe the phone calls and letters had kept him from thinking about where he was going and what he might be doing. Tonight, was he anticipating the future they could have? Or did he merely need an escape? Did he want to plunge into pleasure and use it as a numbing drug against the turmoil inside him?
Her hands slid over his white cotton shirt as she rested her palms on his chest. She didn’t push away, but it was a signal to stop. He’d always accepted her smallest hesitation seriously, but tonight his kiss tried to change her mind. His tongue coaxed her to reconsider.
She pressed her hands against him a little harder.
Suddenly he broke off the kiss and dropped his hands, breathing hard. “What’s wrong? Don’t you want this? Isn’t it what we’ve been building up to?”
“I’ve never slept with a man.” Her words trembled. “To sleep with you tonight…I have to know we’re doing it because we’re committed to us, not because you’ll have someone to write to while you’re away, not because I’ll be a distraction and an escape, a memory you can take with you.”
“What have we been doing, Laura?” he asked angrily. “You think I’m dating you as a distraction?”
She forced the words from her. “I don’t know.”
Now Brady seemed angry and frustrated. Stepping away from her, he shook his head. “I thought we had something special. Yes, you’ve been a distraction, but a distraction I haven’t needed. I’ve had coursework to finish. I’ve had essays to write and blue books to prepare for. I should have been at Lehigh studying all these weekends, but I wasn’t. I came home to see you. I stayed up till three in the morning to finish reading or squeeze in papers when I could have been spending time with friends at the University Center. I even had my mother give you a place to stay.”
She couldn’t put into words what she was feeling, the reassurance and love she wanted to hear. Living with her aunt, she’d felt isolated and alone. She’d always been quiet and never attracted the cute boys. She’d always concentrated on schoolwork and hadn’t been part of the popular crowd. She wasn’t the cheerleader type who found flirting easy. Brady had just dropped into her life like a shooting star. Maybe she didn’t feel worthy enough to hold on to him. Maybe she didn’t feel that anything good could last.
Not missing a beat, Brady went on. “If you don’t want to get closer or have memories we can both live on while I’m gone, that’s fine. I understand that. I guess I’m a fool for believing you wanted to be more than a pen pal and a Saturday-night date.”
Before she could form a coherent thought, let alone put words together, he was out her door, charging down the wooden steps, heading for his car.
What had she done? Her fears and her hesitancy had sent him the wrong message. Falling crazily in love with Brady had stirred up all her insecurities as well as brought her joy and excitement. She couldn’t let him leave without him realizing how much she loved him.
After she raced out the door, she almost tripped running down the stairs. She hung on to the banister.
He was opening the car door when she caught his arm. “Brady, don’t go.”
Her voice broke and she realized they were both pushing so much worry aside, both tamping down so much sadness at being torn apart, that their emotions were at the spilling-over point. That was exactly what they had done—spilled over.
He took one look at her face and wrapped his arms around her.
While she cried, they held each other in the parking lot as the breeze whispered by them, as a car horn honked, as moonlight trickled over them.
Finally she pulled away and swiped at her tears. “I can’t bear the thought of you going. You’ve become so important to me. But I feel as if I’m living in a dream. I’ve never wanted to be with a man the way I want to be with you. I don’t expect you to make declarations you don’t feel, but I have to know you want me, not merely any girl. I need to know you want to come home to me and the life we can have. But I also worry it’s too soon for either of us to make that kind of commitment.”
He held her face in his hands and lifted her chin. “Sometimes I forget how your aunt treated you. You’re so mature most of the time. I don’t see that scared little girl who’s still inside you. I shouldn’t have said what I did.”
“You should have told me you weren’t getting enough sleep and were having trouble finishing your work.”
He gave her a crooked smile. “Who needs sleep?” He curled his arm around her waist. “Let’s go back up to your place. I have something to give you. Now that we’ve both let off some steam, maybe we can have the kind of talk we have to have tonight.”
Once inside her apartment again, they opened a window. Then he clasped her hand and guided her to the sofa.
She’d taken pride in her apartment. When she’d moved in, the only furniture she’d had was her bedroom suite from her aunt’s house. She’d bought a small sofa and a floor lamp in a used-furniture store. Brady’s mom, who had stored a table for two and chairs in her basement, had told Laura she was welcome to those. Laura had found a couple of throw rugs on sale and curtains for the windows. The night breeze tousled one panel.
Brady settled on the sofa beside her. “I wanted to spend some time with you before we went out to dinner tonight,” he admitted, “but the day got away from me. Mom and Dad had people they expected me to say goodbye to and there were a few friends I had to visit. The goodbyes kept getting harder. They were all building up to this huge goodbye I was going to have to say to you.”
She could only imagine what today had been for him, leaving everyone he knew and everything he loved.
“Friendships don’t last.” He added, “I mean, guys swear they’ll be friends forever, but Tom, Luis and Jack are the only ones I’ve kept in touch with since high school. If I’m gone for two years, I won’t have any friends when I get back. People change, their lives move on, and friendships don’t mean what they once did.”
What Brady was saying rang true for her. She had two friends from high school she’d stayed in touch with who hadn’t gone to college, either, and were working in town. The friends who had gone on to college didn’t stay in contact and didn’t phone. Their lives were about classes and frat parties and whatever was happening on campus.
Yes, people changed, but she wasn’t going to change. Her feelings for Brady weren’t going to change.
Brady clasped her hand and interlaced their fingers. “I thought about asking you to marry me before I left, but I decided that wouldn’t be fair to you.”
“Shouldn’t I make that decision?” She would say yes if he asked.
“We’ve only known each other less than three months. After Fort Dix, I’m not sure where I’m
going until I get my orders. And then—Anything can happen over there, Laura.”
All the things he wasn’t saying played through her head. He could lose an arm, a leg…or even his life.
Scooting closer to him, she assured him, “I’m not going to change, Brady. I’m going to be right here waiting for you when you get back, no matter what.” There was so much conviction in her voice he had to believe it was true.
The nerve in his jaw worked. He slid a blue velvet box from his pocket and handed it to her. “Open it.”
The box was larger than a ring box and Laura had no idea what was inside. When she raised the lid, she found a gold-link bracelet with two charms. Tears came to her eyes as her fingers slid under the tiny daisy charm and then the small engraved heart.
“Check the back,” he directed her.
She turned the heart over. It read Love, Brady.
“The daisy is to remind you of the day we met and how great it was and how much we enjoyed being together. The heart—I guess it’s kind of symbolic. You’ve got my heart, Laura. You’ve had it since the day I met you. When I get back, I want to marry you and begin a real life.”
All the questions she’d had earlier fled in the face of this gift. Now she knew what she meant to him. Now she knew they’d formed lasting bonds, not temporary ones. “I love you, too, Brady. I’ll wear this every day and keep your heart safe. You’ll be taking mine along with you.”
After he helped her put on the bracelet, he wrapped his arms around her. He kissed her, but she could tell he was restraining himself. She didn’t want restraint tonight. She wanted to love Brady. She wanted to show him exactly how she felt, no restrictions, no boundaries, no fear. She wanted to give him a night that was so wonderful he’d have no doubts that she’d be waiting when he returned home.
Leaning away from him, she stroked the beardline on his jaw. “Will you stay with me tonight?”
“Stay?”
The Bracelet (Everlasting Love) Page 6